Is SLS a good site for single males?

[Rocky146]

Here is my rant and it very well may get me kicked out of sls. I think sls discriminates a lot towards single men. I went to fill out a personal ad and they kick back to me that it is required for single men to become paying members within 30 days and that they only allow a few select men into the site. So I went and logged in as a single female, guess what? It did not pertain to them that they had to become a paid member within 30 days and that only a select few single females were allowed in. What is it? Men are not considered swingers if they are not married? I think it is because a lot of these groups that calls themselves swinger groups consider single men predators without even getting to know the man. Men are men if they are married, attached, single, or whatever you want to classify men by. Personalities are different in each and every person rather they are married or what, female or male. I would suggest a name change of the group to something like Couples Only Swing Group. Then there would not be an argument from me here!! Get real people; get to know the people before you discriminate against them!!! I do not go through life intentionally discriminating against others and in turn I do not like to be discriminated against!!! I have read numerous posts on this site already how people flake out on meetings, my answer to them that are complaining about this is no wonder they flake out if they support discrimination, you do not meet their standards!!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Rocky146

Here is my rant and it very well may get me kicked out of sls. I think sls discriminates a lot towards single men. I went to fill out a personal ad and they kick back to me that it is required for single men to become paying members within 30 days and that they only allow a few select men into the site. So I went and logged in as a single female, guess what? It did not pertain to them that they had to become a paid member within 30 days and that only a select few single females were allowed in. What is it? Men are not considered swingers if they are not married? I think it is because a lot of these groups that calls themselves swinger groups consider single men predators without even getting to know the man. Men are men if they are married, attached, single, or whatever you want to classify men by. Personalities are different in each and every person rather they are married or what, female or male. I would suggest a name change of the group to something like Couples Only Swing Group. Then there would not be an argument from me here!! Get real people; get to know the people before you discriminate against them!!! I do not go through life intentionally discriminating against others and in turn I do not like to be discriminated against!!! I have read numerous posts on this site already how people flake out on meetings, my answer to them that are complaining about this is no wonder they flake out if they support discrimination, you do not meet their standards!!

Have you ever watched a baseball game, where your teams big home run hitter is at the plate with men on base, and the pitcher tosses a ball right down the middle of the plate and he just watches it for a strike?

Thats how I kinda feel with this post, I could swing for the fences, but instead I'll watch it go down the heart of the plate.

[Thrax]

Read these two threads: "The Plight of the Single Male" The plight of the single male

"Are Singles Really Swingers"
are singles really swingers?

Those two threads, some threads that are linked in posts on those two strings, and quite a few other threads which I've not bothered to dredge up deal with this issue.

The supply of single males greatly outnumbers demand in swinging. There are way too many of us. Many -- most likely a majority -- of swingers don't even consider us to actually be swingers. Those and other things make it difficult for single males to meet and play with swingers, but they don't make it impossible. There are swingers who look for single males.

I never used SLS or other ad sites but gradually worked my way into the swinging world through clubs that allowed single males and by joining some Yahoo Groups devoted to swinging. It is a bit more work, but a single male can connect with some couples who are looking for the extra guy. And it might take awhile to establish yourself.

I used to rant a little about the lack of inclusion, too, but it's better for me to expend my effort toward meeting the people who are interested in meeting me, rather than complaining about the situation. And I also found that being friendly and polite to swingers who are not interested in single males actually resulted in some referrals to couples who were interested in meeting me.

So I might not be considered a swinger, and some swingers are disdainful, dismissive, and even scared of me (or my "type"), but I have found some nice folks who let me get my freak on with them every so often.

Thrax

[Sweet_Candy]

Great suggestions for a fellow single guy Thrax. I believe you're right when you suggest stop whining and work with what you get. What you get may not be much but it must be better than nothing since so many single males think Swinging is for them.

[good times]

Thrax's post pretty much covers it, but I just wanted to add that sights like SLS cater to what their customers want. Their are far more singles add sights than sights like SLS on the internet. You don't see us complaining about how the singles add sights discriminate against couples though, because like single males on sights like SLS, couples just aren't in as much demand on singles adds sights as singles are. Therefore, it really isn't discrimination at all, it is just that they are targeting their product to their customers requirements. They know that if the sight is flooded with single males the couples will leave.

A good example of this problem is happening right now with one of our local clubs. They do not limit the number of single males that attend their parties and a single male pays the same admission as the couples do. Over the last three or four parties the number of single males has risen dramatically, and now the number of couples attending has started to decline. We stopped by their party last weekend and their were about 20 single males and only five or six couples there before we left, prior to this influx of single males, they used to get about 20-30 couples attending each night. The reason for this is that the swinger community here is small, and the word is out that this club is being overrun with single males, so the couples are not going anymore.

Are all these couples discriminating against these single males? Maybe, kind of like I discriminate against anchovies on my pizza. You see, I don't care for anchovies, not because anchovies are bad, they just aren't my thing.

[Califblonde]

Kinda explains why there are so many single guys that put up a couples profile on SLS, Doesnt it?.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by good times

Are all these couples discriminating against these single males? Maybe, kind of like I discriminate against anchovies on my pizza. You see, I don't care for anchovies, not because anchovies are bad, they just aren't my thing.

GT, your barely concealed hatred for anchovies is a sign you are probably overcompensating by ordering EXTRA LARGE pizzas. Admit it, you fantasize about those salty, fishy chunks! Nobody totally hates anchovies; everyone at least dreams of putting an anchovy on his or her tongue...

Whoops. Sorry. Wrong issue.

Anyway, GT, I agree with your major point, but I don't think your analogy to singles sites is germane. Singles sites generally cater to singles. You might have cheating marrieds on the sites, but they must masquerade as singles. The sites are designed for singles.

As we know from many discussions on this Board, the definition of "swinger" is a little bit more fluid. Some folks restrict swinging to couples. Some include singles, both male and female. Whether or not you consider a single a swinger, there is a significant minority of couples seeking single females, and a smaller group that looks for single men. So, I think it is valid to give single males (and single females) access to the swinging sites as integral parts, but not equally desireable parts, of SwingWorld, whereas couples per se should really have no legitimate part of singles sites.

But, that wasn't the issue I really wanted to address. I think you made a very good point about what is happening with your local club. Methinks the same thing would happen to SLS -- and similar ad sites -- if they did not "discriminate" against single males with regard to pricing structure. The site would be overwhelmed by single males, the "bad boys" would harass the couples and single females to distraction, and the harassed parties would leave for other sites that allowed them to avoid most of the harassment. The result would be a lot of lonely guys trying to collect pics from other lonely guys masquerading as couples and single females, and most of the remaining couples and single females suffering barrages of unwanted advances.

It may seem contradictory, but sites like SLS actually do serious, responsible swinger-seeking males a favor. A single male may have to pay more, and suffer some restrictions, but he then has access to a site where a lot of couples and single females feel comfortable, and a part of that group might actually be happy to hear from him. That would be in contrast to free-for-all "equal-payments-for-equal-access" sites where a single male may be fighting 80% of the rest of the site members (other single males) for the couples and single females who decide to stay.

I belong to an on-premise club in the Pittsburgh area. The annual fee is $50 and the usual party door-fee is $75 for single males for regular parties and $100 for special events. The fee for couples is usually $65 for regular parties and $75 for special events. Single females, as you might expect, never shell out more than $20 for a party. Does this discriminate against single males? Well, yeah. But with the price, and the restrictions on the number of single males allowed for each party, it means that most of the couples and single females feel comfortable (there will always be those who don't want ANY single males in the club) and I have a lot less competition at each party.

One local club -- although they did not have an annual fee -- was charging $125 to $150 per party for a single male! (Although it wouldn't surprise me that the owner would let his single male friends in for a lot less, if not free.) Needless to say, I don't consider that reasonable. So that club, although it's a great facility and I've had wonderful times there in the past when the single male fee was much lower, is not a place I go to anymore.

Again, I don't like the discrimination because it costs me more and limits my opportunities But I understand the reasoning behind it.

I find MFMs a lot of fun. It's something that's kinky and sometimes I learn something. I also enjoy the exhibitionistic aspect of that situation, as well as MFMs and the rare semi-public one-on-one encounters with single women at clubs. These are things that I can do every six or eight weeks and they are spicy alternatives to vanilla dating. So I guess this is a "hobby" of mine, and since it isn't a primary focus of my life, I'm willing to accept the restrictions as what they are: sometimes a hindrance, sometimes a help.

Thrax

[good times]

Originally Posted by Califblonde

Kinda explains why there are so many single guys that put up a couples profile on SLS, Doesnt it?.

Yea, but it has been my experience that when you click on the, "Tell support to review this profile, it has problems." link and include a copy of the "My girlfriend is out of town indefinitely, but she likes me to fuck others while she is away, you must be descrete." email, they give them the boot pretty quick.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Thrax

GT, your barely concealed hatred for anchovies is a sign you are probably overcompensating by ordering EXTRA LARGE pizzas. Admit it, you fantasize about those salty, fishy chunks! Nobody totally hates anchovies; everyone at least dreams of putting an anchovy on his or her tongue...

Whoops. Sorry. Wrong issue.

Ahem...poor anchovies, they are so missunderstood.

Originally Posted by Thrax

Anyway, GT, I agree with your major point, but I don't think your analogy to singles sites is germane. Singles sites generally cater to singles. You might have cheating marrieds on the sites, but they must masquerade as singles. The sites are designed for singles.

I think my point was that each type of sight gives the appropriate amount of access needed for the clientel they desired. Then again, upon rereading what I wrote, you are probably right, I could have picked a better analogy. All is good in the end though, you cleared up the point I was trying to make nicely.

[Dooode]

Well I happen to like anchovies. They sure kick up the flavour on a Greek salad!

Back to the original topic:

Rockme, you have to understand that there are a lot of wannabes out there in SwingLand. Single males and trolls take up a big chunk of that number. IMHO, newbie single males seem to have some psycho idea that swinging is some kinda free-for-all with others' wives, which we both know that is not the case.

So how do you weed out the fakes and wannabes from those who are serious? Make 'em pay. It works at swing clubs, it can work on swing sites. I would do the same thing.

I've been a paid member of SLS for the past two years. I only recently let my membership lapse to a free status because 1) I ask others to contact me first so I'm not "hunting" for prospects, and 2) I've only ever paid so I can play on their forums. But their forums are so cliquish, and it being mostly a northeastern public, I've long since lost the pleasure in participating.

If I were forced to pay, sure I would. I've been on a dozen swing sites (5 at a time at one point!) and SLS has been the very best for bi-couple contact. It is EXTREMELY bi-couple friendly, which makes it a pleasure to be. My second day as a member, I was invited to a bi-couple house party. And what a way to say hello!!!!

But if you browse their forums, you'll see what I mean. The Bi-male and bi-couple forums have high response rates, comparable to most of their other forums--with the exception of their Open Forum, of course.

Anyway.

Swinging is PRIMARILY an activity of couples. Singles (both male and female) are ENHANCEMENTS to the already existing scene. However, single females are so rare, it's an encouragement for other single females to join by making it free for them. Single males are such an abundance, you want to weed out the serious from the fakes.

[JustAskJulie]

For the record (and I moved this thread for this reason), SLS and the Swingers Board are NOT the same site, we are affiliated in that this site promotes SLS along with several other swingers personal ads sites that we feel are of high quality. There are lots of sites out there and they don't all work well for everyone so it's up to you to find the one that is best suited to your needs and your area.

[JTcamp05]

you ask.....Men are not considered swingers if they are not married?


Yeah thats about right....single man are welcomed in some situations..... I wouldnt say they are "swingers" .... I personaly have no problems with single men around, just they are not swingers. If you bring a partner to "swing" with then you are a swinger, if you come alone you are not. Lets just call it what it is, you can be a friend or a lover but ya can't swing alone.

[Amanda69]

Singles are Toys, couples are swingers...

[Dooode]

I once heard the term swingles, which I thought sounded appropriate.

[sexyshelby]

Interesting point, Amanda. I like it!

~SS