SM swinging safety thoughts

[bigjoehd]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

One of the things that I learned after I got divorced, with the women that I dated, was that their ex's were, for the most part, slam-bam-thank you-mam kinda guys. Now, that is something that we have not experienced in the swinging community. But I have come across it a lot in the vanilla world.

Listening to people say how bad their ex was in bed is pretty much a standard with divorced people,isnt it?

[iapr]

Originally Posted by widowerman

I’m a single male and just new to this lifestyle. And safety was the first thing that popped into my head. I really don’t think I could ever have a threesome with a guy/girl couple. I’m a straight male and I also don’t want to steal some guy’s girl. I enjoy the company of women, but I don’t want some guy to beat me up because his woman likes me.

Ummm, I think you need to get back to the swingers handbook you mentioned and either actually read it or throw it away and get a new one. I am not meaning to be disrespectfull or to flame you as you seem sincere. I think you may have some very false ideas about what swinging actually is. that is ok, we are all here to learn.

Swinging for couples is something couples do together as part of their sexual dynamic as couple. They are not here because the female half is frustrated or lonely and their guy is inept. Most females in the lifestyle are quite sexually self-actualized and know what they want and how to get it. Most of the males are very caring and skilled lovers and are here to support their wives and to have an adventurous and exciting sex life as a couple.

I get the impression that you are seeing being single and engaging in recreational noncomitted sex as swinging, it is often not the same thing. Picking up single gals or cheating wives in the lounge at a Holiday Inn for a one night hookup is NOT swinging. That is just picking up chicks.

Swinging is an activity that couples do together as a couple and about the only thing that a single male will get invited for is MFM threesomes and gang bangs and those are usually involving the husband almost 100% of the time. If you will not do threesomes or anything else with another man around you are not going to be doing anything.

To make matters worse your demeanor of thinking you are there to service "frustrated women" and being afraid of pissing off husbands will be a major stumbling block for you. Swinging husbands WANT to see there wives pleased and will do what they can to help that process.

I don't mean to be harsh or mean but rather just trying to get my point across to you but you are EXACTLY what we swinging husbands want to avoid and will intentionally keep away from our wives. It is guys with that attitude that give single males the bad reputation that they have. Swinging is not a college fraternity party where every man is for himself and survival of the fittest and it is all a competition to see who can score the most. Swingers work collaboratively to try and make everyone as comfortable as possible so each couple can live out their fantasys and enjoy the experience together as a couple.

We are not afraid of you stealing our women we are afraid of you pissing them off and having them leave the party. Currently you sound like bachelor just trying to score with chicks and not single male swinger material. Frankly even the most successfull legitimate single male swingers will tell you that it is much easier to score with regular vanilla women in a regular singles bar than it is to score with a lifestyle woman in a lifestyle venue.

If you are just wanting to score with chicks, go for it and do what you gotta do. I'm not bashing you or trying to get down on you. If you are serious about wanting to enter the swinging world you have a lot more homework to do. This is a good place to get info and feedback and to ask questions.

[widowerman]

Well, I stand corrected and will go back to the side lines. Ehh...not so fast.

However, I have a partner who has been in the lifestyle for well over 30 years. She has giving me some gifted insight on this world. From her experiences she has concluded that she has no idea why her or any other women would bother to stay in it, the lifestyle, unless that is to find someone special. So, yes the ladies are looking. The men on the other hand have a lot of growing up to do. I did hear this from many women. Too many women. Their major complaint, "these guys have no idea on how to fuck!"

I don't know what this swingers handbook is all about or if such a fabrication exists, or what the hell does Penthouse have to do with it all, but I do know it seems to be too easy to get men up on their hind legs with just a little criticism. It must suck to be some of you men out there, I'd have pity, but why bother. You should really listen to your women, they are after all people too.

Last month I met two women, two former swingers at a hotel party. They wanted to get back into the lifestyle so they came along to the party. They looked at the men and women at the party and concluded that they were feeling ill. They left and took me along with them. What made them sick? The scene, the lack of demeanor from the men, the down and out right ugly feeling that this was just another meat market fuck fest. The down right ugliest of it all.

They were new meat, or more like recycled meat and the men can do whatever they want to them. Later at the bar we talked, just the three of us and these fine looking women vowed "no more pity sex!" Do you blame them? Was I pity sex for them? Nope, they thanked me. Come to think of it, just like all the other women when I feel like "doing my thing", they too thank me and hold on to me much longer than the "seasoned" professionals, because they want too! Duh, why is that? I don't know, maybe it's that Penthouse magazine or something like that. At least I know I can stay in this "club" of leave it. I am probably leaving it, there is nothing for me here. I hate to be a wet blanket but this has all the luster of watching paint dry.

In closing I still don't understand how I became a lighting rod to this criticism. But this ends it for me, I will not respond and will let my counter attack die in a flaming mess. So have it, do whatever you want to my words, do whatever you want to me, but do nothing against my dead wife. It's her memory that I will not tarnish, but you probably don't understand that, how could you? You have a handbook and Penthouse to keep you company.

Well that's it for me. I do belive I will opt out at this time. You guys are worst then a bunch of right wing republicans. But do keep swinging, soon or later you may get a piece of the ball, it maybe a foul ball, but at least you took a swing!

[Alura]

So yet another gentleman of uncanny sexual skill has joined us here to inform us that we are inept in loving our wives (and, assumably, other women) only to throw in the towel after nine posts.

It seems to work well, doesn't it? But don't become complacent, Swingers of the World! It won't stop with this fellow.

So long, Widowerman! We've seen your ilk before; most left with the same bitter feelings.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Widowerman wrote:

You guys are worst then a bunch of right wing republicans.

Just so you understand (and anyone else so inclined), Widowerman, we don't talk politics on this website. Doing so can get you banned. But since you won't be around to read this, I suppose it doesn't matter.

Mr. Alura

[des1re06]

Well drats! We were just about to book reservations to NJ so he could teach us how we should be having sex and swinging.

Mrs. D

[fun4Ds]

good thread curiousagain, you have indeed given us some food for thought.and actually raised the bar for what we look for in single male playmates. after meeting and talking with you we found allot of things in common with you and our male playmates. #1 being that you could understand us as a couple, and your intelligence proves that you would even be more likely to take care of yourself.good single male playmates are more far and few than one would think.

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by bigjoehd

Listening to people say how bad their ex was in bed is pretty much a standard with divorced people,isnt it?

Amen.

Sex becomes bad with soon-to-be ex's because the thought of having sex with said men makes your skin crawl.

The soon-to-be-ex is not appealing.

We all know that to have good sex, you must be attracted to the person (in some way shape or form) with whom you're gonna have sex with.

By the time my ex and I split, just to feel his hand on me at all made me want to throw up.

[JW n Laci]

Originally Posted by widowerman

Well, I stand corrected and will go back to the side lines. Ehh...not so fast.

However, blah blah blah....

I don't know what this swingers handbook is all about blah blah blah....

Last month I met two women blah blah blah....

They were new meat, blah blah blah....

In closing blah blah blah.... I will not respond blah blah blah......

Well that's it for me. blah blah blah....!

It sure took you a long time to tell us you're not going to respond.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by widowerman

Well that's it for me. I do belive I will opt out at this time. You guys are worst then a bunch of right wing republicans.

I've read several studies that say the "typical" swinger is moderate to conservative politically, though I'd venture to guess we are talking Libertarian oriented. Maybe you just found us out!

I think we were called this buy someone recently as well. Maybe its the new 'defense' being used by people who finally figured out what 'Goodwin's law' was, and why they should stop causing it to be invoked.

[NumbskullsX2]

Is safety really that big of a big concern for single males? I'm sorry your friend had his wallett stolen, but from what I've gathered, single guys are exploited much worse by so-called "legitimate" clubs and websites all the time.

I've heard of couples "loseing" things like watches and jewelry at clubs that nobody ever seems to find, but isn't that as much their fault for taking them in the first place? There was also a murder/suicide involving a couple that owned a club in Texas a few years ago, but other than that, this is a pretty safe activity for couples and singles.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by des1re06

Well drats! We were just about to book reservations to NJ so he could teach us how we should be having sex and swinging.

Mrs. D

LOL, then you could swing over to the Poconos and teach us, too!

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[pjj1961]

I suggest a first meeting in an open non-alcoholic situation then if it works going to a hotel

[pjj1961]

You are Quite Right numbskullsX2. Single males are descriminated against in swinger
sites. Just read some of their rules.One site demands single males(only) to purchase
full membership within 1 week or be removed.Supposededly,according to that site we
only use it to view naked pics. As if there are no women or couples that do the same!

[cuzzeyesaidso]

Originally Posted by pjj1961

You are Quite Right numbskullsX2. Single males are descriminated against in swinger
sites. Just read some of their rules.One site demands single males(only) to purchase
full membership within 1 week or be removed.Supposededly,according to that site we
only use it to view naked pics. As if there are no women or couples that do the same!

Not to mention the prices some of these clubs and party host/hostess' charge for single men to get in. The local club here in San Diego charges 75 bucks for non-military folks to get in. I got the military discount . And these guys pay it all on a hope and a prayer that they will get some action. When I played single I normally wouldn't pay the cash unless I knew certain females that I had a good time with previously was going to be there. At least then I knew I had a better chance of getting laid.