will i feel weird at a couples bar?

[erockz]

Hi all. I use to swing with my ex but now I am single. I kind of want to meet new people and start again, but its hard now that am single. So if I go to these couples bar, will I feel weird? I mean it is a "couples" bar, so me being single now I am not a couple, will I feel weird? Like for example, whats the best approach? Should I wait for someone to talk to me or should I go to them? thanks

[JustAskJulie]

If it's strictly a "couples bar" they probably won't let you in alone. You need to find out if they allow single males and, if so, what their rules are for said single males.

Beyond that, you might want to look at those you previously swang with a couple, hopefully you still keep in touch with one or two of them and can perhaps meet new people through them as well.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

If it's strictly a "couples bar" they probably won't let you in alone. You need to find out if they allow single males and, if so, what their rules are for said single males.

Dito

Originally Posted by erockz

Like for example, whats the best approach? Should I wait for someone to talk to me or should I go to them?

Once you know what the rules are for single men, then you will know what you will be allowed to do and not do.

If you are allowed to roam the club freely, be polite, smile and introduce yourself. Don't be clingly, don't follow couples around, and don't go where you have not been invited to go.

If you are made to stay in one particular area...i.e. at the bar...until invited to go elsewhere...the same applies. Be polite, smile and introduce yourself to those who happen to come by. If you're invited to perhaps sit at a table with someone, do not take this as an invitation that they want to play with you. Enjoy the conversation and if they are interested in playing, they will let you know.



Teresa

[Carol_Danny]

Originally Posted by TNT

Don't be clingly, don't follow couples around

Dito Dito Dito Dito

We HATE HATE HATE that! We go some places, and invariably, some single guy tries to latch on to Carol, and won't leave her alone. I usually have to step in and intervene.

Danny & Carol

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by erockz

So if I go to these couples bar, will I feel weird? I mean it is a "couples" bar, so me being single now I am not a couple, will I feel weird?

I think you answered your own question there...

[EternallySingle]

Yes, you will feel weird. Especially if its one where you used to go with your wife. I was in that situation once. It totally freaked me out. One group of single women openly made fun of me for being there without BW. I thought it was just that mean kind of joking/flirting/teasing women do to push a guys buttons, but when I tried to talk to them in a joking manner, three of the four got really obnoxious, and the fourth signaled for the guy working security. Later that night, as I was packing from running the DJ booth, I got hit on by a very drunk woman that obviously thought I was there because I was desperate, and her even drunker husband caused a scene...wait. I've told this story here before several times.

The point is, as a single man that used to be part of a couple, you have to pick who you talk to VERY carefully when you visit a club you used to visit as part of a couple. Some of the people are not going to be nice to you. They are either going to believe that you are sneaking around on your wife, or that you did something evil to make her leave. If and when you go, remember who you (not neccessarily you and your wife) was friends with and talk to them. Not about sex, but about stuff. Don't try to relive the past. Try to make a future.

And don't spend too much time looking forward to it. Just treat it as a night out at any club and you'll be fine. Save the anticipation for when you make a connection with someone you know wants to be with you. Clubs to me are just another place to go to meet people, and I really don't trust clubs of anykind. Too often people go to clubs because they can become someone else for a few hours.

[SluttyWife]

My best guess is YES
How could you not? It's kind of like going
someplace you haven't been before.
Had you considered going as part of a "trio" latching onto
one of your couple friends and STAYING with them?
We've seen lots of that these days and even have
member trios at our club.
Usually it's a FMF thing...but I could see it possibly
working the other way around. ?

Good luck..and I agree seek out places that
aren't so "couple-orientated."

Slutty Wife ;-*

[erockz]

yeah I guess a couples bar is just for couples. Oh well, I think I'll just stick to the regular bars, seems like I have more of a chance, lol

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by erockz

yeah I guess a couples bar is just for couples. Oh well, I think I'll just stick to the regular bars, seems like I have more of a chance, lol

Some single males are very successful in the lifestyle, but the truth is, yes - you absolutely have a better chance at a regular bar...

IF you are looking for sex...

If you are looking to swing, you have to take your chances with the places where swingers are...

The reason some single males are successful, based on my observation (and the men who are successful with us), is that they understand swinging and what that is to them and their playmates much more than the average males...

Spoomonkey

[erockz]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Some single males are very successful in the lifestyle, but the truth is, yes - you absolutely have a better chance at a regular bar...

IF you are looking for sex...

huh? looking for sex? Isnt that what we all are doing with all these swinger and adult websites?

I am confused. People who swing do it for sex and fun. Now is there something I am not getting here, that couples might do it for some kind of "therapy" or something? I mean, sex with no strings attached, is just that...SEX!

If people are swinging with other partners, I dont think it comes with strings attached, so maybe I am not getting something here.

Do people here who swing also, just hang out with swinging partners and not have sex?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by erockz

huh? looking for sex? Isnt that what we all are doing with all these swinger and adult websites?

I am confused. People who swing do it for sex and fun. Now is there something I am not getting here, that couples might do it for some kind of "therapy" or something? I mean, sex with no strings attached, is just that...SEX!

If people are swinging with other partners, I dont think it comes with strings attached, so maybe I am not getting something here.

Do people here who swing also, just hang out with swinging partners and not have sex?

Why do I have a feeling you weren't really a 'swinger' to start this.

[EternallySingle]

You don't feel he was really a swinger because he, as a single man, said what couples always say: They also want to hang out with people they have something in common with.

Giving erockz the benefit of the doubt, he used to swing. He broke up with his wife or girlfriend, now he wants to get back into the local swinging community. Why would he NOT want to go and try to make contacts with other swingers, or try to reestablish contacts with swingers he knew before?

Of course, by going to a swing club, he's looking for an opportunity to have sex. Period. But that can be done easier and cheaper by going to a regular bar. No dress code, no special rules on making contact, no more hesitation from women responding to him than to any other man. He decided, however, to try a swing club. From what he wrote, mainly to MEET people, not just to have sex. There is a difference.

When I went to the casino last night, I spent thirty five dollars. Eight playing penny stocks, eight buying a woman and myself a cup of coffee, and fifteen on a two corned beef sandwiches for her and myself. I'm probably not going to see her again, but I got her email address and phone number. Still don't know what I said, but we both went to the coffee bar at the same time and ordered the same drink. I don't know why I paid, but I had a much better evening talking to her than I did playing the slot machines.

Why, then, would I venture into swinging as a single man? I did it as part of a couple and liked it. It its totally different now that I'm single, so I have to make contacts somehow. The vanilla world is hit or miss when trying to contact other swingers, and online swinger sites SUCK (and they are not good at it). So, someplace where I can meet someone face to face is best. And who knows? Maybe I'll get into a conversation with a single woman and she might decide she'd like to see me in a regular, less sexually charged situation to get to know me. Maybe she'll invite me to join her and another single woman that wants to try an FMF but doesnt' want to meet a couple alone? Maybe nothing will happen.

But I, the single man, will be seen. Everyone there will have something more than words on a computer screen to help them judge my character. And I might meet a couple more guys and enjoy a game of pool or darts. Maybe we'll even decide to leave before the regular bars close and actually pick up some women. In short, it will give me, the single man, to meet other swingers. Period.

That is a lot to understand, but thats the long and short of it. You go to places where you can meet people who share an interest you have. You like to dance, you go to a dance hall. You like to drink, you go to a bar. You like the theatre, you go to the theatre.You like (or want) to swing, you go to a swing club. Anyplace else, you can meet lots of people that don't share your interest or understand your basic desires.

So, what about that doesn't make him a swinger, except the fact that he's a single man? Its not a different set of rules, just a different perspective. You have to try and look at it from his point of view before you say he's right or wrong. I know what it is to be part of a couple. I know the predjudices because I used to have them at first. Luckily Liz (my first swing partner) broke me of those after a few months. My jealously gene is not as strong as it used to be. But knowing how I used to feel, I (and most men that used to swing as part of a couple) are a little more cautious around couples. You just have to meet them in an environment where you can truly get to know them to seperate the real ex-swingers from the wannabes.

And the only place you can do that is a swing club. Because there are so few that allow single men, not many couples looking to try a single man will ever get the chance to meet the quality ones unless they gamble on introducing a friend from their normal social circles into their bedrooms. It can work, but more often than not, it blows up in everyone's face.

Thats just my 2 cents. Spend it how you wish.

[good times]

Originally Posted by erockz

huh? looking for sex? Isnt that what we all are doing with all these swinger and adult websites?

I am confused. People who swing do it for sex and fun. Now is there something I am not getting here, that couples might do it for some kind of "therapy" or something? I mean, sex with no strings attached, is just that...SEX!

If people are swinging with other partners, I dont think it comes with strings attached, so maybe I am not getting something here.

The short answer to your question is yes, that is pretty much what we are looking for. But the reality is that the large majority of us are looking for other couples to have that sex with, not single males. We know quite a few single males that come to the club looking for couples that are into MFM. For the most part they come to the club a lot of nights and don't find anyone interested in hooking up with them so they sit at the bar, have a few drinks and go home. I think what Spoomomkeys point is, and I agree, (not speaking for him of course, he does a fantastic job of that himself) if you are just looking for a sex partner, you would have a much higher ratio of success at a regular bar/nightclub than at a swingers club as a single male. This is not to say that single males can't be successful at the club but I have observed that on any given night that singles are admitted at the club we go to, their will be about a dozen single males there for every one that actually hooks up with a couple for sex, the rest get to have a couple of drinks and go home. The reason for this is simply numbers, at our club I would say the ratio of couples that only hook up with other couples or females compared to the ones that prefer MFM is around 10 to 1. Whereas at a singles bar, assuming an even number of men to women, the odds are much better (unless you accidentaly walked into a gay and lesbian bar, don't ask me how I know this ).

Originally Posted by erockz

Do people here who swing also, just hang out with swinging partners and not have sex?

Sure, in fact, just last night we went and hung out with some of our swinger friends and didn't have sex with them. Even as a couple we don't hook up every time we go to the club, sometimes their is no one their that does it for us. On those nights we just visit with friends, have a couple of drinks and go home. In fact, I would say we have better luck than most and we still only hook up for sex about 1 out of 3 or 4 times at the club.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

You don't feel he was really a swinger because he, as a single man, said what couples always say: They also want to hang out with people they have something in common with.

I guess ES but he seems sort of clueless for someone who was a swinger. I being part of a couple know what it would be like to be a single male in swinging, just from the single males we have met. These seem like questions a single male who has never been involved in swinging would ask.

He doesn't seem to understanding swinging, period, nothing to do with being a single male.

[erockz]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I guess ES but he seems sort of clueless for someone who was a swinger. I being part of a couple know what it would be like to be a single male in swinging, just from the single males we have met. These seem like questions a single male who has never been involved in swinging would ask.

He doesn't seem to understanding swinging, period, nothing to do with being a single male.

reason is, I never been to a swinger clubs or couple clubs. Its been mostly friends but since the break up, Im not gonna go back and chill with the same friends again. Need to start something new. Its the same thing when single people go to single hook up sites. Alot of them never did "the online thing", so its all new to them.

I mean there are tons of scenarios I can think of, a couple going out with another female friend, going to a swinger club to fund a male for that friend to swing, or maybe meet a couple that knows another female and we could have a foursome. Depends. To say I never did swinging before is a little premature. Just new to this online thing, and bars where couples go.

There are tons of people in college who swing and never been to clubs. they just do it with friends. But when they leave school or what ever scenario , then where do they go to swing? Clubs, online, alone? Everybody's situation is different