Advice regarding meeting people on swinger sites

[gandm]

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

This wouldn't be the club in Dayton where the hostess and some of the female guests don't have any teeth, would it?

No, not that club, and not a Dayton club at all. The club I'm talking about has an attractive clientele. I hesitate to mention the club specifically as my point was that you might need to search for the right club by asking around and trying them yourself.

By the way, that was a rather crude way of describing that club. We have been to the club you described and the attractiveness factor is admittedly quite a bit lower than we'd prefer. But, come on, have a little class.

[Tenatious]

Don't know of the clubs in the States but we found this forum first and got some good advice. Kept us off line and in the club. Been having a great time so far. P.S. Internet meetings creep me out.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by gandm

By the way, that was a rather crude way of describing that club. We have been to the club you described and the attractiveness factor is admittedly quite a bit lower than we'd prefer. But, come on, have a little class.

How come when I said that some of the guests had no teeth, you knew exactly which one I was talking about?

If those people aren't embarrased by going to a swingers club without teeth, their probly not bothered by what people might say about it, either. If they can afford to go to a club, they can afford false teeth if they really wanted them. As my dad used to say, "it's all a matter of proirities"

Personally, if I were on a limited income and had to choose betwen "teeth" and "cigarettes", I would choose teeth. But that's just me, I guess.

Sorry if I offended anybody.

[absingleman]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

We have said this in other posts but apparently it needs repeated. We searched 3 different clubs for a single guy to have an mfm with. Not one guy we met had a clue how to approach a couple, that fact itself amazed us. We looked on SLS and within a week found a guy that got it and we all had a great time. Were we lucky? Perhaps, and we're sure that other couples have had the exact opposite expierence. Both methods have there ups and downs, but if you thorougly read a profile that has pics, and listen when you do talk to the guy then it just might be a fun expierence.

Lol_Omg

Maybe I'm reading too much into your words (I write part time, as well as talk to LOTS of NEW people everyday as part of my job), but a couple of things stood out to me that reinforces why single men have a harder time swinging than couples or single women believe they should have.

One, you said you looked in three clubs and none of the guys there new how to approach a couple. Well, if single men always waited for single women to approach them, the human race would die out in a generation. By the same token, if single women didn't make it known they wanted to be approached, not many single men would take the time. He would probably spend his time haning out with the guys and, again, the human race would die out in a generation. This is the same. Someone has to make an approach, and someone has to make themselves approachable. Granted, most single men have to learn how to tell when a couple is approachable, but that can only be learned in real life, not out of a book or even by someone telling you what to look for.

Second, you said YOU looked on SLS and found a guy within a week. YOU LOOKED! You knew what you were looking for and you made the effort and and found a guy that fit the bill. You didn't wait for guys to write you. Or that is what I heard.

Again, that is something that works against single men in the lifestyle. There are so few couples and single women looking for single men, and even fewer that make the first introduction online. Then there is the numbers game. There are probably ten or fifteen guys in your area that would fit the bill, but how many did you contact? The first five or six you came across. Probably because you got a response before you went further than that. The rest were probably just as good or better, but you had no reason to look any more.

I've had six great dates and one on again off again relationship with single women I've met online, so online does work. But the effort single men have to put into meeting people online is HUGE. How do you decide if you are going to spend two or three hours a day looking at ads online if you could just get in the car and go someplace new and hope your "Charming Guy" label is pasted on your forehead straight? There is so much more control you have meeting people in person than you have just writing an email. For one you can tell right away if you should even bother approaching someone just by how they react when they see you. Second, there is the chance that someone might overhear what you said and decide they want to meet you instead of the person that rejected you.

I did the internet dating thing, as well as trying to meet swingers, for six months. In that time I met 12 single women and no one from a swing site. Ironically, one of the single women I met, dated a couple of weeks, then had sex with said she almost didn't go out with me because she saw my ad on SLS. I asked if it was because I didn't write her from that site, and she said she did not date single men who swing.

There is a stigma to single men who are into swinging, and it is greater on the internet. Its much easier to generalize when you aren't dealing with a person face to face. In my job, as I said earlier, I meet new people everyday. Whats more, they invite me into their house, leave me alone with their valuables, and trust me not to steal anything, kill them, or rape them. And I have to convince them that they can trust me not to do those things in the first fifteen seconds I meet them. I know it is an effort on my part because there have been times I've felt uncomfortable with the repairman and told them to come back another time. There have also been times when I was the third or fourth repairman sent to that address because the people didn't feel comfortable with the others. Again, you can't learn that skill in a book, and you can't convey it in an email.

For some of us, once we get that first invitation to a club or party, its like we have always belonged there. Getting that invitation is the hard part, because what works in person does not always work online.

I don't know the OP's experiences, but from my experience, the reason in person works better than online is that in person I can hold my head a certain way, change the pitch of my voice or smile a certain way and everyone thinks I'm a long lost friend who's suddenly returned. Online, the best I can do is write honestly and hope the person(s) reading are brave enough to want to meet in real life. Or I can hope someone comes across my profile first and decides to write. Dumb luck or controlling the environment is what it comes down to. I can control, to an extent, how you see all of me in real life. On line, all you have to go on are words...and they might not even be mine.

just another perspective.

:rollseyes new name, same long, drawn out posts. Damn!

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Tom4Fun

Yeah, I hear you on this one.. However, I'm not in a couples situation.. Again, which my point has become ad nausem so far in this forum, my profile isn't immature or offensive.. I've been very polite and respectful and not pushy..I've read many suggested approaches to profiles, and yet no real deal.. It's very dissappointing when all you get is a bunch of spam because you contacted someone on a so-called reall swing site..All I really want to do is meet real people who are sincere..

It's interesting that this is the point of view of a non swinger single male looking for playing with swingers.

I agree with you about the club scene, both for singles AND couples, and your advice reminds me of the EXCELLENT Basic newbie swingers mistakes thread and it first point about "being affraid of Clubs".

However, I must say you're a victim, along with the couples, of the huge amount of oferring from single males. You become just one of many, in between a myriad of guys that just believe this is a way to get an easy fuck.

Cupules no longer look at single male proposals because they get tired of taking the same BS over and over, and you get tired of being taken as one of the many, many jerks around you.

Of course, the Club gives you a chance to deal with this "inherited prejudice" your face every day. Spending your money there is a better choice than spendin the amount of time it takes to reach your goals in a contact website.

[ShellyM]

absingleman,
I liked reading your last post alot, very informative. I am one who stands in defense of single men lol...and I admit to taking alot of shit over it. Not ALL single men are desperate cheating men like most couples believe. I think there are all sorts of factors as to why single men are so stigmatized in the lifestyle, and why some are really successful. I see some single men that are HIGH in demand, have certs, are at house parties, having a blast....the key is to find out what sets them apart. In truth, the one gent here in my area that is in high demand is physically FINE. I think this is an absolute requirement in regards to single men.....the woman is looking to fulfill a sexual fantasy and you have to look RIGHT. Is it fair? No, but from our experience its true. This guy works out daily, has a 6 pack, is handsome...the ladies are all over that. Plus he is intelligent and the KEY...treats WOMEN LIKE THEY ARE INTELLIGENT. You would NEVER walk up to a lady in a bar and say "nice tits, sure would like to suck on em"...cause you would know that a slap to the face would follow.
In truth though ab, the simple fact is this: Most "single" men in the lifestyle are really very married men fooling around, OR are just trying to feel naughty. They won't cheat physically, but they'll get online and talk dirty, tease and etc. so it makes them feel alive again. Pisses me off because I don't have time to waste on games. SO what happens? Couples are busy and so they block the entire group...too hard trying to find the diamond in the rough when you are juggling time and just don't want bullshit.
Anyways, thats just my opinion.
Shell

[magnum]

I have meet couples on line first then had a meet and greet at a bar. I have keeped in touch with them and the other couples I have meet.

And yes, we did/have had play dates...

[Sico_tiko]

Right but swingers sites are sometimes better

[magnum]

The sites I have meet people on have been swinger/adult sites...