have you noticed a trend in increasing number of wives "on the prowl"?

[curiousagain]

I was talking to a single male friend recently and it seems we have both noticed the same thing. Over the past year or so we have had more married women hit on us than single women. It's not an age thing, I am 49, he is 29.
It's not a type thing, (and we all know the latest "in" thing runs in cycles). He is thin, I am "beefy". It's not "vibes". I'm a swinger, I am pretty sure he isn't.

We discussed that maybe it's TV or Movies tending to glamorize that sort of thing lately. Maybe it's a regional thing.

Have any other single males been experiencing this? While I am more than happy to pleasure a wife while her husband is also or in front of him with his blessings, I am really really not into cheating for all of the usual reasons. As a single male who thinks he would get married again if he met the right woman this has been more than a little disconcerting to me.

[JnCC]

Check out the July 12, 2004 issue of Newsweek magazine. (yea, like you just happen to have it laying around..uh-uh) The cover story is "The New Infidelity - From Office Affairs to Internet Hookups, More Wives Are Cheating Too" According to article, The National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago states that the number of women who cheat is up by almost 50%. The article goes on to say...

"The best interpretation of the data: the cheating rate for women is apporoaching that for men, according to Tom Smith, author of the NORC's reports on sexual behavior"

"Michele Weiner-Davis, marriage counselor and founder of the Divorce Busting Center in Woodstock, Ill says that when she started practicing, just 10% of the infidelity she knew of was committed by women. Now, she believes, it's closer to 50% 'Women have suddenly begun to give themselves permission to step over the boundary the way that men always have."

I've noticed the same thing you have...more married women hanging out online or at some of the local watering holes. Barnes & Noble and the gym seem to have a fair share of married women who are comfortable striking up somewhat "leading" conversations with men. I'm also meeting a lot more divorced women in their 40's on the vanilla site, who are comfortable discussing their own marital infidileties. It's almost like it's a big joke to them.

I have no idea why that is or what it all means...I'm just glad it's not my problem...

[montresor]

I figure if it's in Newsweek as some kind of new "trend," then it's not really anything new. People have needs and desires and drives that all too often can't be expressed within the confines of a narrowly defined monogamous marriage. Most times they find ways to work it out without coloring outside the lines. Sometimes, however, they find the institution of marriage itself is the problem -- a conceptual claustrophobia sets in for whatever reason, real or imagined, and somebody "steps out" for a bit. I suspect that this trend is nothing new; people have always cheated, and it isn't solely the provenance of the male. Women have needs too, and they've been doing the "Madame Bovary" for centuries. It's just that we're noticing more; or that women are more outfront about it.

[northindycpl]

I have definately noticed a trend with my vanilla friends telling me about their affairs. It is as if they are discussing their new Gucci handbag or something. I would have to say that of about 10 good girlfriends of mine, (that are vertical) 5 or them are having affairs, or even multiple affairs.

Statistically, I am always amazed that the newstories report these. I mean, the men have to be cheating with someone. Why isn't the female rate as high as the mens?

I don't think that women are cheating more or less then they always have been, I think they are just discussing it now, and are a bit more agressive in their pursuits then in the past.

[curiousagain]

Yeah, I have always said there is no way the men are cheating that much more than the women, the women just aren't admitting it. I think it boils down to more aggressive pursuing by the woman rather than sitting back and waiting for it to come to them. Also, it has become somewhat the "in" thing to brag about or something.

I had one tell me that she only cheated with single guys because it was difficult enough to cover her tracks at home and two people trying to cover up at the same time was too difficult. She said there was plenty of single guys’ willing to hook up with her so there was no need to pursue married men. Oddly enough she said it was also because she would never "interfere in another woman's relationship". In other words, she could respect a stranger's relationship but not her own.

I think it is just more acceptable in society now or something.

[northindycpl]

Jimmy Choos, Martini's and affairs.

Just look at any cover of Vogue~!

[JustAskJulie]

This reminds me of the Oprah episode that including swinging, the first half of the show was about this "new infidelity" and how much more "out" people are with their affairs. Add to that so many sites out there geared just towards those seeking to cheat, shows like Desperate Housewives and others that do somewhat glamourize it and you can see how it has become more of an "in" thing to do.

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

Jimmy Choos, Martini's and affairs.

Just look at any cover of Vogue~!

I'll pass. Thanks anyway.

Thanks for the info though. BTW, what are/is Jimmy Choos?

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

Statistically, I am always amazed that the newstories report these. I mean, the men have to be cheating with someone. Why isn't the female rate as high as the mens?

There was some research reported in Playboy Magazine in which both male and female students at a major university were asked how many sex partners they'd had. The average number for boys was about twice what it was for girls. Later, the same question was asked of the exact same group, but this time, they were connected to what they were told was a "lie detector." The numbers were much more closely aligned...almost equal, as I recall.

All in all, the results were in line with what anthropologists have been saying for the last 40 years about mating strategies and behaviors. I think that researching how the perception of "truth" differs between men and women would be a fascinating field of study.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

BTW, what are/is Jimmy Choos?

They're shoes, baby!

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by Dynamar

They're shoes, baby!

I should have known.

Anything else you could educate a single guy on, Dynamar?

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

BTW, what are/is Jimmy Choos?

The best shoes your money can buy me!

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

The best shoes your money can buy me!

If they are on the cover of Vogue, I'm sure they are.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

If they are on the cover of Vogue, I'm sure they are.

Sorry they aren't already in my closet.... I had to spend all my money on Vogue to reasearch your trend findings...

Now, I will be barefoot and have to go back to wearing my Manolo Blahniks

[txduo2000]

I don't have any Manolo's or any Jimmy Choo's ... What the heck do you guys do for a living for goodness sakes??????

Back to the original post: Yes, I have noticed it too, but like others have said, I am not too sure that it hasn't always been happening with the same, or close to the same, frequency as is now publicized, I just think that women are being more vocal about it.

As many know by now, I am a reformed cheater. Not proud to have cheated at all, felt like I had my justifiable reasons at the time , but DAMN PROUD that I now KNOW I would NEVER do anything like that again! And secure enough in myself that I can be honest about the effects and the ramifications and my total responsibility in the act.

I think that for so long it was kind of "socially acceptable" for a man to cheat ... understandable to many at large. However, women were supposed to be faithful, respectful to their husbands and "stand by their man" ... this attitude has seemingly changed, perhaps with the constant evolution of feminism (don't really agree with all aspects of feminism, myself, and it wasn't a self-empowerment thing when I did it).

I can't speculate on the reasons that anyone cheats - I only know what I thought were my own.

But I can definitely see where the perception is that it is becoming more "socially acceptable" for women to do it nowadays.