Advice for a single female on getting into swinging

[bye-curi0us]

I just need some advice from some veteran swingers. I am a single lady in her 30's and I am new to the swinging thingi. I would like to to know the best approach to get into this. I was thinking about going to a club - but going there by myself - not sure that I could actually grow guts to do that. How did you guys get started? Are there any single ladies that got started on their own? any advice is appreciated. Thanks for listening.

[she_wants_it]

"Exactamundo," as the Fonz would say. I couldn't go to a club alone and anyone following the "these guys are freaking me out" thread can see where personals got me. What to do?

[Sydney Carton]

Originally posted by bye-curi0us
I just need some advice from some veteran swingers. I am a single lady in her 30's and I am new to the swinging thingi. I would like to to know the best approach to get into this. I was thinking about going to a club - but going there by myself - not sure that I could actually grow guts to do that. How did you guys get started? Are there any single ladies that got started on their own? any advice is appreciated. Thanks for listening.

If your major need is for someone to acompany you to a club for moral support, but not necessarily to participate with you when you are there, I could offer a suggestion or two.

[she_wants_it]

So, share, Sydney. Share.

[Sydney Carton]

Your wish is my command.

Of course, I can't make any guarantees to either of you two, but here is what would work if you wanted to dragoon me into being your escort:

I'll assume that you're brave enough to go to a bar or some other sort of singles gathering by yourself or have a friend whom you can ask to go with you. Pick a guy you like, and do the eye contact thing. If he is totally clueless go and bump into him or something. If he seems at all receptive, progress to touching his arm, leaning close to him, etc. This won't work every time, of course, but I imagine that 9 times out of 10 things will progress to the making out stage from there. Somewhere in the middle of that stage, whisper in his ear that you need to get up for an early meeting tommorrow, but that you'd really like to see him again. Say that you've always had a fantasy about going to a swing club, and ask if he would like to take you. Once again, not every single guy out there is going to be interested, but in my estimation the odds or him jumping at the chance are very good.

If all of this seems a bit too bold for you, just keep telling yourself that you're only interested in getting this guy as an escort, so you don't really care what he thinks about you or if he will "respect you in the morning".

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Sydney Carton
Pick a guy you like, and do the eye contact thing. If he is totally clueless go and bump into him or something. If he seems at all receptive, progress to touching his arm, leaning close to him, etc. This won't work every time, of course, but I imagine that 9 times out of 10 things will progress to the making out stage from there. Somewhere in the middle of that stage, whisper in his ear that you need to get up for an early meeting tommorrow, but that you'd really like to see him again. Say that you've always had a fantasy about going to a swing club, and ask if he would like to take you. Once again, not every single guy out there is going to be interested, but in my estimation the odds or him jumping at the chance are very good.

I don't agree with this approach at all. I am in an older age group, but I can't imagine that the bar scene has changed all that much in the last 15 years. Just picking and chosing someone to take you to a club is flat out scary. Most people that frequent bars are lonely people just looking for an easy lay or someone to listen to their sad sob story. It doesn't matter if you are in some dive or in a five star Lounge. I've seen it from every angle. Most of the people that frequent bars solo do not have the ability to form relationships without tossing back a few drinks or waiting to see some one else do so, so that they can take advantage of them. Many would go to great lengths to get laid. From putting things in their drinks or helping them to over indulge. I've seen it happen by people who by all appearances and social statures look like they were totally trustworthy and were FAR from it.

I think going to a club or an off premise social is the best bet for any single person interested in getting into the swinging lifestyle. That way you get a better idea of the caliber of people that you are around and the security level is there.

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

I have to agree with OhioCouple here. My suggestions if you are too shy to go alone...

1. Find a male friend that would be willing to go with you. Someone you already know and trust. Got any fuck buddies?

2. Meet a couple first via personal ads and get to know them then attend the club with them (or meet them at the club for the first time).

3. Email the club hosts and ask them if they can set something up for you to meet a couple who is already members, so that they can escort/sponsor you on your first night. The first club that my hubby and I attended was a very small private club and they required that all new couples wanting to attend be sponsored (ie. meet with an established member couple prior to the first party they wanted to attend). Even if the club you want to go to doesn't require this, if they are willing to set you up with someone it is probably the most ideal way for you to visit the club and feel more comfortable.

[OhioCouple]

I would like to add here to my previous post that my knowledge does not come from the fact of being taken advantage of, rather one of watching others being taken advantage of. I spent 20 years in management of food and beverage operations. I have seen the antics of *sloppy joes* to high ranking corporate officials and well known Hollywood actors. They all had these basic things in common.

Granted there were some good guys and gals, but they were about as rare as a true swinging single male or female.


Julie made some very valid points. I strongly suggest that anyone new looking into swinging pay particular attention to them.


Lori

[bye-curi0us]

I thank you all kindly for your help and advice. I do not think that I want to go with a fuck - buddy - well believe it or not - I don't have one - lol. I think i would have guts to go to a club myself - but I don't know how they handle single females. I could just go and sit somewhere - i know that they play pornos in the clubs - maybe if i sit on the chair and play with myself - somebody will walk up - lol. I'm fairly attractive and really never had a problem with getting attention. Well going to this sort of Establishment - it's a little different. Most people that come there know what they want - unlike me. Maybe I should just go - take a chance - that's what this is all about right? Now one more thing - I'm very particular about safety-will I have to supply my own condoms?

[TeamSoBe]

Originally posted by bye-curi0us
I think i would have guts to go to a club myself - but I don't know how they handle single females.

An unattended female will never be lonely at a swingers' function. You'll think back to this a few months from now and think that it was funny that you were ever worried about being lonely as a single woman around a bunch of swingers.

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Just picking and chosing someone to take you to a club is flat out scary.

From the point of view of other swingers, it would be rude of a woman to just pick up some random stranger and then bring him to a swing club. Random guys off the street don't have the preparation necessary to handle themselves well in a swinging situation.

I really don't want to think about some lady picking up some total stranger and then bringing him to a club and setting him loose chasing after my wife. The guys at a swing club on a couples night are guys that have put the necessary ground work into making it into the club while still maintaining a healthy relationship with their own women. Some of the guys that you see in singles bars are some pretty maladjusted, mysognynistic assholes with no ability to respect women. Grabbing one and setting him loose on a bunch of naked swinger women in heat without warning anybody is just not a good idea. People will let their guard down further than they should with him because he showed up with a woman, but in reality he's just some guy off the street that really shouldn't be there.

My wife has a saying that she loves to repeat when I ask her about MFM possibilities with guys that she just doesn't deem worthy. She likes to say that some guys just don't deserve to see what it's like inside the palace gates. The palace that she's referring to is the porn fantasy that we live in when we’re swinging, she thinks that some guys just haven’t earned the right to experience that. Yes yes, it’s a snide, elitist thing to say, but I think that what she means is that a lot of guys just can’t be trusted to cooperate peacefully with other naked men while treating women with the kindness that they deserve. That guy in the singles bar should not be dropped into the middle of a swingers' party until he learns on his own to have a healthy relationship with a woman while still celebrating her sexuality.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by bye-curi0us
Now one more thing - I'm very particular about safety-will I have to supply my own condoms?

We have been to one club that supplies them. But my suggestion is that you always carry what you are comfortable with and what you would prefer to be used.

Many people have allergic reactions to different condoms, so there is no gurarantee that if the club you attended would supply a brand that works for you. We have a bag that we carry with us that contains a change of clothes, personal toiletries and contraceptives. Some clubs do provide toiletries but we like the brands we normally use and since we tend to end up in either the hot tubs or pools, we like to freshen up afterwards.

Lori

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by TeamSoBe

My wife has a saying that she loves to repeat when I ask her about MFM possibilities with guys that she just doesn't deem worthy. She likes to say that some guys just don't deserve to see what it's like inside the palace gates. .

I dont think that is elitist at all. It just shows that you have a high self esteem and that just because you swing you dont throw your morals to the wind and are selective. That in my opinion is the way it should be. Great post. John.