As one of the Married Single Men

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Alura

I'd say, in fact, that a single male would have a 99% better chance of fucking somebody's wife at a swing club than driving someone else's car at an Autocross. It makes me wonder why some of us are more daring with our wives than our cars, especially if we have a "one out of ???" success rate.

That reminds me of the first night we actually did a full-swap with another couple. It was at a club, and the experience was pretty satisfying for all involved. We slept over with them at the club, with plans to join them for breakfast the next morning at a popular, nearby restaurant.

As we walked out to the parking lot that morning, the male-half of the other couple spied my recently-purchased Corvette...a "post-divorce, mid-life-crises" present to myself. He hollered out, "You didn't tell us you had a Corvette! I LOVE Corvettes! I've wanted one ever since I was a kid!" (They were in their late 20's/early 30's at the time... still kids, as far as we were concerned)

I tossed him the keys and said "Here ya go, buddy. You've already had my girlfriend, you might as well take my car, too. See ya at the restaurant in an hour...it'll take us that long to get a table."

I guess they liked the car, because about a year later, they bought one of their own. We wound up joining the same Corvette club, and taking several road-trip/sex-camp vacations with them. I'm sure the fact that we always shared a room with them on the road set tongues wagging among the other club members.

Maybe it's because that's how we were indoctrinated into the lifestyle, but I always thought that ideally, that's how swinging should work. "Sometimes good sex, but always good friends" with the people with whom you share your bed. Those kinds of intimate, ongoing friendships are hard to cultivate when, as a single, your goals and interests are so diverse from theirs. What kind of conversation can you possibly have with a couple, when you're planning to spend your Christmas bonus on a trip to Hedo with some bimbo you met online, and they're planning to spend theirs on a new riding lawnmower with optional mulcher attachment?

Being single in a largely-couples world isn't all bad, but it does set forth certain challenges. Being a single male in a couples swinging world is possible, but it multiplies those challenges ten-fold. Being a "single," cheating male in the swinging world is also possible, but it increases those challenges by a hundred-fold.

[Driven2please]

I think "sereneiders" pretty much said it in a nutshell. That post made a whole lot of sense. I appreciate all posters input (yes, even the flamethrowers), and thank you all. You probably saved me from making a mistake I would regret. I would take issue over those who doubt our communication , but it really ends up a zero net gain in the whole scheme of things. We have worked through many issues, but I feel this one would end up being insurmountable. Too much baggage. And this is primarily why I am thanking you all. I had SOME misconceptions , and probably didn't think EVERYTHING through as I should have. All of you have brought many good points to light. I probably WOULD have cheated, and tried to find some lame ass way of making it right in my head. And NOT been able to justify it in my head, in the end. Thank you.

I guess I saw a large group of people able to experience something I had yearned for, for so long. Then basically saw the psuedo attacks on the Single guys, to full out slaughter on the married guys.(Especially SLS) And now I can understand why. Honestly, I never considered guys hiring some girl to "front" for them. (I guess I was never desparate enough?) And yes, it would be a pain to "verify", and not worth the hassles.

I hope someday the opportunity exists for me, but not without my wife. Thank you again, and enjoy it to the fullest.

[fun4Ds]

more thaught on things driven2please, back to your reply as to what would be the point of asking your wife, and going through the drama, when no one would want to play with you anyhow? if that is your point.correct me if im wrong.

my take on this is if things were realy cool.. and everything up front.. and we could in fact speak with, and know that your wife is perfectly fine with you playing with us. well .... yes, you would be very much considerd a candidate for playing in the fun house but you would have to realize the honesty that would be given to your wife. we are thinking that you would be a "unicorn" in your own rites, because we haven't ever seen or heard of any women giving her husband those privilages. but if the senerio did exsist it seems that you would be in high demand for those wives that like a mfm. i mean, that if we did know your wife, well.. that would take away alot of the saftey factors compared to playing with single males. and it would take a pretty cool wife to give that kind of permission. so i guess im just trying to see things from a diffrent perspective.

just wondering if anyone has ever come across such a senerio, a married women giving permission with out being involved and being o.k. with it.

wouldn't they be a "married male with permission" "unicorn"

[fun4Ds]

sorry,somehow i posted the same thing twice

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

just wondering if anyone has ever come across such a senerio, a married women giving permission with out being involved and being o.k. with it.

wouldn't they be a "married male with permission" "unicorn"

We have both given the other "permission" to play alone. So far, it's been with singles, but we haven't ruled out couples. We still prefer to play together, but are enjoying the separte play very much. It hasn't been perceived as a threat by either of us, and has actually been quite exciting.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Alura

It makes me wonder why some of us are more daring with our wives than our cars, especially if we have a "one out of ???" success rate.

This is a very good point...

The only hole in it is that owning a car is not a parallel to having a wife. I make all the decisions for my car - but am usually seen as a valued consultant when it comes to decisions regarding my wife.

With that in mind, we are certainly becoming more and more hard on single men. I will admit this. Chances are - singles will be limited to those we know and are comfortable with (yep, that "one" guy). We may take chances on singles who really trip Mrs Spoo's trigger - so we are still open - but over time you do get tired of allowing someone to "drive your porsche" only to find out that he grinds the clutch and drips shit on the seat...

But - for every cynical voice of experience, there are a dozen naive couples who are jumping in - many looking for singles. If they have experiences like we did, they will become - like us - "couples mostly" (if not "couples only") - but for now - as long as their are newbies - there is hope

Spoomonkey

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

But - for every cynical voice of experience, there are a dozen naive couples who are jumping in - many looking for singles. If they have experiences like we did, they will become - like us - "couples mostly" (if not "couples only") - but for now - as long as their are newbies - there is hope

Spoomonkey

Spoo....what issues have you had with singles? We've met a significantly higher number of singles (male and female) than couples, and the experiences have been as good or better. We've found it easier to find one person that we hit it off with than two. That isn't saying that our experience with couples has been bad in any way....just that the experiences with singles have been good as well.

P.S. We certainly aren't newbies!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

Spoo....what issues have you had with singles? We've met a significantly higher number of singles (male and female) than couples, and the experiences have been as good or better. We've found it easier to find one person that we hit it off with than two. That isn't saying that our experience with couples has been bad in any way....just that the experiences with singles have been good as well.

Rather than retype my experience, I'll just link to this. Reading it over, it is sort of funny...

On this thread I am kind of defending the place of singles - but reading the linked post, it is obvious I am defending a very, very small place

Single men, as a whole have been largely disappointing for the reasons I've linked. But I do suppose it depends on your experiences. A long line of bad ones will definitely sour a couple.

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

P.S. We certainly aren't newbies!

I should have made my point clearer. There are obviously quite a few couples who enjoy and have great luck with single men. And their experience only makes the things better.

Obviously, enjoying single men is not limited to newbies

Spoomonkey

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Rather than retype my experience, I'll just link to this. Reading it over, it is sort of funny...

Spoomonkey

Your other post makes sense. We've seen some of the same....guys looking to backdoor me, not willing to talk to both of us, etc. Fortunately, those have been few for us, and we've managed to weed out most of them in early conversations. We've also seen our share of couples that appeared to not like each other, were looking to "upgrade", if only for a night, and even a few looking to backdoor one of us. Just goes to show that you've got to do your homework, be sure of what you are looking for, and you can't be afraid to say no, even in the middle of a play date.

Sorry for the minor thread hijack.

[fun4Ds]

i guess i was meaning a married male, where the wife dosen't swing at all, has no desire to be with another male or female, but yet does gives the hubby permission to play solo,and can be open with the couple he plays with, is that even possible?

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

i guess i was meaning a married male, where the wife dosen't swing at all, has no desire to be with another male or female, but yet does gives the hubby permission to play solo,and can be open with the couple he plays with, is that even possible?

It is possible, but in our experience, rare. See our earlier post. We do play separately on occasion, and know of others that do as well.

[Fastdogs]

Driven2Please, I'm curious: Why are you seeking the approval of people you don't even know? If you are planning to be decitful to your wife about your activities, what drives you to be open and honest with the folks on this forum?

My wife and I had a very honest discussion about our needs and desires a couple of years ago. Since then, we have had to work out the details of a developing (and I must say a very exciting and extremely satisfying) alternative relationship. It hasn't always been easy, because communication never is. But I can say that had she, or I, gone off and explored the lifestyle without the other's permission, our marrage would be over now. It wouldn't be because of the sex either of us had, but because of the deception.

You are the best judge of what the outcome of your actions might be, but you should certainly consider the loss of your marriage to be one very strong possibility.

[fun4Ds]

im a little slow but after reading your link spoo, yes we have found that "ONE GUY" and he was certanly all of the good things in your post, eccept im not giving up my pin #

but still wouldn't the true "married with permission unicorn" be a possibility? shurly he wouldn't stink, slip in the back door or drip shit on the seat. after all he would have to answer to his wife? i would think he would want a good report from us.

the part about a harley just being a bike, OWCH that hurt my feelers

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

im a little slow but after reading your link spoo, yes we have found that "ONE GUY" and he was certanly all of the good things in your post, eccept im not giving up my pin #

Well - he hasn't yet asked for it...

As it turns out, however, giving out your pin number is NOT a requirement to swing. That sure would have been helpful information a couple years ago...

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

but still wouldn't the true "married with permission unicorn" be a possibility? shurly he wouldn't stink, slip in the back door or drip shit on the seat. after all he would have to answer to his wife? i would think he would want a good report from us.

If he were a part of a couple we knew - sure - maybe. But to go out and look for him just seems like a real pain in the ass. Not only would we have to meet him - we'd also have to meet his wife. And let me tell you our antenna would be up.

Are there any problems here that we can pick up on?

Is she into this or just letting him have his fun?

Is she just waiting for some ammunition to lose this guy?

I honestly think we'd be too concerned with the back story to give the guy a fair shake.

Spoomonkey

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

but still wouldn't the true "married with permission unicorn" be a possibility? shurly he wouldn't stink, slip in the back door or drip shit on the seat. after all he would have to answer to his wife? i would think he would want a good report from us.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

If he were a part of a couple we knew - sure - maybe. But to go out and look for him just seems like a real pain in the ass. Not only would we have to meet him - we'd also have to meet his wife. And let me tell you our antenna would be up.

For one couple we know I am that unicorn (and here I thought that term only applied to single females ), but they have been our friends for a number of years. Now I would think that in the ideal world a married 'extra male' (single doesn't work here) would be ideal, but the reality is that the arangement would be so rare that you would have to be very careful like spoo said.