single guys homes

[JW n Laci]

In the opinion of people who are in the life style, I wonder if we're considered swingers.
We don't swap, she'll do male(s) as I watch, that's all we do.
Is the general consensus we are or are not swingers?

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by JW n Laci

In the opinion of people who are in the life style, I wonder if we're considered swingers.
We don't swap, she'll do male(s) as I watch, that's all we do.
Is the general consensus we are or are not swingers?

Well, it's probably getting away from the intent of this thread, but I'll opine that you probably don't need to spend a lot of time wondering if you are a swinger or fit the majority's definition of swinger. There are as many definitions as there are people.

I personally don't label myself as a swinger (I relate more towards open marriage or consensual non-monogamy, with a side of swinging ). In any case, there has been far more acceptance on this Board lately as to the wide range of alternative sex/non-monogamy options and that we don't really need to be telling anyone else what they are, what their beliefs should be and what words they should use.

End threadjack.

[JW n Laci]

Originally Posted by rpu3

I personally don't label myself as a swinger (I relate more towards open marriage or consensual non-monogamy, with a side of swinging ). In any case, there has been far more acceptance on this Board lately as to the wide range of alternative sex/non-monogamy options and that we don't really need to be telling anyone else what they are, what their beliefs should be and what words they should use.

End threadjack.

Sorry if I didn't explain myself and I apologize for not staying on the original topic..(We need a fork thread option ).
I wasn't asking anyone to "tell" me what I am, I was asking opinions of what they would consider us to be.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Thrax

There are folks that believe singles can be swingers, but only in the context of playing with a couple. Spoo, I think you are in that category. Right?

Not at all. In fact, as the quotes you posted show, I am comfortable that there are single men who are swingers. It is a mindset, I believe - not just the particular situations. Yes the situations have to exist - after all, a man who has never set foot on a boat is no more a pirate than I am, even if he says "Yarrr."

Based on my experience, however, most single men we have met have been opportunists, not swingers.

Similarly, I believe there are couples in the lifestyle who are not swingers. They would more properly be called train wrecks... But that is another thread all together.

Originally Posted by Thrax

Anyway, Spoo, sorry about the potential slander there. I read your post in this thread but I was also remembering a quote you made in another thread which seemed to contradict your post in this thread a little. It took me about two minutes to find: “It is tough because the one single guy is a great guy - and a true friend. I'd trust the guy with my pin numbers for crying out loud. So it is tough for me to slam single guys. But - as a "culture" I have to agree with Chicup. They aren't swingers - they're opportunists.” (Emphasis mine.)

But you have also posted this in a different thread: “If you are a good single male (and who is there to define that?) you can call yourself whatever you want as far as I'm concerned. But, most single men are opportunists, based on my experience. There is a HUGE difference between sharing your wife and sharing someone else's wife. Most single men simply aren't swingers in that regard.” (Once again, emphasis mine.)

Sorry, the difference between "single males aren't swingers" to "some single males are swingers" confused me, but I think I understand your position on the issue now.

Thanks. I am not a defender of the culture as a whole. For the most part, I don't really see the average single guy adding much to the lifestyle. But that is me - and probably just our "luck of the draw" in our little corner of the world. But, I do know a few who I would consider great people and an awesome asset. So to say "all" is not something I would or have done.

In truth, I see all of the quotes above as being fairly consistent - which is actually pretty impressive when you consider the fact that people's attitudes change as they experience more. My opinion has been as steady as the hand of a gun fighter

Originally Posted by Thrax

Actually, I think the bath house angle is a bit of a stretch, but that's my problem, isn't it? Here's how I would have said it --making it generic enough to remove the bi/gay angle -- if I were you: "As for whether or not the lifestyle is about couples - it is pretty simple really, take single men out of the equation and what do you have? Swinging... Take couples out and what do you have? Star Trek conventions..."

That's funny...

I don't care who you are...

My only question is, really, what's the difference?

Spoomonkey

[curiousagain]

Let me play devil's advocate for a minute. Let's say the SM in question isn't an AH, just someone who's been stood up one time too many either by couples or somebody pretending to be a couple. Maybe he's been sitting in a restaurant eating alone after being stood up one time too many. Offer to meet him someplace like a park if you are interested in working around this "glitch". If not, just go back to the pool of SMs and pick again.


edit: To add a bit to the what if thing, if you take the females of the couples out of swinging you pretty much have a star trek convention. :-)

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

If not, just go back to the pool of SMs and pick again.

Unfortunately, that'd be the case... I mean, I know you pretty well, CA, would YOU go to a couple's home who you didn't know and it was a first meet? You are more likely to go, probably, than most because you hit like a truck - but seriously, wouldn't that send up a red flag even for a single guy?

"You have to come to our house or nothing..."

Originally Posted by curiousagain

edit: To add a bit to the what if thing, if you take the females of the couples out of swinging you pretty much have a star trek convention. :-)

True... But the married guys do get to leave and go home to a woman... Granted, they'll be dressed like an elf and rolling dice with five other dungeon-denizens... But its something. eh?

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Unfortunately, that'd be the case... I mean, I know you pretty well, CA, would YOU go to a couple's home who you didn't know and it was a first meet? You are more likely to go, probably, than most because you hit like a truck - but seriously, wouldn't that send up a red flag even for a single guy?

"You have to come to our house or nothing..."




True... But the married guys do get to leave and go home to a woman... Granted, they'll be dressed like an elf and rolling dice with five other dungeon-denizens... But its something. eh?

This thread made me remember something I wrote a draft of months ago so I found it and posted part of it in the singles forum. Yeah, I'd have to decline. I had a couple invite me to be part of a fivesome with another couple back in the summer and we met at the new couples home but I knew the first couple so I was cool with it. Turned out to be an experience that nearly made me quit swinging completely but that's another story.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

This thread made me remember something I wrote a draft of months ago so I found it and posted part of it in the singles forum. Yeah, I'd have to decline. I had a couple invite me to be part of a fivesome with another couple back in the summer and we met at the new couples home but I knew the first couple so I was cool with it. Turned out to be an experience that nearly made me quit swinging completely but that's another story.

Curious, LOVE the avatar...SNAP!

[curiousagain]

Thank you. You have a pretty snappy avatar yourself.

[WesternSwing]

Doesn't want to meet in public? Tired of no-shows? My ass. What he's actually saying is:

A) He's too broke to go out
B) he's too lazy to go out
c) he thinks he's all that and you are there for his pleasure, or
D) all of the above

If he's for real, and he's serious, he'll get off his ass and meet you at a restaurant or night club and see how it goes from there and if you hit it off well enough to go back to his place.

[2ofakind33]

I have not read all the posts. But if you are uncomfortable, it should only be done in public. We will only do public .(until we get to know the person) We tried at our house and it went really bad. But, we had talked and hung out with the couple for 2 yrs. Even if you have a no show(which is not good),you can still have fun. Meeting in private for the first time with someone that I dont know just reminds me of a bad horror movie.. I am a movie buff, so maybe thats not a good thing..LOL

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by 2ofakind33

I have not read all the posts. But if you are uncomfortable, it should only be done in public. We will only do public .(until we get to know the person) We tried at our house and it went really bad. But, we had talked and hung out with the couple for 2 yrs. Even if you have a no show(which is not good),you can still have fun. Meeting in private for the first time with someone that I dont know just reminds me of a bad horror movie.. I am a movie buff, so maybe thats not a good thing..LOL

Not only in regards to safety issues, but it just puts you in a nasty position...if you see him and he is not what you expected or you aren't sexually attracted...whatever it is. If you are at his home drinking margaritas there is just an unspoken expectation that your clothes are going to end up on his bedroom floor. Meeting for the first time at a bar or restaurant keeps it neutral. We NEVER agree to play on the first meet up. That way if its not there you eat and drink, have great conversation and go about your way.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Doesn't want to meet in public? Tired of no-shows? My ass. What he's actually saying is:

A) He's too broke to go out
B) he's too lazy to go out
c) he thinks he's all that and you are there for his pleasure, or
D) all of the above

If he's for real, and he's serious, he'll get off his ass and meet you at a restaurant or night club and see how it goes from there and if you hit it off well enough to go back to his place.

When I first read the OP I had a flashback to a date I had in college; first date with this guy. Don't remember much about the date or the guy except that I decided at the end of our night out to go to his apartment. Once there I was shocked. I didn't want to sit down anywhere! It was a mess and scary. At that point, I don't remember what I did exactly, but I got out of there fast.

We ALWAYS have a first meet with a single or a couple at a public place.

LM

[Alura]

LM wrote:

We ALWAYS have a first meet with a single or a couple at a public place.

Isn't that why the Great Spirit invented Borders Books Coffee Shops?

Mr. Alura

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Alura

LM wrote:

We ALWAYS have a first meet with a single or a couple at a public place.

Isn't that why the Great Spirit invented Borders Books Coffee Shops?

Mr. Alura

I think so!

If someone stands you up you can always look cool sitting by yourself sipping a latte and reading a book...you might even meet a cutie sitting next to you.

LM