Do couples have a responsibility towards a single they play with?

[TNT]

While reading over this thread I got to thinking...Do couples have a responsibility towards a single they play with?

In our opinion yes.

Ted and I play with a lot of single men. Our approach seems to be totally different than others who do, but...we also seem to be extremely more successful in finding great guys that not only do we enjoy returning for more play, they do too.

It seems to us that most couples just look at a single man as a piece of meat, someone there to fulfill every thing that the couple wants, without regard to what the single man wants.

We feel that we are asking a lot of a single man and we always try and make sure that he is comfortable in every aspect. He's the one that is coming into a play session alone. He's the one that will be going home alone. He's the one that is put under a lot of pressure to not only make the husband feel comfortable, but also the wife. He's the one that is worring about stepping over any line that might upset the husband or wife. In short, he's the one coming into the situation with a lot more on his mind than the couple.

For us as a couple, we feel that it's our responsibility to eliminate as many of his worries as we can to ensure that everyone has a great time. We want him to have as much fun as we are and we have found by treating a single man like a person and not a piece of meat only there for our pleasure, we all have a better experience.

Thoughts????


Teresa

[Dynamar]

Interesting thread idea, Teresa.

I agree with your thoughts, and also feel there are many couples who'd like a single female to join them to have the same considerations. As you mention, the single arrives alone and leaves alone... we like to know we're getting something out the arrangement too.

[EmpyreanPleasur]

I agree and it's certainly true with a single female. She has the same potential concerns PLUS the safety factor. Of course men have to worry about performance should nerves start up.

Another thread talks about the spouse feeling left out during a threesome...however there is also the concern about the 3rd feeling leftout. This is something we try to be aware of not only throughout the play, but afterwards. Even the next day - as I'm sure many here do - calling or writing them as a follow up after they get home and may be feeling a bit lonely or unsure of themselves.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Excellent thread TNT. We agree totally with you. We look for a single that we can all connect with and hopefully in the long run have as a friend for repeats. If him and Mr Spoo connect then that usually helps eliminate a lot of worry on the singles part about crossing lines. Also, Mr Spoo will let him know do's and don'ts with me and tries to find out what fantasies the single might have.

We always try not to treat a single like a piece of meat. The problem we have found though is that even though our profile on Swing Lifestyle indicates we are looking for friendship with a single and on going relationship we end up getting singles that are the "wham-bam thank you ma'am" type. That gets really frustrating we felt like we were being treated like the piece of meat.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by TNT

While reading over this thread I got to thinking...Do couples have a responsibility towards a single they play with?

In our opinion yes.


We feel that we are asking a lot of a single man and we always try and make sure that he is comfortable in every aspect. He's the one that is coming into a play session alone. He's the one that will be going home alone. He's the one that is put under a lot of pressure to not only make the husband feel comfortable, but also the wife. He's the one that is worring about stepping over any line that might upset the husband or wife. In short, he's the one coming into the situation with a lot more on his mind than the couple.

I have to agree with you. The responsibility definately goes both ways no matter who's on each end. Just as with two couples both couples are responsible to make sure that the other is aware of their boundaries and expectations, so it should be between a couple and a single. I think that often couples go into swinging with singles (male and female) with this attitude that the single is open to anything and the couple can just take what they want.

[curiousagain]

I think ES said something one time about couples approaching a single (male or female) as they would a couple. That's a pretty good bit of advice in a short sentence.

Singles are people too. Of course, sometimes they are people with abrasive personalities or irrational wishes, etc. but so are couples or people within couples. I think one of the biggest differences is the couple doesn't have to worry about the single being jealous of anybody, well on second thought if the single male or female is bi..........

As far as pressure, I usually just feel that in certain situations, such as if a couple only does the MFM thing once a year, or it's their first time, or it's a birthday present for the wife, etc. Usually there is a few weeks warning for something like that and I will go to extra lengths to find out exactly what it is they are looking for and to prepare myself. I take the extra time to diet stricter and workout more. If facial hair is preferred, I grow it, if not and I have it at the time, I shave it off the day before. I will take the day off before the meeting and just rest, relax, chill out and manscape. I know I am there for a certain reason and have been chosen, if by internet, literally from hundreds of possibles so I feel a responsibility to do my part so to speak to make the evening or evenings everything the couple wants it to be.

[txduo2000]

From the perspective of the female half of a couple who occasionally plays with single men, I just want to say that you are a HELL of a man curiousagain! You absolutely have it together with your philosophies of a single man's role in this lifestyle. Personally, I would be HONORED to meet you and have that opportunity.

And as for the other posts ... I absolutely agree. It is somewhat of a two-way street. I know that I tend to worry about everyone's comfort level in our encounters, sometimes at the expense of my own. I know that when we are with our regular single guy, I try to be very conscientious of his comfort level, his desires, etc. and make sure that he is having AS great a time as we expect to have with him joining us. I care about him as a PERSON and not just a plaything.

[destin-ez]

Awesome thread TNT...

Our 1st MFM was an impromptu meeting far from home. We met him at a bar, the wife liked his looks, his sense of humor and off to our hotel room we went.

In our "newness", we continued to look at single males in a similar, "no-need-to develop-a-bond" way. In fact, due to our lack of knowledge, we both feared forming a bond with swinging, single males.

However, thanks to threads such as yours, reading CA'S, ES' and other single male's thoughts here, that is no longer a concern. My eyes have really been opened as to the need and how to establish a truly open, honest and "fun" relationship with single males. Creating relationships that, if everybody desires, we can easily and comfortably go back to time and time again.

Mr. D

[SluttyWife]

Originally Posted by EmpyreanPleasur

Another thread talks about the spouse feeling left out during a threesome...however there is also the concern about the 3rd feeling leftout. This is something we try to be aware of not only throughout the play, but afterwards. Even the next day - as I'm sure many here do - calling or writing them as a follow up after they get home and may be feeling a bit lonely or unsure of themselves.

You know one way the Knight and I have worked on the "3rd feeling left out" thing is by keeping the focus on MY pleasure. Two hard men plying their attentions wherever I like.. keeps them plenty busy!
We (I particularly) keep the "good-vibey" feelings going by keeping and staying in touch (sending pics, cards, little "thinking of you" messages) with my otherloves. We have pretty much ruled out anything too awkward by making friends with guys who travel here from time to time.
In agreement with T&T about feeling some responsibility towards
making them feel VERY warm and welcome!

Yours,

Slutty Wife ;-*

[kittylikesmfm]

I agree completely. From all my chatting online, the genuinely cool, nice, attractive, gets-along-with-the-husband single guy is the holy grail of swinging..lol. Want to make sure you keep one of those coming back around..lol.

[valley]

As a couple who have a thing for sensuality,prolonged pleasure giving and receiving,we agree that couples have a responsibility to our single partner.He is giving us what we want ,so I believe we owe it to him to give him what he wants.That, of course, means within our limits.We try hard to assure him and reassure him he is not under examination,not being judged,and his performance rated.

In fact ,because he is in bed with us it is because I desire him.If he is not the type of guy I would have had were I single,he wouldnt be there.So,having him in bed I then simply do what I would normally do with any guy.His pleasure is as important to me as mine is to him.

If things went well,of course I would think of future meetings,so to be honest and considerate to him means being responsible with his feelings,to his self image.

If things didnt go well,being polite never cost a cent.