Single Male putting on a Better Face?

[Spoomonkey]

Okay - I am totally thrown off stride here...

We were contacted by a single guy recently. Read his profile and his e-mail and liked him. Not a bad guy. So we e-mailed with him, talked on the phone, met him for dinner and had decided to move forward and play with him (haven't yet, but have suggested next week)...

Then - on a whim - I clicked on his profile again. It had changed. He went from sounding mature, intelligent, patient - to sounding bitter, angry at "fakes", frustrated that folks didn't want to meet.

He hasn't been on Swing Lifestyle that long - has met with us - and in my opinion, that's not bad luck at all for a single guy... But, suddenly the swinging world isn't moving fast enough for him...

It gives me a very bad vibe - and we suggested a possible play date next week... Now - I am seriously thinking about withdrawing the invite. Just not a good vibe at all...

Any advice, guys?

Spoomonkey

[dutch51]

We have learned (the hard way at times) that if something is giving you a bad vibe, then there's a reason and you should listen to it. Funny thing is, sometimes what you think may be the problem isn't, but it turns out there was something else there that just hadn't come up yet, but your subconscious could sense it or something. And in the end, we should have trusted ourselves more. Gee, I hope that makes at least a little sense... lol.

Anyway, trust your gut. Something made you hesitate- is Mrs. Spoo having similar hesitations? We're all allowed to change our minds, or stop things from going any further. Hopefully whoever is on the other side of that will be understanding and respectful, but even if they aren't you may have saved yourself from trouble down the road.

[VegasLee]

I have always thought you had a good head on your shoulders and still do there Monkey..... admired many things I see you write here.

You have met him and felt good about him or you would not have set up play time. Being who you are if nothing else I would ask him about the great change of attitude.

Sometimes things dont always look right in "print" in a profile or in a forum. Maybe he came off wrong the way he wrote things. Maybe not.

Stay up front and go with your gut. It has worked for you in the past.

[DBL D]

Wow, This is a situation that looks sorta bad. Single guys thing? Well, sometimes we feel the same way. He just happened to take the time to mention his thoughts (perhaps in an inappropriate way).

We met a couple once and just when things were getting interesting something happened to the other hubby's gut and he put an end to our plans to meet them. Something that further communication would have helped? No doubt in our minds. Instead we are left with a big hole in our day and a lot of chats that seem to mean nothing. A very empty feeling.

I say give the man a chance to explain himself. I think it could be a misunderstanding. At least you should feel better about going the extra miles instead of just giving up on him. Then he'll really feel good won't he?

Male D

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

I have always thought you had a good head on your shoulders and still do there Monkey..... admired many things I see you write here.

Ditto that! You'll do the right thing, Spoo.

Male D

[Mr.Hyde69]

I can certainly understand that someone radically changing their demeanor can definately give one grounds for pause. My question is, Would you have had the same reaction if it was a couple that changed their tune due to possibly being frustrated by the insincere or was it due to the fact that party in question was of the dreaded single male persuasion? I often find that couples will often penalize a single male for behaviors that they would otherwise overlook from a couple. If you would, then I agree with your concerns wholeheartedly. If it's just because he is of the proverbial "dime a dozen" class, I would not.

[WoodyInSoCal]

I have one of those "inspirational" pictures. You know the ones - people running with words underneath about never quitting-fighting to the end....

Well mine is a picture of a wolf staring directly at the viewer and the inscription is: "Trust your instincts"

Do that now.

[C n' D 4playin]

things that make one go hummmmmmmm........

i personally tend to follow my instincts..... and C's as well.....if i know what's good for me.
we've learned that when the cosmic seismograph makes the needle wiggle we generally should at the very least slow down and focus some more awareness towards the situation. we tend to wait for further aftershocks.......or lack thereof before we call an "all clear".

i find it a bit odd, that a couple as attuned as you two seem to be, would not have noticed some bits of such an attitude during the face to face.......but then we all are what we choose to be..... each and every moment...and he KNEW he was on inspection during the supper.....as were you two also.
hell, even i can pretend to be housebroken if she doesn't make me do it for too long of a stretch.

I find it interesting and telling that the choice of words you used was not bad vibes.....but VERY bad vibes.

We might not write him off yet.........but we would at the very least make sure that the pace slowed down....and watch and see how the reaction goes.

we know that we don't enjoy "attitude".......at least not the negative side of the scale.

the anthropologist in me is anxious to learn if simian divination is nearly as accurate as geezer guts.

luck dude,
D

*ya'all think this retired stuff sounds fun?........try gettin up at this hour to pee .....now... back to bed*

You have to trust your feelings-the times we didn't.....we definatly regretted it.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Mr.Hyde69

My question is, Would you have had the same reaction if it was a couple that changed their tune due to possibly being frustrated by the insincere or was it due to the fact that party in question was of the dreaded single male persuasion?

Fair question - and the answer is "yes". We are really turned off by negative, pessimistic people. We tend to TRY to be positive - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But, we've had bad experiences and I don't think our profile reflects a negative attitude towards swinging because of it.

It kind of felt like a slap in the face - he's been on Swing Lifestyle three weeks - has had dinner with us - asked and answered very intimate questions AND received a suggestion for a play date. I think our single male friends would agree that we are pretty respectful and treat them just as we would couples. But, suddenly, he is very challenging and condemning of swinging in general - like the entire lifestyle owes him something...

And I think that is what turns me off the most - because I feel like people in the lifestyle are very lucky people - and just as I am very lucky to play with some of the wonderful women I have played with, other men, single and married, are very lucky to play with Mrs Spoo... I guess "entitlement" just doesn't set right with me.

Had we read THIS profile first, we NEVER would have contacted him. I feel a little "bait and switch".

I think the perspectives are right, we need to be up front about our feelings and see what caused his sudden change in attitude (BTW - he excitedly accepted the invitation to meet for dinner, pool and maybe play next week, so now we are going to have to deal with that). But, as Woody, Dutch and the Naughties (our resident MFM experts ) alluded to, sometimes you can see a bit of the wolf peeking out from under the sheeps clothing.

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by dutch51

Anyway, trust your gut. Something made you hesitate- is Mrs. Spoo having similar hesitations? We're all allowed to change our minds, or stop things from going any further. Hopefully whoever is on the other side of that will be understanding and respectful, but even if they aren't you may have saved yourself from trouble down the road.

Yes, when Mr Spoo read the profile change and showed it to me I had to agree that it made me a little uncomfortable. It didn't match the person we met, so it makes you wonder which is the real personality? The one in the profile or the one we talked to on the phone and met for dinner?

I have already been holding the reigns back a little since the last single we met with we jumped in too soon after meeting him and then regretted it.
We had told this new guy that we were going to want to get to know him better and meet a few times before it went any further. He has been very polite and okay with it.

I guess the plan now will be to go ahead and meet for dinner and pool on Monday and just ask him about it, then decide from there. One thing for sure though, there will be no play Monday.

Thanks for all your responses and suggestions. I think in the lifestyle you do have to learn to trust your instincts more than you do anywhere else.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by C n' D 4playin

hell, even i can pretend to be housebroken if she doesn't make me do it for too long of a stretch.

I am wondering if you are right about this. The guy is definitely in a profession where making folks trust him is part of his "toolbox". I have to wonder - and I know that I may be over reacting - but still, could he have just been putting on the "perfect" face?

It will suck if we can't shake our gut (okay, sadly, I still can shake my gut) feeling on this. He really was a great guy from both of our perspectives - right up until we read his profile...

Spoomonkey

[northindycpl]

I dito the others.

I always trust my instincts. And whenever something comes up that makes me uncomfortable, I listen and move on.

The instinctual twinge you felt is probably telling you something and you should listen.

[Atilla]

Dito listen to your gut instinct. I always listen to mine and when I ignore it, I usually find my self in a bad spot

[BiDrywallChick]

I thought quite a bit about this and here is what I think... You should ask him about the change in his "position" and see if maybe he was having a pissy day and just felt fed up. I have done that... but then again, I am a women and it generally gets over looked.. most of the time.. Anyway, after he has explained himself and you guys have expressed your concern, then follow what ever your gut tells you. I am a firm believer in instinct, however there are times when a little more digging pans out for everyone.