unwillingly single

02-20-2003, 08:47 PM

Hello. I'm writing with a question that I started to pose on the Single Male board, but decided I wanted perspective from other than single men. Here's my story.

A few months ago, my girlfriend and I decided to look in to swinging. It had always been a favorite fantasy of hers, and I was game to give it a try, so we posted profiles on a couple of websites, and started processing the information. I was blown away by the really good people who were available to meet in this lifestyle. There was something for everyone it seemed, and out search for everyday people who wanted to enhance their own good sex life was rich with possibilities. The more we looked and corresponded with people the more obvious it became that if we wanted to do this, it was certainly possible, and it could be done with people who bathed regularly and had all their teeth.

Well, we found a nice couple and gave it a try. We met with them and got to know them, and decided to meet for a full swap evening. It went OK. We were both nervous, but had a good time, and our sex afterward was the best we had ever known. I was hooked. My girlfriend, however, decided that it wasn't for her. So we talked and agreed that it was not something to pursue unless we were both interested.

We withdrew our names from the sites, and never gave it a second thought for several months. Recently, for reasons not related to swinging, we have decided to go our separate ways. As I have started to date again, it occurred to me that I would like to find someone who might like swinging. Here's the problem. The only connection I have to swinging is the websites, so I posted an ad as a single male. I was worried that it might not get any attention because we never looked at single male postings, and there is considerable unease toward the single male- and I understand why. I'm not wanted to play as a single male. The inticing part of swinging to me is the dynamics of couples playing together. My posting is in search of a single female to perhaps play with as a couple.

But, alas, I was right. My ad gets practically no viewings, and I have little hope of finding my "playmate" by this approach. I am in need of advice on how to proceed. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Augustus

ciscosv · 02-21-2003, 11:59 AM

Keep searching. Swinging is not a first date conversation. You might get lucky if your personal ad states what you are wanting in a relationship beforehand. Some lady with the same interests might come across your ad. Happy hunting.

ATAK · 02-21-2003, 12:36 PM

Augustus, your situation sounds uncannily like my own. My girlfriend and I decided to try swinging, first with an additional female then if she was comfortable, with another couple. I had posted us on a couple of websites as a couple and had met a few people that we had alot in common with...Unfortunately, we never got to play before she decided that there was some unfinished business in her previous relationship that prevented us from being together.

I then had to remove her from the website listings and go it alone. While I've not yet had any experiences with anyone I've met, I do have dialogs open with at least 2-3 couples who could be willing some time in the future to include me in their activities. I find this encouraging and look forward to becoming "Certified Genuine" by another couple so that people who randomly hit my profile will know that I am who I say I am.

As cicsosv said, it's a waiting game. Just be yourself, meet as many people as you can without pushing yourself on them, and sit back and wait for it to happen.

My search for a future partner also includes someone who is interested in the lifestyle, but as my father told me..."You can't help who you fall in love with". If she's not into it, then I'll deal with it.

Odie043069 · 02-21-2003, 12:43 PM

I am a single female....and I have a problem finding the right man to become my friend/partner/and swingmate.....
Don't think it is just cus you are a male.
my case...I get alot of guys just wanting to have sex with me....but that is not all that I want...I want more....but they just want a fuck!
I can do that anywere......I want more

So good luck.....keep on plugging....I am!

Dee

ATAK · 02-21-2003, 12:52 PM

Hello Odie,

Good to see a single female speaking out. Stop by the introductions section and give us some info.

Odie043069 · 02-21-2003, 12:55 PM

I am new to this place...where it he introduction area?

Dee

Odie043069 · 02-21-2003, 01:16 PM

ahhh I found it....there you go.....intro / pic and all!

Katt · 02-22-2003, 04:46 PM

AHA so I am not the only one. I too am a single female who would like to get into the swinging side of life. Ergo I mention it to prospective partners so that there will be no misunderstandings in the future. Best of luck in your search.

Katt

curious24 · 02-22-2003, 05:00 PM

i'm yet another single male that would like to find a nice single woman with the same views...

however there are a couple of things... i think if i fell heads over heals for someone i would want some time with them with no one else joining us.. then after some time has passed then move on to having people join us..

but that's just me

Flori_DAMAN · 02-22-2003, 05:11 PM

My deceased wife and I swang for 10 years. After she passed i was able to find many females to swing with.

Never did I find one with an add on a site.

I just dated until I found a normal gal that had an open mind. I honestly stated that swinging was not a priority but that it was an interest. Everyone of them chose to give it a try.

I was honest though. I said right upfront that swinging was a very joyfull experience for me but that it was not my priority. It took a matter of years of gentle discussion and fantasy talk with Tam, but she even came through for me.

We are done now though, although it had nothing to do with swinging.

I am looking for a lady now. I will most likely go through the same process, but swinging is not the biggest priority.

Finding a real woman that cares about our long term relationship and enjoying life is the biggest priority.

Don't focus on swinging, unless its the only thing you care about. And if you do then reconsider your priorities.

Id take love over swinging any day of the week. I guess most would but don't trip over the love of your life by giving out signals that she must swing. My thoughts anyhow.

John.

curious24 · 02-22-2003, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Id take love over swinging any day of the week. I guess most would but don't trip over the love of your life by giving out signals that she must swing. My thoughts anyhow.

John.

I agree with you entirely...

If i found someone who had absolutely no interest in swinging ever.. and i was totally in love with them.. i wouldn't swing at all... and it wouldn't bother me at all...

Katt · 02-22-2003, 06:16 PM

I agree with you men on this. However my past relationships have seemed to wither due to boredom or something on my part. Fortunately I think I have found someone of a like mind and we will see. I don't think I was cut out for monogamy, but did manage to do so for 14 yrs of marriage. So I know I can do it.

Flori_DAMAN · 02-22-2003, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Katt
I agree with you men on this. However my past relationships have seemed to wither due to boredom or something on my part. Fortunately I think I have found someone of a like mind and we will see. I don't think I was cut out for monogamy, but did manage to do so for 14 yrs of marriage. So I know I can do it.

I deal daily with people that have 30-60+ years of monogamy. Geriatrics mostly of course. Monogamy is still popular and I don't think swingers frown on it. I know I don't. If boredom sets in it can happen whether you are swinging or not. Swinging is not the answer to sexual problems in relationships. It should just be a recreational aspect that both enjoy. Many say that swingers don't divorce as often but I'd bet statistically there isn't a great difference. It's more than sex.

john

imsnowman · 02-22-2003, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Katt
I agree with you men on this. However my past relationships have seemed to wither due to boredom or something on my part. Fortunately I think I have found someone of a like mind and we will see. I don't think I was cut out for monogamy, but did manage to do so for 14 yrs of marriage. So I know I can do it.

I think that there are some people who are much happier as swingers. They don't see life the same way that monogamous people do. I understand what Flori and the other fellow are saying about love but, I personally don't think that love conquers all. And I don't think that people for whom swinging is a requirement need to "reconsider your priorities."

They are simply wired differently than you are Flori DAMAN.

Flori_DAMAN · 02-22-2003, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by imsnowman
I personally don't think that love conquers all. And I don't think that people for whom swinging is a requirement need to "reconsider your priorities."

They are simply wired differently than you are Flori DAMAN.

I understand what you mean. I think I was taken out of context though. My remark was directed at a single man that is considering how to find a swinging mate. For couples that (as I was), are devoted to swinging there is nothing wrong with that at all. I really just think you took me the wrong way.

John.

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02-20-2003, 08:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
Augustus Posts: n/a	unwillingly single Hello. I'm writing with a question that I started to pose on the Single Male board, but decided I wanted perspective from other than single men. Here's my story. A few months ago, my girlfriend and I decided to look in to swinging. It had always been a favorite fantasy of hers, and I was game to give it a try, so we posted profiles on a couple of websites, and started processing the information. I was blown away by the really good people who were available to meet in this lifestyle. There was something for everyone it seemed, and out search for everyday people who wanted to enhance their own good sex life was rich with possibilities. The more we looked and corresponded with people the more obvious it became that if we wanted to do this, it was certainly possible, and it could be done with people who bathed regularly and had all their teeth. Well, we found a nice couple and gave it a try. We met with them and got to know them, and decided to meet for a full swap evening. It went OK. We were both nervous, but had a good time, and our sex afterward was the best we had ever known. I was hooked. My girlfriend, however, decided that it wasn't for her. So we talked and agreed that it was not something to pursue unless we were both interested. We withdrew our names from the sites, and never gave it a second thought for several months. Recently, for reasons not related to swinging, we have decided to go our separate ways. As I have started to date again, it occurred to me that I would like to find someone who might like swinging. Here's the problem. The only connection I have to swinging is the websites, so I posted an ad as a single male. I was worried that it might not get any attention because we never looked at single male postings, and there is considerable unease toward the single male- and I understand why. I'm not wanted to play as a single male. The inticing part of swinging to me is the dynamics of couples playing together. My posting is in search of a single female to perhaps play with as a couple. But, alas, I was right. My ad gets practically no viewings, and I have little hope of finding my "playmate" by this approach. I am in need of advice on how to proceed. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Augustus

02-21-2003, 11:59 AM	#2 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 750 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	Keep searching. Swinging is not a first date conversation. You might get lucky if your personal ad states what you are wanting in a relationship beforehand. Some lady with the same interests might come across your ad. Happy hunting. __________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

02-21-2003, 12:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
ATAK Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 197 Location: Laurinburg, NC Status: Single Male SLS Name:ATAK	Augustus, your situation sounds uncannily like my own. My girlfriend and I decided to try swinging, first with an additional female then if she was comfortable, with another couple. I had posted us on a couple of websites as a couple and had met a few people that we had alot in common with...Unfortunately, we never got to play before she decided that there was some unfinished business in her previous relationship that prevented us from being together. I then had to remove her from the website listings and go it alone. While I've not yet had any experiences with anyone I've met, I do have dialogs open with at least 2-3 couples who could be willing some time in the future to include me in their activities. I find this encouraging and look forward to becoming "Certified Genuine" by another couple so that people who randomly hit my profile will know that I am who I say I am. As cicsosv said, it's a waiting game. Just be yourself, meet as many people as you can without pushing yourself on them, and sit back and wait for it to happen. My search for a future partner also includes someone who is interested in the lifestyle, but as my father told me..."You can't help who you fall in love with". If she's not into it, then I'll deal with it. __________________ If you love her, set her free...if she doesn't come back, she's probably with me.

02-21-2003, 12:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
ATAK Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 197 Location: Laurinburg, NC Status: Single Male SLS Name:ATAK	Hello Odie, Good to see a single female speaking out. Stop by the introductions section and give us some info. __________________ If you love her, set her free...if she doesn't come back, she's probably with me.

02-21-2003, 12:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
Odie043069 Registered Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7 Location: Columbus, Ohio Status: Single Female	I am a single female....and I have a problem finding the right man to become my friend/partner/and swingmate..... Don't think it is just cus you are a male. my case...I get alot of guys just wanting to have sex with me....but that is not all that I want...I want more....but they just want a fuck! I can do that anywere......I want more So good luck.....keep on plugging....I am! Dee

02-21-2003, 12:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
Odie043069 Registered Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7 Location: Columbus, Ohio Status: Single Female	I am new to this place...where it he introduction area? Dee

02-21-2003, 01:16 PM	#7 (permalink)
Odie043069 Registered Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7 Location: Columbus, Ohio Status: Single Female	intro ahhh I found it....there you go.....intro / pic and all!

02-22-2003, 04:46 PM	#8 (permalink)
Katt Active Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 22 Location: san antonio area Status: couple	AHA so I am not the only one. I too am a single female who would like to get into the swinging side of life. Ergo I mention it to prospective partners so that there will be no misunderstandings in the future. Best of luck in your search. Katt

02-22-2003, 05:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
curious24 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 696 Location: austin, tx Status: Single Male	i'm yet another single male that would like to find a nice single woman with the same views... however there are a couple of things... i think if i fell heads over heals for someone i would want some time with them with no one else joining us.. then after some time has passed then move on to having people join us.. but that's just me

02-22-2003, 05:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
Flori_DAMAN Previously of MichiganCouple Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,100 Location: Vero Beach Florida Status: Single Male	My deceased wife and I swang for 10 years. After she passed i was able to find many females to swing with. Never did I find one with an add on a site. I just dated until I found a normal gal that had an open mind. I honestly stated that swinging was not a priority but that it was an interest. Everyone of them chose to give it a try. I was honest though. I said right upfront that swinging was a very joyfull experience for me but that it was not my priority. It took a matter of years of gentle discussion and fantasy talk with Tam, but she even came through for me. We are done now though, although it had nothing to do with swinging. I am looking for a lady now. I will most likely go through the same process, but swinging is not the biggest priority. Finding a real woman that cares about our long term relationship and enjoying life is the biggest priority. Don't focus on swinging, unless its the only thing you care about. And if you do then reconsider your priorities. Id take love over swinging any day of the week. I guess most would but don't trip over the love of your life by giving out signals that she must swing. My thoughts anyhow. John.

02-22-2003, 06:16 PM	#12 (permalink)
Katt Active Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 22 Location: san antonio area Status: couple	I agree with you men on this. However my past relationships have seemed to wither due to boredom or something on my part. Fortunately I think I have found someone of a like mind and we will see. I don't think I was cut out for monogamy, but did manage to do so for 14 yrs of marriage. So I know I can do it. __________________ "all of us have wings but some of us don't know why"

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