We are a couple seeking a single male....questions

[curiousswingers]

HI guys,

Ok we have been trying to find the right single male for a threesome and are having terrible luck. We make contact... they respond say they are interested..... we respond back .........then nothing! Let me preface this by saying that when we make initial contact there is a pic sent with the email of both myself and my hubby full shot of face and body. We also state that He is extreamly straight and we also say exactly why we liked the profile and what we are interested in. So if they don't like how we look or what we want they simply can decline. What we are wondering is why contact us back say interested and then when we say lets chat(basically thats all the next email states and we give our im address and ask for his) NOTHING. Do they get cold feet? We nomally also pick people who have certs too(not that that means too much i know) just makes us feel better that maybe they are actually swingers. Any advice on what we may be doing wrong or why they don't make further contact? Just trying to get into the single guys mind here,lol

thanks guys

[Alura]

My guess is that the reasons they disappear are as diverse as there are people. Others tell me that single men are notorious for not showing up. That may be because a lot of "single men" are really married.

Have you considered finding a couple who would be willing to "trade threesomes?" Not only do they seem to be more reliable and discrete, they offer a lot more possibilities: two different MFMs, two different FMFs, etc.

Mr. Alura

[Youngcalcpl]

I'd agree with Alura, there are too many possibilities. They might really be married, they might just be picture collectors, they might have gotten cold feet, etc. etc. We've had to deal with the exact same thing when we've looked for a single guy.

I've heard from other couples that when you are trying to plan on having a single guy or two join you you might want to consider "booking" several of them since chances are most won't show

Only advice I can think of is to keep trying. Sooner or later you'll get someone that is for real.

[VegasLee]

We have played with single men for years. We have found that 90% or more of them on the Internet are there for fantasy purposes only. They do not step up when it is time for real play. They like to play the part on the Internet, getting their cheap thrills and many of them even commit to showing up but very few of them ever do.

We now only meet at the Swing club. We tell the guys that is where we are at and if they show up great, it not, no biggie since there are many others to get to know there. No use wasting our time on the majority that never show. BTW. We have found this to be true with many couples also, it is not just single men.

[NellieSC4]

OMG Hubby emailed me this morning asking if this was me posting!

We lucked out in our first search. 2 Weeks into the search we found someone who became a "regular" for 4 months. Things changed in his life and we are back to searching. We got very spoiled by that first search. Thinking it was that easy.

We have a rule that hubby makes the dates. If they can't talk to hubby to set a day,time,place I don't feel comfy playing cause they can't respect hubby enough to even acknowledge him. um HELLO he's going to be there too

We are glad we are not the only ones finding it difficult Good to know we are in good company

[curiousswingers]

Thanks all for the responses! Good to know that we are not the only ones :rollseyes or is it?,lol

[joaninla]

I agree the net is a real crap-shoot for both singles and couples. MFM's are really our favorite activity and we have had the best sucess with aquaintances of ours. Neighbors, a guy who stops by Starbucks at the same time my husband does (and they started chatting), people that he sees around his building at work, etc. My husband has not had any difficulities in finding men 'able and willing'. I think it is partly because he is an open, friendly type that will start a converstation, make a joke with most anyone (sex candidate or not). After he has had a few casual conversations, it's easy to determine if they would be interested (more are than aren't, and even those that aren't do not seem offended). Also guys we have met as a couple - at a gathering, around the neighborhood, etc - have worked out best for us.

[TNT]

For us, we've never really had any problems with finding a single man. In over seven years we've only had one not show up for a meet and we honestly didn't expect him to as he was new and had never played with anyone before...we had a good night out anyway .

One thing that we do is network with other couples who also play with single men. We've given recommendations to other couples (after we asked the SM if he minded) of single men we've had a good time with and we've also received recommendations from other couples.

When contacting them off an ad site, one thing that we've found works is meeting soon...like the weekend after we contact them. We don't spend a lot of time chatting. Also, we do look at the certifications, even though if they don't have one it's not a big deal to us.

We've also found that men over 30 seem to be more reliable...we've played with a few that are under 30 but not many.

Going to clubs that allow single men is also a great way of meeting them.

We have no rules as to who makes the date...okay, maybe we do I (Teresa) usually pick someone I find interesting, let Ted know and he tells me to make a date. Also, we are usually prepared to play on the first meet as well. Single men have lives just like couples and if they've made the time to meet and we've made the time to meet, why not play?

Hope that helps a little.


Teresa

[spectraschain]

we've only had one not show up for a meet

Here also. Only one.

We've given recommendations to other couples

We do that also, although I feel as if I'm gate-keeping for others...you get out of anything what you put into it...

[SanDiegoM4cpl]

Hearing this really upsets me that other guys are do things like that.

Now if I had a nickel for every time I attempted contacting a couple, got two a two line reply and then nothing, I would be very rich.

I think that it is rude not to answer emails. If Cousin Fester and his bride make contact with me and I am not interested, I do respond with a sorry not interested at this time. I love it when couples do the same for me as well. Hey Im not Antonio Banderas.

I think that some of you are dealing with people who dont respect the lifestyle. I think you have met immature people searching for sex. At age 22 a sexy beautiful 57 year old lady told me that swinging wasnt about sex. It was about the friendship. I took that to heart, raked alot of leaves that fall with some guys and found myself in total bliss.

CURIOUS-I do think that it is a good choice to choose a certified contact, or life member. I am neither, but do have 10 years meeting couples in the lifestyle.

VEGAS LEE I do agree that some guys are here solely for fantasy. They may be married or other but have 45 minutes or an hour to go online and seek some fun at the expense of hurting someone else. Its no wonder that some single guys ruin the fun for the mass of decent guys. I think that by meeting guys in a club you have ruled out the cold feet, but sometimes you do run across those missing the personality trait. I attend a club in San Diego and note some guys with odd and strange personalities.

Joaninla- As I mentioned above, like you the alternative avenue for finding mates was very good. I was actually invited to a couples mixer by good friends of a partner. They typcially didnt allow singles but, they asked if I could attend and be the designated driver.

In summary, I can only give one reason why guys flake out, and that is because the person sitting at the keyboard may not be the same person in real life. The anonymity of the net allows people to do this. Like NellieSC4 describes there are those great "Garage Sale" finds.

Hope this helps.

kyle

[ShellyM]

OP,
Go figure. Most of the single men in our area are in it for the "could have had her" factor. They talk to you, you are interested, agree to meet, and POOF! They disappear faster than money in my bank account. And thats pretty damn fast!
Someone told me that most single males (who are usually MARRIED males trying to feel naughty) get a charge from knowing they COULD have had you if they wanted to. 3rd grade crap. Now, there ARE good single men out there, I know 3 in particular. They are on the up and up. But the vast majority are either morons, cheating husbands or just plain assholes.

The best thing to do is to meet them at clubs or meet and greets in our opinion. I have been told that once he agrees to meet you immediately ask for his phone number so you can confirm that he is real right there....if he balks you say "Thank you, come again! NEXT" and move on.

Best of luck, Shelly

[beachzen]

Asking for a phone number right away seems to be a good way to weed out the wannabes and married guys. Wannabes are only interested in the fantasy (the 'could have had her' player), and the concept of meeting in reality is too much for their little brains. Obviously married guys are not going to want to give out their number.

If I'm communicating with a couple, I'm completely upfront about myself and my expectations...I tell them about my schedule limitations (being a dad comes first), my experiences, things I like to do for fun outside the bedroom, etc. I believe in being friends first. Anyone who is only looking for a quick lay won't bother getting to really know you.

In general, anyone who is loath to share too much information about themselves (be it a couple or a single) is a red flag. Unfortunately only practice can help you read the signs.

[Tom4Fun]

I can't believe this. This seems so cliche.. On one end, sinlge guys are coplaining that they are not getting any response, and on the other, the couples are complaining that they don't get a response? With all of these singles out there, including myself, I just can't imagine that no one responds in a sincere way. If the guy is married, I doubt that they wouldn't follow through, really... I doubt it's because they are married, that is a false interpretation..Its an easy excuse to label us single guys as having some easy-to-explain fault. For a guy to cheat is easy, why would a guy pay money to be on a site and not follow through - really! Having a free membership doesn't give you the same ability or privalages to meet people.

I would suggest keep trying, you will find someone sincere.

[ohsobad]

I'm a single guy from Alberta. I was in a MFM threesome a long time ago. We had a blast.

I'm late 30s, clean, fit, fun, easy to talk to, honest, etc. Well hung too, if that matters.

I travel a bit so I might be able to do some out of town visits.

Feel free to PM me if I can be of help.

S

[FlaPlaya561]

There are to many 'Single' Men that are REALLY married ...I'm bisexual and i get ALOT of that ....