As one of the Married Single Men

[fun4Ds]

yea, your wright spoo. its a shame that the single guys we meet cant be a little more like jncc or thrax.

DRIVIN2PLEASE, you have made some good points around the funhouse. hope you hang around.. as it turns out... you are a cool dude. hang in there ya, never know. a guy that treats his wife with respect would probably treat mine with respect also

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

DRIVIN2PLEASE, you have made some good points around the funhouse. hope you hang around.. as it turns out... you are a cool dude.

Agree wholeheartedly. I wish you'd stick around.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

On honesty 10

On (current) character 10

On communication:

I still stand my ground until I see posts that indcate otherwise. However, that subject is now put to rest as you have no wish to pursue. I respect your wishes.

Welcome and continue to post your thoughts as you see fit

[Driven2please]

Guys (both male and female),
I truly would love to stick around. This lifestyle fascinates the heck out of me. But I don't think I will ever see me being able to participate. And I certainly don't want to be viewed as a lurker. Maybe I'll drop in to say hi once in a while. (Imagine the kid sitting in the yard watching the other kids in the pool)

I just wish that I could convince the wife. And you are correct. It would be devastating to even consider going outside the boundaries on my own. I am sure she would agree to it,well 99%, but I have a gut feeling she would resent that she gave approval. And I wouldnt be too thrilled at causing her the pain. The pleasure is just not worth the potential.

I think it would be a wonderful present to her, to fulfill her fantasies, but she has told me hundreds of times that there is no act that she desires, that we haven't done. She has contemplated scenarios, but in no way shape or form does she desire pursuing them. She has a BIG hangup with menage' trois. Even 2 guys in the same room taking turns. She really isn't into toys, and feels selfconcious with them. Personally, I love seeing her with them. Told her hundreds of times. She just can't get past the religious view of it.


Fastdog, if you looked at my posts, I was not looking for any approvals. I was more pointing out that , IN MY OPINION, the married guys (and single for that matter) were looked upon as pariah. Both here and in SLS. It was disheartening. You were very fortunate to be able to have your wife agree to this lifestyle. Unfortunately, I am not at this time. But I was enlightened to many of the troubles that couple find when seeking a male for their "party". I never gave that portion any consideration. I understand more now, and have come to the conclusion that I will not be able to participate, unless she has a major change of heart. I realize I couldn't do it without her, anyways. Not everyone can release their jealousies, and insecurities to be able to swing. So I enter limbo....






Please tell me, though..... Is meeting someone new, and having that encounter....does it seem like the first time you dated? The anticipation? The butterflies? The exhileration?? Does it ever "get old" or is it always like riding the edge of a canyon? How do you feel afterwards? Gratification? Conquest? Or that first sip of coffe in the morning. Great while its there, but no different in 30 seconds?

[fun4Ds]

as far as being like the first time, i think its hard to explain. yes the excitement,the anticipation,the butterflies are there, except your sharing that with your partner. that seems to add even more to it all. plus when your getting ready its nice to have someone give you advice on how you look and present yourself. we take each others advice and truly feel sexy about each other. its totaly diffrent in some ways.

no it hasn't gotten old by any means. each new couple we meet are uniqley diffrent.

i have to be honest with you though, swinging has made me realize how special all of the times that i have spent with mrs.fun alone, are most cherishable. just last night i looked across the table and couldn't help but think WOW im pretty fortunate indeed.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Driven2please

Please tell me, though..... Is meeting someone new, and having that encounter....does it seem like the first time you dated? The anticipation? The butterflies? The exhileration?? Does it ever "get old" or is it always like riding the edge of a canyon? How do you feel afterwards? Gratification? Conquest? Or that first sip of coffe in the morning. Great while its there, but no different in 30 seconds?

I call it "Big Boy Christmas"

Spoomonkey

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Driven2please

Please tell me, though..... Is meeting someone new, and having that encounter....does it seem like the first time you dated? The anticipation? The butterflies? The exhileration?? Does it ever "get old" or is it always like riding the edge of a canyon? How do you feel afterwards? Gratification? Conquest? Or that first sip of coffe in the morning. Great while its there, but no different in 30 seconds?

Its fun, but after a few times its nothing special. Its not a conquest, not that I ever understood the concept of 'conquesting' a woman in the first place. What your describing seems a lot more like losing your virginity. Its fun being with someone new, it help satisfy a primal urge I think, but its not like your first time.

[sereneiders]

Driven2please,

Don't lose your hope. I've been there years ago, even when it has nothing to do with religion, I got the same sort of answers from my wife when bringing up those topics.

It turned out to happen that indeed she had her fantasies, but it was more a matter of being self conscious about the way she'd be perceived by me or others what scared her to the point of not being able to admit them.

I just asked her once to discuss swinging, and she felt so hurt that I didn't talk about this anymore. By then, I gave up as you're doing now, but (later she told me) it was because she was aware that I was up to give up on my fantasies that she accepted to give it a second tought.

Much the same happend with toys... she was completelly against toys. When I made up my mind about this, I bring this toy as a gift for her, I reached home, show her the gift, I open a dwarve and leave the toy there. I didn't asked her to use it, nor mentioned the toy again, and about two months later she came back with a grin in her face, telling me "emmmm I wanted to tell you... well... that toy is nice". Finally, she was the one suggesting me to use the toy togheter, after she got used to it by herself. The same happend with swinging: she was the one bringing the subject back to life on her own. So... you never can tell.

I don't know how far you could go exploring fantasies with your wife, but I don't buy she doesn't have fantasies, instead, she lacks the trust on you, on the relationship, and even on herself, to admit them an let them grow and evolve. It'd be your attitude toward her when dealing with these issues what makes you part of the problem or part of the solution.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Driven2please

Please tell me, though..... Is meeting someone new, and having that encounter....does it seem like the first time you dated? The anticipation? The butterflies? The exhileration?? Does it ever "get old" or is it always like riding the edge of a canyon? How do you feel afterwards? Gratification? Conquest? Or that first sip of coffe in the morning. Great while its there, but no different in 30 seconds?

I like to say it's all the fun of being single without the loneliness.

Although we haven't been active in quite some time, I can still say that there is a novelty to it that eventually wears off. Your first experience - first good experience, that is, when things start to click and the gears start to turn - is a real revelation. After that you screw each others' brains out for a few weeks (you & your spouse) and look for every opportunity to get out and play. After you've burnt off the "sugar rush", while it's still fun, you notice that you're not nervous anymore. You've adapted. This is where you either learn about moderation or, like a junkie, keep looking for that ultimate high. You already had the "ultimate high". It's done. Once you've crossed off all the sex acts from your Positions To Do Before I Die list, it's just a matter of repeating them. The thing is, sex with other people does not enrich you the way your marital relationship does. You can repeat all these things with your spouse, and the sex just keeps getting better and better. With other people however, you get a little zip of adrenaline from exploring a new body, you find out that aside from a couple of cute quirks, it works much the same as every other body you've come into contact with, and you experience some pleasurable sensations. The rest is just a kind of temporary friendship. You can't repeat the same acts over and over with strangers and get the same kind of enrichment. You just get bored. Sounds harsh, but it's not. It's just honesty. We're all in this for the sexual variety, after all. If anyone is insulted at the notion that the novelty has worn off with them, they likely need to examine why they feel that way? What were they hoping for, another wedding ring? No, we all just try to respect one another's emotional personal space when it comes to relationships.

[Driven2please]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

[inquisitivemale]

As a married couple, we try to only play with single females and couples because wife is bi. She has played with single males at parties and at swing clubs. We do keep it to a minimum though. Alot of the single males we came across is married or have a SO that is not in the lifestyle. I have also seen single guys who use single women as a way to get in. To me they are not bringing anything to the table. They are always at the table but never comes to share anything. The ones that come with a single female or a swing partner really has no connection with ther partner other than to get in. Then you see the single guys who see the lifestyle as free pussy and can sometimes be very disrespectfull. We attended a party this past weekend and came across a single guy. He was very respectfull though and he was a friend of the host couple where the wife wasnot bi. So it is just a rule that we don't go out looking for single males but maybe at a party it is a small possibility.

[TwoLittleBirds]

Hi Driven,
I know we don't swing with single guys because it would end up leaving me out! I mean, the single guy gets to have sex with my wife. What do I get? Yes, to see my wife feel nice, but I can already do that for her. Well, sometimes, I hope! Anyway, if there's a girl, all three of us can pleasure each other (assuming she's bi) and that's the sharing part. That's just our reason.
And there is hope. I'm sure a nice guy like Thrax gets plenty of play time!
Mr. Little Love Bird

[athena2910]

Originally Posted by Driven2please

Do we have a tough time when it comes to "Special Events"? Yes. Thanks to a rigid Catholic background, it does make introducing new things difficult, if not impossible.

Well, I was raised Catholic, too, and in fact, still attend Mass, but I guess, unlike your wife, it hasn't slowed me down one bit when it comes to fully exploring my sexuality. (Maybe that makes me a bad Catholic...)

What difference is there, if a non-swing wife gives permission to the spouse vs. a participating wife?

I see what you mean... but you made your own point, which is in both the examples that you gave, married with permission with a non-swing wife, or a participating wife, in both of those scenarios, there is open communication and agreement about how your lives will be conducted.

But that doesn't mean you should necessarily give up on your wife. Maybe, over time, with some very gentle suggestions from you (along with introducing some techniques to spice up your sex life) she might, and that's a big might, come around. No pun intended.

Good luck!

Athena