Is SLS a good site for single males?

[Dooode]

Originally Posted by RaysWays

Dooode, how many of your contacts come to you because you are a bi-m? Those aren't too common, so you aren't just another single male.

Well first you have to understand that I live in a very liberal area. Consider a 35-mile spread from downtown Clearwater: 4 nudist resorts, 3 swing clubs, a multitude of adult shops/theatres and strip bars, 2 gay baths, a smattering of gay bars and dance clubs, a gay resort, three leather bars, a bukkake club, a masturbation club, two BDSM groups (that I know of) ... and that's off the top of my head.

The densest period of swing meetings for me is springtime. Generally in the spring, it's 2 meetings a month. One three-week period this spring had me meeting with 3 couples and two house parties. Summers, I might have one or two meetings. Fall ends up being half a dozen meetings. Wintertime is almost nothing, maybe one, esp. during the Thanksgiving/Xmas season. I generally go to 6 house parties a year.

I consider it a fair success rate for a single bi-male. But understand that I've built my reputation as a swinger while many years in the lifestyle. It didn't happen overnight. It took meeting a lot of people, going to meet & greets, parties, and getting people to know me ... and I them.

People who know me know I care about them, regardless that it's a one-night meeting or several meetings. It's the difference between swinging for yourself and swinging because you enjoy people and the lifestyle.

Those who don't consider me a swinger I'd never end up meeting, so it doesn't affect me.

[UCONN Keith]

As a man that has particpated "swinging" activities as both a member of a couple and as an individual practitioner ( ), I think there is a lot more to the tendancy to shy away from the inclusion of single/individual males than we have yet discussed.

Overall, regardless of your philosophical stance within the swinging world (whether you tend to be more Polyamorous or openly Hedonistic), there are some basics that are universally accepted by all: Respectfulness, attraction, compatibility, a common desire for mutually enjoyable and agreed upon sexual interaction, as well as adhering to pre-established and agreed upon boundaries.

Can a single male - or female, for that matter - meet the generalized expectations set forth? Yes, I think they can. It would seemingly depend more upon that individual's personality, character and behavior than their overall relationship status.

NOW, why - lets ponder - would single men be excluded? Let's think a minute about sexual orientation listed upon the profiles of the couples browse.
More often than not, the male partner is typically listed a "straight" and maybe - just maybe - "Bi-Curious". It is the very rare male of a couple that posts that he is openly "Bi-Sexual" within a couples profile. Now, lets consider the wife or females listing of orientation. More often than not, she is openly listed as being "Bi-Sexual" and/or "Bi-Curious". Few of the women's listings actually note their preference as "Heterosexual", do they?

When we consider this phenomena, doesn't it begin to make sense that what we are actually seeing, with regard to the inclusion of the single/solo male within "swinging" is actually more related to the ability of the two men in a meeting - the wife's husband and the new sexual partner - to accept each other's presense without including another females to "balance out" and/or preclude any possible notion of "Gay" activity? Sort of like a small, underlying fomr of "homophobia", if you would

How many ladies - in all honesty - who love to swing would not want to be the center of attention for two eager, willing and capable men? How many husbands, who not participate with the additional male (even in a "couples" scenerio), haven't actually enjoyed looking over as he had sex with the other lady and actually found he enjoyed watching his loved one being pleased by another man? Hmmmmmmm.

Now, the other issue may be one of a gender-based, socio-educationally based nature ! That would be the way men are, in general...

As a man, I can assure you that we all - regardless of our intent or manner by which we have since learned to act - have all been guilty of sophmoric, lecherous behaviors. It's true! Our biologically driven need to have sex, when coupled with our generally more agressive and confrontational, testosterone driven ways, has made the majority of us do, say, or think something pretty "stupid" and/or socially unacceptable in regard to sex! (There, I said it! The truth is OUT of the bag now. There's no going back. The He Man's Union will black-ball me for sure.......)

So, even if the solo/single man has the best intentions, he often finds that he has posted a comment/profile that isn't that appealling to a swinging couple. Add to this, the male gender's sometime evident fear of expressing their emotions (I.e. "Real men don't cry", or even eat quiche for that matter! So I am told) and we get short, monosyllabic postings and profiles that - like most guys - cut straight to the chase; "Let's Fuck!".

Yes, such posting ARE crass, uninformative and leave the reader feeling more like a vibrator - in need of a new C battery - than an interesting, alluring, attractive, sexual and sensual being.

Do all such men, who post such statements, lack the ability to communicate? DO all such men what only to perform a sexual "hit and run" in order to obtain their addictive, sexual "fixes"? I'm sure not all do....... Many may simply be too self-conscious about the possibility of expressing themselves.

As for the single man being "Gay" or "Bi-Sexual", do you really think that this is the case? If it were, I can assure you (as someone who practices within the psychiatric/medical field) that they could MUCH more easily find willing partners at the numerous Gay sites, rest areas (yes, this is a HUGE place for Gays to meet up!), or the many Gay establishments in most mid-size to large cities (which, by the way, FAR out number the total number of existing swinging clubs).....

So, even if you "don't mean to rant", feel free! Go ahead! Express yourself! It is, at least, proving that men ARE CAPABLE of doing so and can express personal convictions with regard to swinging - and all things related to such - without being a member of a participating couple.....

As a "straight" male however, I'm sticking with the "Swinging Related Homophobia" theory myself!!!!!

Thanks for the great comments and discussion everyone... I enjoyed it greatly!

Keith in CT

CT_MWM@Hotmail.Com

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by TNT

It all comes down to an individual/personal attitude/mindset and it has nothing to do with whether your single or in a committed relationship at all, in our opinion.

My thoughts exactly.

I guess we have to be the exception to the rule. MFM threesomes has been about it for is so far and we've meet them all on ad sites. We are slow in getting to know them, yes, but listening to everyone here, we must be a lucky couple. So, maybe I need to send out thank yous to our freinds (which we still see).

Vol

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, after I got divorced I made a couple of attempts to swing as a single female. I ended up choosing not to simply because I got treated by couples the same way that many couples here are complaining of getting treated by single men.

So, having been a "swinger" by everyone's agreed on definition when I was with my ex husband. Had I continued to actively pursue swinging on my own would I have still been a swinger? If I was a swinger before, but then became single and continued to swing, would I still be a swinger? Or would I lose my swinger status and be just a "toy".

This is a question I've contemplated for the last 3 years. For purposes of this site I have never clearly defined a "swinger", however I have always clearly defined swinging as something that requires at least one couple for it to take place.

[Taylor74]

Hi...i was just wondering if becoming a paying member of SLS is a good idea for a male who has interests in meeting a couple? I've been to swing clubs in the past so i am familiar with this lifestyle, however, i'm more interested in dealing with a couple exclusively and or a couple who wants to maintain some level of privacy and/or discretion. Also, I'm longing for a couple that is honest, open-minded and mature (in age and attitude). I'm 31 but really enjoy the company of older women.

Thanks in advance.

[ShellyM]

I'm a paid member of SLS, and I'll be honest with you. Most people I have met, along with us, have single men blocked. Usually from my understanding what couples will do is when they are interested they go through the "library" so to speak of single men, pick the ones they like and contact from there. But in all honesty, most couples will keep a block on single men. Now, I may be wrong.

[Spoomonkey]

We accept PMs from single men - but we seem to be the exception. I am sure there are couples - like us - who may have some interest (we have a little, and after being there a while, that interest is waning), but it is going to be a tough row to hoe for a single.

But - if you are a good guy - and decent guy - one opportunity and the good word will spread

Spoomonkey

[Dynamar]

Taylor74, in this single's humble opinion... SLS sucks. I've had much better results with both couples and single males using Swappernet. YMMV, but I've always found that those on Swappernet are just more serious about meeting... there's lots of newbies and endless talker types on SLS. Good luck.

[Taylor74]

To everyone, thanks for replying. I just want to be amongst a community that embraces or at least considers single males. I guess SLS is not for me. I'll keep the others in mind, though.


Thanks.

[Dooode]

Well I've been a single on SLS for the past two years and for me, that site's been the best for contacts. And I've been on more than a few.

I've found the key is to create a strong and honest profile and to participate in features such as their forums -- which allows other couples to get to know you and your attitudes better without infringing on their lives. As a result, I don't bother emailing others, they email me their interests ... even those with the single male block up (then I have to ask them to take down the block so that I can look at their profile for common interests )

I have found too much trolling is done on Swappernet, and I question their business practices. Out of two memberships I've had there, I dumped both.

[Taylor74]

I think that the internet in general is a playground for pervs and/or people with a misguided agenda. It's really hard (no pun intended) for people who are interested in this lifestyle to trust people they can't see, initially. Conversing over the net can be frustrating and a waste of time. I really enjoyed my short stay in Ohio, because the swinging lifestyle was so popular, i.e venues, parties,etc. I think i'll start networking with local groups and/or attending meet-to-greets, thereby allowing myself to meet others face-to-face in social settings.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Dooode

Well I've been a single on SLS for the past two years and for me, that site's been the best for contacts. And I've been on more than a few.

Dooode makes a good point, perhaps indirectly. The different ad sites really are stronger and weaker based on lacale. In Ohio (where we are) we have always heard that SwapperNet is best. We didn't like the layout - and frankly don't use the internet all that much for finding friends. SLS is easier to use, a nicer looking site, and caters to our "lightweight" needs in an ad site.

If you do come to Ohio on occassion, SwapperNet may be best. But it really does depend on the part of the country you are in.

Since SLS is based in Florida, as Dooode points out, it may be much stronger down there.

Spoomonkey

[NJCouple]

I think SLS is probably a good site, because it discourages single males and only the ones really into the lifestyle stick with it. I like to read posts placed by single males as a way to get a feel for who they are, so that is a great suggestion regardless of the site. I also like the chat feature that can be used even before sharing im info etc. I have found that the men on SLS are the most polite in both sending queries and receiving rejections. We started swinging with a few MFM threesomes and have moved on to couples, but I am sure we will occasionally do MFM's in the future as it is very different then swapping. I do enjoy it and hubby likes to see me happy. :-) I do not block single males, but have posted that I am not looking right now and the majority of guys respect that. Those that do not will never be considered. Swappernet allows im through yahoo or aol. This would not be a problem accept that when my yahoo says I am busy, I do not want to chat. I write and it can be very disturbing to have im's pop up. I like to leave it on for those that might need to reach me or that I am expecting to hear from.
There is some great advice for single males on this board. I'm sure if you read them and follow them, you will be successful on any of the better sites.
mrs. njcouple

[Rocky146]

Yes sometimes I feel just sad that I can not break into the scene. I am not one of those bad boy types that a lot of women goes in for and I would think those type of men would have much better luck then I. I am a man that respects the wishes of others and understand the meaning of "no" but sometimes I just get so disheartened that I have to vent a little.

[Rocky146]

There has been some good responses to my post and some not so good. All in all though there has been some good information passed on. It is just so frustrating for a man like me to have judgement passed on me in such a negative way without anyone getting to know me first. I can not tell you how many times I have responded to ads on different sites to get replies, "sorry, no single men" and how low that makes me feel. I am not a predator or an oppertunist. I beleive that "NO" is exactly what it means. I love to make friends first before going to the bedroom. I do not want to just hop into bed with anyone, that is too risky for all parties concerned. To tell you the truth, swing clubs kind of scare me off a bit but not the idea of swining in small groups. It is so hard for me to explain at times but basically all I want is to be judge appropiately by my actions and not someone else's. Of course that has to be very hard to do with ads, swing clubs, etc.. I know that for sure but that does not mean I should not be able to voice my frustration and that is the meaning behind my post.