Couple at club keep expecting me to play with them

DragonSlayer774 · 09-28-2005, 06:22 PM

The setup : I am a single male . I am staff for an off premise lifestlye club .I have been with the club for a year , and am the only single male there.

The problem : There is a couple there that i have partied with 2 times in the past year . They now seek me out every party and expect me to party with them every month . After the first time they kept triing to get me to meet them outside the club , i said no. The more i learn about them the stranger they are. I have found out that other folks in the club have had the same problem with them. I will not call them or give them my phone number , i stopped e-mailing them or talking to them on IM but it has done no good . As soon as they get to the club they go looking for me. I havent partied with them or talk with them between parties in 5 months , other staff members are running interference for me now.
They are nice people (just strange ) i dont want to hurt anyones feelings but im running out of ideas. They are pretty much ignored by most of the other guests and some just dont like them . They are starting to block me from being invited to party with other people , they show up at inopportune ( i think thats a word ) times and will invite themselves to the action . Case in point Last party i was invited to party with 2 couples in the party room they were there of course , and had been looking for me all night , i had to DECLINE the invite because when i walked in the room they headed for the bed uninvited , neither couples likes them so i just declined and left . That didnt stop the male of the couples from hovering over the bed triing to get in . Its becoming an every month thing .

The other staff has told me just to tell them NO MORE leave me alone . Everyone has been so nice and accepting of me . The staff and members ALL know im single . This is getting to the point where i am thinking about quiting . Anyone got any advise thanks

BodyScape02 · 09-28-2005, 06:30 PM

Time to hurt some feelings my man. Tell them straight up you don't want to play with them and ask to be left alone.

txduo2000 · 09-28-2005, 06:39 PM

Unfortunately, I agree with BodyScape.

I am a non-confrontive person and hesitate at much cost to hurt someone's feelings, but you have to weigh what is being compromised in YOU and for YOU ... I mean, man, you are considering quitting your job? You are feeling pressured to decline invitations from people you DO want to play with?

No, it's time to lay it on the line and drop the bomb on these folks.

I do not envy your position. You seem like a really cool guy and you don't want to hurt anyone, but these folks just aren't catching the hint ....

**good times** · 09-28-2005, 06:56 PM

I agree with the others in that you are just going to have to confront them.

Your situation is rather unique though as I have never heard of a club that allowed paid staff to play with the guests. In fact, one of our local clubs just fired one of the bar tenders and the manager because the bar tender played with a guest. I was told that the reason that this is a common rule is that if the guests are charged to go to the club and engaged in sex with the staff it would be considered prostitution by the legal authorities. So I'm wondering, is it common at this club for the paid staff to have sex with the guests? Or am I all wet or missinformed and this is actually a common practice at other clubs?

BodyScape02 · 09-28-2005, 07:36 PM

I am with mr body on this one... they have chosen by thier actions to be treated unkindly ( is that a word?) NO means NO...first rule of swinging... So just invoke it. And in the club we go to ... if they came in univited like that.. one word to the owners and they would be thrown out.

so tell them... it was nice to party with you...but I would prefer not to from now on. don't ask if it is OK with them or not... just make the declaration.

If they bug you afterward. Ask the owner of your club to have them excluded. It sounds like they creep everyone out and I would bet you are not the first one to complain.

Good luck and stand up for what you want.

jennandjamesinm · 09-28-2005, 07:50 PM

You need to be blunt dude.....if they haven't gotten the hint, then you need to be to the point.

GT - I know at our club, the staff can't play with the guests.....That's a big

And from what I understand, that's pretty universal.

Jenn

lovedoctor · 09-28-2005, 08:44 PM

Sounds like other folks have had problems with them too! I wonder if any of the couples have addressed their issues with them. If enough people do, then perhaps they will get the hint and go elsewhere. But they don't sound like hint takers....

**two4youinswva** · 09-28-2005, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by good times

I was told that the reason that this is a common rule is that if the guests are charged to go to the club and engaged in sex with the staff it would be considered prostitution by the legal authorities.

I've heard the same thing.
I wonder if it makes a difference since it's an off-premises club?

DragonSlayer774 · 09-28-2005, 09:30 PM

We dont have any paid staff at our club . We are at a hotel ballroom . Some guest get their own room but we provide a party room , for the afterparty. Its alot of work for no pay but its worth it Ive met a couple hundred new people in the last year. I take care of the security for the club ,5 of us do the security. The hotel has an ABC permit so we have a cash bar . off topic . The responses ive seen so far are pretty much what the club owner told me too .. The Halloween party is in a few weeks maybe ill have it figured out by then . 7 of us are headed off to Hedo 2 in Nov. Those two will not be there .

thanks for you help

txduo2000 · 09-28-2005, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I've heard the same thing.
I wonder if it makes a difference since it's an off-premises club?

Makes no difference if it is on-premise or off-premise ... by legal definition, it is prostitution for anyone paying guest to play with hosts/staff. The only acceptable loophole in this would be if they got together outside the club environment where no payment changes hands.

txduo2000 · 09-28-2005, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonSlayer774

We dont have any paid staff at our club . We are at a hotel ballroom . Some guest get their own room but we provide a party room , for the afterparty. Its alot of work for no pay but its worth it Ive met a couple hundred new people in the last year. I take care of the security for the club ,5 of us do the security. The hotel has an ABC permit so we have a cash bar . off topic . The responses ive seen so far are pretty much what the club owner told me too .. The Halloween party is in a few weeks maybe ill have it figured out by then . 7 of us are headed off to Hedo 2 in Nov. Those two will not be there .

thanks for you help

If you are helping with security, it seems you would already have acquired the ability to be blunt and to the point with folks that are out of line. However, I do understand the discomfort given the fact that you have played with these folks before.

**good times** · 09-28-2005, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonSlayer774

We dont have any paid staff at our club . We are at a hotel ballroom . Some guest get their own room but we provide a party room , for the afterparty. Its alot of work for no pay but its worth it Ive met a couple hundred new people in the last year. I take care of the security for the club ,5 of us do the security. The hotel has an ABC permit so we have a cash bar . off topic . The responses ive seen so far are pretty much what the club owner told me too .. The Halloween party is in a few weeks maybe ill have it figured out by then . 7 of us are headed off to Hedo 2 in Nov. Those two will not be there .

thanks for you help

Ah, that explains it, when you said it was your job I made an incorrect assumption that you were paid.

DragonSlayer774 · 09-29-2005, 09:23 PM

I can be blount and to the point i have been a firefighter for 14 years. I just dont want to hurt anyones feelings . But i may be left with no choice. Thanks for the advice .

BodyScape02 · 10-04-2005, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonSlayer774

I can be blount and to the point i have been a firefighter for 14 years. I just dont want to hurt anyones feelings . But i may be left with no choice. Thanks for the advice .

So tell us...waht happened?!? How did you handle it?

OrgyusGigantus · 10-04-2005, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonSlayer774

I just dont want to hurt anyones feelings .

Unfortunately, that's what it takes sometimes. It can be especially hard in a club type environment, where the overall vibe is that of a good time, and no one wants to be a downer or a party pooper, but it sounds to me like these people need a wake up call.

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09-28-2005, 06:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
DragonSlayer774 Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Kenly n.c. Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:eccsecurity	Couple at club keep expecting me to play with them The setup : I am a single male . I am staff for an off premise lifestlye club .I have been with the club for a year , and am the only single male there. The problem : There is a couple there that i have partied with 2 times in the past year . They now seek me out every party and expect me to party with them every month . After the first time they kept triing to get me to meet them outside the club , i said no. The more i learn about them the stranger they are. I have found out that other folks in the club have had the same problem with them. I will not call them or give them my phone number , i stopped e-mailing them or talking to them on IM but it has done no good . As soon as they get to the club they go looking for me. I havent partied with them or talk with them between parties in 5 months , other staff members are running interference for me now. They are nice people (just strange ) i dont want to hurt anyones feelings but im running out of ideas. They are pretty much ignored by most of the other guests and some just dont like them . They are starting to block me from being invited to party with other people , they show up at inopportune ( i think thats a word ) times and will invite themselves to the action . Case in point Last party i was invited to party with 2 couples in the party room they were there of course , and had been looking for me all night , i had to DECLINE the invite because when i walked in the room they headed for the bed uninvited , neither couples likes them so i just declined and left . That didnt stop the male of the couples from hovering over the bed triing to get in . Its becoming an every month thing . The other staff has told me just to tell them NO MORE leave me alone . Everyone has been so nice and accepting of me . The staff and members ALL know im single . This is getting to the point where i am thinking about quiting . Anyone got any advise thanks

09-28-2005, 06:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
BodyScape02 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 556 Location: off the board	Re: Not sure what to do next. Time to hurt some feelings my man. Tell them straight up you don't want to play with them and ask to be left alone.

09-28-2005, 06:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
txduo2000 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 662 Location: Dallas TX Area Status: Couple	Re: Not sure what to do next. Unfortunately, I agree with BodyScape. I am a non-confrontive person and hesitate at much cost to hurt someone's feelings, but you have to weigh what is being compromised in YOU and for YOU ... I mean, man, you are considering quitting your job? You are feeling pressured to decline invitations from people you DO want to play with? No, it's time to lay it on the line and drop the bomb on these folks. I do not envy your position. You seem like a really cool guy and you don't want to hurt anyone, but these folks just aren't catching the hint ....
	__________________ Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

09-28-2005, 06:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,919 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: Not sure what to do next. I agree with the others in that you are just going to have to confront them. Your situation is rather unique though as I have never heard of a club that allowed paid staff to play with the guests. In fact, one of our local clubs just fired one of the bar tenders and the manager because the bar tender played with a guest. I was told that the reason that this is a common rule is that if the guests are charged to go to the club and engaged in sex with the staff it would be considered prostitution by the legal authorities. So I'm wondering, is it common at this club for the paid staff to have sex with the guests? Or am I all wet or missinformed and this is actually a common practice at other clubs?
	__________________ R (He is R, she is P)

09-28-2005, 07:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
BodyScape02 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 556 Location: off the board	Re: Not sure what to do next. I am with mr body on this one... they have chosen by thier actions to be treated unkindly ( is that a word?) NO means NO...first rule of swinging... So just invoke it. And in the club we go to ... if they came in univited like that.. one word to the owners and they would be thrown out. so tell them... it was nice to party with you...but I would prefer not to from now on. don't ask if it is OK with them or not... just make the declaration. If they bug you afterward. Ask the owner of your club to have them excluded. It sounds like they creep everyone out and I would bet you are not the first one to complain. Good luck and stand up for what you want.

09-28-2005, 07:50 PM	#6 (permalink)
jennandjamesinm Care to join us??? Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,460 Location: Northwest Mississippi Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:jennandjamesinms	Re: Not sure what to do next. You need to be blunt dude.....if they haven't gotten the hint, then you need to be to the point. GT - I know at our club, the staff can't play with the guests.....That's a big And from what I understand, that's pretty universal. Jenn
	__________________ "Swinging is the women's amusement park, and men are just along for the thrill ride." ~ James

09-28-2005, 08:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
lovedoctor Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 510 Location: Florida - but right now, I'm on tour! Status: M Female Swing Lifestyle Name:Fllovedoctor	Re: Not sure what to do next. Sounds like other folks have had problems with them too! I wonder if any of the couples have addressed their issues with them. If enough people do, then perhaps they will get the hint and go elsewhere. But they don't sound like hint takers....
	__________________ "Everyone here is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else..." ~Back 2 Good, Rob Thomas (matchbox twenty)

09-28-2005, 09:30 PM	#9 (permalink)
DragonSlayer774 Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Kenly n.c. Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:eccsecurity	Re: Not sure what to do next. We dont have any paid staff at our club . We are at a hotel ballroom . Some guest get their own room but we provide a party room , for the afterparty. Its alot of work for no pay but its worth it Ive met a couple hundred new people in the last year. I take care of the security for the club ,5 of us do the security. The hotel has an ABC permit so we have a cash bar . off topic . The responses ive seen so far are pretty much what the club owner told me too .. The Halloween party is in a few weeks maybe ill have it figured out by then . 7 of us are headed off to Hedo 2 in Nov. Those two will not be there . thanks for you help

09-29-2005, 09:23 PM	#13 (permalink)
DragonSlayer774 Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Kenly n.c. Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:eccsecurity	Re: Not sure what to do next. I can be blount and to the point i have been a firefighter for 14 years. I just dont want to hurt anyones feelings . But i may be left with no choice. Thanks for the advice .

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