Are single females in the lifestyle less "hot" than married females?

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

As a bifemale, who has other bifemale friends in the lifestyle....it has NOTHING to do with getting sex for christ sake! Women can get sex anytime, anywhere! Singles, like most couples, (with the exception of a few arsehole single men) because they agree with the principles of swinging...sharing...having sex and all the exploration that goes with it that does not exist in the vanilla world.

I was reading a blog once on BBW women which said that they are actually more sexual women, and more confident in their sexuality and in expressing it. So if there are heavier single women in the scene that's likely to be the reason not because they can't get laid otherwise.

The post I was talking about didn't say they went there to get sex, it said they went there to get attention. If you think about it, it makes sense. I've seen it happen many times. Women who are maybe a little older or on the heavy side are surrounded by single men and couples when they're at a swing club. Yes they could have sex anywhere, they just might not have as much choice about who it would be with.

I'm not blaming them for going where the getting is good, just making the comment is all. I had a friend in high school who "didn't date much" as we all used to say. She joined the Navy and was stationed on a ship where SURPRISE! she suddenly became VERY popular. Same thing here, IMHO

One other thing is I don't think swinging is the only place singles can share sex or "explore" alternate lifestyles. I have single friends (M&F) and some of their sex lives are as wild as any swingers we know. They're always getting in to or out of FB (or FWB) relationships and even occasional 3-somes or bi- experiences with people they met in bars or on the internet. The more successful they are there, the less likely you are to see them here.

If you go back and read some of the archive posts here by single M&F you see the same thing, which is that they're getting all the sex they want in any flavor they want in the vanilla world. (which maybe isn't so vanilla after all?)

[absingleman]

Are single females who swing less hot than married women who swing? Yes they are.

It has nothing to do with her looks but her attitude. Single women in the lifestyle generally have no use for single men in the lifestyle unless they want to go to an event where no singles are allowed. Usually the single woman will find a single man she trusts escort her. If that fails, she will find a husband who has a wife that will let him escort her. Failing that, she decides to do something else that weekend. She will usually find a single man, however. Why? Because she's a woman that wants to do something sexual and it takes very little effort to find a willing male accompliss(why can't I spell this year?)
Accomplace. Acomplace. Accomplice....

dammit...partner in crime.

whew.

Okay. Where was I? Oh, yeah. A single woman interested and active in swinging is usually going to do things to attract OTHER WOMEN FIRST, and maybe their husbands second. That means that everything from pictures to how they carry themselves at events is going to be designed to draw the attention of women, not men. Because of that, even Mariah Carey (my person definition of hot) would seem unattractive. Not because the physical attributes are not there, but they are not being used to grab and keep my attention. Even in pictures, subtle differences in the way a person tilts their head or opens or squints their eyes are going to be very attractive to one sex and almost comical or "What-the-hell-is-that-person-think-is-attractive-about-that" to the other. Case in point, all my pictures have a half smile where I'm looking across my body, not straight ahead, because women find that more attractive than men. Don't know why, but it always works. Tuesday a woman gave me half of her sandwich at the coffee shop because I looked at her that way. If it was a guy, he would have punched me out, and with good reason.

uh, did I over think that?

[iapr]

Originally Posted by Chicup

There are universal markers of beauty that transcend culture. Symmetry, waist to hip ratios, an 'average' face, flawless skin, are considered beautiful.

One interesting thing about beauty is that is average, even if the average isn't beautiful. When faces were 'averaged' so you had the average eye size, width, nose size, lips, cheeks etc, it produced faces that people found very attractive. They also took samples of what most people considered attractive, averaged them and found people found the generated average faces more attractive than the originals.

I could go into more of it, but it would take quite a bit of writing.

One side note though, is that Rubens is often invoked as some sort of proof that being heavier was once more attractive. Its true that the models of today are thinner than their counterparts in the past but only to a degree. Rubens painted the human form in all its varieties, from overly muscled, to morbidly obese and all phases in between. A quick perusal though of Greek, Roman, Etruscan, Indian, Chinese and Japanese ancient art shows the female form again in the more 'universal' beauty form.

Another thing people invoke is the whole 'earth goddess' figurines as some ancient form of beauty. As someone whos wife was recently pregnant, its pretty obvious these figurines are of pregnant women and part of the whole fertility goddess traditions. My wife could have been a model for them.

About the only time you see this trend falter is in very poor societies where being over weight is a sign of wealth. This has never been the case that I know of in any western society or for that matter Asian one though I could be wrong. Even in these cultures its less of a beauty thing and more of a dominance thing, a way for the wealthy to distinguish themselves from the poor.

From what I've been able to read and observe there has been very little change in the standards of beauty. A idealized roman bust is still beautiful 2000 years later.

Chicup was just a short form for Chicago Couple which is where we lived at the time.

I love your phrase "personal hot" and it is so true!! I also agree with your "universal hot" statements. There are some traits of beauty that change with the fashions and the times (we could call this "Media Hot") and there are others that truly are universal and have been cross cultural and have shown no variation over time.

The overal size of models of beauty have gone up and down and back over time but the mathmatical hip to waist ratio has remained constant throughout time and over different cultures as has clear skin, high cheek bones, shiney hair etc etc.


Getting back to "personal hot" though I have experienced this a number of times in the lifesyle. I have run into women I have gone gaw-gaw over and followed around like a lost puppy dog and while they were attractive women they by no means would have ever been on any magazine cover. I think part of being in the lifestyle is recognizing and appreciating the beauty of interpersonal chemistry. When the reaction occurs it is an awesome thing

[KinkyKat]

Hi,

I personally don't know why a single woman would 'hang' at swinger events at all unless she is only looking for attention and for some reason isn't able to attract that for herself eleswhere. Why would that be?

by Numbskullsx2 If you go back and read some of the archive posts here by single M&F you see the same thing, which is that they're getting all the sex they want in any flavor they want in the vanilla world. (which maybe isn't so vanilla after all?)

Believe me I know that the 'vanilla world' is a term used by couples who swing. Being single I or my partner can attract & be involved in any kind of sexual senerio we wanted, I could have a harem of men to see separately or all together for Fun! There is So much sex available for someone who is single. This is the thing that gets me. Both my partner & myself know what fun we can get into on our own its soooo easy! Its much easier on your own, but then your missing out on the naughty sharing relationship that a single isn't experiencing.

Single women Can get sex anywhere easily unless as someone asked originally are they less hot, Maybe they think they are less hot. Men aren't even as picky when it comes to a partner just for sex. so lack confidence in getting sex or attention on their own must be the reason . There are plently of potential partners (FB) that are out there that are willing to have no strings attached sex.

(I know this women who attended these things and answered ads & what got her off was that when she got with a couple she always bragged that the man of the couple was always more into her than his own wife and that he want her on the side too! Like an Ego boost for her to feel valuable in some weird way)

It is easier for a single woman to get some fun in the single world than a single male, so I believe that it would make more sense for a male to attend these events than a woman, but thats not how the swingers world is set up.

We as partners have given up on attending swinger events,(at least in our area) its a waste of time for us. We have more luck in the 'vanalla world'(people just seem more open & relaxed) just like when we were single. So the women may or may not be less hot, but I think its that they think they have the confidence to attend a swing event alone, then go out to a club alone.

just my opinion. KinkyKat

[sweet_tna]

No flaming from me, iapr. What you said made perfect sense. So did LM in pointing out same goes for couples.

And ncmd: THANK YOU from the bottom of a size 12 gal's heart.

[mosmis84]

Originally Posted by KinkyKat

Hi,

I personally don't know why a single woman would 'hang' at swinger events at all unless she is only looking for attention and for some reason isn't able to attract that for herself eleswhere. Why would that be?

KinkyKat

I am a single woman who hangs out at swinger events and I am not looking for attention, I am looking for sex.

Yeah, I guess I could go hang out at a vanilla club, but then I have to listen to men whine about the ex wife and the job and the ex girlfriend and blah blah blah. When you are "dating" or meeting new vanilla people, there is this societal norm of small talk that seems to have to occur. Then, there is this "will she, won't she" awkwardness about the whole sex issue.

Personally, I am not really interested in dating, my time is limited and I have enough going on in my life that I really don't have space for someone else. What I do have is a physical need and a couple of hours on the weekends to fill that need.

As far as the whole hotness thing, OK, I don't "look" hot. I look like a school mom that brings cupcakes to class. I am pretty hot, though, under my skin. I could say the same for most of the single men I have met at swinger clubs. I don't think any of the guys I have been with would have attracted me purely on a physical level. But, in that setting, the way they carry themselves made them very atrractive for the purpose of the evening. I would have missed out on some great encounters if I only had sex with pretty people.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by mosmis84

I guess I could go hang out at a vanilla club, but then I have to listen to men whine about the ex wife and the job and the ex girlfriend and blah blah blah. When you are "dating" or meeting new vanilla people, there is this societal norm of small talk that seems to have to occur. Then, there is this "will she, won't she" awkwardness about the whole sex issue.

the male half here -

You don't have to listen to anything. All you have to do is walk up to a guy and say "Hello, wanna fuck?" and if we're interested, we'll git 'er done. You don't have to be hot, being easy makes up for a lot of hot, which is what I think the original post was asking.

If we're making small talk with you in a bar, it's because we think we need to to get in your drawers. it's very simple - you hot-we talk, you not hot-we not talk, but maybe we fuck.

If you tell us from the get-go that we don't need to talk, we'll get right down to business and maybe save some money we would have spent on drinks. (which we will use to buy drinks for women that won't have sex with us unless we talk, and spend some money on them)

i believe you will find this works as well in vanilla bars as swing clubs.

[Malachista]

In the club I usually frequent the less "perfect" single girls seem to have a lot more fun then the "perfect" ones, mostly because the "perfect" ones often seem to search equally "perfect" couples or males, while the less perfect ones have no problems to deal with couples or guys that are also not "perfect"

[Playful1]

My experience has been there is a pretty equal number percentage wise of attractive and unattractive single and married women.

I say percentage wise just because there are so many more married than single.

I agree on personality being a big part of it though. but I find the equal percentages to apply to personality as well as looks.

What i do find interesting though is how many people make assumptions about personality based on looks. I get so many people who get to know me and are honestly surprised to find out i'm a nice person, simply because they had assumed that since i'm attractive, I must be a bitch (yes they used those words). yikes.