My own opinion on cheating husbands

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by uberkraker

To clarify, I would LOVE to find another single woman with all of the following qualities (not an exhaustive list):

1. Enjoys kinky sex with multiple partners
2. Ambition
3. Intestinal Fortitude
4. Integrity
5. Financial Acumen
6. Beauty

etc, etc, etc.

Guess which attribute is hardest to find (taken in combination with the others)? Ding ding ding! That's correct Alex, kinky sex with multiple partners! Show him what he's won!

I find the most promising leads come from my married friends in the lifestyle who play "cupid," which is a big reason for my behavior. Someday I'll roll sixes. I know it.

Am I going to lose sleep pining over this Unicorn-like creature I'd like to have share my life? No. It's not my job to try to force something like that to happen, it's fate. If it's meant to happen, it will, forever and ever, amen.

I appologize, I'll hihack the thread here. I find interesting this comment in particular, and reminds me of a conversation from some weeks ago involving a well known single women who's a regular at the same club we are.

She was telling she broke with a guy she was dating, and the conversation evolved to her viewpoint on this. Basically, she gave the same argument: she enjoy sex, love have nothing to do with sex, she would love to find out a guy willing to swing with her who also can appreciate and love her for what she is (including her taste for swinging), and she know she have very little chances to find someone at the club (nor she foresight herself playing the girfriend role only inside the club with someone), but the chances of finding such a someone in a vanilla environement are practically null.

This brings me back to another subject that come up over and over in the Forum. We say (and I agree) singles aren't swingers, that it is required a previous settled relationship for the couple to be swingers. So, singles engage in recreational sex with swingers (because it's hard to find another environment where to do so).

However, I believe there exist another cathegory laking a name: those singles (perhaps divorced from a swinging relationship) who actually like recreational sex, are well aware of the requirements (including the effort) for a couple to swing, who KNOW they want to swing and this is something they wouldn't give up permanently in a relationship, and who wait for an unicorn to show up in their lives.

When those guys come to the forum asking for advice about the problems they face when starting a relationship, the swinger couples have very few to offer for them, since we provide the sort of advice usefull for the former vanilla couples who start swinging or actually swing, on a very different grounds than the ones those guys already have. I think the only ones having experience required to provide such an advice would be people who had been there and took the same road: from the recreational sex to the settled relationship, wich goes in the opposite direction than the road most of us already took.

Some time ago, along with the discussion on the need to make a Polyamory & Swinging forum, Julie asked for other topics deserving it own thread. I don't know how many singles fitting this category are among the members, nor how many of them succeeded in building up a settled relationship, allowing them to provide quality advice for those singles, but I believe this could be one of those topics. I am aware there exist the forum Singles & Swinging, but it seems to be focused in the way singles participate in the Lifestyle and in the swingers parties, and not in the emotional troubles they face when trying to develop a relationship devised to be part of the lifestyle from the scratch.

Besides, I gues, such a forum could be a showroom for those guys to set themselves appart from the rest of the singles, where to provide a valuable insight to the couples who may face alike singles in the future, for example, helping to develop clues to tell them appart from the other singles.

This is just food for tought. I appologize for the hihack, and well, if this idea makes sense to someone, I guess it'd continue in another thread.

[telly2]

i will not argue the cheating husband part, but truely single men have evry right to be here, if i ever wanted a mfm than i would want it with a single, not half of a couple while the other half is knowingly sitting at home, as would never allow MR.T to be involved like that. To me that is cheating. We are in this togehter and that is how we play. We used to do fmf's all the time. The one playmate we had for yrs, would play with us when she had no other relationship. She is now in a commit relationship, and the fun is over with her the end. I think people are here for all kinds of reasons, and we should not flame any of them, unless they are causing problems with thier behaviour. If you are not interested than don't talk to them, the same as in the real world.

I guess i don't have any bad blood about singles as there are just as many couples that one side is doing it to keep the other side happy, is this any better, being cohersed in to doing the nasty with someone just so your mate can get his rocks off? I know that isn't always the case, but there are many that are into this for that reason.

So in conclusion, we are all here for our own reasons, and i don't think we should judge anyone, like i said before i do not agree with married men playing away from thier wives, but i can't blame a single guy from enjoying what we all love about our lives. No one want to be discriminated against for any reason, so lets all get along and realize we are all here for the same thing to find like minded friends in a lifestyle we all are involved in
Chantal

[intuition897]

Just to add my two cents here, I don't feel that marital status (single or married) has anything to do with being a swinger. I feel that it's a matter of attitude and beliefs that defines one as a swinger. For example, my husband and I haven't actually got it on with another couple for the better part of 3 years, yet I don't consider us to be "vanilla" (or reverted swingers). We still completely adhere to the principles and values that are common among the swing-set. We just aren't currently practicing the lifestyle. If someone else wants to think that our non-active status means that we're NOT truly swingers, but merely wannabes (which, I'll admit, we are...because we wish we could get back into it the way we were before), then that's fine with me. Frankly I couldn't care what others thought about it.

So that said, yes, singles can be swingers too because their conduct, principles, morals, ethics, etc. identify them as such to me. They just happen to not have a partner at this time. I agree that singles definitely have their place in the lifestyle, but it's true that the vast majority that we've encountered so far have absolutely the wrong idea about what swinging is. The good ones, the ones who understand the concept of swinging in its entirety, are rare gems.

And as to the OP, all I can say is BRAVO! I thoroughly enjoyed that post, and I couldn't agree more!

[r_poseidon]

All I have to say, to the original post, is... amen.

[MrsVan]

TeamSoBe,

Wow! I am speechless...This was an incredible post and I have to agree with every part of what you have said. Like others that have posted here, I too have come from a relationship of cheating to work my ass off to get out of that relationship. I then found a relationship that is what I had been looking for. MrVan and I have spent every hour of every day for the past 7 years working on our relationship to build a strong foundation and to raise our children to learn what love is all about.

When MrVan and I first met, I had a really hard time with wanting to explore sex as I had not had the kind of sex life in my first marriage that I do with MrVan. But being able to be open, honest and all that goes into a relationship helped me to explore those sides of me that I have longed to release. And although MrVan loved me then for who I was, when I let go of the wild side and we moved forward with the lifestyle, he loves me so much more than I would have ever imagined. Therefore, why would I allow a married man who cannot be honest with himself and his family to come into my relationship in hopes to get inside me? I disagree with the way cheaters think and I will not allow someone to portray themselves as a single to get in my pants when they obviously have bigger issues.

Again, great thread!!!

MrsVan

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Wow, The first post in this thread is so perfect. I didn't know how to say it but that's exactly, perfectly right.