Question Regarding MFM Mindset

[PrivateDance42]

I'm very interested in the general mindset of straight males who are willing to join a 'married' couple for a MFM threesome.

I understand that many married males are aroused by seeing their female become sexually aroused by another male. But, if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'? Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)? Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex? Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

It may be impossible to generalize, but does anyone (male or female) have any useful insight?

[sereneiders]

It's a great question! I have no clue myself and would like to read some answers too.

[valley]

Voyeurism is a good place to start ....to answer the question of why.Then if you can understand why people are voyeuristic ,you can start on exhibitionism.

My hubby tells me what he loves but he cannot pin down the why.Apart from the fact it looks good.

[meandher2go]

its like watching live porn right? how bad could it be. and if ya get to enjoy HER its even better then.

alone is gonna be preferred but with the husband present its good too.

[SWPME67]

As a straight single male, I find the MFM experience to be an incredibly erotic experience when with the female half (of a couple) who enjoys being pleasured by two men either separately or at the same time. Sex and the pleasure (both physical and emotional) that it can bring has always been more of a "giving" rather than "receiving" experience for me.

Bi-sexual tendencies don't really enter into the picture for me although there can be a voyeuristic element of pleasure in knowing that the female half (of the couple) might also enjoy being watched by another male. As the other male, I don't really see myself there in a role to "directly" please the male half of the couple. Therefore any bi-sexual tendencies (though for some males can be there) are not part of the experience for me.

Knowing that female half (of a couple) desires a MFM experience and enjoys the pleasure of two men is enough to make willing to join a couple for a threesome. For me, its really all about pleasing the female half of the couple. Hopefully her (relationship partner) understands this and therefore shares a similar mindset that involves pleasing her. There may be three people present but for me the female half (of the couple) should really be the center of attention for both male partners involved. Don't know if this helps any but just thought I'd give things a try....

[hilltop]

It's done for the same reasons everyone here seeks other playmates to enhance their sex life.

Are there those who do it just for NSA sex? Sure, just register on any ad site and say you're looking for a single male . . .

If you're going to break it down to just the physical, what do singles get out of sex with anyone - swingers or vanilla. We do it for the same reasons everyone has sex.

Voyeuristic? You bet - we like it for the same reasons so many couples watch porn.

For myself I find more honest passion with a couple who are pushing the limits of their sexuality and if you're lucky enough to form a friendship out of it you're part of a very unique dynamic that most of society doesn't understand. What's not to like about that?

I love these sorts o' questions. It assumes singles are somehow "different" than everyone else. Remember, we're just you without a committed partner.

[Rockon]

I find it to be an extreeme turn on to be with a lady that can and will handle 2 guys at once

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by PrivateDance42

But, if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

Sex.

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'?

Sometimes. It can be like watching live porn.

Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)?

No.

Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex?

It's another swing opportunity.

Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

I do prefer that. (And BTW, except for Rosie Palm, one-on-one sex with a female -- no other male present -- is the only way I've had sex in the vanilla world. ) However, as I think has been pointed out in many, many other threads, swinging tends to be more couple-oriented than singles (male or female) oriented. And compared to couples and single males, single females are probably the smallest group in SchwingWorld. There are also married women who play with single males (and in my case I've played with a few women WITH their husbands' approval, but without the spouse being present), but again, that can be infrequent. Okay, so that's a small group, too. Anyway, I might as well take advantage of an MFM opportunity if I get along with a couple and they accept me.

[Platinum24]

I've always kinda wanted to know this myself. As a gay male, I've always wondered how straight males can stay hard and have sex in front of each other. I never thought I could get hard in front of a female but I did. So I understand.

[PrivateDance42]

Thank you. I got some useful insights from the answers provided, especially from the single males.

Originally Posted by hilltop

I love these sorts o' questions. It assumes singles are somehow "different" than everyone else. Remember, we're just you without a committed partner.

My question is not a declarative statement, but I admit there is an imbedded assumption that single males are somewhat different than married males. The married man in a MFM has an emotional connection with the F - this is an important distinction in my book. I had assumed that this emotional connection was the main reason why married males enjoyed seeing their partners receive pleasure from another man - they empathize with their partner because of their emotional attachment. Yet, it appears that the single males also get pleasure from seeing a female get pleasured by a man - but it is more voyeuristic and less emotional/empathetic.


If my initial question was turned on its side, it might address a female's motivation for taking part in a FMF threesome. I didn't ask this question because, as a bi-female, I think I have some insight. The 'single' female, because she is bisesual, enjoys the physical interaction between each partner, male and female. I don't imagine that there are many 'straight' females which engage in FMF, yet it seems that single males engaging in MFM are mostly straight.

I am very aware that females, in general, can have sex whenever they want with a very wide range of people. So, I understand the perspective of a male who engages in MFM partly to expand his chances to enjoy regular sexual activity. What is that silly quote from Woody Allen? Something about being bisexual doubles your chances of getting a date for Saturday night? I guess a similar factor applies to single males in the lifestyle - MFM expands your opportunities.

[hilltop]

Privatedance -

I appreciate the clarification on the motives for your question. It was VERY well stated.

Unfortunately as a single male in the swinging community it is a constant challenge to be seen for the individuals we are. Because their are so many of our fellows who are more than willing to behave like absolute brutes it becomes ever more important to try and provide a look into being single that goes past the stereotype. I didn't take your question as a declarative statement but I did use the opportunity as a forum and for that I apologise.

Here's a little more personal insight to what I said in my previous post regarding passion.

I was involved in a physical relationship for a short time with a lesbian couple. The three of us had known each other for a long time and they had been together for about seven years. The passion and level of excitement for them during our time together was as intense (maybe even more so) to any MFM encounter that I've had with any couple. So, for me regardless of the circumstance or the genders involved it's all about that powerful dynamic that three people can generate!

[JnCC]

I'm not the most qualified guy to answer these questions. If I'm to believe some of the other posts I've read here, there are guys who have far more experience than I at these things. But I've done a few over the years, so here goes......

Originally Posted by PrivateDance42

if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

For me, that depends mostly upon the couple. In the worst case scenario, I'm simply doing something out of the ordinary...something totally different from the usual, M/F dating scene...and maybe helping a couple live a fantasy. On the other hand, it's possible to meet people who become friends for years. Either way, I'm meeting some very interesting people...

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'?

Yea, a little. But no more so than watching another couple at a swing club, which is to say, it's interesting...for about 5 minutes. If they're putting on a little "show" for me, it's different, and that time limit no longer applies. I can be a very appreciative "audience."

I was at a club not long ago, and one young woman was "entertaining" a small group of men not 10 feet from the pool table. The players hardly noticed.

Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)?

Whooo-hoo...bisexuality. That's a real hot button among men. There's been some interesting research lately on how boy's brains brains develop, and how we are very sensitive to public scrutiny or criticism. Basically, what it says is that we don't like to be "dissed" in front of other men. Our social heirarchy is vertically oriented...status in conferred upon those who are higher up on the totem pole. Women are more "laterally oriented." For them, it's important to get along with all members of the group, with little regard to who's the actual "Top Dog."

This probably has some impilications as to why women are more comfortable with bisexuality in a group setting. They're getting to "know" the other women before entrusting their husbands to them. For men, it's very different...we want to know who the alpha-male is, and where we stand in the order of things. Obviously, a man who has a penis in his mouth loses status to the man who owns the penis. And they both lose status to the guy who has his penis in the mouth of a beautiful woman. We may be "aroused," but at a very deep, subconscious level.

(There are some fascinating parallels as to how males and females experience homosexuality diifferently, that are too complicated to go into here)

Bottom line? I think there IS a component of bisexuality in most MFM encounters, although that doesn't mean that either male would ever act overtly on those feelings.

Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex?

Absolutely NOT. For one thing, there is a TON of "no strings sex" available in the vanilla world. We like to fuck. Fucking is a good thing. And without question, the desire to have sex is our one truely "renewable" natural resource. Fuck today, and in a few days you'll want to fuck again. When you do, it'll be like the sex you had today never happened. Naaaahhh...finding somebody who just wants to bump uglies is no problem.

To understand the biggest reason most guys don't do this "just to get laid," you have to look at the numbers. There are SO many guys going after so few couples in the lifestyle, that the quality of the people they meet, and the time and effort thay have to put into meeting them, is bound to suffer. I'm sorry, but that's just the long and the short of it.

Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

Most of the time, yes. For one thing, sex that's being "choreographed" by any other person is highly distracting. ("Put it here...do it there...let's all try this...") It's pretty common for couples who are into MFM to have certain fantasies they want to play out. The fact that those fantasies may not fit the mood or the enviornment can leave a lot of egos bruised and hard feelings all around.

The other reason is that "The language of love is not spoken, but whispered" as one of my friends puts it. "Nuances of desire," and "subleties of motion" are hard enough to decipher when you're 1-on-1. Having another man there, and trying to remain cognizant of their limits can mask or even contradict the signals the woman is sending via her sexual response. It's like trying to test-drive a motorcycle...with a sticky throttle...and the salesman on the back...and a cop 30 feet behind you both.

MFM's can be fun, and despite the drawbacks, I've made 1 or 2 great friendships through them, but they'll never replace sex...

[pjohn]

So, for me regardless of the circumstance or the genders involved it's all about that powerful dynamic that three people can generate!

Well said it hilltop...it's nothing but that

[sereneiders]

JnCC,

I liked your overall analysis, and agree with most of what you said. At least the theoretical aspects, since I am a married guy and curious to know the answers to these questions from single males.

Originally Posted by JnCC

To understand the biggest reason most guys don't do this "just to get laid," you have to look at the numbers. There are SO many guys going after so few couples in the lifestyle, that the quality of the people they meet, and the time and effort thay have to put into meeting them, is bound to suffer.

I see your point and I agree that is the case for a lot of single males, I doubt you could generalize that. There could be even far more single males looking for an easy laid that gives it a try for a couple of weeks, and as soon as one get tired and give up, a new one brings up to fill up the place left from the former, for the statistical purposes.

For the sake of the analysis, we could take a look at what happens with single women looking to be with a couple. I do NOT know, but I gess there are way less women, and I'd say very few women looks in the lifestyle to get laid. I know, cultural/educational differences among men and women have to do with it, but the same differences may have to be taken into account for single males, and on the grounds of the very same arguments you provided.

We're not up to MFMs, not because we didn't fantasized of this, instead because we have no clues nor grounds to evaluate this questions in an every case basis, for example, for every single guy that approaches us in the club.

I agree that being with a couple involves way more effort (and "social engineering" if you allow me the expression) than finding a woman, but I could use the same arguments you gave to us to "build up" a consistent scenario where a guy could be up to make this effort in a way that could be risky for us.

We had an example in this forum from a guy complaining about people's behavior in a club (that was the thread subject) when actually, even being a married guy, he was trying to reasure his own "alpha-male" ego by supposing other wyfes were there to get what these husbands were not able to provide and he stated he was.

I am pretty sure it is not the case for the single males like yourself in this forum, from what they say, and I gess the sort of males I am talking about doesn't have the chance to answer this thread because we beaten them up before.

I am not trying to beat up the singles here, I am just exposing the fears we have, the ones leading me to get to know these answers.

Perhaps we should have to start another thread to avoid hihacking this one, one were to rawly confess our fears and all these "devious" things that from time to time crosses the back of our mind as to expose the things that may happen under the table, i.e., get to know that picture we have about that feared monster, the mice, and the mice itself to recognize it isn't such a monster.

[youngguy24m]

I am a single male and have yet to participate in a MFM but....

I've always been attracted to MFM pornography. A woman's face and the noises she makes while being pleasured have always been a major turn on. The thought of a woman looking up at me with the passion of being fucked from behind while she has me in her mouth drives me insane.

The short answer....a woman's pleasure is mine.