Does swinging only work for married couples?

[dezaray]

Does swinging only work for married couples? It seems most swingers are married, and have been for a long time. If two people love each other, and both want to explore swinging together, it should work, right? I thought it could... however I/we were wrong.

I guess those of you that have been here a long time have probably seen this happen before...

Maybe we did set ourselves up for failure by not building our relationship more beforehand...

Is being married 1st the ONLY way this can work?

I ask myself where did this go wrong? He was too impatient, and I wasn't as ready to dive right in like he was, along with our differences in how we chose potential play partners. BUT isn't it a lot of trial and error, and complications on agreeing for most couples?

so hurt, let down, and confused.
Dez

[blinkey]

Originally Posted by dezaray

Does swinging only work for married couples? It seems most swingers are married, and have been for a long time. If two people love each other, and both want to explore swinging together, it should work, right? I thought it could... however I/we were wrong.

It may work for unmarried people, and conversely may not work for married people. What it requires is a strong and trusting relationship.

Originally Posted by dezaray

Maybe we did set ourselves up for failure by not building our relationship more beforehand...
Is being married 1st the ONLY way this can work?

As they say, swinging will amplify what you have, and can make a good relationship better or a bad one worse.

Originally Posted by dezaray

I ask myself where did this go wrong? He was too impatient, and I wasn't as ready to dive right in like he was, along with our differences in how we chose potential play partners.

It sounds to me like you've identified two big problems already. It generally only works if you go at the pace of the slowest person, or else someone will always be left with hurt feelings or unhappiness with the situation. Also, if you don't both agree to play, then play should not happen. It happens all too often (I wish I knew why!) that Barbie marries Frankenstein. Then when a guy wants to be with Barbie, he will (selfishly) ask his partner to overlook the fact that she'll be with the monster. But "taking one for the team" is generally a bad idea, as again, someone is left with a bad experience and has sacrificied. I don't see how that can be healthy, because it would leave me with a feeling of resentment.

Originally Posted by dezaray

BUT isn't it a lot of trial and error, and complications on agreeing for most couples?

so hurt, let down, and confused.
Dez

Sure there can be problems and complications, but they require lots of communication and full understanding BEFORE you proceed. Read a lot of discussions here and you'll come to the same conclusion. Imagine all the problems you can think of and talk through them. Learn each other's limits. Discuss boundaries and vow to each other to respect them. And so on. There is a lot of great "getting started" advice on this site.

Could you explain what happened a little more? You'll probably get some outstanding responses here by others, but it is proportional to the amount of details you provide. I don't like to guess what happened, but will say that your feelings need to be discussed and addressed with your partner before you continue swinging!

Good luck,
B.

[BiloxiCouple]

Swinging works for couples who have a good solid relationship.

Any doubts, get out.

[Amanda69]

Dito doesn't matter married, unmarried, long term ,short term

[dezaray]

Originally Posted by blinkey

feelings need to be discussed and addressed with your partner before you continue swinging!Good luck,
B.

because of his impatience, and total lack of respect for me, i have no partner, its over.

not sure if i will persue this lifestly on my own as a single female or not, im sure it would be a WHOLE LOT easier for me tho if i decide to. Whatever i do, ill be taking my time at it, and healing my wounds before proceding further with anyone for any reason besides a plain ole fuck.

if i get the balls enough to open myself to ridicule by telling the whole story i will have to do it later

[blinkey]

Originally Posted by dezaray

because of his impatience, and total lack of respect for me, i have no partner, its over.

I'm very sorry to hear that. On the other hand, if he doesn't respect you, it is good to have discovered that earlier than later.

*Hug*

Mr. B.

[dezaray]

Originally Posted by blinkey

I'm very sorry to hear that. On the other hand, if he doesn't respect you, it is good to have discovered that earlier than later.

*Hug*

Mr. B.

thank you Mr. B, however it was my own stupidity that i believed him, and yes i am glad i wised up to his games before it went too far.

[Chicup]

I would say that while swinging isn't ONLY for married couples, it is for 'matured' relationships. Under normal circumstances if your relationship is strong enough to swing you will have been married already. Being married for Mrs. Chicup and myself felt more like an afterthought, we were already 'married' in thought but we had been dating for 7 years (schools etc kept us from being married earlier). Even so we wouldn't have been ready for swinging then, and were only 'ready' three years after that or so, and didn't swing for a year after we thought we would be interested.

We avoid non married (or very recently married) couples like the plague because we have seen them develop into drama cases far too often. As an LL member I've seen SEVERAL couples like this become a singles profile in the last year.

To me, swinging doesn't help develop a new relationship, it would interfere, only after you are 100% in love and 100% secure should anyone even think about it.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by dezaray

Maybe we did set ourselves up for failure by not building our relationship more beforehand...

No, darlin'...you set yourself up for failure by putting your personal ad on a swingers website, when what you were looking for was a relationship, not a Fuck-Buddy.

[dezaray]

Originally Posted by JnCC

No, darlin'...you set yourself up for failure by putting your personal ad on a swingers website, when what you were looking for was a relationship, not a Fuck-Buddy.

and theres something wrong with looking for a person that has the same sexual appetite as i do? the same sexual desires? for a relationship....

FYI i was looking for either a fuck buddy or a relationship, depending on who i found and which they were better suited for. I was NOT looking to fool anyone like he was, i was NOT looking to even explore this lifestyle WITHIN a relationship.

[NVFun]

Sorry about your painful experience, Dezaray... This hobby can be SO wonderful. It can be empowering, and very pleasurable when all of the "stars are in alignment".

We're always very disappointed when we see the painful and hurtful experiences that some people suffer.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by dezaray

I was NOT looking to fool anyone like he was, i was NOT looking to even explore this lifestyle WITHIN a relationship.

Well good! Break up with him! Toss his ass AND his toothbrush out the door!

Once you no longer have a "relationship" with him, HE can again be your FB, and you can even swing with him if you so choose.

Sometimes, we overlook the simplest of answers...

[dezaray]

Originally Posted by JnCC

Well good! Break up with him! Toss his ass AND his toothbrush out the door!

it's already over, and will stay that way, no going back in any shape or form where he is concerned. He doesnt deserve me as a friend let alone as a girlfriend/lover or anything else.

Originally Posted by JnCC

Once you no longer have a "relationship" with him, HE can again be your FB, and you can even swing with him if you so choose.

NO FUCKING WAY! All along it was a priority to find couples/singles that would respect
me in this, all the while I wasnt getting respect from the MOST important person, from him.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by dezaray

FYI i was looking for either a fuck buddy or a relationship, depending on who i found and which they were better suited for. I was NOT looking to fool anyone like he was, i was NOT looking to even explore this lifestyle WITHIN a relationship.

I'd say go with being a single female for a while if you want to explore your sexuality. Its like being a single male as you won't get all of the aspects out of it, but you will get invited to a LOT more parties

If you want a relationship, don't even THINK about swinging, even if you both have in the past, until you are both 100% secure.

Sounds like you found a wanker, and wankers are common all around, lifestyle or no.

[dezaray]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I'd say go with being a single female for a while if you want to explore your sexuality. Its like being a single male as you won't get all of the aspects out of it, but you will get invited to a LOT more parties

If you want a relationship, don't even THINK about swinging, even if you both have in the past, until you are both 100% secure.

Sounds like you found a wanker, and wankers are common all around, lifestyle or no.

so then how would i eventualy (no time soon!) tell a potential parnter this is something im interested in down the road IF we work out? I dont think it would be fair to not tell someone.... nor do i want to end up with anyone sexually closed minded...