married going alone

[mywildside]

I have a difficult situation, I am really interested in swinging, I would prefer a 3 way with another man, I love the idea of my beautiful wife being with a good looking large, thick lover. When we make love she love's the idea but will go no furhter. I have decided to try to go it alone. I have female freinds that would like to join me. My question to the experienced swingers, is how do you feel with married people swinging without their spouse.

[MrsVan]

MrVan and I personally when we see a post come through to us that is a married male wanting to join a MFM with us and he is participating alone, we tend to not get involved. For us it is the issue of whether or not your spouse actually knows that you are living this lifestyle and if the spouse does not know then it can be that your relationship could be rocky and your trying to seek something outside of the marriage.

There may be couples out there that are comfortable with you playing alone but for us we prefer the single type. Hope it works out for you but if you decide to play alone and the spouse does not know that your wanting to join this lifestyle, I would suggest in talking this over and letting the spouse know your interests.

MrsVan

[Sweet_Candy]

How ironic . . . we spoke with a single male last night and the first question we had for him was "Are you really single?". We're not into the drama that can arise from a married person swinging without their partner's knowledge. We would pass . . .to many out there who are single.

[Spoomonkey]

There are far too many threads on this topic to beat the dead horse... Though I am sure it will be brought up over and over...

Do a search for "cheater". You'll discover how we feel about it fairly quickly.

Try this one and this one to start.

Spoomonkey

[Greg & Sheryl]

Generally, it's frowned upon. It's plausible that you and one of your female friends could attend a local on-premise swing club together and play without incident, but most veteran swingers will want to avoid to drama that usually comes from your situation.

[hilltop]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

There are far too many threads on this topic to beat the dead horse... Though I am sure it will be brought up over and over...

Do a search for "cheater". You'll discover how we feel about it fairly quickly.

Spoomonkey

Dito Dito Dito nuff said!

[intuition897]

Does anybody have :slapsforehead: smily?

WildSide, I have posted at length about this topic, so I won't go into it again. I'll just say three things:

1) Don't do it.
2) Search the boards here for "cheating" or "cheater"
3) Talk to your wife and explain your feelings. If you are too ashamed to admit that you are willing to cheat on her to satisfy your sexual curiosity, then I'd say you have a good idea where to start fixing problems.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Wow, does the insanity ever cease ??? Here's the suggested reading list ....


http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...earchid=504526

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by mywildside

I love the idea of my beautiful wife being with a good looking large, thick lover. When we make love she loves the idea but will go no further. I have decided to try to go it alone.

I understand your frustration, but I think "brickbatting" you over this cheating thing may be a little premature. You might not realize it, but you're actually pretty lucky to be married to a woman who takes things a little slowly at first. Divorce courts are full of people who have done stupid things on impulse.

It sounds like she's open to the idea of including a third. Score one major point in your favor. At least you're both talking about it...and she's smiling.

Have you considered that the problem might be not so much what you're proposing, but how you're going to bridge the gap between "fantasy" and "reality?"

Some people like to dive headlong into new things. Others like to take their time and "ease" their way into them. Your wife may be one of the latter. If that's the case, you might want to consider taking a number of small, baby steps into this. Don't think about how to make this happen right now...think about what you'll need to do to make this happen somewhere down the road. Break it down into the smallest steps you can think of...then break it down some more. I've known one couple who wrote down what they were going to do...and what their limits were. For example...

1) dancing with other men...no slow dancing

2) slow dancing...no fondling

3) fondling...no kissing

You can see where I'm going with this. Take it at her pace...and be there to catch her if she goes a little too far.

I don't see any reason to risk tanking your marriage over this. Not yet, at least. Going from "0" to "full-bop swinger" in one step is a scary proposition for any sane, rational person...especially if it involves a single male.

[bluesplyr]

I can certainly understand the problems that can arise from a guy swinging alone. This said, if a marriage is kept together merely for convenience sake and lacking any physical contact, then this is the reason I am engaged in the lifestyle. I have met some nice people, but for the most part they have a spouse which helps avoid the possibility of any strong emotional attachment. This is my story and i'm sticking to it.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by bluesplyr

I can certainly understand the problems that can arise from a guy swinging alone. This said, if a marriage is kept together merely for convenience sake and lacking any physical contact, then this is the reason I am engaged in the lifestyle. I have met some nice people, but for the most part they have a spouse which helps avoid the possibility of any strong emotional attachment. This is my story and i'm sticking to it.

Mr. Bluesplyr,

You did not join the lifestyle. You joined the "cheaters of America" group. Swinging is about more then just the sex. It is about being honest with all concerned and staying in your marriage for merely the convenience is not being honest with Anyone involved.

Don't try to kid us even though your are kidding yourself.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

You did not join the lifestyle. You joined the "cheaters of America" group. Swinging is about more then just the sex. It is about being honest with all concerned and staying in your marriage for merely the convenience is not being honest with Anyone involved.

Dito

More wisdom from the west...

Spoomonkey

[bluesplyr]

I can't remember where the ladies involved were not aware of my situation. As a matter of fact, on numerous occasions they felt more relaxed and safe.
This is my story and i'm sticking to it. facelick

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by bluesplyr

I can't remember where the ladies involved were not aware of my situation. As a matter of fact, on numerous occasions they felt more relaxed and safe.
This is my story and i'm sticking to it. facelick

Does that include your wife knowing?

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by bluesplyr

I can't remember where the ladies involved were not aware of my situation. As a matter of fact, on numerous occasions they felt more relaxed and safe.

Does that include your wife, or does she get to remain ignorant of the situation for your 'convenience'?

I've been married and divorced. Neither is easy. Frankly, I think those of you claiming to be "married for convenience" and "in a sexless marriage" need to grow some balls, be a real man, and make a decision. Either decide to stay married, quit cheating, and work to fix your marriage; or get the hell out.

90% of the cheating men I have ever known stay married for their convenience, not that of their spouse or children. They stay married because it's a way to keep that unpaid maid and sex service that they find so useful and comforting while they're not out fucking around. They stay married because they think it shows them in a good light in their community ("Isn't he a great father?"). Then they're the first to "dump the bitch" if she returns the favor by cheating on them.

If I didn't have scruples, I could get all the sex I wanted by helpin' your cheated-on-wives to return the favor--and trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who will and are.