Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome

crazycatz · 01-19-2008, 10:28 AM

An update here that I would really appreciate your thoughts on.

So a couple of weeks ago I got an email from this couple that i had this threesome with (i.e. the email was sent from their joint profile account). There was no name signed only an 'love to hear from you'.

So I responded lightly with new years greetings. we exchanged about 3 emails before the email was signed. It was clear this was coming from one person and not both of them as the mails were written in the first person. After the third email the female half of the couple signed her initial.

We exchange a couple of more friendly emails and then she tells me that her and her partner have split. Apparently he finished it. Now the commication from her is still ongoing but infrequent and distant.

Any thoughts on what is going on here? I feel like I want to avoid contact with her...I'm scared this had something to do with me. The timing just seems odd.
Do you think I should be worried or am I being overly cautious here?

***JustAskJulie*** · 01-19-2008, 11:41 AM

Odd. I'm curious have you kept in contact with them since your initial threesome? Was that the only time you played? How long had they been together prior to the threesome?

My thought if it was just her contacting you following their split, is that maybe she is now interested in playing as a single female as well (or in exploring her bi-side more) and sees you as a door to doing that. If you were her only experience in either of those departments then you are probably the only person she could think of to contact that might be able to give her guidance in how to move in that direction.

I might invite her out for a cup of coffee or lunch and just ask her what happened between them and then move the conversation in the direction of what is she wanting to do now. Get a feel for what she wants and then see if it's a direction you want to help her with. If you don't feel comfortable maintaining any relationship with her then cut it off. But, I would find out the details first.

**ncmd_couple** · 01-19-2008, 11:42 AM

CrazyCatz,

Relationship split up for a lot of reasons. And you aren't necessarily one of those reasons. People who get into swinging to "save" their mariage are usually making a mistake. Yes, I know there are exceptions. It is ok for you to maintain contact with her, but be careful to not inject yourself into their issues. She may just want someone to talk to, and your it.

S

**two4youinswva** · 01-19-2008, 11:46 AM

I don't think there's a need to be worried at this point.

You mentioned the communication has become less frequent and distant. I'd just let it go. Not so much avoid communicating, but not seeking it out either.

We've played with couples that split up later on. It happens for a myriad of reasons. I wouldn't spend any time stressing out about this.

crazycatz · 01-19-2008, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Odd. I'm curious have you kept in contact with them since your initial threesome? Was that the only time you played? How long had they been together prior to the threesome?

My thought if it was just her contacting you following their split, is that maybe she is now interested in playing as a single female as well (or in exploring her bi-side more) and sees you as a door to doing that. If you were her only experience in either of those departments then you are probably the only person she could think of to contact that might be able to give her guidance in how to move in that direction.

I might invite her out for a cup of coffee or lunch and just ask her what happened between them and then move the conversation in the direction of what is she wanting to do now. Get a feel for what she wants and then see if it's a direction you want to help her with. If you don't feel comfortable maintaining any relationship with her then cut it off. But, I would find out the details first.

No we hadn't kept in contact at all. We only played together the one time as well. They had been together for 6 years.

I have no interest in playing with her again to be honest. And none of our discussion has been of a sexual nature so I'm not sure what it's about...that's why I'm confused about the whole thing.

But yeah, as you say Julie, it might be a case of her wanting to go explore her bi side.

And thanks to the two other posters for their imput...you are right...there could be a number of reasons behind the split. I was just worried that I was being put in the middle of something.

havefuninsun · 01-19-2008, 01:56 PM

I can see why you would be worried, but I think it's a slim chance.

Mr. Fun and I had a great conversation last night about swinging, relationships, etc. We were both saying how relationships break up for a lot of reasons, mainly because someone has disrespected the other, or they can't trust the other person.

You're up front in swinging relationships ... I know who Mr. Fun is "shagging" (I just read a profile on SLS that used the word shag, made me laugh, so here it is). If we split up, it will have nothing to do with that ... sex is sex. If he goes out and has an affair, THAT would shatter my trust and that's a whole other can of worms.

The threesome is something they both wanted. Frankly, it would have been a way to try to save their relationship. It may have been something they both got excited about, loved to talk about, something they had in common. Maybe they had drifted apart and this was bringing them back together ... like taking up tennis together or something. Weird analogy, but I do believe that happens in the swing-world.

And if that couple is like most, they cherished having the opportunity to play with a Unicorn.

Who knows why she emailed. She may have just been feeling low and was contacting all of her aquaintnesses for comfort of some kind. Us women can be strange sometimes, you know ... LOL

Bensonc · 01-20-2008, 09:15 AM

If if I can help you out in anyway anyway let me know I would be interested in MFF gathering and I have never done it before so it would be my first maybe you can help me with being nervous

crazycatz · 01-20-2008, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bensonc

If if I can help you out in anyway anyway let me know I would be interested in MFF gathering and I have never done it before so it would be my first maybe you can help me with being nervous

tribbles · 01-20-2008, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bensonc

If if I can help you out in anyway anyway let me know I would be interested in MFF gathering and I have never done it before so it would be my first maybe you can help me with being nervous

Did you even see her location?

**ncmd_couple** · 01-20-2008, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tribbles

Did you even see her location?

HAHA, he was typing with one hand....

Playful1 · 03-10-2008, 08:50 PM

Be very aware of the womans signals. Try to pay pretty equal attention to both people, if not a little more to the woman(assuming she is bi as well).

I am a single female and have done many MFFs, and there was definitely a learning curve.

Playful1 · 03-10-2008, 08:51 PM

If she is continuing contact with you, then go with it, if you;re comfortable. I've stayed friends with one half of a couple that has split up before and it worked out fine. If you are truly uncomfortable though, tell her, but nicely.

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01-19-2008, 10:28 AM	#16 (permalink)
crazycatz Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 136 Location: ireland Status: Bi female	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome An update here that I would really appreciate your thoughts on. So a couple of weeks ago I got an email from this couple that i had this threesome with (i.e. the email was sent from their joint profile account). There was no name signed only an 'love to hear from you'. So I responded lightly with new years greetings. we exchanged about 3 emails before the email was signed. It was clear this was coming from one person and not both of them as the mails were written in the first person. After the third email the female half of the couple signed her initial. We exchange a couple of more friendly emails and then she tells me that her and her partner have split. Apparently he finished it. Now the commication from her is still ongoing but infrequent and distant. Any thoughts on what is going on here? I feel like I want to avoid contact with her...I'm scared this had something to do with me. The timing just seems odd. Do you think I should be worried or am I being overly cautious here?

01-19-2008, 11:41 AM	#17 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,260 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome Odd. I'm curious have you kept in contact with them since your initial threesome? Was that the only time you played? How long had they been together prior to the threesome? My thought if it was just her contacting you following their split, is that maybe she is now interested in playing as a single female as well (or in exploring her bi-side more) and sees you as a door to doing that. If you were her only experience in either of those departments then you are probably the only person she could think of to contact that might be able to give her guidance in how to move in that direction. I might invite her out for a cup of coffee or lunch and just ask her what happened between them and then move the conversation in the direction of what is she wanting to do now. Get a feel for what she wants and then see if it's a direction you want to help her with. If you don't feel comfortable maintaining any relationship with her then cut it off. But, I would find out the details first.

01-19-2008, 11:42 AM	#18 (permalink)
ncmd_couple Julie's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 952 Location: Maryland Status: Couple SLS Name:ncmd_couple	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome CrazyCatz, Relationship split up for a lot of reasons. And you aren't necessarily one of those reasons. People who get into swinging to "save" their mariage are usually making a mistake. Yes, I know there are exceptions. It is ok for you to maintain contact with her, but be careful to not inject yourself into their issues. She may just want someone to talk to, and your it. S __________________ Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

01-19-2008, 11:46 AM	#19 (permalink)
two4youinswva Better than Ice Cream Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 2,253 Location: va Status: Couple. He posts, She reads Blog Entries: 1	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome I don't think there's a need to be worried at this point. You mentioned the communication has become less frequent and distant. I'd just let it go. Not so much avoid communicating, but not seeking it out either. We've played with couples that split up later on. It happens for a myriad of reasons. I wouldn't spend any time stressing out about this.

01-19-2008, 01:56 PM	#21 (permalink)
havefuninsun insert witty banter here Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,190 Location: Virginia Status: Couple SLS Name:havefuninsun	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome I can see why you would be worried, but I think it's a slim chance. Mr. Fun and I had a great conversation last night about swinging, relationships, etc. We were both saying how relationships break up for a lot of reasons, mainly because someone has disrespected the other, or they can't trust the other person. You're up front in swinging relationships ... I know who Mr. Fun is "shagging" (I just read a profile on SLS that used the word shag, made me laugh, so here it is). If we split up, it will have nothing to do with that ... sex is sex. If he goes out and has an affair, THAT would shatter my trust and that's a whole other can of worms. The threesome is something they both wanted. Frankly, it would have been a way to try to save their relationship. It may have been something they both got excited about, loved to talk about, something they had in common. Maybe they had drifted apart and this was bringing them back together ... like taking up tennis together or something. Weird analogy, but I do believe that happens in the swing-world. And if that couple is like most, they cherished having the opportunity to play with a Unicorn. Who knows why she emailed. She may have just been feeling low and was contacting all of her aquaintnesses for comfort of some kind. Us women can be strange sometimes, you know ... LOL

01-20-2008, 09:15 AM	#22 (permalink)
Bensonc Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 2 Location: Gulf Breeze FL Status: Single Male	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome If if I can help you out in anyway anyway let me know I would be interested in MFF gathering and I have never done it before so it would be my first maybe you can help me with being nervous

03-10-2008, 08:50 PM	#26 (permalink)
Playful1 Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 91 Location: US Status: Single Female	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome Be very aware of the womans signals. Try to pay pretty equal attention to both people, if not a little more to the woman(assuming she is bi as well). I am a single female and have done many MFFs, and there was definitely a learning curve.

03-10-2008, 08:51 PM	#27 (permalink)
Playful1 Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 91 Location: US Status: Single Female	Re: Being the Single Bi-Fem in a threesome If she is continuing contact with you, then go with it, if you;re comfortable. I've stayed friends with one half of a couple that has split up before and it worked out fine. If you are truly uncomfortable though, tell her, but nicely.

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