Couples what steps do you take in meeting single males?

[ATAK]

Well, here goes....

I'd like to see what you couples look for when talking to a potential single male and what steps you take to ensure you're getting what you think you're getting...

Please comment after voting...

[JustAskJulie]

None of the above really... but if I had to pick any it would be
"Do you have to know them for a certain period of time?"

As pretty much any single guy that we play with is someone that we found (as Lori put it perfectly in another thread) "in our own backyard". Someone that we already knew and just developed the relationship we already had with that person into more.

[ATAK]

Well, that's exactly why I wanted people to post the reasons for their choices. Trying to dig a little deeper into this to see what people are looking for.

[OhioCouple]

I could not vote on this poll either even though I am half tempted to just to see what the other votes are.

We have not yet has a relationship with a single male although it is something we are looking forward to.

Due to all the reading that we have done (well more so me than my husband) finding the right one will be toughest going through me. This is where I think that the comfort of just meeting and having friendships with couples is the biggest asset. There are no worries as to whether they are who they say they are. No worries about irate spouses or being drug into a courtroom.

As much as I hate to say it, a single male would have to go through the major third degree with me in order to step foot into the private arena. My husband would be mild in comparison to what I would expect, and I am the one who most desires an MFM.

I am hoping that over time I will not be so critical of all of those that choose to call themselves single men and making them prove it, but after the last few months that we have encountered on this board and another one, it is an uphill battle.

Perhaps it can be likened to the single that hopes he can meet some people in this lifestyle and the couple that hopes to find the truly single male.

Lori

[TNT]

As a couple who does enjoy the company of a single man, I can tell you what we look for in one.

We have a lot of single men contact us though ads, we have only met one of these after about a 6 month correspondence period. He actually contacted my husband first and they chatted for a few weeks before I got in on the game of chatting with him.

The others that we have met through ads or via messenger, we have eventually met in person at local socials that allow single men in.

No matter if it is a single or a couple, we ALWAYS meet in a public place first. We usually do not get a home phone number as we don't give ours out, but if they have a cell, we will ask for it, if we are planning to play, it helps in case any last minute things come up.

Regardless if it is a couple of a single, we always like to wait and get to know the person before we play. Although, we have been known to really hit it off with a person/couple and play on the first meet ( this is very, very rare).

Although it is not a necessity, it definitely helps to have a recommendation from another couple.

As far as choosing solely on looks, I have to be attracted to the man. Looks are great, but a personality will go a lot further. Hubby always has the final word on whether we play with a single man or not. Just because I might want him, it doesn't mean that hubby would enjoy seeing me with him or feel comfortable with him in a MFM threesome situation.

We basically look for a "normal" man, lol...he must show respect to us as a couple, and he must understand that we are a package deal, he will not get with me alone EVER! Hubby is always present. He has to understand that this is "our" fantasy, not just mine or my husband's, but both of ours and if he is willing to help us make it a reality, then we are willing to make sure that he also has a good time.

It really is not that hard to pick out the good ones from the bad ones. It usually only takes about one conversation with a single man to know whether or not he is a yes, or a no. If he can make it though a whole conversation without asking " So, when can we meet and get together?", he probably has a good chance. A rude, pushy man will not get very far at all.

If a single man will remember what his mother taught him ( or should have taught him) about the way to treat a lady, and be a gentleman, then he will go far in the lifestyle.

Teresa

[Handyman69]

I didn't vote either as we have not ventured into this yet but got to say thanks to Lori and Teresa, as will use the info when and if we take the step.

Rhonda

[ATAK]

Well it seems that for the most part, Couples seem to look at the same things they would whether they were in the lifestyle or not. If you were single and talking to someone to see if they were boyfriend/girlfriend material, many of the same actions apply.

It would appear that most begin thru e-mail correspondance, after a period of time decide to meet in a public place, if interest is still there, get a phone number and then set up a time to meet and play (if it gets that far). While this isn't indicative of every scenario, I'm sure that for the vast majority this is a good standard for which to go by. Thanks for the input.

[BiloxiCouple]

Let's meet at a lifestyles club. We've actually ran into people who don't want to meet there. Not my problem. We agree with Ted and Teresa as a whole. Nice vampire outfit for halloween Ted and Teresa looked good too.

[TNT]

Thanks Biloxicouple

Glad to see you two found your way here to the board. We look forward to your input in the discussions here. Hope to see you two soon.

[2New2it]

TNT hit most of the key issues, so I'll just second the motion and add my 2 cents.

It doesn't take long to find out if the single male is giver or a user. Nothing turns us off faster than a guy who begins a conversation by boasting about how many times he can make a woman orgasm or how many couples he has made happy.

We look for cleanliness first, a gentleman second, personality next, then patience and looks last. It's amazing how attractive a man can be to my wife if he is genuinely likeable and neat.

We do not rush into a relationship and if the single guy gets pushy or impatient he is eliminated immediately. We have known a playmate for as little as two weeks before inviting him home, but have also waited a couple of months before becoming comfortable. We look for friends, not a stud service.

[JustAskJulie]

[red96]

We find them through adds on AFF or Swing Lifestyle so it usually starts with a couple of e-mails and a picture exchange at some point. Looks are important but personality and respect for us is even more so. We like to chat on line a little to try and get a [I]Feel[I] for the kind of person they are. We are not into endless chats and e-mails if all goes well we will set up a meeting at a public place within a week or so of the initial contact depending on our schedules (ours and theirs). We never go to a first meeting expecting to play and tell the same to our prospective play mate, however there have been times that we have played on a first meet if things go very very well. There have been a few instances that she was not interested after we met and we are honest with them and tell them there is no chemistry. Normally though the attraction is there for her by the time we decide to meet them.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

You got me, I didn't see the 2003.

[screaminggood]

I don't think this poll really has a box for me to "X." Yes, we meet them at a public place, but it is not arranged. We find our single men at our favorite club. The meetings aren't pre-arranged. When we receive an email from a potential playmate, I simply reply with the name of the club.

It eliminates all the perennial emailers, the fakes, the no-shows, etc.

[Trace Ekies]

Our initial contact is almost always first thru email and only long enough to set-up to meet and then we meet in a public place for drinks.

Trace