DP, Couples, & The Disappearing Single Male

[LikeMinds321]

I read a thread on an ad site about a couple who had been stood up three times by three different single males. They had been e-mailing for a good while with each of these men, long enough for them to feel it was time to meet and play.

The couple had a nicely written profile and very nice photographs too.

They stated in their profile that double penetration with a single male was what they wanted.

Do you think many guys like the idea of DP, but when it comes down to finally meeting they chicken out because they have little experience in this area or lack the comfort level required for it?

LM

[Jamie&Kieth]

Well, when this action first came up I was ready for it, but my husband was not. Very eager to do it but when is came right down to doing the "DP", he chickened out. He told me he did not like the idea of his cock & balls that close to another guy. He finally admitted that he believed people would assume he was gay. I think the majority of guys are intimated by having their cock & balls so close to another male that they "chicken out".

After many discussions (at bars, in bed, & conversation) he finally agreed to participate. The people we were with, we have been having group sex with for 20 years and enjoy all sorts of combinations and activities. The point I am making is, you need to have that comfort level, if you do not then you are wasting your time. In sumation you must to communicte with your partner!

[JustAskJulie]

I think in reality MOST guys (unless they have admitted some bi tendancies) have serious reservations about the idea of their balls touching another guys balls. It seems like for many a MFM threesome is ok as long as there is no touching between the guys and even accidental should be minimal... but at least then it's accidental. Perhaps for some guys, putting themselves in a position where they KNOW there's going to be male/male touching is just a little "too far" towards bisexuality for them.

I think it goes into the same category as gangbangs in a way. Most guys initially may say that sounds cool, but when they really start thinking about it and putting THEMSELVES in the position of being involved in one, it's not nearly as cool. Fun to watch, but being involved puts you in a different category, or something.

[txduo2000]

I just reiterated to our single male friend tonight that HE was our DP guy facelick . I just had to let him know that if/when it happens, he is the front door man (hubby is the only one to go in the back door).

We'll see if this ever pans out.

[montresor]

Wow, fastidious swinging sure sounds like it defeats the whole purpose. Especially if the lady wants to be penetrated by both guys. You get into an "After you, Alphonse" kind of mode. I tend to like the "puppy pile" mode of fun.

I read a lot of things about "no 'taking one for the team,' " and while this may be true for the general situation -- such as agreeing to swing only to make your partner happy when you yourself have less than zero interest in having sex with other people -- I think it's more loving to help a partner fulfill her fantasy, whether or not a guy's balls brush against yours. Big cracks will not appear in the earth, the sun will not suddenly rise in the west, Zeus will not strike you down with a thunderbolt and Clear Channel will not plaster every one of their billboards across the USA with your smilin' face and the words "BIG MO!"

Whee doggies, as Uncle Jed would say. In any event, I think a guy should ALWAYS be ready to try whatever his gal wants. She wants a cock in her pussy and her ass? His response should be, "I'll get the lube, dear." She wants her clit tongued while she sits on a naked prick and leans back? Get down there and lick the lady, Mr Man!

Asbestos disclaimer: this clearly only applies to me. Everyone's entitled to their preferences. I myself don't particularly care if things get a little blurry in the boundary department, because I'm pretty sure of who I am, regardless of what guy I might come in close physical naked touching-type contact with in the course of collaborating on pleasing a lady with a big sexual appetite. Does that make me a "BIG MO?" I like to think that's not the case.

Oh, as for "taking one for the team," I don't include in that swinging with a couple or single that one of you likes but the other loathes; but again, I could see modifying that if it's your female partner who says, "Let's do it!" Her fun comes first, and guys can always close their eyes and think of England.

[curiousagain]

So very well said montresor.

I too had always been very apprehensive about possible male male contact during a DP. Then a couple I am very good friends with and trust said she wanted to try it. Well, as you said, the sun didn't fall from the sky, etc. and the screaming, wailing, shuddering, collapsing orgasm she had made me and him forget about any qualms we might have had. I've never looked back. If a woman wants a DP, just let me know if I am the front man or the back man and what position you want to try it in.

[TNT]

This is something that Ted and I have a LOT of experience in ...not the traditional DP (anal/vaginal)...but vaginal DP.

We had played this game for years with just a dildo, and once we started talking about actually doing in it in real life we never really thought that we would ever find a man who would be comfortable with it.

While chatting with a single man that we were going to meet for a threesome we were discussing some things we would like to try. I mentioned that a vaginal DP was on our wish list and he said he had done it before and was willing to do it again...we did and I was hooked big time (this was very, very early in our swinging journey).

Since then I have become extremely vocal in what I enjoy in a MFM threesome, basically no holds barred (I used to be very shy about what I wanted )...and when we are chatting with a single man I ALWAYS let him know that this is something I want and that if he is too uncomfortable it's really no big deal, there are numerous other things to do, but....I have NOT been turned down yet.

Maybe we have been lucky, but we do strive to make our single men feel comfortable and through chatting feel them out so see if they have any homophobic tendencies. If/when we come a across one that does, we let them know that we probably are not the couple for them as our threesomes tend to be extremely wild and even if a DP is not done that night, some of the other positions and things we like, do require very, very close contact from the males. So if a man is homophobic in the slightlest and can't let himself go to enjoy the moment, regardless of what it might bring, he isn't for us.


Teresa

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Do you think many single guys like the idea of DP, but when it comes down to finally meeting they chicken out because they have little experience in this area or lack the comfort level required for it?

LM

I realize from some of the posts that I should make it clear that my focus is on why single males, not the male of the couple, back out of a DP. This particular couple stated in their profile that they want DP when swinging and they showed for the meet ups, but it was the single males that didn't show.

I should post on that other forum and ask the couple if they confirmed that the guys had done DP before. I'm guessing they either hadn't and - as Julie said - realized they weren't prepared to handle it, or the guys lied about their experience with DP.

LM

[curious24]

Well I am the single male who has never even really met other swingers in person. There is definitely a certain amount of nerves it takes (for me at least) just to meet others who think openly. I think for me sex has been such a "taboo" to talk about it takes a lot to be really comfortable to meet people for the pure fact that we are meeting because of sex (not to have sex but because we met on a site that people mainly go to to talk about sex etc). I personally don't like it when a couple thinks that a single guy just wants to get laid and don't even worry about his comfort level. Is this the case here? I kind of doubt it because most of the members here know how to act and treat people. For me I would love to try a DP. Would I do it the first time I ever meet a swinging couple? Honestly I don't know. I would have to feel comfortable or have some liquil courage in me. It is something that I want to try and I think the best way to get someone like myself to give it a try would be to talk to them for a while via email. Then meet them out a few times to hang out and just chat and the plan a "date" so-to-speak. I really think that would be a good way to go about getting someone comfortable to play who has never played before.

[EternallySingle]

One couple got turned down by a single man three different times? That single man has some kind of personality issue. One couple got turned down by three different single men? That couple is not doing something to make the single men believe they are serious, or they pushed the sex angle so much that the men didn't believe they were real.

[NudeDen]

I'm with curious24 on this one being that i'm a single male, new to the scene, and haven't swung yet. I might also add the the single might chicken out simply because they finally realize that it's going to happen and they can't handle their nerves. Thoughts run through their head that there might be some male male contact and he would feel gay or weird and would ruin the moment for him, or he won't be able to perform when it comes time, or the couple might want more than just that(not saying they really would, just random off-the-wall thoughts). I know I would be very nervous the first time I went to meet someone. I might even think about not going, but I also know that if I push myself and find that I feel comfortable with them on the first meeting that I would be willing to "play" if they were comfortable with me a wanted to aswell. It would, however, have to be a meeting with no expectations what-so-ever and they reassure me that nothing is expected of me as far as the DP is concerned (get comfortable sexually with them and work up to the more kinky fantasy stuff).

That's my 2 cents.

Dennis

[WesternSwing]

I think many single males think they are up for a threesome when in fact they are not. The numerous posts on this board about erectile dysfunction at the critical moment attest to that. They think it's a great fantasy, but the reality is different.

Then there is the whole homophobic thing, getting their penis too close to hubbies. It's like a spoofed motivational poster I once saw with a MFM on it. The caption was "Teamwork... It's only gay if your balls touch." Well, if they don't touch the DP aint' gonna' happen.

All I can say though is, "I've done it... and it was FABULOUS!"

We have a single guy friend who was invited to a gang bang with two women and allot of guys. Only him and one other guy showed-up, but many RSVP'd.

I think another reason is that many are married posing as single and they can't get away from the wife for the date. Probably the #1 reason their single guys stood them up.

Mr. WS

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

One couple got turned down by a single man three different times? That single man has some kind of personality issue. One couple got turned down by three different single men? That couple is not doing something to make the single men believe they are serious, or they pushed the sex angle so much that the men didn't believe they were real.

I got cut off before I could finish my post. Everyone knows I never write so little in this forum.


Nerves are a major factor in single guys not showing up for meetings, but look at it this way. I write CoupleInGR (I made that up) in November of 2003. Over the next three months they send me four emails, then don't reply to my fifth even though I know its been read. Its not October of 2005. I've had 3 girlfriends, been with two couples that were great but never called back except to see how I've been, and three that spent most of the time arguing over how far she could go with me. Those were the last three within the last three months. Then CoupleInGR writes and says they want to meet because wife wants to try a DP. I go back, read the four letters I have, and say sure.

Then I start thinking (the one thing that will always stop a guy from having sex with anyone). I see I got the last letter two years ago. I see that they didn't answer my last email when I sent them the nude pictures and asked them for pictures of them. I see that they ignored my attempts to reestablish contact with them. Then I say "Do I really want to get together with someone I never met and last talked to two years ago? Hey, they didn't even answer my last letter and want me to meet them this weekend? You know, Julie's back in town and she did say she'd like to get together this weekend." Guess what happens. Why? The guy had no reason to take time out of his schedule to meet you. No single has any reason to meet a couple unless the single specifically has some fantasy that can't be carried out by one person.

Yes, if a single man says he's going to show up, he should show up. As a single man, I've been stood up by 9 out of every 10 women that set up a meetings with me online, and 3 out of every 5 that I make a date with in real life. But thats the life of a single man. We get stood up and shot down waaaay more than we actually go out with someone. We expect it, shrug it off, and try to make better judgements as to who to ask out the next time. Most importantly, we try to figure out what WE did wrong, if anything, and try to find ways not to do that again and make the next woman we try to meet want to at least give us a chance to fall on our faces before she decides not to go out with us again.

This is not dating, but many of the rules are the same. If you keep getting stood up by people who originally said yes, you have to reevaluate what kinds of people you are trying to hook up with, and what you are saying/doing when you talk to them.

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

Yes, if a single man says he's going to show up, he should show up. As a single man, I've been stood up by 9 out of every 10 women that set up a meetings with me online, and 3 out of every 5 that I make a date with in real life. But thats the life of a single man. We get stood up and shot down waaaay more than we actually go out with someone. We expect it, shrug it off, and try to make better judgements as to who to ask out the next time. ...
....This is not dating, but many of the rules are the same. If you keep getting stood up by people who originally said yes, you have to reevaluate what kinds of people you are trying to hook up with, and what you are saying/doing when you talk to them.

Wow... you really opened up my eyes to the other side of this issue...thank you.

I know women can feel so rejected when a man can't get hard or think they don't show because you are too (insert private fear here) or too (insert secondary private fear here) or whatever.

It is important to remember…all of us have a fear of rejection and or performance anxiety at some time or other …and to be kind.

Unless it is a continual repeat performance…as in the same single male always no shows or your single male playmate never gets an erection (and he has been with you two three times)…at that point, I would send him away with the suggestion that this lifestyle may not be for him, and try an work off the blue ovaries by myself.

I try to treat the single men I/we contact with the same desire and respect accorded the elusive single bi females. After all I really desire what they can bring to the bed.

Yes, I read their profiles…the entire way through and ask why if they are athletic 44 year old men the photo is a 24 year old guy from the American Eagle catalogue that is sitting on my sons desk at this moment? I never seem to hear back from those…lol

but the men single men we have entertained, know I am not a pillow queen. I love a mmf threesome because it gives me a chance to try and bliss out two men at a time. I am not just in it for my pleasure.

Mrs. Bodyscape02 ( who wishes she lived closer to the great single males from this forum)

[BodyScape02]

being verbose... I can't seem to finish a thought in one window either...lol

This may be a bit off the exact topic but here is a poem I wrote a while ago that was fueled by this exact dilemma... dealing with single men who chickened out on me ( pre swing...but as curious said...it is nearly the same process)

It basically supports the theory that what you may fantasize about ... when you have it before you ... will scare the crap out of most of you.

I hope you enjoy:

Swim Time

Who am I to you? Am I your dream, your 2D vision without the staples in her torso? Look again, Lover. See the third dimension. Look upon the depth of me. Wade in and get swept away in the current. Don’t waste my time trying to walk on water. Skimming across me like juvenile hands exploring the height and width of fine glossy paper. I don’t have staples. I have opinions. I have dreams and difficulties. I have Life!