Question from Newbie Single Male

[TNT]

Thrax

Most excellent post


sc8868

Just remember to smile and be a gentleman. One thing is to put yourself in the shoes of being a couple and think about how you would want a single man to act if you were looking for a third.

There are numerous couples who enjoy single men and once you're in good with one, news will travel. Of course, the opposite is also true, if you come off as an asshole, that too will travel.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.


Teresa

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by txduo2000

Don't ever think that your response would be unwarranted, even if EternallySingle and Curiousagain get to a thread before you do. ALL perspectives from a Single Male's point of view are worthy ... and I will state that in my particularly biased opinion, you, EternallySingle and curiousagain have the most enlightened, respectful and admirable mindsets of ANY singles I have come across ... on this board and in person. All of you offer invaluable advice to all newcomers to the singles corner.

Thanks for the compliments! I appreciate that coming from someone who is so active on the board (You, by the way, are in my "must-read" category).

And I never had the idea that my responses might be unwarranted, it's just a little disheartening when I get to a topic late and find ES and/or CA have already posted lucid, thorough messages that really cover the issue(s). Then I get to add my one or two lines. That's just my posting-envy. I was just happy to lead the single male parade this time, rather than sweeping up afterwards.

Thanks for letting me know my input is valued.

Originally Posted by TNT
Thrax
Most excellent post

TNT, thank you also. Sorry if this sounds too mutual-admiration-society smarmy, but I look for your posts as well as txduo2000's and a few others. And my admiration knows no bounds for a couple that moves something as mundane as The Clapper into the sex toy category.

Well, enough of the threadjack.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Thrax

If there is dancing, consider dancing... If you are getting along with some single women or couples at the bar, you might want to ask one of those women to dance. If you see a gaggle of women in an area -- especially near the dance floor -- watching the goings-on, try to get up the nerve to introduce yourself there and ask if anyone wants to dance.

Overall, some very good advice, but I'd be kinda careful here. I think the best, and safest, single-guy/swingers protocol is to first ask the husband if he would mind your asking his wife for the dance. If she's in a group of women near the dance floor, the same rule still applies. Ask him if you can ask her...then make your approach.

Everything else you've said is absolutely on-point. If you "walk-the-walk" as well as you "talk-the-talk" I have no doubt that you've found some success as a single guy in swing clubs.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by JnCC

Overall, some very good advice, but I'd be kinda careful here. I think the best, and safest, single-guy/swingers protocol is to first ask the husband if he would mind your asking his wife for the dance. If she's in a group of women near the dance floor, the same rule still applies. Ask him if you can ask her...then make your approach.

Everything else you've said is absolutely on-point. If you "walk-the-walk" as well as you "talk-the-talk" I have no doubt that you've found some success as a single guy in swing clubs.

Point well taken. That's what I meant by "...getting along with couples at the bar." In the interest of brevity -- and I am a stranger to brevity, as you probably know if you read many of my other posts, and the rest of this one -- I omitted the details of having already established a strong enough social relationship with the couple that a single guy could ask the woman of the couple to dance.

Which actually brings me to two points that I forgot to address before.

The first issue is the apprehensiveness I experienced in some of the swing party situations I've been in. Although clubs can be intimidating, I never felt anything more than "first date" nervousness in that setting. Frankly, club settings are similar to partying at local bars, only with the awareness that if someone is flirting with you at a swing club, and/or you make some kind of connection, your prospects of having a sexual encounter within the next few hours are MUCH better than going to "vanilla" watering holes.

However, there were a few house parties and swing campouts where I arrived and in the first 5 minutes thought, "What the F**K am I doing here?!?!? I do NOT fit in with this group." Actually, all those situations ended up okay, and actually satisfying sexually and in one case, in the establishment of a friendship with a couple. I think it was encountering, at first, the first few partiers of a very small group and thinking initially that I might not be compatible with anyone, that scared me. Hey, I am very introverted, and even though I have Dale-Carnegied those wallflower aspects to the background in most respects, it's still an effort for me to engage with some people.

So, my lesson learned in those situations was just to relax, interact with everybody, and let the chips fall where they may. In either situation, there are always polite escape routes, as there are in any social setting.

Second, most likely because of my experience, I have REALISTIC expectations (I don't like the "no expectations" phrase) concerning the possibility of a sexual encounter at a swing event. To be perfectly frank, if a SM has the social skills to "score" in a vanilla setting, he probably has even a better chance, no matter how slight, in a swing setting. But, and as PeeWee used to say, here's your big but, a single guy might have a great night of conversation, dancing, hot tubbing, and drinking at a club or off-premise event and not have a sexual encounter.

Fortunately, I regard no opportunity as being wasted. In the past year there is one house party and a campout that I can refer to as good "investments" in the lifestyle. In one case I had NO sexual interaction, and in the other sexual contact was very limited (kissing and fondling). In both situations, the respective couples "evaluated" me and contacted me later. They waited until the thrill of the party was over and they could size me up. Luckily, both couples decided I was okay to include in other arrangements. So although I was a little (okay, much more than a little) frustrated at the party, both encounters developed into MUCH more that I had expected.

So, as they say, patience is a virtue. Single guys, don't despair if your first club visit, house party, or whatever, isn't "successful," but, as they say on Broadway, "Wait until the reviews come in."