Have a girlfriend, I want to swing, she doesn't. Am I normal?

[RitchieRitch]

Hello everyone, i am Richie and you can read my intro here:

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...&threadid=3218

Might as well jump into the confusion and hope for the best, keep in mind i was going to post this in the "single male" section, but the only reason i reg'ed here is to get opinions of others that may think like me.


Been with my girl 7yrs now, and from the start i was always "curious" about anything and everything (i supose like every male).

I BEG her to allow me to bring another man, woman, or even couple home and she just isnt having it! Flame me or call me a pig, but because of this i have been forced to go elsewhere to satisfy myself.

My hobby is porn. I make alot of money and spend alot of time promoting porn sites and porn material and i think because of this, the "norm" has become somewhat boring to me.

You ask why im still with her? Well ... i love her with all my heart. I could never imagine life without her! But to be perfectly honast our sex life is soooo dull to me! Most of the time id rather just stay on pc than go do anything ... even if i am horny!

I know i dont satisfy her, and im not looking for an easy way out by bringing another guy home, i just think it will make the scene alot more interesting to me and i will perform better.

When i mention it or bring it up at all, she says something like "wtf, if you loved me you wouldnt be able to picture another man touching me!" ... i might add that she is EXTREMELY jealous and insecure person!

She would never ever ever fall into or even experiment with a swinging lifestyle, yet i need something more!!!


Ok, with all that said, ill ask my first questions....

1. Is this normal feelings im having? i mean is every male out there going through same thing? If so how do you deal with it?

2. I often have thoughts of why society pushes us into having just one partner. Even for women, arent 2 dicks better than one? Yet they dont want to explore! Is this normal thinking?

3. These feelings of mine have been getting stronger for the last say 5yrs now. Im very worried that it will not pass and that i am stringing her along! As you must have guessed, after 7yrs she is now pushing heavily with the marriage shit and im scared to make the commitment she wants knowing that im not satisfied. When i tell her "im not ready" i can see it breaks her heart!

I know if i tell her exactly why im not ready, then she will hit the door, and i dont want that ... how do i deal with this?


Sorry for the long post, and i know its pretty obvious i need a shrink, just figured id stop in here and see if i can learn anything.

Thanks in advance.

[Mariposa_y_Oso]

*gets out his umbrella, as he forsees the shit hitting the fan soon*


Dude...there is so much wrong with that post, that I wouldn't even know where to start...


I have a feeling that this isn't gonna be pretty...


~Mike

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Mariposa_y_Oso
[BDude...there is so much wrong with that post, that I wouldn't even know where to start...

I have a feeling that this isn't gonna be pretty...
[/b]

Richie will have to decide for himself if he is participating on the right board.

Richie....I have included links to topics that are less than two weeks old for you to read through. Each of them address the general opinions of most swingers and how they feel about single men, married cheating men and men in committed relationships who are *forced* to swing alone, due to an abundance of *special* circumstances. Please take the time to read through them all. There are many more, but these are the most recent.

Being hard on "single" swinger guys

My own opinion on cheating husbands

Are single men really worthless?

Cheating Wives & Male Bashing!!!!!!!!!!!

Lori ~ Who might need a prozac if this starts up again.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by lil2rich4u2
I BEG her to allow me to bring another man, woman, or even couple home and she just isnt having it! Flame me or call me a pig, but because of this i have been forced to go elsewhere to satisfy myself......

You ask why im still with her? Well ... i love her with all my heart. I could never imagine life without her! But to be perfectly honast our sex life is soooo dull to me!.....

I know i dont satisfy her.....


She would never ever ever fall into or even experiment with a swinging lifestyle, yet i need something more!!!......


I know if i tell her exactly why im not ready, then she will hit the door, and i dont want that ...

how do i deal with this?.....

Richie, I pulled and snipped just some of your postings. Take a look and read what you have written.

My suggestion on how you deal with this...

Let her go and even if it hurts her for a little while, she will get over it, be all the much wiser and will have the opportunity to find a man that will love, honor and be sensitive to her feelings.

I have said this as nicely as I can.

Lori

[Alura]

You don't say how old y'all are, Richie, but I'm guessing you are in your twenties, maybe early thirties.

As you read some of the posts recommended by Lori, one thing you'll learn is that many swingers don't begin to swing until they've been together in a committed (usually married) relationship for a long time, often twenty or thirty years. The reason is simple; it takes that long to establish a relationship wherein swinging is possible. Some manage early, but it's rare.

No one is ever "forced" to "go elsewhere" to seek satisfaction. Your first responsibility is to the person to whom you've promised enduring love.

It is just plain wrong to try to browbeat her into doing something sexual that she finds distasteful. If she thinks you don't really love her, she's probably right. If swinging is that important to you, you need to find another woman.

Your chances of success with swinging couples as a single committed honest cheating male are about the same as winning the lottery, maybe less.

Mr. Alura

[Mariposa_y_Oso]

Very well said, Mr. Alura!


~Mike

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Mariposa_y_Oso
Very well said, Mr. Alura!

All I can say is THANK YOU MR. ALURA...and AMEN!

Lori

[RitchieRitch]

Originally posted by Alura
Your chances of success with swinging couples as a single committed honest cheating male are about the same as winning the lottery, maybe less.

Mr. Alura

Jeez i didnt mean to come off like that, this was not my intent.

I kinda hoped some others here have gone through similar feelings or situations and might be able to advise, im not looking to hook up with anyone.

I would never ever force her into anything she didnt feel comfortable with and thats why this is so hard, i do love her but also have all these feelings and i wondered if you guys thought it will pass, if maybe im just young (25), or is my relationship doomed regardless.

I do love her and do not want to lose her, i have tried to bury my feelings and cravings for so long and it just wont go away!

what to do!!

[Handyman69]

Well the way I see it....you have to deal with those feelings if you want to maintain the relationship. If you don't, sooner or later she will be walking. We have been married for 8 1/2 yrs and together for 10, we talked for 2 years before going into this lifestyle. She isn't there yet and may never be. Need to accept that and go from here as your relationship appears rocky. Need to look very deep to find your answers.

Hope you can work things out.

Rhonda

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by lil2rich4u2


...i wondered if you guys thought it will pass, if maybe im just young (25), or is my relationship doomed regardless.

I do love her and do not want to lose her, i have tried to bury my feelings and cravings for so long and it just wont go away!

what to do!!

No it won't pass. If you care for her as much as you think you do then let her go before she catches you cheating on her and you hurt her worse than you will by simply breaking it off and telling her the truth. If she doesn't want to swing, she's not going to. And if she can't satisfy your desires then you aren't going to be happy and if you aren't satisfying hers then no one is happy. You are young and have plenty of time to find someone who you can make it work with that has the same interests you do.

You have to make the decision of what is more important to you and chances are that if you can't make her the priority over your fantasies and desires then your priority is not her and she deserves better.

[Terrileex]

Hi, I can relate to everything you are saying. I will start by telling you to get out of the relationship , because even if you go marry her it will end anyway. You are way to young to be in a serious relationship. Your 20's are a time to go experment and party and have a great time. get it out of your system then 30's or so settle down. If she loves you, really loves you she will still be there then. Life is short, go have a good time and enjoy it while you can. if you don't and you stay in this relationship, sooner or later it s going to get ugly, and you will go have fun anyway. I m sure thats not what you wanted to hear sorry There is so much fun to be had. Go have some

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by BostonDLT

That leads me to my true conclusion. Not only are you both not compatible....but whatever "love" you feel for her and she for you...is not enough. Sometimes it just isn't enough. Life is unfair. Not only does SHE deserve to be with someone who is happy to be faithful (if that is a cornerstone of the relationship) but so too should you seek out someone who will meet your own needs.

My posting was one sided and for that I apologize. BostonDLT summed up what I should have said, as your needs are no less important than hers are.

Sometimes love just isn't enough.

Lori

[turnuptheheat]

"I BEG her to allow me to bring another man, woman, or even couple home and she just isnt having it! Flame me or call me a pig, but because of this i have been forced to go elsewhere to satisfy myself."

-"Forced" is a strong word. If you cannot control your urges or talk to her about your needs, you are in the wrong relationship

"My hobby is porn. I make alot of money and spend alot of time promoting porn sites and porn material and i think because of this, the "norm" has become somewhat boring to me.

You ask why im still with her? Well ... i love her with all my heart. I could never imagine life without her! But to be perfectly honast our sex life is soooo dull to me! Most of the time id rather just stay on pc than go do anything ... even if i am horny!"

--This is a red flag. When cyber replaces real relationship and sex, you have a problem IMO.
If you would rather stay on the PC, your primary focus is inward and she is a secondary issue.
What about her needs? Your post seems selfish and possibly even a little sick in the regard that fantasy seems to be overruling reality at the expense of your REAL life.
Perhaps a little self assessment is called for in this area?



"I know i dont satisfy her, and im not looking for an easy way out by bringing another guy home, i just think it will make the scene alot more interesting to me and i will perform better."

--Sounds like BS when you are more concerned with cyberporn than her needs.


"She would never ever ever fall into or even experiment with a swinging lifestyle, yet i need something more!!!"

--What part are you not understanding then?


Ok, with all that said, ill ask my first questions....

1. Is this normal feelings im having? i mean is every male out there going through same thing? If so how do you deal with it?

-Talk to her and be honest. I think this is an unlikely option for you though

2. I often have thoughts of why society pushes us into having just one partner. Even for women, arent 2 dicks better than one? Yet they dont want to explore! Is this normal thinking?

-Not for everyone. A dick comes attached to a person and for most people, the relationship with the person is more important than the dick. The most important sexual organ is the mind and for her, the thought of 2 men or swinging in general may be repulsive. nuff said, she seems to be clear on this

3. These feelings of mine have been getting stronger for the last say 5yrs now. Im very worried that it will not pass and that i am stringing her along! As you must have guessed, after 7yrs she is now pushing heavily with the marriage shit and im scared to make the commitment she wants knowing that im not satisfied. When i tell her "im not ready" i can see it breaks her heart!

--When you become obsessed with a behaviour to the point that it interferes with reality, you have a problem.

[RnKin Fla]

Ohhh goody....another one. Sheesh. I am getting REALLY sick of these guys.

I guess I should write a well-considered post advising this boy (because he is a boy) to be mature and consider what he is doing, but I am just to naseous to even want to put in the effort.

[Mariposa_y_Oso]

Originally posted by RnKin Fla
Ohhh goody....another one. Sheesh. I am getting REALLY sick of these guys.

I guess I should write a well-considered post advising this boy (because he is a boy) to be mature and consider what he is doing, but I am just to naseous to even want to put in the effort.

I'd have to say that I agree with you on that one. I think that the majority of these guys post stories similar to this in the hope that someone...at least one person will tell them that it's ok - they are more or less seeking "permission" to do what they want.

Personally, I think I'm just gonna stay away from these posts from now on. I don't think that I can add anything that hasn't been said before (and better and more consisely! ). For the most part, these guys aren't really looking for help, just acceptance for unacceptable behaviour. In the future, maybe it would just be best to post the links to the other threads that have dealt with this subject and let these posts slide their way down the boards into obscurity and not feed the beast with the attention it craves....

Just my opinion...
Cheers!
~Mike