bias against married men

eastsidelooking · 05-25-2002, 10:17 PM

I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family?

I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule. The way you can look at this is that a married guy like I described above is probably safer to swing with than a single who going out all the time with different couples and different girls just to get into swing clubs. So give us marrieds a break, some of us have been with one partner for years so we're clean and SAFE ,discreet and would be "faithful" to a couple (if you can use that word) that shares in this experience.

Any comments??

**Alura** · 05-25-2002, 10:23 PM

Why doesn't your wife play with you?
Alura

***JustAskJulie*** · 05-26-2002, 02:46 PM

quote:
Originally posted by eastsidelooking:
I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family?

You left out one critical piece of info in your scenario. How does the wife feel about the husband swinging? Does she even know?

If she doesn't know then he's just cheating and cheating is cheating no matter what your excuse. If she does know and has given her permission... GREAT!! Go for it!

Flori_DAMAN · 05-27-2002, 11:22 AM

The reason you see such harsh condemnation of single cheaters is because one of the biggest advantages of true swinging is the tremendous trust required with your s/o.
Many married guys think swinging is just an easy way to get some uncommited sex. Of course this may be the case. The thing is that this board consists of primarily bonafide lifestyle members, many of which have been in it for many many years.
I for one would never participate knowingly in a sexual relationship with anyone where there was an unknowing partner out there somewhere.

Also, if anything physically or mentally occured which caused my wife to lose her capacity to have sex I would simply quit having sex. I love her that much. I am not implying that you should feel the way I do but swinging is not the answer to most sexual problems.

Psychotherapy, medical evaluation, aphrodisiacs, simple communication, counseling, are all much better options.

I would feel like a dirty dog if I ever had a sexual contact behind my wifes back. John

Quin · 05-27-2002, 01:37 PM

quote:
Originally posted by eastsidelooking:
I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family?

I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule. The way you can look at this is that a married guy like I described above is probably safer to swing with than a single who going out all the time with different couples and different girls just to get into swing clubs. So give us marrieds a break, some of us have been with one partner for years so we're clean and SAFE ,discreet and would be "faithful" to a couple (if you can use that word) that shares in this experience.

Any comments??

IMHO, there are no exceptions to the rule. Cheating is cheating is cheating no matter how you try to justify it. And you will destroy your family by doing so; cheaters are always revealed which will lead to a lot of pain and heartache of innocent people/children. I find your saying that marrieds (those cheating married such as your self) would be *faithful* to a couple (you can't be faithful to your wife how can you be faithful to a couple) is laughable. I mean really! [ROFL]

Quin

HondaXL350 · 05-27-2002, 03:05 PM

quote:
Originally posted by eastsidelooking:
I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family?

I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule. The way you can look at this is that a married guy like I described above is probably safer to swing with than a single who going out all the time with different couples and different girls just to get into swing clubs. So give us marrieds a break, some of us have been with one partner for years so we're clean and SAFE ,discreet and would be "faithful" to a couple (if you can use that word) that shares in this experience.

Any comments??

As long as the spouse knows and approves it is ok as far as I'm concerned, But if the spouse is unaware... it is cheating, period!. Just my 2 cents.

**Alura** · 05-27-2002, 09:10 PM

Seems to us this guy is a typical married cheater who thinks swinging with a married couple will be cheaper than hookers and safer than that cute single chick in the mail room. He never answered our question, "Why does your wife not play with you?" He never answered Julie's question, "Does your wife know and approve?"

What are the odds that his wife knows and approves? What are the odds he's a cheater? Who needs him?

Alura

Sweetdevil · 05-27-2002, 11:08 PM

If my sounding off seem harsh it is because I see people incorrectly using words like "bias" and "discrimnate." But I have to wail away.

Both married and single men are not discrinmated against, nor is there a bias against them either. Couples and within couples have the right to decide whom they will swing with. Couples are being discerning!

ciscosv · 05-28-2002, 12:52 AM

"there is a bias against married men who swing alone"

We, ciscosv, do not swing with single men. That is our (ciscosv) rule. If your wife or female s/o was not with you when meeting, then we would know that you are a "single male". Not what we, and a lot of other swinging couples are looking for.

"I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule."

There is always an exception to every rule.

If you found another couple that is OK with you eastside, that is great.

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05-25-2002, 10:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
eastsidelooking Registered User Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1 Location: NYC	bias against married men I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family? I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule. The way you can look at this is that a married guy like I described above is probably safer to swing with than a single who going out all the time with different couples and different girls just to get into swing clubs. So give us marrieds a break, some of us have been with one partner for years so we're clean and SAFE ,discreet and would be "faithful" to a couple (if you can use that word) that shares in this experience. Any comments??

05-25-2002, 10:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,122 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Why doesn't your wife play with you? Alura __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

05-26-2002, 02:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,260 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	quote: Originally posted by eastsidelooking: I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family? You left out one critical piece of info in your scenario. How does the wife feel about the husband swinging? Does she even know? If she doesn't know then he's just cheating and cheating is cheating no matter what your excuse. If she does know and has given her permission... GREAT!! Go for it! __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

05-27-2002, 01:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	quote: Originally posted by eastsidelooking: I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family? I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule. The way you can look at this is that a married guy like I described above is probably safer to swing with than a single who going out all the time with different couples and different girls just to get into swing clubs. So give us marrieds a break, some of us have been with one partner for years so we're clean and SAFE ,discreet and would be "faithful" to a couple (if you can use that word) that shares in this experience. Any comments?? IMHO, there are no exceptions to the rule. Cheating is cheating is cheating no matter how you try to justify it. And you will destroy your family by doing so; cheaters are always revealed which will lead to a lot of pain and heartache of innocent people/children. I find your saying that marrieds (those cheating married such as your self) would be faithful to a couple (you can't be faithful to your wife how can you be faithful to a couple) is laughable. I mean really! Quin __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

05-27-2002, 11:22 AM	#4 (permalink)
Flori_DAMAN Previously of MichiganCouple Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,100 Location: Vero Beach Florida Status: Single Male	The reason you see such harsh condemnation of single cheaters is because one of the biggest advantages of true swinging is the tremendous trust required with your s/o. Many married guys think swinging is just an easy way to get some uncommited sex. Of course this may be the case. The thing is that this board consists of primarily bonafide lifestyle members, many of which have been in it for many many years. I for one would never participate knowingly in a sexual relationship with anyone where there was an unknowing partner out there somewhere. Also, if anything physically or mentally occured which caused my wife to lose her capacity to have sex I would simply quit having sex. I love her that much. I am not implying that you should feel the way I do but swinging is not the answer to most sexual problems. Psychotherapy, medical evaluation, aphrodisiacs, simple communication, counseling, are all much better options. I would feel like a dirty dog if I ever had a sexual contact behind my wifes back. John

05-27-2002, 03:05 PM	#6 (permalink)
HondaXL350 Registered Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 9 Location: hazel green, AL Status: Single	quote: Originally posted by eastsidelooking: I've noticed on a few swing boards out there on the net there is a bias against married men who swing alone. Now I have to agree that cheating is wrong and probably most married's who do it are just out to get laid. But what about the guy who cant leave a marriage (millions of reasons lets not go into this) but still wants to swing with out hurting his mate and family? I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule. The way you can look at this is that a married guy like I described above is probably safer to swing with than a single who going out all the time with different couples and different girls just to get into swing clubs. So give us marrieds a break, some of us have been with one partner for years so we're clean and SAFE ,discreet and would be "faithful" to a couple (if you can use that word) that shares in this experience. Any comments?? As long as the spouse knows and approves it is ok as far as I'm concerned, But if the spouse is unaware... it is cheating, period!. Just my 2 cents.

05-27-2002, 09:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,122 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Seems to us this guy is a typical married cheater who thinks swinging with a married couple will be cheaper than hookers and safer than that cute single chick in the mail room. He never answered our question, "Why does your wife not play with you?" He never answered Julie's question, "Does your wife know and approve?" What are the odds that his wife knows and approves? What are the odds he's a cheater? Who needs him? Alura __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

05-27-2002, 11:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
Sweetdevil Here to Stay Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 132 Location: Clinton Twp., MI Status: Couple	If my sounding off seem harsh it is because I see people incorrectly using words like "bias" and "discrimnate." But I have to wail away. Both married and single men are not discrinmated against, nor is there a bias against them either. Couples and within couples have the right to decide whom they will swing with. Couples are being discerning!

05-28-2002, 12:52 AM	#9 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 750 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	"there is a bias against married men who swing alone" We, ciscosv, do not swing with single men. That is our (ciscosv) rule. If your wife or female s/o was not with you when meeting, then we would know that you are a "single male". Not what we, and a lot of other swinging couples are looking for. "I guess my point is there are few exceptions to the rule." There is always an exception to every rule. If you found another couple that is OK with you eastside, that is great. __________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

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