Question about approach?

[Goldenjet1818]

I have a question about approaching a couple that I no for a fact that are swingers. I no the female in the relationship wants to have sex with me and I don't no if the other male is to big on the subject. My question is how would I go about approaching the couple and talking with them about this? (If I do get to have sex with the couple, I will post it on the story board, and let everyone in on the "action") who would I email to do that?
Thank you.

[Flori_DAMAN]

You have to be able to guide the conversation. You can get anyone to talk about anything they will actually talk about if you just lead the subject matter to something that relates to it.

Now, if they aren't swingers then of course you will get no response.

But just mention that you read an article about swinging and you were amazed that there are so many people that are involved.

Just a suggestion.

John.

[BiloxiCouple]

If we are the couple and you post our action here and I found out, it wouldn't be too cool. If you are a single guy, you probably should think about a little more respect instead of already bragging about it. Think about it.

[Alura]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
You have to be able to guide the conversation. You can get anyone to talk about anything they will actually talk about if you just lead the subject matter to something that relates to it.

Now, if they aren't swingers then of course you will get no response.

John.

I don't know, John, but I think you might get a helluva response, and not a particularly good one, if they aren't swingers.

Mr. Alura

[JustAskJulie]

If you know for a fact that they are swingers, then you shouldn't need to approach them. If they are interested in you, they will approach you. If she's interested and he's saying NO then that could be what is keeping them from doing so. If so, then there's not much you can do about it.

[Flori_DAMAN]

right Julie,

It takes some instinct to decipher the situation.

It is like two thieves (not to imply that swingers are theives, but a member of a group that is not generally socially acceptable), there is a rapport that would be used to bring up the subject, but you just can't come out and say it.

John.

[ATAK]

Being a single male in the lifestyle, you walk a thin line between being pushy and not being heard. I want to let people know that I'm in the lifestyle but that's hard to do without the couple feeling like you're trying to push your way into their lives.

The rural area that I live in does not have alot of couples or singles for that matter that subscribe to the same beliefs that many of us do, so when I do find a couple that's local, I immediately make a point to contact them by e-mail or private message to let them know they are not alone in the area. I always give the couple enough room to back away from me if they so choose. But I do want them to know I'm here, in case they ever want to explore the single male thing. That's a hard thing to do, because the reason I'm in the lifestyle to begin with is to make friends with people that feel the same way I do. When I DO find them, generally they don't want to associate with me because I'm single.

I understand this and respect their space, but it can be frustrating to want to meet people locally, then find out that they don't want to talk to you because they feel threatened by the fact that you're single.

My conversations usually start off with something like..."While the two of you may not be interested in including single men in your activities at this time, I wanted to contact you to let you know that you are not alone in the area and should you and your wife/gf/significant other choose to include single men in your activities, I'd be happy to meet you. Please feel free to contact me about anything you wish, lifestyle related or not. I'm always excited to make new friends."

This one short statement says many things.
1. You are addressing the couple. This lets them know you're not trying to divide and conquer.
2. You've given them the space to back away.
3. You've established your proximity and availablility to them.
4. (should you and your wife/gf/significant other choose to include single men in your activities) You are addressing the male, who may be the most resistant to including another man. This shifts control of the situation to him. And as we all know a man in control is more comfortable than a man with little control.
5. You've left the door open for a vertical friendship, should they decide they're not interested in including you. It's never a good idea to burn bridges.

I have met one couple recently, who took the time to come to where I DJ on Saturday night and introduce themselves. I was very happy to meet them, and I made it a point to give them the space they needed so as not to feel threatened by me. They are not interested in including single men, therefore they've not contacted me since our first meeting, but that's ok. When/If they are ready, they know where to find me. I feel like the seed is planted, and given time, it may yet produce fruit.

[DragonsLair]

ATAK,

I just wanted to say that I think you have a very good attitude. You recognize that not every couple wants a single male in their relationship, and you don't get bent out of shape over it. As I'm sure you've seen, we've had some very heated threads over single males. The opinions can be very strong. And to be honest, I think if I were a single male, I'd be very reluctant to try to get into this lifestyle based on some of the responses.

You're attitude is very refreshing. Keep posting. I'm finding them very interesting and thoughtful.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[Flori_DAMAN]

Very refreshing post ATAK,

Single females are "in demand", and single guys that appear to think and act like you do are also, though of course not to the same degree. I especially liked the way you put the "divide and conquer" analogy in there. This issue alone is probably the biggest mistake single guys make at clubs. They wait for the male to leave the female unattended and move in, sometimes in groups....it nauseates me everytime I see or hear of it.

John.