We finally did it; details and a few questions

[kristy525]

Hi! My husband and I have been together for seven years (married three and a half) and we also dated when we were in college on and off for two years. We did have a threesome with a mutual friend (MFM), his best friend, my acquaintaince.

So we get married and we have been talking ALOT in bed. So several months ago, he says, "So out of our friends, who would you?" I tell him and we have used this poor man in our bedroom talk for months. He is at our house regularlly and he makes me squirm just being in the same room. So after a botched attempt at getting him into our bed a few weeks ago, he came over last night.

Everything was going well, the kids were all nestled in their bed and no one made a peep. We were all watching TV and started talking about sex, my husband brought up the fact that I would be interested in making out with a girl but that I wouldn't go down on her but that I would allow her to go down on me. (That always gets you guys ) He said that he wanted to make sure that he was there to see that. So the mood was right and so we end up next to one another, and I started to play with his hand, I work my up to his nipples under his shirt, and he is into it but he is freaking a bit because my husband is trying to leave us alone to get going. So when he walks beack into the room he becomes jumpy. I keep telling him to relax that it is okay, that Mr. Kristy525 is so into it and doesn't care. (We all had went out two Saturday's ago and had the whole discussion and knew that it was coming if he was willing)

So after playing a bit, I started to kiss him and he felt my tits and then took his hand down my pants (he was surprised; pleasantly I think; that I was shaved). Again, he was very jumpy and nervous when Mr. Kristy525 would walk in. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and I took him by the hand and told him to come onto the couch with me. I sat him down and kneeled in front of him and sucked him off for awhile. I told my husband to come on over and I reached over and touched him and I could tell he was pleased. So the fantasy man tells me that he wants to eat my pussy (This is when I think this is going to go better than I thought). I trade places with him and he goes down on me while I am sucking my husband off and loving the four hands on my body. My husband then trades places with him and we continue on.

Everything is going so great, except that fantasy man is still limp!! god love him he was so eager and trying so hard that I think he was psyching himself out, not to mention he had a bit to drink. I will continue on and not leave you all hanging with the story however, it it performance anxiety? He did keep saying are you sure Mr. Kristy525 is okay with this? (Hello?? His head is between my thighs, does it look like he cares? facelick ) Do you think he was afraid of what my husband was thinking? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Okay, so the rest of the story is that we eventually moved down to the floor and while I was sucking him off my husband was doing me from behind and was doing a fine job by the way. So when my husband got off, the Mr. Fantasy got on top and we proceeed to fuck and try to get him hard; which eventually he did (his poor knees) and he did get off as well as myself (several times).

My questions are that 1)do any of you men or have you as women had men have a preformance problem in this situation and of course take into account that this was our first time with him, heck with anyone for that matter and 2) My husband and I talked to him today and he stills seems to be worried that Mr. Kristy525 was not okay with and and that they weren't going to be friends. My husband told him that not only was it okay, but that we went upstairs after he left and we had some great intense sex and that he fucked me hard . How do we get him okay with the fact that we are okay with this, being that we aren't your average couple.

Thanks guys again for your help!

[VanHlebar]

Hi Kristy and Welcome

Yeah I can say this from personal experience.. that this is sort of common. During our first club encounter a few weeks ago I had the same issues, but worse yet, I never was able to perform. It really had an effect on me and took me quite sometime time to get back to normal. We have since talked with the other couple and now all four of us can joke about it.. No big deal, just keep a good sense of humor about it all..

#2 is a bit more difficult.. not everyone can handle the situation and I just hope for you and your husband's sake that he can come to grasp with it. There have been plenty of posts on here where couples have lost friends doing this. Hopefully this won't happen to you guys and who know.. maybe you guys will have a nice playmate for the future.

On a side note... we are only 2 hours away and MrsVan is really looking for a nice third for our MFM.. would you want to share him I am sure MrsVan would appreciate it.. facelick

Good luck and have fun!

-Van

[strathmore]

go with strangers. that friend anxiety is just too great.

[swing52001]

Hi Kristy. There have been several occasions when my dick was on another page and totally refused to perform for several reasons...red wine, fatigue, and nervous jitters among them. I was mortified and my partners were a little disappointed. (there are other ways to get what you need). Your post doesn't give me the idea that your hubby was actively encouraging your friend. Maybe I missed something. Anyway, maybe your friend could benefit from a separate and frank discussion with your hubby. If he still expresses concern, maybe all he needs is your friendship and the sex is more than what he desires. Did he 'go for it' just to please you? OR maybe it was as you suggested. Maybe he has been secretly wishing for this to happen and in his effort to perform well, got psyched out. Who knows at this point. A little more conversation on the subject might help though. Just my 2 cents worth (does being Canadian reduce the value? )

[balearsun]

Hello from S. Oregon, Kristy.

Something similar happened to me on my first (and only, so far) MFM -I was the "outsider" in the threesome- and I think I can attribute it to the anxiety and novelty. In fact, the hubby also suffered form the same ailment during the session. Our situation was different from yours in that we had met on the internet, I was not a long time friend of theirs, but got to be comfortable enough around each other after meeting for dinner a couple of times prior to the "engagement" (they also told me I inspired them to get frisky before we got down and dirty)

I'm still much intrigued by the idea of being in another MFM, but I know myself and next time I want to really get to know the other couple to make sure there is chemistry. So much for the belief that a guy will fuck anyone...Ha!!

So, to the single guys out there who've been fortunate enough to be invited by a couple: how common is this? And to the ladies in the couple: is it better with someone you've known for a while, or does it really matter?

[NEJack02482]

The host male sets the rules. And should initiate the action. To just walk out of the room leaves your guest wondering if your leads were at his peril. Better the host male use words that ok sexual activity. Better he lead the way in undressing. Better he invite the other to help undress you. Then your guest will understand. The problem was your husond never said OK and the next day the guest was still guessing.

[satyrsoul]

Hi Kristy,

Well, first, congratulations on finally doing it!!!!

There are different causes of performance anxiety. Here's one:

Vanilla guys with no MFM threesome experience don't always "get" the sharing idea at first, and often wrongly assume on some level that "if the husband wants to see his wife with another man, he must be gay". So even if your third is a close friend and has no reason to assume this of your husband (or himself), in the MFM context he may suddenly start wondering whether your husband's gonna reach for his family jewels in the middle of play, lol. Or he might just be mildly uncomfortable at first about being naked around another guy. Give him time to get comfortable with the MFM scenario, assure him that this is about your pleasure!

I've been playing with a couple as the third (three times so far) and the first time was similar to what happened with you: a jittering meltdown. I was horny and eager to please and she is a very attractive and sexy Latina, but with her boyfriend watching, I caved in to performance anxiety and total system failure. Totally embarrassing! So did he. But they understood the circumstances and we laughed about it and we've met twice since and each encounter gets more relaxed and better! Much better!!!

So, my humble advice is do what you can to make your friend feel comfortable, and have some patience the first couple of times.

Let us know how things progress.

[sexpistols]

Hi Kristy and everyone else in this thread,

This happened to me just 3 days back ...first MFMF experience and I walked out feeling that I should definitely give Cialis a shot..lol. But the ladies assured me that it was all about the fun. I could not believe that it worked the night before with the office secretary but failed to launch in my fantasy scenario ..lol. I was totally confused but the thing that I will suggest for first time men in such a situation .. make sure that you have polished yourself in other skills and keep the atmosphere light in the room. Although both the other husband and I were not getting totally hard we were able to make the ladies squirt ...yes you heard me right they did squirt enough to leave the sheets wet..lol. So although I walked out confused I got a big kiss and a tight hug. I am currently talking to my new friends and planning on the next meet.

I am so glad you bought that up Kristy... it puts me at so much at ease... I for one thought I might have to quit the lifestyle...lol

Bobby

[SandRfun]

Kristy!! Glad you had a wonderful time..we are still working on our first full swap or fmf. Sounds like things went well enough I think with a "vanilla" friend, specially someone that your hubby is friends with..nervousness was probably his problem. I would bet if your hubby sat down with him and eased his mind a little, then next time he would not have any difficulties. Of course..since your hubby was in between your legs having him self a good ole time..not sure what he was nervous about Anyway just wanted to congratulate you!!
Mrs..SandR

[kristy525]

Hi everyone! I just wanted to thank everyone who responded. I think that we have worked our issues out. It has happened two more times and it is only getting better. The last time was great! My husband and fantasy man had a very frank discussion. Who ever said that the outsider may not get why he would want to see his wife with someone; you were right he didn't get it and said that he thought Mr. was going to get jealous and knock him over the head with the lamp, LOL. So needless, to say my husband is in awe, I mena really how many men can say that they have had a three some three times within seven days. I am very lucky and very pleased!

[kylezx10r]

Glad to here it got better and hope it keeps going well for you

Kyle

[kidcleveland]

well i have had problems getting up the frist time with a new couple an have heard of some that can not get it up if the husband is there but if you have had a frist go an invite him again he should be good to go as long as the husband starts it off this time

[WonderWhat]

My $0.02:

Staying hard:
Well, I've always had "performance problems" the first time with anyone, be it girfriends in my 20-some, horny days, the first time with my first wife, with my current wife, or the first time we exhibited, swapped, or the first time with anybody else.

From informal pollstering with friends over beer, I gather that about a third of all men usually perform this way.

So, I just don't sweat it: I know that the first time will be the time to use all those tricks and acrobatics in order to give a great performance some other way, and I just laugh it off and get everyone else off, happily, with hugs and kisses all around. If I do stay hard, coming will not usually come naturally (and when that happens, the ladies are usually very happy with the outcome).

Then I go back with my wife, fuck really hard (she just loves my performance after a swing session ), knowing that the next time with the same people or the same situation there will be no problems at all.

The Other Man's Worries:
I think that the come-on was a little bit botched: As several people here have said, there should have been more communication among the men during the initiation.

What we've usually done with men or women that we're flirting with, and that have had no swinging or three-some experience, is start talking about sex, and segue over onto the fact that we are swingers, stressing that we really enjoy it, and how we enjoy it. The "how" part is really important; it's what sets the ground rules and smooths the way towards a good experience.

When we've set the hook and see that (s)he's bitten, wee reel in the line: that's when we tell them that we're interested in them, and propose a threesome. Hasn't failed yet.

On the other hand, this approach doesn't work with non-swinging couples, unless they're swing-curious already. That's something that should be dome in the privacy of that couple, and initiated by themselves.