unwillingly single

[imsnowman]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
I understand what you mean. I think I was taken out of context though. My remark was directed at a single man that is considering how to find a swinging mate. For couples that (as I was), are devoted to swinging there is nothing wrong with that at all. I really just think you took me the wrong way.

John.

John,
Actually, I understood you were talking about a single male or female. I'm saying that depending on the strength of one's "swingingness" one shouldn't necessarily reconsider one's priorities. There are people for whom free love, swiniging, whatever is a part of their character that shouldn't be compromised and that there is nothing that needs to be reconsidered. It's just who they are at that time.

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by imsnowman
John,
Actually, I understood you were talking about a single male or female. I'm saying that depending on the strength of one's "swingingness" one shouldn't necessarily reconsider one's priorities. There are people for whom free love, swiniging, whatever is a part of their character that shouldn't be compromised and that there is nothing that needs to be reconsidered. It's just who they are at that time.

Yes and if a single male thinks swinging is the only consideration then he may want to reconsider his priorities. I speak from experience. Like I said he could trip over a great love for the sake of swinging and he agreed.

I actually think that my thoughts may allow someone to reconsider and focus on the meaningness of their own situation in life.

When you have swung and are single again often one makes the mistake of thinking that is the only way to be. Not that that is wrong but maybe if that is the way one thinks one should re-consider priorities because one could forsake a real love for the sake of wanting someone that swings.

It could happen. Obviously you are involved in a happy swinging relationship and more power to you. But if you ever lose her (which i hope you don't), then you may feel like you can't live without a swinging mate. For some people that could be a mistake. I truly believe in the lifestyle. It is not that we are really "wired" differently because I have swung for 25 years, but I have also seen many people not re-consider priorities when they should. Whether its swinging or a type of career. It was just advice that this particular gentleman did not need but appreciated.

You won't find a stronger swinging spokesperson than myself. I however have lost my partner to death and two to seperation.

My priorities changed now though. When someone has been where I have been its ok to suggest that maybe you should change your priorities. The person can take it or leave it. Advice unsaught is seldom heeded anyhow. I take it upon myself to try to make sure someone doesn't make the same mistake I may make myself, so I articulate it by saying what is on my mind.

I am a wired swinger though. If I happen to stumble upon a female that likes it then I will probably be with her if ALL the other chemistry is right.

I will however take a female that I am in love with that has absolutely no interest in swinging and spend my life with her also.

It's not how I am wired, its how I think.

I truly wish you the longest and happiest swinging life imaginable because you can't hurt anyone by living your life. Cheers.

John.

[Alura]

My wife and I were recently criticised in a private message for posting on singles-related threads since we, as a matter of policy, don't choose to include singles in our swinging. That said, we would like to go on record as saying we are very much in favor of single swingers, men and women, meeting each other, finding love, and swinging as a couple. We think that's what swinging is all about.

If I were to find myself single (God forbid!) and looking for a new partner, I might go to a match-making service where the new member makes a video tape explaning just what he/she wants in a mate. I would include swinging right along with school volunteer work as my interests and hope that a like-minded lady would see it. I doubt there would be many replies but those that did would be good prospects indeed.

Mr. Alura

[Augustus]

Hello again, and thanks for all your thoughts. I guess we all have to make decisions about what we are looking for in life and in the people we are involved with. My brief, but very pleasant exposure to the swinging lifestyle has given me another characteristic to look for in someone with whom I would like to spend time. If it were obvious from the beginning that my choices were true love or a swinging partner, I guess I'd have to decide which was more important. In the beginning, I would like to find someone who is attractive to me, intelligent, likes to spend her time in ways that I also enjoy, is sexual and has good instincts about right and wrong. If I could find those things in someone involved in the lifestyle, so much the better.

My frustration has come from how to search for someone within the lifestyle. When we ( my ex-ladyfriend and I ) were searching for other couples, we found it very easy. Others were responsive to our inquiries and inquisitive about our profile. As a single male, I don't find that to me true. I understand why single males elicit less interest and response, but am hopeful that I can find a way meet someone in this culture. In general I have found the people to have an outlook on life that I think is refreshing, and I hope to be able to interact with others and become a bigger part of it.

One of the indications to me about the good people in this lifestyle, is their willingness to be helpful in formats like this. Thanks to you all.

Augustus

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
When you have swung and are single again often one makes the mistake of thinking that is the only way to be. Not that that is wrong but maybe if that is the way one thinks one should re-consider priorities because one could forsake a real love for the sake of wanting someone that swings.

This portion of your post really stuck out for me. I don't know for sure if I view swinging in the *correct* way but these are my feelings. I don't consider swinging a priority in a relationship, I view it as an erotic enhancement to a good relationship. If my husband and I were to say no more....RIGHT NOW, that is how it would be. Swinging is just icing on the cake for us and not the eggs needed to make the batter rise.

Lori

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Alura
My wife and I were recently criticised in a private message for posting on singles-related threads since we, as a matter of policy, don't choose to include singles in our swinging. That said, we would like to go on record as saying we are very much in favor of single swingers, men and women, meeting each other, finding love, and swinging as a couple. We think that's what swinging is all about.

Mr. and Mrs. Alura,

I must be one of those odd people that think swinging has a place for everyone. Single or coupled. There have been several members here that have been on both sides of the coin and have relayed how difficult it is to be on the single side, once having been part of a couple.

I have been a member of this board for somewhere around 15 months and a lurker for many more. In all of the postings I have read of yours I cannot recall anything said demeaning of single men. I do recall you stating often that single men are not your choice when it comes to swinging. Your advice/opinions given in any forum has always shown one that reflects good judgement with no bias. For you to have been privately criticized in my opinion is unfounded. Goodness knows that there are many members here that would have pounced on a mis-statement or disagreement in opinion, myself being one.

I do hope that you will not let that criticism hinder you from posting in any forum here on the board.

Lori

[imsnowman]

Originally posted by Augustus
Hello again, and thanks for all your thoughts. I guess we all have to make decisions about what we are looking for in life and in the people we are involved with. My brief, but very pleasant exposure to the swinging lifestyle has given me another characteristic to look for in someone with whom I would like to spend time. If it were obvious from the beginning that my choices were true love or a swinging partner, I guess I'd have to decide which was more important. In the beginning, I would like to find someone who is attractive to me, intelligent, likes to spend her time in ways that I also enjoy, is sexual and has good instincts about right and wrong. If I could find those things in someone involved in the lifestyle, so much the better.

My frustration has come from how to search for someone within the lifestyle. When we ( my ex-ladyfriend and I ) were searching for other couples, we found it very easy. Others were responsive to our inquiries and inquisitive about our profile. As a single male, I don't find that to me true. I understand why single males elicit less interest and response, but am hopeful that I can find a way meet someone in this culture. In general I have found the people to have an outlook on life that I think is refreshing, and I hope to be able to interact with others and become a bigger part of it.

One of the indications to me about the good people in this lifestyle, is their willingness to be helpful in formats like this. Thanks to you all.

Augustus

Augustus,
I don't know what your ads say but I would think that incuding the feelings you express here (if it doesn't already) would certainly help. Tell people single or not how you feel about the lifestyle and what you're looking for in a partner/s.

Good Luck

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Alura
My wife and I were recently criticised in a private message for posting on singles-related threads since we, as a matter of policy, don't choose to include singles in our swinging. That said, we would like to go on record as saying we are very much in favor of single swingers, men and women, meeting each other, finding love, and swinging as a couple. We think that's what swinging is all about.

If I were to find myself single (God forbid!) and looking for a new partner, I might go to a match-making service where the new member makes a video tape explaning just what he/she wants in a mate. I would include swinging right along with school volunteer work as my interests and hope that a like-minded lady would see it. I doubt there would be many replies but those that did would be good prospects indeed.

Mr. Alura

This single guy thinks you have been nothing short of compassionate to myself and many other singles on this board.
I am appauled that someone did that.

Keep with us Mr and Mrs Alura

John

[ATAK]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Mr. and Mrs. Alura,

I must be one of those odd people that think swinging has a place for everyone. Single or coupled. There have been several members here that have been on both sides of the coin and have relayed how difficult it is to be on the single side, once having been part of a couple.

I have been a member of this board for somewhere around 15 months and a lurker for many more. In all of the postings I have read of yours I cannot recall anything said demeaning of single men. I do recall you stating often that single men are not your choice when it comes to swinging. Your advice/opinions given in any forum has always shown one that reflects good judgement with no bias. For you to have been privately criticized in my opinion is unfounded. Goodness knows that there are many members here that would have pounced on a mis-statement or disagreement in opinion, myself being one.

I do hope that you will not let that criticism hinder you from posting in any forum here on the board.

Lori

Ok, let me make an attempt to clear this up before it goes further. In the recent past, I made an observation that Mr. & Mrs. Alura made several posts in the Single Male section of the board. I found this ironic and somewhat humerous to me. So much so that I sent a private message to them pointing out the irony of a couple who does not seek the company of Single Males to spend so much time in that section of the board. It was a light-hearted observation and in no way a criticism of their postings, opinions, or their right to be there.

I encourage anyone to let their opinions be known and am glad that even though they themselves may not seek the company of Single Males, that their opinions and points of view may enlighten those of us who are single as to any couples reservations concerning singles. Hopefully, we can all learn something here and apply it to our own situations.

I apologize if my PM was misconstrued in any way. I simply found it funny and ironic. I have also sent a PM with my apology to
Alura and hope that I have not damaged their opinion of me. Far be it for me or anyone to criticize anybody else's opinion on a subject so dynamic as this.

ATAK

[Alura]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
This single guy thinks you have been nothing short of compassionate to myself and many other singles on this board.
I am appauled that someone did that.

Keep with us Mr and Mrs Alura

John

Thanks, John. We appreciate your support. Perhaps we were wrong in using the word, "criticism." Mr. Alura intended to look at the posts we made to determine if we have more often posted on singles subjects, but who has the time to do something like that?

Swinging offers emotions of excitement, danger and "forbidden fruit." Surely singles have fun and contribute much to the couples who choose to play with them, but unless you are committed with a partner you love deeply, we doubt it is possible to fully appreciate what married couples experience. This probably would not apply to someone like you, John, who played in previous relationships and are unfortunately single now.

Alura

[Alura]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Mr. and Mrs. Alura,

I do hope that you will not let that criticism hinder you from posting in any forum here on the board.

Lori

Thank you, Lori. We're not going anywhere.

Alura

[Alura]

Originally posted by BostonDLT
Lori, I echo your sentiments. I think that the alluring Allura's shouldn't let the author of a petty email make them feel uncomfortable about ANYTHING! In fact, they should post MORE!
S

Thanks, S! Your support is important to us because we've decided that a single like you might get us to change our minds.

I don't know how we'd post more unless Mrs. Alura quit travelling and we closed our business. Since there are bills to pay and kids to raise...

Cheers,
Alura

[Alura]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Mr. and Mrs. Alura,

I do hope that you will not let that criticism hinder you from posting in any forum here on the board.

Lori

Thank you, Lori. We're not going anywhere.

Alura

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Alura


Swinging offers emotions of excitement, danger and "forbidden fruit." Surely singles have fun and contribute much to the couples who choose to play with them, but unless you are committed with a partner you love deeply, we doubt it is possible to fully appreciate what married couples experience. This probably would not apply to someone like you, John, who played in previous relationships and are unfortunately single now.

Alura

Actually I have chosen not to swing even though I have lots of experience due to just that fact. I don't think I would be able to enjoy it as much honestly. Of course, I'm still establishing myself in this community. I actually made reservations twice but changed my mind. I need someone like one of these beautiful new single works of art to get down here to florida...sigh.

I'd even introduce them to Mickey. No, thats not what I call it, I meant disneyland! hehe...John.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Katt
I agree with you men on this. However my past relationships have seemed to wither due to boredom or something on my part. Fortunately I think I have found someone of a like mind and we will see. I don't think I was cut out for monogamy, but did manage to do so for 14 yrs of marriage. So I know I can do it.

Katt, I'm curious why your profile says you are a couple? It seems like in another topic you may have mentioned you have a bf you are trying to get into swinging?