Is this really fair for 'straight' ladies???

[CLITFRIEND]

The following is an excerpt from a forum entitled "Straight ladies swingers" on another swingers group I belong to. Yes, it was written by a single female:
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As a straight woman, I am finding it quite difficult to meet a potential partner as single men are usually barred from parties and meet & greets.

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I have to tell you that this statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I have never thought of this situation before, not do I even ever recall it was ever bought up on any other forums that I can remember. I don't know if this was ever discussed here--but let's discuss it anyway. We always assume that if a lady shows up at a party, whether she is single or coupled--that she must be bi--just like we assume that all of the guys are straight---but what about this situation where the Straight Gal just want to develop a friendship and possible playtimes with just males? What happens in the couple situations when the female half wants to play with that female--but the female only want to play with the male half? And what if she is so totally rejected by every couple--because she just wants to play with the males---but then--there are no single males available for her to hook up with??? I ask you all--is this a fair situation for a straight female to have?

[biblonde]

Well, some people are looking for straight women to join them. Not alot but they are out there. There are couples that go to these parties where the women are straight. As for her looking to find a single man, well a swingers party isnt the place for her. It is not about finding a relationship but finding SEX for an evening. If she wants to find a guy for a relationship well she needs to look elsewhere.

[CLITFRIEND]

Originally Posted by biblonde

Well, some people are looking for straight women to join them. Not alot but they are out there. There are couples that go to these parties where the women are straight. As for her looking to find a single man, well a swingers party isnt the place for her. It is not about finding a relationship but finding SEX for an evening. If she wants to find a guy for a relationship well she needs to look elsewhere.

ok--so what if she too is looking for sex only as well? not a relationship---and perhaps she just wants to be with a few 'single males'--?

[biblonde]

hmmmmm...I guess look for a party that allows single males?? not sure on that....Now I never said it was okay that it is this way, it is just the way it is.

[VegasLee]

Laura is not bi. We only go to parties that allow single guys.

Once in a while we hook up with another couple but we never go looking for them for a couple of reasons.

1. Finding a couple that we all like each other enough to play is not that easy.
2. Many/most couples are also looking for bi women.

Since Laura is looking for guys, we go where the guys are. It is not really that hard to figure out.

[CB_n_Red]

Red is straight. It's never caused us any problems and we've never had any problem finding playmates, whether single blokes or other couples. We usually go to the club on mixed nights - same reasons as Lee gave.

CB

[N&G]

Originally Posted by CLITFRIEND

As a straight woman, I am finding it quite difficult to meet a potential partner as single men are usually barred from parties and meet & greets.

If she is looking for a relationship she might be better off looking elsewhere. Most single guys in the lifestyle are looking for sex the same as everyone else. If she wants someone to have as a "date" for parties or someone she can call when she is horny, then the answer is to go to parties that allow single guys.

Most of the women that I know are not bi. In our circle nobody plays as a couple at a party so she would have just as much oppourtunity as any other woman to have fun. She needs to find a different party.

Greg

[JustAskJulie]

1. I don't think most people ASSUME that all women who swing are bi. It's been proven, here anyway, over and over again that you can't make that assumption. I'd say the split is probably 70/30 in favor of bi women, and take it further to probably 40 bi/ 30 bicurious or bi receptive / 30 straight.

What you've here are really two completely separate questions which could (and probably should) take up two completely separate topics of their own, the one about straight women in swinging and another about single females looking to find a partner in a swinging scenario.

The latter is much rarer than a straight female, and had she posed that question here I would be asking why she's only looking at clubs. If she wants to find a partner who already swings there are plenty of places to find single guys interested in swinging, ie. ads, meet them then she can go to the club with them as a couple if she chooses to.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by CLITFRIEND

ok--so what if she too is looking for sex only as well? not a relationship---and perhaps she just wants to be with a few 'single males'--?

Then she's not looking to swing and there's plenty of places to find single males - try a regular bar or night club, she won't have any trouble finding one if not many guys more than willing to go home with her.

[biblonde]

what julie says!!

[EternallySingle]

Its not really fair to say "Well, why doesn't she just go to clubs and parties where guys are allowed?" because, in reality, there are only a few clubs in the country that allow single men compared to the ones that allow single women. In some states, there are NONE that allow single men, but let single women in for free. If a straight woman went to one of those clubs in order to have sex in a somewhat safer environment that the typical bar or night club, she's going to find she has fewer choices. Just like most husbands are not willing to just watch his wife with some guy just looking for sex, most wives are probably not willing to just watch her husband with some woman just looking for sex. Therefore, NOT MANY SINGLE WOMEN GO TO SWING CLUBS! Its just not worth the time for the average single man or woman to attend unless they are looking specifically for couples.

Now, if more single women knew they could hook up with single men for sex at swing clubs without all the hassles involved at bars, there probably would be more single women. But then, most would not be swingers and you would have the same problem you get with single men: Too many showing up for the wrong reason.

Then again, I've only met three women under 95 that couldn't have sex when she really wanted to, and they all had physical ailments that prevented sexual activity so...

[Fireman412ntee]

When we first started looking, all we were looking for was a straight woman. That was like finding a tick on a woolly mamouth. Now, my wife was a little courious and we decided to go that way and we still have problems find single women that will just be with me but as long as both are involved the single women are happy.

We also think it is unfair that "Solo" males get such a bad rap. I do understand that it is because of the jerks out there that cheat on their spouses, but there are some of us that actually have permission. My wife prefers to watch me or hear the stories but is not always interested in playing. That usually goes over like a ton a bricks. lol So, Cltfriend, we do feel your pain, to a point. Keep your head up, there are people out there who would love to find a woman like you.

I also agree with Julie's comments. Very well said

[JennyMac]

<waving> I'm straight! And it is hard, we have talked to several couples and ladies and most of them want FF action too... I just ain't into it, ya know?

Doesn't do a thing for me and it is tough. I know that the clubs that I have checked out in Memphis, single ladies are always welcome and select single males. (I don't quite know HOW they select them, but that's what they say). I think I put this in another post, but I didn't actually think I would ever feel "guilty" for not being bi-sexual. My brother asked me last night if I had ever even had any curiosity when I was in college or anything about being with a girl. My answer is an honest, "No."

I have found many who were interested in talking with us and apparently the didn't read our profile, because when I will reiterate that I am straight, we never hear from them again. Oh well...

What can I say... I LIKE MEN, tall, dark hair, dark eyes, well built but not looking for a six pack, and charming... Oh wait...that's what I have already! ) And there is also something about men with dark hair but have blue eyes.... oooooooohhhhhhh <shiver> Okay okay, I'm rambling..... sorry :rollseyes

Jenn

[CLITFRIEND]

Its not really fair to say "Well, why doesn't she just go to clubs and parties where guys are allowed?" because, in reality, there are only a few clubs in the country that allow single men compared to the ones that allow single women. In some states, there are NONE that allow single men, but let single women in for free.

Congradulations Eternal for hitting a sore spot right on the nose.--There is a swingers club not way too far from em that does allows for single male--but it only allows the first 6 who calls and register. And even at that it only allows them once every 3 months. On top of that--the single guys have to pay 20 dollars more then COUPLES---and the single women are always free. Needless to say--I dont go there much.

I do have to say something--here we are saying--"Send the lady to a bar!"-Isnt that a way to broad of an escape route answer to teh original question???-But what if she doesnt drink? What if she doesnt like the bar scene? Why deny her the pleasures of like minded people, if she has a desire to be involved in group sex activities---but not she dosent neccessarily want to lick another woman in order to be a part of it? I can very easily understand why bi females enjoy these gathering because it is double the opportunities for them whether or not there are any single males. But the single straight female---why must things be made so much more diffrnet and difficult in these situations?

[good times]

Originally Posted by CLITFRIEND

Its not really fair to say "Well, why doesn't she just go to clubs and parties where guys are allowed?" because, in reality, there are only a few clubs in the country that allow single men compared to the ones that allow single women. In some states, there are NONE that allow single men, but let single women in for free.

I would have to disagree with this, I have only heard of a few clubs in the whole US that exclude single males completely. Most clubs have couples only nights once a week or so. I only know of one club in our state that is couples only and rumor has it that they will soon allow single males on selected nights. In the real world most clubs couldn't survive financially if they didn't allow single males at all.