To other swinging singles

[curiousagain]

When a couple has a swing encounter that leaves them with questions, thoughts, or just a bad feeling, they can talk it over with their partner. When you have that need, who do you talk it over with? You can't talk to your vanilla friends, you can't talk to your family (usually). Do you come to the board with it or maybe talk to friends you have that swing?

[TNT]

Good question there CA...I'm curious what the responses will show.

We have one play buddy that we've been playing with for well over five years now, when ever we're together with him, he will use us as a sounding board for different thoughts and such that he has encounter with other couples.

Teresa

[StacyCat]

I have friends that understand my swinging/poly/ Just met someone and fucked them sexual attitudes, and they can help me through most of my issues. :-)

Or, I come to this board and ask. but, its been a while since I have had to do that (im posting something shortly as soon as I can figure it out)

[curiousagain]

I like TNT's analogy. I tend to use Swing friends as sounding boards also. I have one friend that knows I swing but he doesn't know any details and since he's not a swinger, I don't seek his opinion on anything swing related.

I just wondered what others did and how often they use the board for these things.

[sexychoclit]

I have a few vanilla friends that I am able to talk to about what happens with me in the lifestyle. If I am having a problem with a couple I would feel weird discussing it with another lifestyle couple because you never know who they know and sometimes things can be said in the heat of the moment and I don't want to give the wrong impression or offend anyone. So I talk to my vanilla friends, they listen and they give me the same advice that they would give me if I were in a relationship.

[curiousagain]

Good points, but I if I have an issue or question about a particular couple, I tend to ask them. I mean more issues in general, but in a case where it was with just one couple, it wouldn't matter cause I wouldn't use names and they would be far enough apart to most likely never meet anyway much less figure out who they are.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by sexychoclit

If I am having a problem with a couple I would feel weird discussing it with another lifestyle couple because you never know who they know

Goodness, I hope I didn't leave the impression that our friend uses names...he's too much of a gentleman to do something like that. Like CA said...general thoughts/concerns/questions whatever is what he will discuss with us.


Teresa

[sexychoclit]

TNT, I am just saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable with talking about an issue about a lifestyle couple with a lifestyle couple because of the fact they could know each other and it could become an issue later. I know that my vanilla friends won't be hanging out or speaking with my lifestyle friends so I can be more open with them in regards to issues that arise.

The first couple I was with talked about me to other lifestyle couples in chats & e-mails and I didn't find out about it until I had stopped seeing them and was chatting online with a second couple. It made me very uneasy when the second couple brought it up, although it was all good things, it made me wonder what all was being said about me.

I guess my point is, it's a small world out there and for me, I prefer to talk about my lifestyle issues with my non-lifestyle friends, but of course that doesn't work for everyone.

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by sexychoclit

TNT, I am just saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable with talking about an issue about a lifestyle couple with a lifestyle couple because of the fact they could know each other and it could become an issue later. I know that my vanilla friends won't be hanging out or speaking with my lifestyle friends so I can be more open with them in regards to issues that arise.

The first couple I was with talked about me to other lifestyle couples in chats & e-mails and I didn't find out about it until I had stopped seeing them and was chatting online with a second couple. It made me very uneasy when the second couple brought it up, although it was all good things, it made me wonder what all was being said about me.

I guess my point is, it's a small world out there and for me, I prefer to talk about my lifestyle issues with my non-lifestyle friends, but of course that doesn't work for everyone.

I rarely, if ever, talk about my lifestyle activities with non-lifestyle friends. I have one female friend that started to bring up swinging to me on several occassions, but I couldn't even get a kiss from her, so sex was out of the question, and I told her nothing more about swinging except to correct information that she had totally wrong about what it means to swing. From previous conversations I think she knows I used to swing, and that might be what turned her off to me so fast(after a year she is just now getting comfortable looking at me when she asks me how my day has been when we see each other...I never put those two things together until just now )

I do understand sexychoclit's point from experience. Last year I cancelled on a party because I hit an owl or hawk or something and it smashed my already cracked windshield. I sent a picture to the hosts to show I didn't flake out at the last minute and they wrote back and said they knew because another couple was talking about it when they got to the party. Obviously they were the couple that stopped and asked if I was alright when I went off the road. That just made me all the more aware that there are more swingers than I know, and that most of us pass each other all the time and never know it. I have known this couple for years through different groups I worked for, but never had any idea they swing. Unfortunately, this is one of the Swing Lifestyle couples that have that NO SINGLE MALES in big flashing neon letters all over their profile, so talking to them about swinging anywhere was out of the question to me.

So for me, talking to my vanilla friends about swinging is not going to happen unless it is someone I KNOW accepts me for me. I already lost two great friends because they couldn't accept the idea that I used to swing. As a single man in his forties that has two broken engagements behind me(one by me, one by her) and no prospects for the forseeable future, learning I used to swing would probably do nothing to help my social and dating life. Swingers would most likely see me as indiscreet for spreading that information, non-swingers would most likely see me as someone prone to cheat.

[Dynamar]

Hey kids... back after a work- and other personal junk-imposed exile...

I tend to run things by a few other singles I've made good acquaintance of within the lifestyle. For example... I belong to a tightknit group of single fems I met on SN and we use the site there as a sounding board for issues we face as single fems. There are also a couple of close and trusted single males I can call upon when it's a male-female issue. That makes me pretty lucky, I think, that I have those types of relationships built up.

[curiousagain]

Maybe a little clarification here. If I change my profile or pics I usually ask swing friends to check them out and offer any suggestions if they have any.

I had a situation recently that I was unsure how to approach it and asked a swinging couple their thoughts as a swing couple on it to give me a little more information before I made any decisions about it. No real names, a couple hundred miles geographical distance and totally different social circles, I felt I maintained discretion, I got very usable advice, everything's cool.

Just wondering what others did.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by sexychoclit

TNT, I am just saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable with talking about an issue about a lifestyle couple with a lifestyle couple because of the fact they could know each other and it could become an issue later.


I guess my point is, it's a small world

I do understand your point.

We have had couples who will be discussing things with us about another couple and even without them mentioning names, we do sometimes know exactly who they are talking about. We politely ignore the fact that we know of whom they are speaking and gear our advice in a general way.

Yes, it is a small world.


Teresa