Single Males

[outdoorfun69]

As I mentioned in my introduction today I am a single male interested in enjoying the lifestyle of swinging. It has always been something I have been interested in and due to recently becoming single I am finally able to try get acquainted with the lifestyle. I have not yet been to a swingers party and have noticed that single males are not always welcome (somewhat understandable) as the perception is that they just want to get laid. How can I meet a female or a couple that is willing to take a chance? Any other info on how a single male can be welcomed? I would have no problem dating a girl who is into the lifestyle as I respect the fact that the enjoyment is for BOTH people involved. I do not look at this as a one time thing of a passing fling.

[theboy]

Let me answer as the husband part of a couple who has partaken in a single male for my wife....

Originally Posted by outdoorfun69

As I mentioned in my introduction today I am a single male interested in enjoying the lifestyle of swinging. It has always been something I have been interested in and due to recently becoming single I am finally able to try get acquainted with the lifestyle. I have not yet been to a swingers party and have noticed that single males are not always welcome (somewhat understandable) as the perception is that they just want to get laid.

I don't think it's that the perception that they're just trying to get laid is why they're banned in some clubs. After all, getting laid is kinda the point of any of the clubs.

The reality of the situation is that some clubs feel that if they allowed single males in, they'd be overrun by them, making the atmosphere less hospitable to couples and ladies.

Originally Posted by outdoorfun69

How can I meet a female or a couple that is willing to take a chance?

Here's what worked for our single male...

Put yourself out there on sites like SLS. Be respectful, first and foremost. Don't demand pictures every time we chat, some of them thought that we were their private porno stash. If you chat us up on yahoo, and find out that it's me, don't immediately disconnect. I know you're more interested in talking to the lady, I would be too, but immediately shutting down tells volumes as to how you'll act in person. Don't aggressively pursue, but make yourself available.

Originally Posted by outdoorfun69

I would have no problem dating a girl who is into the lifestyle as I respect the fact that the enjoyment is for BOTH people involved. I do not look at this as a one time thing of a passing fling.

Some folks are looking for one time things, or passing flings. We know people who are together and not married, but swing together... it can work out well, and give you broader appeal than you would have as a single.

[screaminggood]

Hi Outdoorfun,

I'm a bi-fem who does select my single men from my favorite club on the nights that they allow you in. The trick is to be the obvious: clean, well-dressed, and sober, but not appear needy. The "desperates" never get laid!

It's difficult because so many of the rules make the men ultra-cautious. As a fem, I get frustrated by the clubs that chain the men to the barstools because I much prefer my men to come on to me. So how does that work within the rules? You can catch my eye when I'm out on the dance floor...do I continue to check back in with you after the initial contact? You can start talking to me in the line at the bar. Look for the regular vanilla signs...am I giving you the signals? Are you in a part of the conversation where it would be natural to walk with me to where I'm sitting? Or you can just walk over to my husband, compliment him on his wife, and start talking to both of us. But that's part of the requirement: he's straight, but you'd better be "likeable" to both of us. He's not sharing me with jerks, drunks, or anyone else that generally will turn either of us off.

When you get in the bed, your job is obviously to pleasure her. Even if you don't do everything perfect, it's your overall efforts that will be remembered. Afterward, you can offer your email, but don't push it. They may or may not want to see you again. Always act the perfect gentleman about the situation. Part of this is because what's not said: we bi-fems DO talk about the single men and recommend our favorites! If you get a good referral...suddenly you're "in." Good luck!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by outdoorfun69

I would have no problem dating a girl who is into the lifestyle as I respect the fact that the enjoyment is for BOTH people involved. I do not look at this as a one time thing of a passing fling.

I'm just going to address this part, having been the single female and known a few more, MOST single females who swing are NOT looking to date YOU or anyone else. They probably aren't looking for anything more than a passing fling, that is a large part of the reason why they choose to swing. That's thing 1. Thing two is there aren't a whole lotta single women who swing to begin with. Thing 3, you'd do much better just trying to date in general and find an open-minded single female that you can introduce to swinging. And one last thing, I've learned from discussions with single males who partake in the lifestyle, as well as from my own experience. If a significant other is what you really want, swinging is going to make things more difficult and in many cases you will have to choose whether you want that relationship with the girl, or you want to swing. That said, you can have your cake and eat it to, many of us here have been lucky enough to open up to a partner and discover that they are open to everything we are, but it difficult to get to that point. And it becomes an issue of having to open yourself up pretty early once you think you may want a relationship lest you end up wasting time and getting too deep in a relationship that will never go where you want it to.

[outdoorfun69]

Thanks for all the input. Hopefully it will make my experience a little easier although I know it will not be easy as a single male. Thanks again.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by outdoorfun69

Thanks for all the input. Hopefully it will make my experience a little easier although I know it will not be easy as a single male. Thanks again.

feel free to jump in here anytime you have a question, or just want to chat. Just remember you have to be yourself and figure out what is most important to you and stick to that.

[arvcpl]

An important thing for you to do is to really ask yourself why you are interested in getting into swinging in the first place. If it is to screw chicks without dating them and having to have a relationship with them then you are one of over 3 billion men on planet Earth. If you think the lifestyle is full of women who are sluts and easy and put out to any Tom Dick and Harry that show up you are going to be very disappointed.
If that is what you are after you are way better off going to a vanilla bar and looking for a drunk chick that just found out her boyfriend is cheating on her. She'll put out a lot easier than any woman in the lifestyle.
Single women in the lifestyle get multiple dozens of emails a day and tons of offers and are hit on every time they go to a club regardless of how unattractive or ditzy they are. They don't need you to escort them or to date them. Most of them are just there for other chicks anyway and don't really have that much interest in men to begin with. If they want a man they can go to a bar and pretend that she just found out her boyfriend is cheating on her. Married women in the lifestyle usually don't want you either as most of them are there for the bisexual experience too.
So what are you good for as a single male? You are good for an extra dick in a gang bang and as an extra dick in an MFM with a couple. If your fantasy is to be a living dildo for a couple who wants to have an MFM or to stand in line waiting your turn at a gang bang then you have come to the right place.
To be welcomed into the LS you need to be handsome, charming, flirty and respectfull to both female and male of couples. If you look at is as you are there to be an "extra" to help couples fulfill their fantasys and that you are there to follow their lead and provide what they want and then leave when they are done with you, then you will be fine. If you go with your own agenda and think that they are going to comply with your wishes then you will be like all the 99% of the wannabe studs and you will go down in flames.
If you want to pick up chicks and have things be on your terms then go to regular bars and pick up drunk vanilla chicks that just got dumped. You'll have a lot better luck there than in the lifestyle.

[two42lovers]

If you look at is as you are there to be an "extra" to help couples fulfill their fantasys and that you are there to follow their lead and provide what they want and then leave when they are done with you, then you will be fine.

Hmmmm, guess a lot depends on what is meant by provide what they want. We'd expect the pleasure to be mutual. There are many couples that enjoy MFM, and plenty of single guys who do, too. Single guys who know how to play with couples, enjoy it, and are good at it, are worth their weight in gold. They also tend to get shared among friends.

To quote myself from another thread, you need a great profile with an enticing narrative and awesome pics. Find out who's organizing groups and parties in your area, get to know them, and get yourself invited. You can meet a lot of couples at a meet & greet, or a house party. Remember, confident and fun is sexy. Be a pleaser, be romantic, be respectful. Remember you have to connect with her husband, too. If you ever are going to be invited to play, he's going to have to enjoy your company, and want to include you.

Then there are couples where the woman plays solo with the permission and encouragement of her husband. Not to mention the whole cuckhold thing, or couples where the husband only wants to watch.

Fact is, contrary to popular wisdom, there are plenty solo of women on swing sites like AFF and SLS, as well as on Craig's List. We've met several through each one of them during the last year, bisexual and straight.