Who would swing with me?

curious24 · 09-13-2005, 11:14 PM

So I have been a member of the forums for about 4 years now but I have been coming to the site for 7 years. It took me 3 years to join.

Obviously if I have been coming to the site for so long swinging has been something that has interests me and intriged me. (background info I'm 28 single guy)

During this time I met one person in Portland when I was there for a conference. It was a nice meeting just a couple drinks and that was it. Very nice and comfortable. Then I had the opportunity to meet another couple but unfortunately I didn't get to meet them (probably my fault even though I did get a hold of them the next day).

I've seen people come and go here. Talked to a few and the few I have talked to have been great people! I mostly hang out in the chat room here and just chat with people. Sometimes people come in that haven't been on in years. Other times I try and welcome new people.

Even during this time I've dated women. Decided I hate the dating scene and would rather just play it by ear. I've actually joined a few swinger sites looking for that ideal couple that would welcome a single guy like me in their lives. I've even chatted with a few via email on those sites with a few couples. Most are too far away to even meet but are still nice people to talk to.

I've always had the out look that if I ever have an experience great! If not no biggie. I still have that out look but I've started to wonder why I haven't had an experience? I was chatting with a nice lady in the chat room a few weeks ago and she said it was "sad" that I have been curious about the lifestyle for so many years and I haven't had an experience. I didn't take any offense to what she said I was more curious as to why she thought it was "sad." She didn't really say much but she didn't have too. It's pretty obvious.

So those that know me (which is probably pretty few on here), those who have just read this message, and those who for some strange reason want to get to know more about me answer me this: any ideas on why I haven't had an experience yet? hm. Maybe it's me? Maybe it's something I just don't have a clue about.

Thanks for any replies.

***JustAskJulie*** · 09-14-2005, 12:49 AM

Because this site isn't about hooking up, it's about sharing experiences and information. That would be the #1 reason why you haven't "hooked up" with anyone from this site. If your goal is to find people to swing with then you need to go where people are looking, personal ad sites and swinger clubs being the top choices.

So, you are one of the few single guys who have been actively involved in this forum over a long period of time but I have to say that in that period of time I don't feel that I've gotten to know you or even gotten enough of a feeling for you to know if I'd want to get to know you. All I know about you is that you want to swing. Yes, there have been hook-ups with these forums and yes people from within the forums have been IRL friends but it all started with simply getting to know each other and get a feel for who they were here, that involves more than just posts about swinging, it involves sharing thoughts, interests and experiences from other realms as well.

The reason so few single guys stay involved here is for that reason, they come here and only post to the singles forum only when they have something to say about swinging (usually to whine about how things aren't working out for them), but they don't stop to get involved elsewhere. I'll say this the two single guys that I can name from this site (and I've been here the entire time it's been around) are EternallySingle and CuriousAgain - why? Because they took the time to really get involved and allow myself and other users of the forums to really get to know them for who they really are. These are the guys that most of the people you will find on this forum will want to swing with, guys that we've gotten to know and that we feel comfortable with, guys who don't give off the vibe of they are just here because they want another (hopefully easier) way to get laid.

Spoomonkey · 09-14-2005, 08:02 AM

I agree with Julie. IF things have ever happened in the way of a hook up here, it has happened largely because of the friendships built here. It is very much UNLIKE the swinging world, in general - a fact that some seem to bemoan. Here, you get to know people, and then when you meet them, there is this level of comfort that already exists. That may not manifest itself in a "hook up", but it does manifest itself in a friendship and in a sense of familiarity and comfort that makes lots of things possible.

For swinging experiences, this is the worst place to look. Clubs, the net, anywhere is better. The experiences we've had here have been more about friendship and common interests than about "swinging". If those friendships, comforts and common interests ever led to more intimate fun, cool beans! But if not, so be it. What this board does offer is worth sticking around for

Spoomonkey

dayhiker · 09-14-2005, 08:39 AM

Hi curious24,
Good to see you man. I too found it sad as I chatted with you for a couple of years that you hadn't found anyone to hook up with. I can't say that I ever had a reason in my mind as two why you didn't. best I can do from a guys point of view is that you came across as a brother to the girls and not as a sexy guy. I was almost 28 when I got married. At 25 I wanted to get a wife. I took a more aggressive approach, went to where the type of girls was I wan't to marriage (Bible college) and started talking to ever girl I could. I kept a list of girls in my head I was interested in. It wasn't too long ebfore a great girl was also interested in me. Neither her or I have ever looked back. Its been 25 yrs.
So 24, I hope my experiance can help you. You know swinging works best if your married. If I were you, I'd go talk to a lot of women. In the talking reveal yourself to them. You are a good guy. There are ladies that will want to be with you.
So I say go for it.

dayhiker

**LikeMinds321** · 09-14-2005, 10:26 AM

When I read curious24's post, I didn't feel he was asking why he had not been able to hook up with people from the Swingers Board. I feel he is sharing his history here, as well as a general overview of his swinger involvement other places, i.e., swinger ad sites, chat rooms, meeting other swingers that didn't lead to playing.

I think dayhiker might have the best answer, since he got to know you through the chatroom.

If you have difficulty with vanilla dating, for whatever reason, those same reasons are likely to get in the way of swinging.

Maybe there are things about you that we cannot, and will not, ever know that have kept swinging out of your life.

LM

northindycpl · 09-14-2005, 04:44 PM

LM hit the nail on the head. As far meeting people and dating in swinging is really no different then doing in vertically.

Point, I read you mention all the chats and sites you have gone to, but not the Clubs you visit or the socials you attend. Are those things included in your quest for experience too?

We are activiely seeking single men, but to be honest, you aren't going to find me spending time chatting online or looking through personal ads. I am (and we are) a more an "in the now" kinda couple.

I am sure that some clubs in your area let in single men. Go on a saturday night and get to know people.

Vespertine · 09-14-2005, 05:51 PM

I agree with the other posters. If you're having trouble dating vanilla style, then swinging is going to be even more difficult for you.

I'd suggest going to swing clubs, socials and meet and greets. Get to know swingers in your area. I think it would be more difficult trying to meet couples/women online. There's just too many single guys on the net offering and too few couples/women looking.

It would be best if you could meet people face-to-face, to let them get a chance to know you. That's your best bet.