single guys homes

[2chase3]

I dont see asking to meet in a public place, possibly a coffe house he enjoys or whatever, as going out of his way. Something just dosent feel right about someone asking for us to either come to his house or no deal.

Just because you are a male is no reason you should feel safe in this lifestyle. Any lifestyle that invites sex also lures the sick and twisted.It reminds me of a story of a couple who were out on a date. Got carjacked by a group of men, taken by gunpoint back to a home and were sodomized for days, and it happen that one of the attackers were female, long story short, and to save you the gory details . the man was raped and beaten repeatedly but compared to the woman got out easy and was killed the first day. the female was not so fortunate, her nightmare lasted days, and ended up dismembered in a trash bin. So would I worry bout he being put out? Absolutely not! Its almost irritating to me he could be so inconsiderate..look elsewhere.

[JDApopka]

We also only meet with single males. We always meet in public first if all goes well we invite them home. if that goes well we like it when they invite us over to their place it helps us make sure that they are really single (and we try our best to make sure of this before ever meeting)
We have been stood up on more than once thats for sure but for the most part our system works well. matter of fact it worked very well just last nite

[spectraschain]

This lifestyle is all about couples.

May I ask...what the HELL has happened to this forum?

Perhaps it's the gawd-awful pink...

[spectraschain]

Any lifestyle that invites sex also lures the sick and twisted.

I rest my case............

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by spectraschain

May I ask...what the HELL has happened to this forum?

Perhaps it's the gawd-awful pink...

It's called everyone has their own opinions. Some swingers do not feel that singles have a place in swinging and that is their right to have their opinion.

As for the gawd awful pink, if you don't like it there are other options, scroll down to the bottom of the page and use the drop down menu on the bottom left of the page to change the look.

[2chase3]

*Im sorry...little boy are you lost?*

Dont private message me Spectrachain and start barking insults like some delusional pup. You dont even know me sport!.matter of fact Dont contact me at all,

[Sico_tiko]

that seems uncomfortable, well what about inviting him to ur home as long as he doesnt want public places, but if u didnt find any solutions ignore him and find someone else as the net and the social life is full of singles that could play easily.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by spectraschain

May I ask...what the HELL has happened to this forum?

Actually - it is common sense. As a husband, I have something to protect. If I am not cautious - and practice some measure of discernment - then I am an idiot. I can make a mistake for me and deal with it - but if I do something moronic that puts my wife at risk, I hardly deserve the title of "husband".

I trust her intuition - she trusts my "spidey sense".

My "spidey sense" in this case says that a single guy who wants to dictate where the first meet is going to be is either:

a. a psycho (unlikely, but why bother?)
b. pushy
c. disrespectful to me and/or my SO

Yes - single men are a dime a dozen, but good ones are as rare as single females. They aren't easy to find - but the bad ones you seem to stumble over every time you turn around. What the OP has found is a bad one. My advice is "move on."

As for whether or not the lifestyle is about couples - it is pretty simple really, take single men out of the equation and what do you have? Swinging... Take couples out and what do you have? Bath houses...

Spoomonkey

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by sweetrosy1956

he re fusses to meet us in public claiming that he's tired of all the no-shows he insists on his private home- has given us his address and how to get there and his home number- im not to sure about this private home deal- if it was a couple it probably would be less scary so anyone have any thought's on this is meeting a single guy for the first time be in his home?? or should we stick with meeting in public as we always have???

Personally, I'd be sticking with the usual public place as a first meeting and then I'd feel better about going to his place.

And more on the personal front, I'm shocked he's even offering up his own home. The single guys we've met with prefer either our house or a hotel/motel, even though I'm pretty sure they are truly single. I'd drop dead of shock if one of them actually offered up their own home on occasion.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

As for whether or not the lifestyle is about couples - it is pretty simple really, take single men out of the equation and what do you have? Swinging... Take couples out and what do you have? Bath houses...

I haven’t been around the Board for awhile, but I noticed when I logged in today that there are a LOT of new members (and many of you are posting. Excellent! That’s great for the Board!). However, I want to make newbies aware that although Spoo’s comment that “swinging” is a couples-only thing (i.e., swinging is synonymous with swapping) is shared by many on this Board and in the lifestyle, there are many couples who regard “swinging” to be a state-of-mind, so single males and females can be swingers, too, and actually some couples in the lifestyle might NOT be swingers. And, of course, there are many couples and singles who really don’t care about this issue. (Hope I didn’t confuse anyone.)

So, if you want to explore the “Are singles swingers?” thing, check out these threads that deal in whole or in part with the singles as swingers issue. Some of these hot-link, but you may have to cut and paste some too. Sorry.

are singles really swingers?

The Elusive NICE Single Guy?

The plight of the single male

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...+vanilla+swing

If these threads don't address your questions about singles and swinging, maybe you can start a new thread and we can all pile on there.

(I’m not sure what to make of the “bath house” part of Spoo's post. Is there the implication that all single males are gay, or at least bi? Or are there bath houses for straight men and women? Or something else?)

Anyway, back to the original topic.

As a single male, I have ALWAYS met with potential lifestyle play-partners (both couples and single women) in public settings before any sexual activity. I'm sure they are concerned with their safety as I am concerned with mine. We have met face-to-face at bars and/or restaurants, meet-&-greets, house parties, or lifestyle clubs. Some couples and single females I have met I have played with at the event where we met. Some couples I have met at parties, M&Gs, and clubs, had email conversations with, and hooked up with later. Some couples I have met online but have only played with after we met in a public place to talk first.

In every instance, no matter the method, I have always had face-to-face communication before playing. I need to look into their eyes! I think I’m a fairly good judge of character, but I feel it’s too easy for an individual or couple to misrepresent themselves via email only. So far I haven’t been disappointed with my decision to evaluate play-partners in person. I recommend that the OP do that too. If the single male in this case doesn’t like it, then don’t consider him a viable candidate for your attention.

And I would prefer potential play-partners meet me in-person in public so they can evaluate ME also. If they don’t like my looks, attitude, bearing, etc., I’d rather know that in a neutral setting so we can all disengage while saving face. I understand the fickleness of compatibility. I wouldn’t want to arrive at a front door and see a crestfallen look on a woman’s face (I get that enough in the vanilla world ) or enter the room and find out that she/they aren’t as advertised either.

If this guy doesn’t want to meet in public, I say don’t consider him. If you really want to meet him and want to reassure him you will not bail on a public meeting with him, think of something that will benefit him and penalize you if you two don’t show up. For example, send him a $25 gift certificate to a bar/restaurant where you could meet. (After all, he IS willing to give you his home address.) If you two show up, he should use the cert. for drinks and food for all of you. If you two don’t show up, he can use the cert. as he sees fit. Just a suggestion.

Good luck!

Thrax

[ShellyM]

I agree Thrax, its not fair in my opinion to say that to bring in a single is not swinging. I don't think that is very fair to the cool singles that we have met. And I'll be honest: Finding couples with no issues is like landing all of the Power Ball numbers. A possibility, but I'm not holding my breath. Perhaps that is our area, but couples are a pain in the ass from our experience. I'm not saying that we are into singles, but I'm also saying that you just cannot lump an entire group of people into one ball.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Thrax

(I’m not sure what to make of the “bath house” part of Spoo's post. Is there the implication that all single males are gay, or at least bi? Or are there bath houses for straight men and women? Or something else?)

Actually, I never said that swinging was a "couples only thing". I actually said that good single men were rare, but by implication "out there" and a part of swinging. Context... Try it... It may actually become your best friend some day

As for the "bath house" comment - it really is quite simple. Take the couples out of swinging and leave only single men (again, there is that context thing) and what are you left with? It is really simple math. I can even send you a spread sheet if you need help with that.

And when I was single I met a lot single women myself - I didn't call it swinging, I called it a good night out... Couples make swinging what it is. It is as simple as that. I have no problem with single men being a part of the lifestyle, but let's not confuse how they fit in to the picture, shall we?

Spoomonkey

[absingleman]

Spoo, you crack me up sometimes. Other times I think you have tapped to closely into what I'm thinking but can't quite say.

Get out of my head. There's not enough room in there even for me.

LOL

[absingleman]

Posted in the wrong topic. Eating oysters and drinking ginseng tea really gets your head spinning sometimes. Couldn't keep track of what page I was posting in.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Actually, I never said that swinging was a "couples only thing". I actually said that good single men were rare, but by implication "out there" and a part of swinging. Context... Try it... It may actually become your best friend some day

Context would be better than my right hand? Yeah, like that would happen.

Anyway, my post above is a victim of my sloppy editing, but also is a result of one thing that you posted in an old thread, and another slightly different thing you posted in another old thread.

So, back to the post in this thread. That shouldn’t be “couples-only” but “at least one couple involved”. There are folks that believe that only couples can be swingers; singles cannot be swingers because swinging equals swapping. In my haste I put you in that category. There are folks that believe singles can be swingers, but only in the context of playing with a couple. Spoo, I think you are in that category. Right?

There are also those who believe that singles can be swingers outside of the “playing with couples” context. (E.g., a single female and single male playing at a lifestyle club, a single male in a threesome with two married female swingers, etc.) That is, singles engaging in recreational sex between consenting adults.

And then there are those that really don’t care about definitions and wordplay, just playing. I happen to like all of that, though, nerd that I am.

Anyway, Spoo, sorry about the potential slander there. I read your post in this thread but I was also remembering a quote you made in another thread which seemed to contradict your post in this thread a little. It took me about two minutes to find: “It is tough because the one single guy is a great guy - and a true friend. I'd trust the guy with my pin numbers for crying out loud. So it is tough for me to slam single guys. But - as a "culture" I have to agree with Chicup. They aren't swingers - they're opportunists.” (Emphasis mine.)

But you have also posted this in a different thread: “If you are a good single male (and who is there to define that?) you can call yourself whatever you want as far as I'm concerned. But, most single men are opportunists, based on my experience. There is a HUGE difference between sharing your wife and sharing someone else's wife. Most single men simply aren't swingers in that regard.” (Once again, emphasis mine.)

Sorry, the difference between "single males aren't swingers" to "some single males are swingers" confused me, but I think I understand your position on the issue now.

As for the "bath house" comment - it really is quite simple. Take the couples out of swinging and leave only single men (again, there is that context thing) and what are you left with? It is really simple math. I can even send you a spread sheet if you need help with that.

Actually, I think the bath house angle is a bit of a stretch, but that's my problem, isn't it? Here's how I would have said it --making it generic enough to remove the bi/gay angle -- if I were you: "As for whether or not the lifestyle is about couples - it is pretty simple really, take single men out of the equation and what do you have? Swinging... Take couples out and what do you have? Star Trek conventions..."

And when I was single I met a lot single women myself - I didn't call it swinging, I called it a good night out... Couples make swinging what it is. It is as simple as that. I have no problem with single men being a part of the lifestyle, but let's not confuse how they fit in to the picture, shall we?

And I agree that vanilla dating isn't swinging. However I feel that if I have a threesome with two single women, that IS a good night out, but it definitely ISN'T vanilla, and is in the realm of "swinging" sex. Obviously, YMV.

Good night.

Thrax