Help! How do you get past the "first time" jitters?

[Plumeria]

Okay, as a single, bi-curious female with no experience, I came to this site knowing very little about swinging, but was armed with plenty of curiousity and interest about it. I have been reading (and posting some) on this site for about 6 months now, and have learned tons. Thanks you so much!

So now I finally have a chance to jump in, and I've got the jitters about getting my feet wet. I have my profile posted on an adult site, and after several misses, I finally got an invitation from a couple that's a direct hit. I mean, after getting their email, I looked at their profile and it all looks great, on paper. They only play with bi-sexual or bi-curious single females. My heart jumped when I saw their photo too! Can you have chemistry with a photo? lol

So now, they are impressed with my profile and photos as well, and are wanting to meet me. In fact that is the invitation, is "to meet for a drink and see where it goes?" In their profile they say they are looking for a bi or bi-curious female for fun and experimentation, and they are open to most situations. Sounds great!

Okay, so I'm all excited, but at the same time, my heart started pounding, hands started getting clamy, etc. That all subsided to some degree later. lol However, I'm having trouble getting the nerve up to accept their invitation for a drink. And yet, I can't keep from going back to their profile over and over, and looking at it and how it's exactly what I've been looking for. I almost get a panicked feeling, when I think of letting the opportunity slip away. And yet I'm stuck.

I think it's mostly the fear of the unknown, since I've never met anyone before. What should I expect? Will they ask me questions? Of course they will, I tell myself. lol What type of questions? Will I blush? Stutter my answers? Try too hard or not enough? What if we hit it off, and then I chicken out on the next step after that? I would hate to do that to them.

Anyway, I looked through the previous posts and didn't see my dilemma "exactly" so I thought I would post and see if I could get some insight/advice that might help me out.

Thanks in advance for the help!

[Sunswept]

Hi! Remember to breath!
You have met people before! Lets say you were meeting this couple for some other reason, what would you do, how would you feel? Maybe you would still be anxious, excited etc? There is always a bit of a buzz when we do new things or meet new people, or at least it is that way for me!

So, just try to put the swinging part in the background, take that pressure off of yourself, and look at this as meeting fun new people for the first time! Just go moment to moment and don't over think this! Its normal to have some jitters, they will be a bit jittery too I imagine! You will have that in common right off the bat!

You know how when we try to imagine how something will go, and it never goes that way? Just look at this as an experience you are going to give to yourself and take it one step at a time. Accept the invite. You have a choice at each step of the way, they want "meet for drinks and see where it goes", so just take them at their word and think of it as only that step. Then just be yourself, be open, share your stories with each other, maybe not be too attached to your outcomes.. just relax and have fun, get to know each other and let your "gut feelings" guide you!

[Chip_n_Muffy]

This brings up an interesting point. Couples have each other to talk to, reassure each other, guide one another. Singles have no support. They step in all on their own. Maybe if you explain to the couple your "newbieness" they can become your mentors. That and as much support and advice as you can get here in the forums might help. Muffy and I had the jitters the first time, even though we had each other for support and had talked and talked and talked about it. I would guess the best advice that I can offer is to try to relax, be yourself, and see what happens. I am sure more qualified people will weigh in shortly with advice. Lots of knowledgable, experienced people here, and most are willing to help from what I have seen.

Chip

[BradAndJanet]

I've never been in your shoes, but if you've done your homework and you know to meet them in a safe place, I think this is just one of those moments (like jumping in a pool you know is going to be cold) that you have to take a deep breath, put one foot in front of the other and just do it. I'll bet you'll be glad you did and wonder why you were afraid.

-B

[Plumeria]

Originally Posted by Sunswept

You have met people before! Lets say you were meeting this couple for some other reason, what would you do, how would you feel? Maybe you would still be anxious, excited etc? There is always a bit of a buzz when we do new things or meet new people, or at least it is that way for me!

Taking a deep breath...thanks And what you said makes a lot of sense. If I were meeting them for any other reason, it would still be sort of the same feeling, so thanks for the perspective on that.

Originally Posted by Sunswept

So, just try to put the swinging part in the background, take that pressure off of yourself, and look at this as meeting fun new people for the first time! Just go moment to moment and don't over think this! Its normal to have some jitters, they will be a bit jittery too I imagine! You will have that in common right off the bat!

I hadn't thought of it that way before. It helps if I can "put he swinging part in the back ground" and think of this as just meeting new friends. I sent them an email this morning in response to the "would you be willing to meet for a drink and see where this goes..." and said, "I think so, but could I get back to you? I promise not to make you wait too long." And they emailed me back and said, "Of course. Let us know..." With them saying "of course" made me breathe a sigh of relief, mostly because they still sound so nice.

Originally Posted by Sunswept

Then just be yourself, be open, share your stories with each other, maybe not be too attached to your outcomes.. just relax and have fun, get to know each other and let your "gut feelings" guide you!

Sounds good. I think I'll print this out to remind me

[lostnwilds]

Have read your storie sounds like what mrs Lost and i have run in too a couple of times.
i second the dive in too till the three of you meet none ov you will ever know.
pleas poast to let us know what hapons

[Plumeria]

Originally Posted by Chip_n_Muffy

This brings up an interesting point. Couples have each other to talk to, reassure each other, guide one another. Singles have no support. They step in all on their own. Chip

Yeah, I think that's another reason for the jitters. I was sort of thinking of this as 2 against 1....lol

[Plumeria]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

I've never been in your shoes, but if you've done your homework and you know to meet them in a safe place, I think this is just one of those moments (like jumping in a pool you know is going to be cold) that you have to take a deep breath, put one foot in front of the other and just do it. I'll bet you'll be glad you did and wonder why you were afraid.

-B

Thanks B. Good point

[Plumeria]

Originally Posted by lostnwilds

Have read your storie sounds like what mrs Lost and i have run in too a couple of times.
i second the dive in too till the three of you meet none ov you will ever know.
pleas poast to let us know what hapons

Yeah, I think I've read every story on here...lol Believe me, reading it all really helps too. Thanks

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by Plumeria

....I sent them an email this morning in response to the "would you be willing to meet for a drink and see where this goes..." and said, "I think so, but could I get back to you? I promise not to make you wait too long." And they emailed me back and said, "Of course. Let us know..." With them saying "of course" made me breathe a sigh of relief, mostly because they still sound so nice.

You go girl!
You were just being yourself, going at your own pace and way, and they are cool with that! One of the things I think people forget about the internet and email etc is that when you hit the send button, it doesn't go to a computer, it goes to people, with the same concerns we ourselves have. Now, you have found out they are considerate and patient, a big thing. Yeah, they are nice!

Just be out front with them like you have been, perhaps think about what you want to happen with an encounter with them.. and write back if you feel you are ready! Step by step! Now, deciding if you want to do this or not is up to you!

Ever been invited to an event or function that you had mixed feelings about going to...but you went anyway and had a blast? Maybe you are feeling like that, I don't know... but you really have nothing to lose in meeting them, and much to gain, no matter what happens.

You can always just meet, and make any decisions later, just having a feel for each other will make those decisions so much easier. If you, or they, decide to pass you will have the experience of going through the process of seeing if prospective partner(s) are a match for you in the swinging context. A big step and milestone! And if you all decide to proceed... well, I will leave that to you to discover! You sound a bit amazed that they said 'of course".. I wonder how else they will amaze you! And you them!

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by Chip_n_Muffy

...Couples have each other to talk to, reassure each other, guide one another. Singles have no support. They step in all on their own. Maybe if you explain to the couple your "newbieness" ....

Such good point about singles, yeah it is a bit like working on the highwire without a net. Just being open will not only help the couple to understand the situation, being open and out front is so sexy in itself!

[intuition897]

Hi there Plumeria, just thought I'd chime in.

You've gotten some really good advice. The most important piece of advice you've gotten so far is to breathe! Try not to worry too much. Like someone said above, 10 minutes into the meeting you'll laugh at yourself for fretting so much. We did the very same thing the first time we went to a swingers club. When we realized it was just a bunch of people in one place all admitting that they were horny... well it didn't seem quite as threatening. I'd say just be a real person, don't put on an act. One common trick public speakers are advised to use to defuse nervousness is imagining the audience in their underwear. I'd say that advice would work here on so many levels <EG> lol

[Plumeria]

Originally Posted by Sunswept

You were just being yourself, going at your own pace and way, and they are cool with that! ....You sound a bit amazed that they said 'of course"..

Yeah! I don't know why, but I was a bit amazed they were cool with me not giving them an answer right away. I don't know why. Probably because like you said, "One of the things I think people forget about the internet and email etc is that when you hit the send button, it doesn't go to a computer, it goes to people, with the same concerns we ourselves have." I had already told them up front, that I had absolutely no experience, so they were just being understanding of me not throwing caution to the wind and saying, "let's for it!" Wow, imagine that?

Originally Posted by Sunswept

Ever been invited to an event or function that you had mixed feelings about going to...but you went anyway and had a blast?

Oh boy, I sure have! I almost always end up having a great time, and wondering why I ever dragged my feet about going. lol Thanks for reminding me of that!

[Plumeria]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Hi there Plumeria, just thought I'd chime in.

You've gotten some really good advice. The most important piece of advice you've gotten so far is to breathe! Try not to worry too much. Like someone said above, 10 minutes into the meeting you'll laugh at yourself for fretting so much. We did the very same thing the first time we went to a swingers club. When we realized it was just a bunch of people in one place all admitting that they were horny... well it didn't seem quite as threatening. I'd say just be a real person, don't put on an act. One common trick public speakers are advised to use to defuse nervousness is imagining the audience in their underwear. I'd say that advice would work here on so many levels <EG> lol

Thanks Intuition! I think you're right, and 10 minutes into it, I'll have forgotten all about whatever made me nervous to begin with. All I've seen is their pictures, and read their emails, but from their faces, smiles and words, they seem like genuinely warm people. It was what drew me to their invitation to begin with, I'm sure. Anyway, I'm sooo glad I posted this, because everything you all have told me so far, has helped a LOT. Thanks

[Dynamar]

Plumeria ... you've gotten all manner of great advice here.

Just wanted to tell you about my first experience meeting with a couple. We met for dinner at a casual dining restaurant. And really, the best word to describe the experience was nice. They were a great couple, very personable, very much in love and attentive to one another. They made me very much comfortable by asking me questions about myself... we talked about jobs, their kids, places we'd lived. Yes, they asked me about my sexuality and my experiences, and I asked them some questions too.

It was all very comfortable, and a great first experience for me. We didn't end up playing together for a couple of reasons... both of them on my part... but mainly because they were several years older than me, and while they were very nice and I would have enjoyed spending time with them, I wasn't attracted to them sexually because they sort of gave me a "parent vibe" (as in my parents!).

But you see, that is cool too. Truly nice people don't want to see truly nice people doing things they don't want to do. As sunswept said... and I'm paraphrasing here... don't be attached to the outcome, just meet and enjoy them as people, and then go from there.

Listen to what both your heart and head tell you is the right thing to do and do it! However, never do anything your heart and head tell you not to do either. As chip n muffy point out, you're in this by yourself with nobody to "bounce" things off of... yes, that can be a weighty concern for singles like us. Stick to your intuition on all things, because 'no means no' and again, nobody who truly understand the lifestyle will be offended by that, and those who don't... well, good riddance.

Just take it all one step at a time, baby, and you'll be fine. Let us know how it all works out, ok?