Are you considered a single if your partner isnt interested in the lifestyle?

[Hookupsex]

New here... interested in the lifestyle ... Girlfriend is not..

Been told this is going to be a problem...

Although I have plenty of offers outside this forum for just NSA with other women that are aware of my situation and dont care, been told couples would.

What are my chances?

[ShellyM]

Well, my first question is how important is your relationship with your girlfriend? What you are thinking about doing is NOT called swinging, its called cheating. Swinging is CONSENTUAL sex amongst adults, not sneaking behind your girlfriend's back. No, I don't think you will have much luck. There are some husbands/wives who have the permission of their spouses to swing, and most people are leery even of them. I think you need to weigh just how much the relationship with your girlfriend means to you, and if it is worth losing.

[Tybee Swing]

Some couples in the lifestyle are looking for single men to play with because they like MFM's. Some only want to seek a single male sometimes. But, it seems like many swingers aren't looking for single males, they're looking for other couples and sometimes other females, or both of the latter.

Additionally, there are many in the lifestyle that don't want to play with cheaters...that is, you have a significant other and are doing this behind her back. If this is known, many of us wouldn't want to play with you. Swinging isn't about cheating, it's about two people being very honest and open with each other and sharing their sexual adventures. Many people are uncomfortable playing with those who cheat.

Personally, we like couples, single men and single women, but we only like our singles when they are truly single. Our first reason is conscience: cheating bothers us. Our second reason is the potential for drama, if the betrayed spouse or SO finds out.

[Sweet_Candy]

You have a chance . . . a snowballs chance in hell that is.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Our second reason is the potential for drama, if the betrayed spouse or SO finds out.

You know, its funny because Jay was talking this morning to a friend of ours who is a unicorn. She played with a "married" couple...had fun and such. Went about their merry way. A few days later she gets a call from a man, asking if she had recently had a threesome with so and so. She has nothing to hide, so she said yes she did. It turns out this was not a married couple, and the guy calling was the girl's fiance! Holy crap!

[Tybee Swing]

EGADS!

We've heard horror stories from people who played with married men who were playing as "single men". The wife finds his stuff on the computer, contacts the couples he's been with. Then they're dealing with this broken-hearted woman, etc. etc.....

We just don't want to play any part in somebody else's pain or potential pain. We even put this fact in our profile, and it does help to ward off some of the cheaters. Not all, though...some will still write in spite of it.

[Hookupsex]

Well, At the least I gave you something to talk about.

I realize what you are all saying, and based on the fact that I'm not married nor live with the girlfriend I suppose its more like casual dating and I don't feel she would have to know. I am not engaged with her so I feel like if I am honest with people maybe that will go a little ways. Besides there is no possible way for her to find out if I am cautious and upfront with people.

Thanks for the insight though , except maybe the snowballs hell guy...

lol

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by Hookupsex

Thanks for the insight though , except maybe the snowballs hell guy...

lol

The ladies gave you the expanded version and I gave you the short version.

Most single males have a difficult time in the Lifestyle and then you go and add potential cheating on top of that your chances just went down to nil. No need to butter you up but I think the ladies explained it very well.

[sexyshelby]

Originally Posted by Hookupsex

Besides there is no possible way for her to find out if I am cautious and upfront with people.

Oh, trust me...there are a million ways for her to find out. And it only takes one for it happen. And it will, maybe not now, maybe not next month, but it'll happen eventually. Just make sure that you are prepared to deal with that when it happens?

But here's my question for you, and I don't mean to be rude. You say that you don't live with her, you;re not engaged, she's not interested in the lifestyle but you are. So you're willing to sneak around behind her back just to get some random sex...Why are you staying with this girl?

~SS

[LFM2]

I believe the "snowballs hell guy" was quite right.

We wouldn't play with a guy in any kind of relationship unless his girlfriend knew about it. Otherwise, it's cheating to us. Of course, there are the liars out there who are in a relationship and pass themselves off as a single male anyway, and we have no control over what they say or think, but we do have control over who we pick. If we even suspected, the answer would still be a firm "no".

[intuition897]

Sorry man, but I predict a long dry spell in your swinging future. At least where couples are concerned. The hard cold truth of it is that married couples tend to have busy lives - kids, careers, etc. - that are somewhat more complicated due to having TWO lives merged into one. Singles may have busy lives, but they usually don't have as great a need to make multiple cell phone calls to line up schedules for a date. You just say, "Um, yeah, I'll make it work." Know what I mean? You're the boss, and there's no one that you need to confer with. But if my and Mr. intuition's case is a typical example, we need to line up my work schedule, his work schedule (he works shifts), child care, animal care...and oh yeah, my menstrual cycle. So how bummed out do you think we'd be - really - to find out that you had to break a date because your girlfriend happened to find the emails that we'd sent you and you're a little busy with a huge dramatic domestic crisis? Or that we have to keep sending you fresh directions, maps, and cell phone numbers because you won't take the risk of writing them down, printing them out, or keeping them in your email inbox? Why would we risk becoming embroiled in the kind of domestic crisis that we have sought to remove from our own lives through the kind of honesty we practice in the lifestyle?? Seems pretty backwards to me.

The bottom line is that we judge others based on their integrity and honesty. This is, to us, what defines a person as being a worthwhile human being. If that is lacking, then we have to question whether we would want to add that person to our lives or not. And generally, we choose not to.

And btw, we really don't care whether it's "official" or not; if your girlfriend expects a measure of monogamy from you, and you are not holding up your end of the bargain, then it's all the same to us. Abuse of trust is abuse of trust, and as I said before, it defines a person.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Hookupsex

New here... interested in the lifestyle ... Girlfriend is not..

Been told this is going to be a problem...

Although I have plenty of offers outside this forum for just NSA with other women that are aware of my situation and dont care, been told couples would.

What are my chances?

There still is a chance, for although many swingers are vehemently against cheaters, there are some that don't care. But, you'll find it an uphill battle.

The big issue here is that by cheating you show little to no respect for your girlfriend. I would assess that she won't be a girlfriend for long. You have to decide which is more important to you: your current relationship or swinging. If it is swinging than you should be honest with her so that you can both move on. It's the only right thing to do.

Mr. WS

[rtpi903]

Well, you heard from couples....now it's my turn as a single woman. ***NO CHEATERS ALLOWED*** Pretty plain and simple. Even your 'little head' should be able to understand that. You're in a relationship so if you try anything, it would be cheating. From my experience, most single women feel the same way. There are plenty of truly single men available for us to pick from (not to mention couples) so why on earth would any of us want to mess around with an attached male? and yes, we will find out you are attached so don't even bother trying to hide it. and yes, your g/f will find out if you cheat on her.

I like the way intuition897 put it, "Abuse of trust is abuse of trust, and as I said before, it defines a person."

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Abuse of trust is abuse of trust, and as I said before, it defines a person.

I wholly agree with everyone else so far, and specially with Intuition.

There's another thing to ponder here, based on what Intuition already said. The only way swinging works for a couple, enhancing their relationship insthead of risking to tear it appart, is to root it on trust and honesty. If one of the spouses were up to endorse your lack of honesty, just because of have you in their beds, he or she would be undermining those roots and risking to make a huge damage to the relationship. As an example, the other spouse may think "well, if my spouse endorse this sort of bohavior, where the end justify the means... how the hell I can be sure he or she was being honest with me all this time? how the hell I can be sure he or she won't be honest with me in the future just because of his or her need to have a fuck?".

So, there's something else here. You're not the world's bellybutton. The couples you want to swing with engage in an activity facing certain risks, the activity have too many things thay may go beyond their control, and they need to get in control of as much things they actually KNOW they can control. Accepting you could mean to relinkish the control of some of those aspects, perhaps some which are critical for them.

IMO, when we engage in swinging, we all require safety. It's obvious to say we'll use condoms because of physical concerns. But there are emotional concerns we should (and from my experience, most swingers try to) take care of to provide the same degree of safery a condom does for the physical ones. Honesty and integrity are the latex we use to build this "emotional safety condom". If you engage in swinging with a couple lying to them about being single or having permission, and even if you do it being honest with them about you cheating on your GF, you're being unresponsible about their relationship, about something they threasure perhaps as much as their physical health.

I guess you wouldn't fuck without a condom, not only to protect yourself, but also to protect other from whatever bug you may have. Right? Then, by interferring with a couple relationship by means of someone's (anyone's) deception, you'd be asking to fuck with them "emotionally" bareback.

You may or may not understand this, it doesn't matter, but... why a couple would want to take such a risk? It doesn't matter how hansome you may be, nor how good fuck you can provide, the world if plenty of handsome good fucks who are up to play safe and carefully, and this would leave you outside the contest.

However, we're talking about swinging here. For most of us this mean there are settled couples involved. If not, it'd be just recreational sex between singles who doesn't risk a relationship, and they may not ask you to be honest. You may still have a chance there.

[GoodThingzCum]

always thought a couple meant a man and a woman to play with.....hate getting email from so called couple that ends up being a male with a female that doesnt play along.......

Just my opinion

Chelle