Question to single males

[Flori_DAMAN]

Do you consider yourself a swinger?

There is a considerable controversy over the single male in the lifestyle.

It is my opionion that single males swing to fill in the gap between relationships.

A few perceptions:

Single males have been battered as being on the prowl for free pussy. My opinion is that many married males,,,,and females are kinda up to the same thing but...single males in the lifestyle seem to get beat up for it.

I have noted that some swingers actually resent the presense of single males because they "cut" into the action for the couples vying for the single female. Here, my opinion is that if your a single swinger and you want a single swinger mate the swing club is a perfect place to go.....so you compete with couples....you paid more to get in anyhow huh.....

It is hard to find a female that is in the lifestyle so it would seem appropriate that a single male go to a swingers club to find one.

If you are just looking for a free piece of ass and a bit of kinkiness is there really anything wrong with that?

I have read the term "free piece of ass" a few times on here. It's like a single guy should somehow pay for it. I really like it when married guys explain that they "were single once", as if suggesting that some of us were happily married at birth.

Its kinda like the guy that wins the lotto. Just cuz he found his soulmate now he looks down on those low creatures that didn't get the lucky ticket. They are now just intruding ignoramous's.

It would seem to me that the population of single assholes on a percentage basis is relatively comparative to married assholes.

When an asshole gets married does that make him a non-asshole?

Single women are welcomed for free at most clubs. I have refreshingly noticed that more and more clubs are selectively accepting single male though.

I have had more problems with couples than with singles par for par at swinging parties by far. How many times have you seen one partner get totally wasted or ingnorant of their partners desires?

Many times it is the female that gets out of hand too. Possesive of a swinging male, or totally ignoring there partner in a swinging situation.

Is a single female somehow more reverant than a single male?

Is she innocent in the eyes of swingers?....she may just want to get fucked just like the single guys do.

And of course the single female that is not bi.....well why would anyone be interested in her? She won't have much luck at most clubs and that is why they don't go to them. The swinging wives don't want straight females, it threatens them.

Straight single females don't go to swinging clubs because they aren't welcome. Guys go but don't last long usually because they are looked upon as ugly stepchildren.

My perception is that the general dialogue of the swinging community is that if your single you had better be a single bi-female.

Please comment on this if you have an opinion. Single males are just as desirable and important to the lifestyle as single females in my opinion. And tomorrow you could be one. John.

[darling]

I totally agree with most of your comments. The single man may be in it for the sex, but then isn't that a large part of the swinging lifestyle?

I find the single men less complicated and more upfront about what they want. There is also some degree (do I dare say)....gratefulness involved.

Because I am not a bi female, many female half of the couple aren't interested, but the male is. I have done the bi thing to please everyone else, but its just not what I'm looking for.

Couples come with more baggage and single men are what I prefer.

[rooful]

Hi,

As a single male, here's my experience, although I'm sure every single male has a different perspective.

First, as far back as I can remember, I've been intrigued with other people's sexuality. As I grew older, I was very interested in seeing other people having sex--I guess I'm pretty voyeuristic at heart. I'd been to topless/nude clubs (and still go), but this wasn't the real thing, just an artificial environment where women danced and showed themselves for the man's pleasure (as long as he had money)--it wasn't too often the women seemed excited by it. And one of the things I was interested in was seeing women excited!

Up until a year ago, I was in a special relationship with a woman that was my soulmate. Unfortunately, our sexual relationship never progressed to exploring other people and environments. During our relationship, I had read about swingers and swingers clubs and was intrigued, but I only visited one once when I was out of town in San Francisco, and all I did was watch a lot and fondle a nice woman's body for a few seconds on the dance floor.

After my soulmate died (and after I had grieved), I decided to follow up on my interest in swinging. Unfortunately, the closest club that would accept a single male is two hours drive away, but since I like driving, thats OK. When I arrived the first time, I didn't think there was any way they would accept me--it was like getting the 3rd degree from the FBI. But I guess I looked innocent or scared enough that they let me join!

Originally, my intent at the club was just to watch others. I was somewhat concerned about catching something, and I thought that I would be satisfied just watching what was happening. For the first couple of visits, that was fine, but after a while, I just couldn't stop myself joining in when invited. There's just something about a woman with a beckoning look in her eye and an attractive body that I can't resist.

As far as the future, I doubt if I would continue swinging if I established another relationship. I can't imagine a new significant other participating, or saying "Yes Honey, go off to the swinger's club and have fun for a night!". In that respect, for me, your observation about this being something to fill in the gap between relationships may be very valid.

One last thought--the idea of "free" pussy isn't really the point for me. I have enough money that it wouldn't matter how much it cost. For me, right now, it's more like--here's a woman that enjoys sex as much as I do, isn't afraid to admit it, wants to participate without a lot of preliminaries, and doesn't want to assume a lot of commitments afterwards.

Thanks for listening...

...Roo

[curious24]

I'm a single male.. and all of this is exactly why I let people come to me... I've found it completely irratating at the responces or lack of responces that I get from some people that it just isn't worth my time at all.. I am prejudged before I even speak a word...

but for me i'm not looking for the pussy inbetween relationships.. hell i've been single for 3 years and i've had a few opportunties to swing (granted like 4 or 5 opportunties but i'm not the single bi female! lol).. i've also met two single women who wanted me to swing with them but for reasons of safty i chose not to be their partner...

what i am looking for is a couple that is looking to explore sexually like myself.. i'm there to be friends, have good conversation, be able to express myself to them, and be able to explore with them...

however, on the flip side when i do finally meet a woman i want to have a relationship with.. i'm not going to "forget" about my desire to swing.. but at the same time i'm going to want to spend time with my partner and i'm not going to be willing to share them for awhile.. as i'm sure most of you all know that when you got married (for you couples out there) you probably didn't think about swinging.. just being a couple and doing your own thing.. it's only when you became "bored" sexually with each other or admit to each other your wildest fantasies that you then enter the lifestyle (granted this isn't all the cases but from what i have read here and other places this seems to be the most common reason why people get involved in this lifestyle.. so pleace correct me if i'm wrong).

anyway.. that's my view point from a single male who has yet to have a swinging experience

[ATAK]

what i am looking for is a couple that is looking to explore sexually like myself.. i'm there to be friends, have good conversation, be able to express myself to them, and be able to explore with them...

This is exactly what I'm looking for in a couple to spend time with. I'm not looking to marry them, just engage in conversation and be friends and explore our mutual sexuality. Well, put.

ATAK

[BiloxiCouple]

Hit it right on the head. Have to talk and be social. The ones who don't want a single guy in their lifestyle you won't have to worry about.

[Flori_DAMAN]

After being in the lifestyle for so many years currently single and kind of busy re-constructing my life I have practically no interest in starting the huge process of finding a partner.

When I do, her qualities will involve compatability issues. If she likes the idea of swinging then thats cool, but its certainly not a real issue.

I have made reservations to attend some functions as a single but cancelled them within a day each time.

If I could find a couple that would take me with them that may make a difference but I don't know any yet.

One side of me wants to get back into the scene but the side that doesn't have hairy balls but ears on each side says NO dont do it yet...lol.

For you guys that do attend swinging functions please let us know how it went for you.

John.

[Tom4Fun]

If swinging is in you, you are a swinger. Sometimes the singel guy is single because he hasn't found the right female to go the distance in the lifestyle. All this stuff about a single guy getting free pussy is a bunch of crap; or filling the void between relationships. Yeah, everyone likes sex, in relationships and out, that's not remarkable whether your a swinger or not.

Why wouldn't a single guy go to a club to meet like-minded females and couples. That's the whole purpose. Couples are always going to get more action than the single guy, so I really don't understand why some people get so bent-out-of-shape if a single guy is present at the club; that's pretty contradictive.

In the end, the general answere to all your questions is that swinging is about sex and exploring ones sexual desires. There should be no difference relative to relationship status and those that do engage in the lifestyle, should be well grounded on why they are there and should have already agreed to certain ground rules with their mate.

[DBL D]

Are there clubs that have say a special meet n greet to allow male and female singles to meet? Seems like a great way to break through some ice and get to the meat...

I haven't seen any but then I haven't been looking for that.

Male D

[arvcpl]

Since I have already chimed in on the "why does it cost more for single males?" thread and have already made myself look like an ass I might as well chime in on this one too.

Originally Posted by Flori_DAMAN

Do you consider yourself a swinger?

-yes, I am the male half of a swinging couple.



There is a considerable controversy over the single male in the lifestyle.

It is my opionion that single males swing to fill in the gap between relationships.

A few perceptions:

Single males have been battered as being on the prowl for free pussy. My opinion is that many married males,,,,and females are kinda up to the same thing but...single males in the lifestyle seem to get beat up for it.


-True. the problem isn't so much the prowl for pussy as much as the disrespectfull and tactless way in which it is done by many of the single guys.



I have noted that some swingers actually resent the presense of single males because they "cut" into the action for the couples vying for the single female. Here, my opinion is that if your a single swinger and you want a single swinger mate the swing club is a perfect place to go.....so you compete with couples....you paid more to get in anyhow huh.....


-I have never heard this arguement and have not resented single males "cutting into the single fem action" because we are not that much into single fems either. Where I think you are way off is thinking a swing club is the place for a single guy to find a single gal. It is not, that is what vanilla meat markets and match.com are for. Swing clubs are mostly couples and what few single gals are there are there mostly to play with women. They could get any guy at a vanilla bar any time they want one. Single guys hitting on single fems at swing clubs are wasting their time and are just an annoyance. Also if you are going to relate shelling out money to hooking up with chicks you need to go to a whorehouse and get what you want without the hassles.




It is hard to find a female that is in the lifestyle so it would seem appropriate that a single male go to a swingers club to find one.



- You are way off there. see what I said above about that.



If you are just looking for a free piece of ass and a bit of kinkiness is there really anything wrong with that?


- no not necessarily, but it depends on what you really mean by free. If you are talking strickly money or a long term relationship then, no, there is nothing really wrong with that in and of itself. However realize that in dealing with swinging couples what you "pay" in is in realizing that if you are going to hook up it is going to be on the couples terms. Either you agree to their terms and hook up or you go home and spank it. Your choice.




I have read the term "free piece of ass" a few times on here. It's like a single guy should somehow pay for it. I really like it when married guys explain that they "were single once", as if suggesting that some of us were happily married at birth.


- I can see their point. I was single once and I did pay my dues. I was nice to her, treated her with dignity and respect, flirted nicely with her, took her on legitimate dates, made friends with her friends and family as well as introduced her to my own. I brought her flowers and gifts for no special reason, I got down on one knee and proposed to her and presented her with a diamond ring I couldn't realy afford. I married her. I went into debt buying her a house I couldn't afford. I rubbed her feet and back after she had a hard day at work. I gave her 3 beautiful children and I still buy her flowers and gifts for no special reason. After a dozen years of traditional marriage we started swinging. So yes I HAVE paid my dues and now you want to fuck her? Here is the best part, you can fuck her if she likes you and is attracted to you and is comfortable and I don't see any red flags and I am comfortable with you. The catch is it will be 100% on our terms and you will need to follow every single one of our rules and respect 100% of our boundries to the letter.



Its kinda like the guy that wins the lotto. Just cuz he found his soulmate now he looks down on those low creatures that didn't get the lucky ticket. They are now just intruding ignoramous's.


- I don't look down on anyone just because they are single and they may not be ignoramous's but since they haven't been there they just don't "get" what I said above.




It would seem to me that the population of single assholes on a percentage basis is relatively comparative to married assholes.

When an asshole gets married does that make him a non-asshole?


-No, there are definately married assholes.




Single women are welcomed for free at most clubs. I have refreshingly noticed that more and more clubs are selectively accepting single male though.


- That is only because there are a very few who do "get it."




I have had more problems with couples than with singles par for par at swinging parties by far. How many times have you seen one partner get totally wasted or ingnorant of their partners desires?

Many times it is the female that gets out of hand too. Possesive of a swinging male, or totally ignoring there partner in a swinging situation.


- I'll concede to you on that one.





Is a single female somehow more reverant than a single male?


-Yes they are. In general men are much more open to recreational sex. If a woman wants to have sex without some serious relationship or commitment pretty much any guy with a pulse is happy to oblige her. Where as ver ver very few females are open to such a proposition. Simple supply and demand.

Is she innocent in the eyes of swingers?....she may just want to get fucked just like the single guys do.




- we can certainly hope so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




And of course the single female that is not bi.....well why would anyone be interested in her? She won't have much luck at most clubs and that is why they don't go to them. The swinging wives don't want straight females, it threatens them.


- Any female will have luck at the clubs as long as she is willing. There will be some couples that will pass on a straight woman but keep in mind a straight woman will most likely just want to find a guy or guys and not be that much interested in a couple so they would most likely be in vanilla club and not a swinger club in the first place.



Straight single females don't go to swinging clubs because they aren't welcome. Guys go but don't last long usually because they are looked upon as ugly stepchildren.


- Any female with a pulse would be welcome at a swing club. Guys don't last long because they are looking for free and easy pussy and free and easy pussy does not exist. They quickly realize they get more ass at vanilla clubs and traditional dating websites and leave.


My perception is that the general dialogue of the swinging community is that if your single you had better be a single bi-female.


- The single bi fem will be in the greatest demand by far. There are successfull single males but they don't waste bandwidth by whining that they don't get any action and couples and single fems don't spend bandwidth by talking about them because they want to keep them all to themselves. The successfull males are either too busy partying or on the couch with an ice bag on their crotch recovering to be spending time whining on the computer.

Please comment on this if you have an opinion. Single males are just as desirable and important to the lifestyle as single females in my opinion. And tomorrow you could be one. John.


-If I found myself single again I would not spend one minute or one ounce of energy trying to be "single male swinger" which in my opinion is a complete contradiction in terms. I would find a nice gal that I found attractive and that had some commone interests with my and I would take her out on legitimate dates. If 10 years down the road we reached a level of trust and intimacy that we wanted to incorparate swinging into our relationship so be it.