Couple meeting a single, who pays?

[vacplis4lovers]

In my opinion, if you are so anguished and troubled about making these little decisions, I can only pity you for your undecisiveness and lack of backbone. If you always agonize like this when paying for food or a room, how did you ever find the guts to finally go swinging? Have some spirit. Establish the rules ahead of time and tell him what you both expect, what he should expect and concede nothing.

Suppose he preemptied you by making the decision for you and he paid for it. I can only surmise that when time comes to sex, if you and your wife believe you don't like to go ahead, or that the chemistry between the parties is not right you are likely to let him do things to you that you don't feel comfortable. Worse, you are likely to loose the respect of your wife if you wilt to tell him that she does not want to do it or what she does not feel comfortable doing what he wants her to do. Would you be so weak as to debase her and you because you can't have the assertiveness to say what is proper? I can only shudder at the thought of you making bigger decisions.....

[Thrax]

Yeah VanHlebar! What's wrong with you, trying to be tactful and prepared and all that stuff? :rollseyes

[WesternSwing]

Wow vacplis4lovers, that came out of left field and hit them square in the head...

Mr. WS

[whitesnake69]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

Ok,

So, we are meeting up with a single this evening for dinner and drinks and MrsVan and I have a quick question. When we have met other couples it was pretty simple, everyone went dutch. However, when meeting a single (guy or lady) I feel that as the couple we should pick up the bill, but I am not sure if that really is the case.

I don't want to offend anyone, but part of me says we should pick up the bill. So what are the thoughts and what to others do?

Thanks,
-Van

Well it wouldn't bother me to take on the bill, just invite me and we can talk and get to know each other. It would be such a low investment for such a big dividend. As a matter of fact I am really hungry right now, are you all?Whitesnake69

[whitesnake69]

Are there anyone out there interested in dinner and drinks also? I prefer couples or ladies. Whitesnake69

[VanHlebar]

Originally Posted by vacplis4lovers

In my opinion, if you are so anguished and troubled about making these little decisions, I can only pity you for your undecisiveness and lack of backbone. If you always agonize like this when paying for food or a room, how did you ever find the guts to finally go swinging? Have some spirit. Establish the rules ahead of time and tell him what you both expect, what he should expect and concede nothing.

Suppose he preemptied you by making the decision for you and he paid for it. I can only surmise that when time comes to sex, if you and your wife believe you don't like to go ahead, or that the chemistry between the parties is not right you are likely to let him do things to you that you don't feel comfortable. Worse, you are likely to loose the respect of your wife if you wilt to tell him that she does not want to do it or what she does not feel comfortable doing what he wants her to do. Would you be so weak as to debase her and you because you can't have the assertiveness to say what is proper? I can only shudder at the thought of you making bigger decisions.....

Wow, man I probably shouldn't even respond in my current state, but I will.

Backbone, yeah I have one.. ask my ex-wife since we couldn't get along... I am not really even sure where this came from, but with the way I was raised, I was raised to treat all people, men and women with respect. As such, I was raised that when you ask someone out on a date, and I do consider this a date, that if you are the one that asked you should pick up the tab. I was looking for advice from the more experienced people here because I really didn't want to step on this ladies toes. Both MrsVan and I liked this lady and we would have hated to have ruined the possibilities because we offended her by picking up her tab.

I am really unclear how you jump to such conclusions about my backbone or my willingness to defend my wife based on a simple question of wether I should pick up the ladies tab.

Thanks to everyone else that posted actual feedback that was helpful.

-Van

[MrsVan]

Originally Posted by vacplis4lovers

In my opinion, if you are so anguished and troubled about making these little decisions, I can only pity you for your undecisiveness and lack of backbone. If you always agonize like this when paying for food or a room, how did you ever find the guts to finally go swinging? Have some spirit. Establish the rules ahead of time and tell him what you both expect, what he should expect and concede nothing.

Suppose he preemptied you by making the decision for you and he paid for it. I can only surmise that when time comes to sex, if you and your wife believe you don't like to go ahead, or that the chemistry between the parties is not right you are likely to let him do things to you that you don't feel comfortable. Worse, you are likely to loose the respect of your wife if you wilt to tell him that she does not want to do it or what she does not feel comfortable doing what he wants her to do. Would you be so weak as to debase her and you because you can't have the assertiveness to say what is proper? I can only shudder at the thought of you making bigger decisions.....

Vacplis4lovers,

That comment came out of left field.=] First off if you hadn't read the prior posts MrVan and I decided to take care of the bill..It was not that he has no backbone and decided to post the question, the problem was that we didn't want to step on anyone's toes by paying for her meal. MrVan has more etiquette than I think you must have. And for you to slamm someone that you don't even know is very untactful.. Maybe you should think about why we are here on the board. This board is meant for others to learn and for us being newbies we want to make sure we are doing things right.

Whitesnake, If you can get to Ohio we would love to have dinner And we will even pay for the meal

MrsVan

[starryeyes]

Most definitely agree with the Vans! They seem to be trying their best to figure out what is considered acceptable and for that we commend them. They are right! This is a forum for learning, sharing, and exploring. We all should take a lesson here and agree that not everyone is on the same level and as such should be respected for that. It doesn't appear that the Vans are trying to carve notches into thier bed post and are considerate of others feelings. Like the Vans, we have to do quite a bit of planning to make sure all the oars are in the water, albeit that they sometimes are on the same side of the boat... but going in circles can be fun. And yes, sometimes we have to wait weeks for plans to come together, so why jeapardize things on something that may be considered "wrong" by someone else. We have learned lots reading the postings here... and one of the things we most definitely learned is that people can be rude. Mr and Mrs Van thanks for a great post.

[VanHlebar]

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

So...what's the plan from here on out? Is there an interest there? You will have to let us know how it goes...

Ok, so here is you update. We have been invited to her house later this month. She has grasiously offered to cook us dinner if we will bring dessert

So we are bringing the wine and we will just see how things go from there. facelick


-Van

[WesternSwing]

That worked-out nicely then! Good luck!

Mr. WS

[Thrax]

Good for you two. Let us know what was on the menu...

Thrax