Open Marriage: How to word it in ads

[socolais]

Originally Posted by Alura

Since suitable couples are easier to find, why settle for less?

Alura

This is an interesting thread and I think there never will be "an answer". When we look at the situation from a combinatorics perspective, the "settling for less" shows up clearly. But that distinction is inconsistent with the apparent demand for the single-bi-female. A single male has a difficult sale, convincing the couple that he's worth the extra effort. What makes one playmate more fun than another? Motivation.

I think the core issue has two adverse energy streams - the abundant supply of single males, and the morality of aiding a cheater. We can wade through the streams or walk across the bridge. The problem is overcome by effective salesmanship and followthrough. I think if I were facing this situation as a husband that plays alone, I would appreciate testimonials and word of mouth advertising on my behalf. I think I'd start by finding a local recurring house party with sympathetic hosts. Offer to contribute toward the hosting effort in exchange for validating my status and recommending my services. I think that would be an effective start.

[swyngtyme]

Not an intimate relationship... just exactly how do you fuck someone without being intimate?

I'm a little tired of the lessons in semantics. I have relationships of one kind or another with my mother, my wife, my son, my friend, and at times in the past, my girlfriend and my friend with whom I sometimes had sex.

It is this last which I seek. She and I cared about each other in that we were friends who knew each other pretty well, and either would be upset to hear the other one was unhappy or having a run of bad luck or whatever, and both would do their best not to upset, betray, or otherwise hurt the other. But we were not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, because we were not exclusive and were not in love.

Is this finally clear enough? For that matter, is this really any different from what any of the rest of you seek, except that some seek only the sex with no friendship connection?

[harsh]

Swyngtyme: If you have SLS at your disposal, do a search for CoachFun.

He's in a similar (not identical) situation as yours where he's allow to play as a single, but also plays as a couple. By his profile, it looks like he's in a dry spell, but his certifications indicate some success, including a cert from his wife. For whatever it's worth.

Maybe it was said somewhere on here before, but there are many different variations to the lifestyle that could equal the number of participants in the lifestyle. If it was easy, you wouldn't have come here for advice. But I don't view your situation as a distinct impossibility. We would give your profile an honest look. I just don't have that slam dunk piece of advice to put it over the top for you other than to encourage you and wish you the best of luck!

[Tom4Fun]

Originally Posted by swyngtyme

Not an intimate relationship... just exactly how do you fuck someone without being intimate?

I'm a little tired of the lessons in semantics. I have relationships of one kind or another with my mother, my wife, my son, my friend, and at times in the past, my girlfriend and my friend with whom I sometimes had sex.

It is this last which I seek. She and I cared about each other in that we were friends who knew each other pretty well, and either would be upset to hear the other one was unhappy or having a run of bad luck or whatever, and both would do their best not to upset, betray, or otherwise hurt the other. But we were not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, because we were not exclusive and were not in love.

Is this finally clear enough? For that matter, is this really any different from what any of the rest of you seek, except that some seek only the sex with no friendship connection?

Why wouldn't "love" have any of the components you clearly indicate here?

[swyngtyme]

Harsh and Socolais, thanks very much.

Tom: Yes, love includes those things. But it includes much more, as well.

[OnHArry]

Swyngtyme, I know how you feel. I am in Southern Ontario as well and a married guy playing alone is a real tough sell. My wife and I use to swing but she had a couple of bad experiences last fall, and now plays with one guy and one guy only, with whom she has a high level of comfort, excepting me of course.

So I figure hey I know what the couples are thinking when they read ads, and so full disclosure is in order. HAH

One couple who said that they actually do swing with singles no problem, responded to me with, "contact us when your wife wants couples again." I suspect however like you suprmised they have probably swung with allegedly single guys who were cheaters, I know my wife and I did and figured it out after the fact.

I have tried dating sites and SLS, there is little out there that will even consider us. My wife has volunteered to meet with other couples to put their minds at rest and no takers. I don't have the answer but if it comes up I will let you know. Just like in high school the assholes got the girls and the honest genuine guys do without. Sorry for the rant but this is very frustrating.

[swyngtyme]

I hear you, ONHArry.

Things may be beginning to look up for me. It turns out that a couple my wife and I are friends with but haven't seen for a couple of years are swingers. They don't really do it any more due to finding too many undesireable people, but aren't closed ot the idea of an occasional foray with friends. I've talked to her about this but not him yet, just because of the way the conversation went, but I'm going to talk to him about it before proceeding in any way. I'm not her type apparently, but she's "not saying no"--considering that I wanted her from the first time I saw her, that's more than I could have hoped for.

But more importantly, they were regulars at a club nearby and know the owners, as well as many other swingers. She says that once I broach the subject with him, he'd certainly be willing to introduce me around--that's going to make a BIG difference.

Additionally, I have had one positive response to my ads. She's single, recently separated from her boyfriend with whom she swung. Unfortunately, she lives much too far away from me, but she'll be much nearer this coming weekend, and we're going to get together for coffee.

Have I posted the latest version of my ads, my latest thoughts on how best to word all this? Using some of the tips I've seen around here for single guy profiles, and the knowledge that there's only so much I can do to convince people that I'm telling the truth, I've deiceded to keep the explanations to a minimum in the profile, and if they're willing to talk to me, I can explain more. Have a look:

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Here I sit, trying to write my profile in some way that will let me stand out from the crowd, without sticking out like a sore thumb. Is that even possible?

I'm in an open marriage, but my wife and I only play separately, at her choice (she already has her own playmates). My wife can and will vouch for my honesty on this. I'll consider solo females or couples (I've never had a threesome yet, but maybe we can teach each other some new things), but no cheaters--I won't be a part of that. I'm hoping to eventually find someone for a "friends with benefits" situation, but the first step isn't the benefits, it's the friends.

Okay, let's be honest--this is a swinger site, we're all here looking for sex. But there's *so* much more to it than that. I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you that I'm going to be the best you've ever had, or that I can offer something no one else can, or that I'm hung like a mule or anything like that. Rather, I will try to convince you that I'm a nice, safe, sane guy, who just wants a little adventure, with everyone's pleasure in mind. My wife says that I have a great butt and nice big, strong hands, but that's her opinion--maybe you won't agree, so I won't even try to sell myself on that. I'll just hope that an honest and decently-written profile catches your attention, and that you might want to find out more--then maybe you can decide those things for yourself.
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What do you think?