Just getting attention?

[Playful1]

Okay, I've read several threads lately that sort of bash single women. I'm not sure why this is.

The main thing i keep reading is that single women just go to swingers events for attention, possibly because they can't get it elsewhere.

This annoys me. Most single women, whether a size 2 or a size 14 can get "attention" pretty much anywhere if she is attractive. And yes, I think you can be perfectly attractive at almost any size, so lay off the women who are not a size 2.

I am sure that some of the women do go simply for attention, I know, I've seen it. Usually it's some thin, hot chick, who gussies herself up, and then stands with the other "pretty people" drinking and never playing. On a rare night or if she gets drunk enough, she'll make out with another chick. These women are easy to spot and avoid

However, most of the single women i know, including myself, go to swingers things for the open minded, relaxed, fun socialization that you can't really get anywhere else. I mean, i'm sorry but I just can;t have the same open relaxed conversation at a normal bar that I can in a swingers club. Add on to that the sex, with people generally much more responsible about protection, etc. without worrying about some guy deciding that because he got to do you, you owe him something the next day, and well, there is good reason to go to these things.

Yes, if i just wanted sex, I could go pick up a guy at the bar or place an ad on craigslist. I'm thin, attractive, and young. However, I hate that scene. It's full of games and bs, which I am able to avoid much more easily at a swingers thing.

So, I am curious:

why so many people on here seem to think that we single women are only out there for attention?

Why don't you think that we are out there for the same reasons couples are, which is the sharing, the fun, the social, the experiences, the sex, the open mindedness, etc?

[havefuninsun]

I'm curious -- what threads are you talking about that bash single women?

The only thread I've read lately about single women is from Des1re, and her complaint was that this woman was being flaky about keeping plans. I don't think I've read any about single women at clubs that are only there for attention.

Kinda stupid to go to a swingers club if your goal is to get attention. You're right; single girls can go ANYWHERE (Starbucks, the bookstore, the gas station, the grocery store, etc. etc.) and get some sort of attention.

Tell us what threads so we can help you address your concerns.

[Playful1]

I should have been clearer. The point of the threads I'm thinking of was not about single women, it was other peoples (somewhat off topic) responses to the threads that bugged me. Rather than hijack a thread with my questions, I figured I'd just start a new thread.

[good times]

I think it is somewhat similar to why people bash single men in general, A few bad apples.

Most of the single women we see at the clubs are fine, respectful and great to be around. But a few of them are not at all, and in our experience it has nothing to do with how hot or what size they are.

I think the main reason people are getting frustrated with it is that single women can get away with things they would never tolerate from the single guys. As an example, at our last visit to the club, a single gal came over to my wife and plopped down on her lap without asking and attempted to start something with her, my wife looked around the room and said to her, "no thanks, you just picked the only straight woman in the room". At that point she was all apologetic, but the fact is, if a single guy, or even a male half of a married couple had done that, he would be forcibly ejected from the club in short order. As it was, after apologizing to my wife, she did the same thing to another girl in the room who obviously didn't welcome the touching and kissing without asking, yet no one said a thing about it until she left the room, and the hosts did nothing about it at all.

So, while I understand your frustration with what you have seen in these posts, I think because we are seeing a large increase in the amount of single women showing up at the clubs, that we will be seeing even more of it in the future. Sadly, on a forum like this you tend to only hear about the few bad apples of the bunch, and not about the majority of women that come to the clubs that are a pleasure to be around.

[BiloxiCouple]

Sometimes single women are a problem too. We know one right now that when we see her at the club it's almost a cue to go home. We've had a couple like that before.

She wants to be the center of attention and thinks she can do anything. It just gets old after a while. We aren't rude to her, we just ignore her. And she is a pretty woman.

[iapr]

I'll throw this out there as food for thought. You are correct, a young attractive single gal will attract attention where ever she goes whether it is a grocery store, a gas station or whatever. In a lifestyle venue a young single gal will attract A LOT of attention. It is a simple fact there that a ton of people want a single woman to join them and there is an extremely limited number of them. therefor a single gal will be watched and watched closely.

Ok here's where it problem comes in. People have issues and people do goofy things and we all have our own little quirks and annoyances. If I as middle aged bald guy goes into a club and does something the tiniest bit dingy it doesn't matter cause no one cares and noone noticed. If a young pretty single gal does the exact same thing it becomes an international incident.

If a single gal goes to the bathroom and forgets to flush someone is going to count the peanuts and tell the whole damn club about it. Then after that news gets passed around several hundred time how much do you think the original story got mutated and blown out of proportion?

In my own experience and from my personal observations the single gals that I have met in person have the Issue Bus stop at their house on a pretty regular schedule Now truth be known they were perfectly nice gals and while they were flakey and had their own issues and dysfunctions the reality is they were no more flakey or dysfunctional than female halves of couples or single guys or male halves of couples.

But while noone gives a whoot about guys and female halves of couples are just accepted for who and what they are, whatever microflaws a single gal has are going to get magnified a hundredfold just due to how closely they are being watched.

As a middle aged bald guy I have the cross I must bare in that no really cares what I do. But I also have the luxury and advantage of the fact that noone really cares what I do. You as a single gal have the luxury and advantage that everyone wants you and everyone is paying attention to you. The cross you must bare is that everyone wants you and is paying attention to your and watching your every move.

[Playful1]

Well, perhaps I just need to realize I am more unusual than I thought, and therefore just didn't 'get it'. I knew some single women can be problems, but i always had found it to be in the amount that couples and single men could be. Sort of the idea that anyone could be a pain in the butt or have issues.

I know when I first started swinging, I caused some drama, simply out of inexperience and not having a lot of social experience. Once I got some experience and matured a little (i got into it when i was 19), I stopped doing that. I am mature, punctual(you could set a clock by me), hard working, and generally don't get the fuss made over single women. I don't want to be the center of attention, and I certainly don't expect to get away with everything simply because of my gender and relationship status. That idea always made me laugh.

I do agree, it is sort of like a magnifying glass is on single women, so when they mess up, even if it is nothing more than a rude couple or single male would have done, it gets blown up. Which is too bad. There will always be people who cause drama, or in it for the wrong reason(in my opinion, simply being in it for attention, is a bad reason, but that is just my honest opinion).

I guess it just surprises me that people seemed to think that if a single woman was swinging, it had to be for some reason other than the sex, because "they can get that anywhere."

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Playful1

I should have been clearer. The point of the threads I'm thinking of was not about single women, it was other peoples (somewhat off topic) responses to the threads that bugged me. Rather than hijack a thread with my questions, I figured I'd just start a new thread.

Maybe you can copy & quote some of those responses here so that we can get a better idea of what you are referring to.

[LikeMinds321]

I think all swingers are out there to get attention - to get noticed. Aren't we?

Some people's approach is more noticable to other swingers; they move around the club, meet more people, dance more, flirt more.

When I hear people say that "they are only looking for attention" I think it's a way of saying they aren't here to play, only to tease and be seen. From my experience, I can't say the percentage of single women are any more prone to this "tease-but-won't-play" approach than the couples I see at clubs.

As iapr said, I think singles are put under the microscope more than couples, and people look for any abnormal cell divisions. They are watched more closely. Any perceived fault is magnified, and I think this is unfortunate.

Watch a number of couples at a club, divide them, and think about how you would view them if they were each "singles" at the club. You'd probably realize many women (of couples) behave the same as single women, and the men (of couples) also do/say things that couples would quickly complain about if a single male had done or said the same thing.

LM

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by Playful1

Most single women, whether a size 2 or a size 14 can get "attention" pretty much anywhere if she is attractive. And yes, I think you can be perfectly attractive at almost any size, so lay off the women who are not a size 2.

I am sure that some of the women do go simply for attention, I know, I've seen it. Usually it's some thin, hot chick, who gussies herself up, and then stands with the other "pretty people" drinking and never playing.

Just because you don't see the "pretty people" playing doesn't mean they don't go there to play. Maybe they feel that who they play with is their business and no one else's, so they prefer to do it in privacy

I don't think a woman has to be a "size 2" to be hot, but she doesn't have to have sex with everybody (or in front of everybody) to prove she's desireble, either

[Playful1]

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

Just because you don't see the "pretty people" playing doesn't mean they don't go there to play. Maybe they feel that who they play with is their business and no one else's, so they prefer to do it in privacy

I agree that you certainly don't need to play with everyone to prove you're desirable, however....

I admit I don't understand the idea of going to an on premise club if what you want is privacy. If you want that, go to an off premise club, meet someone, and then go home and have sex in the privacy of your home.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Playful1

I agree that you certainly don't need to play with everyone to prove you're desirable, however....

I admit I don't understand the idea of going to an on premise club if what you want is privacy. If you want that, go to an off premise club, meet someone, and then go home and have sex in the privacy of your home.

We don't have on-premise clubs around here, but if we did we'd go if we liked the club and the patrons. No one is going to make us feel we shouldn't be there if we prefer to meet people and have sex with them at a place other than the club.

On-premise clubs most always have a private play room for people who want privacy, don't they? So the clubs understand the preference by some swingers for privacy.

I don't think there is any rule or requirement that if attending an on-premise club you must have sex there, and in public view.

Playing at the club is a convenience for most. On-premise clubs were probably started because it was a good marketing strategy; your patrons don't have to leave to have sex, they don't have the added cost of a hotel, they don't have to open their home to others, they can get more sex in a shorter time frame and can have it with multiple partners, they can provide voyeurs and exhibitionists with what they enjoy.

LM

[Playful1]

I never said there was a requirement for playing at an on premise club. I just said I don't understand it. Some private clubs have small private rooms, but most clubs I've been in really are largely large open play spaces.

Anyway, I think as many people have pointed out here, that singles, whether male or female, are under a microscope a lot of the time. I also have come to the decision that people seem to spend an awful lot of time worrying about how others act, instead of just enjoying themselves. I mean, as long as the persons behavior isn't affecting me, I generally try to ignore it and have a good time.

I don't really care why other single women, or couples for that matter, are swingers (or in the "lifestyle", and yes I see those as being two different things), I know why I'm there, and don't see the need in analyzing why someone else is there. If the woman I'm playing with, or the couple, is just there for attention, so be it, I won't take a lot of my time with them, since that doesn't mesh with why i'm there.

I only have a problem with it when people who are there for different reasons start looking down on me for why I'm there (and yes, I've had this happen). If you don't like the idea of people simply wanting sex, well, maybe you need to re-think swinging, because a lot of the people in it, are there for that reason (and if friends happen, so be it, all the better).

I know that is something of a controversial thing to say, and I know some of the people out there won't agree with me, and that is fine.

I won't push my way of doing something on you, if you don't push yours on mine

Anyway, thank you to all the folks who responded to this thread, I really do appreciate getting your thoughts and input

[graygo98]

First, let me say two things: I don't 'look down' on any group of people at a club; and, what I am about to say is just my personal observation from a small number of clubs and hardly "scientific".

Playful, you make a good point. If a girl (doesn't have to be size 2, sometimes having a pulse will do) wants to have sex with a guy she doesn't need to look too far. But, what about if she wants to have sex with a woman, and doesn't for a bunch of reasons want to go to a gay club? If that's the case, a swing club, with its high proportion of bi femmes, is a great place to go.

It just seems to me that a lot of single women I have seen show up at clubs were mainly interested in FF play. No, or little, interest in FMF or any other sex involving the "M" side of the equation. And that just doesn't interest us; for us its a team sport.

[Playful1]

Actually, I agree..but, my experience with it seems to be that the same single women who only want to play with women (personally, I love women, but at a club or group play, i want a guy too ), tend to be women who are doing it to "be cool" or indeed, to get attention. Much as women in a regular club often get drunk and mess around.

Now, that isn't to say there aren't women who just aren't into guys that night, heck, I've had a few nights like that, but, there does seem to be a 'type' for lack of a better word that does the only play with women thing. To be fair, I have also met a lot of couples who are only willing to play with a single female, versus another couple. So, to each their own I guess.

Unfortunately, i also have seen a lot of cases where a women, single or in a couple, acts bi simply because it is expected. There seems to be a bit of a double standard in swinging, again, in my experience, that women are just assumed to be bisexual, while people freak out if the guy is bisexual or even just bi-curious. I hate that, but that's a topic for another thread.

Honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to people, including single women, seeing swinging more and more as "the cool thing" to be into right now. A way to be the one in their group of friends that is "out there". Swinging I think, is going through a phase of being almost too cool for its own good, lol.