Single men & Profiles (Advice)

Originally Posted by curious24

ugh ugh. I club you.. ugh ugh... drag you back to cave.. ugh ugh..

Exactly.

I write people and NEVER hear back. Is it okay to write more than once?

That is a tough one. Some people do not answer mail at all if they are not interested, very rude in our opinion. We mail back to everyone to at least say "No Thanks".
But sometimes some slip thru the crack and we may have missed it.
So would it hurt? In my opinion, No.
But only if you were attempting to contact someone who was looking for what you had to offer. But after the second attempt I would not bother again. I would also give at least a few weeks between sending the first & second attempt.

[adventureUS2]

Some, and I stress some single men seem to think that the reason swingers want single men is because the husband isn't getting the job done. So they default to how much they can satify a women. I don't think they realize the idea of a mfm 3 sum is about a women getting the attention of two men at the same time. They believe they are filling a sexual void the husban can't fill. So when they write thier primal profile they think you are looking for a Magnificent Love Beast to satify you every need while the husband sets back and takes notes.

[Cyberaura2u]

Originally Posted by TNT

I agree Mr. Naughty...we get lots of response to our ad from single men. When I pull up their ad/profile and there are only one or two lines and no pic or just a dick pic, I automatically write them off.

If the ad/profile is well written (even without a pic) I will then respond to find out more about them. I like ads with humor in them...I like to laugh and I want to know that they also enjoy laughing.

As far as a pic, I really could care less what their dick looks like I would much rather see a picture of their whole body even if they block their face. Of course I really like seeing a smiling face but understand that they might not be comfortable with showing a face pic.

Teresa

I thought of that when I put a very first ad on the internet, I do not want to read just a sentence and then see only a nude picture, I would think it is a hooker ad if it had just shown a females body, so why would I do that?

Let a ad have some structure to it, be descriptive, I prefer not to have a picture in it especially if it is a new ad.

Stop and think of what is the reader on the other side of the internet going to see?

[ALilOEverything]

I'd like to read what they want to get out of swinging, what their swinging philosophy is. I like everything they say to be positive (nothing negative and being defensive). If there is anything negative in their ad I find myself getting turned off really fast.

[clem]

Well, Julie...'m not saying that Bart won't appeal; obviously by the responses on the board he does, but the appeal is pretty vanilla and feminine(wouldn't you agree?). I mean, he's even got a LOL in there. 'Used to be, and I have no reason to believe that it's much different, that the initial love-talk between committed couple considering swinging went something like:
He: I..I..want to see another man with a gigantic cock
get on you..ah..ah
She: Really? Do you want me to take it...?
He: Yes, and put it in...
She: ..and suck it..
He: YES! and ride that monster...
etc.
Ultimately, impersonal pornography is boring and I understand your being underwhelmed by countless photos of dick, dick, dick. However, there are some things about participating in the Lifestyle that are like making your own private XXX-rated movie; taboo-busting and not too social, fairly crude and downright nasty and without them you hear/read complaints of "it's just not working for us, they/we are not the right body types, we have problems the day after."
Clem

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by clem

'Used to be, and I have no reason to believe that it's much different, that the initial love-talk between committed couple considering swinging went something like:
He: I..I..want to see another man with a gigantic cock
get on you..ah..ah
She: Really? Do you want me to take it...?
He: Yes, and put it in...
She: ..and suck it..
He: YES! and ride that monster...
etc.

Good point, Clem. But just because the couple may talk to each other like that ... it doesn't mean they want someone they haven't met yet or even chatted with yet to approach them in that way. For example, line one of the very first email is a little much!

[NaughtyKitten]

Originally Posted by clem

Well, Julie...'m not saying that Bart won't appeal; obviously by the responses on the board he does, but the appeal is pretty vanilla and feminine(wouldn't you agree?). I mean, he's even got a LOL in there.

Yes vanilla and feminine.......he is trying to appeal to women, right? We like that! At least I do and the LOL shows he has a sense of humor, a big turn on for a lot of women, including me.

'Used to be, and I have no reason to believe that it's much different, that the initial love-talk between committed couple considering swinging went something like:
He: I..I..want to see another man with a gigantic cock
get on you..ah..ah
She: Really? Do you want me to take it...?
He: Yes, and put it in...
She: ..and suck it..
He: YES! and ride that monster...
etc.
Ultimately, impersonal pornography is boring and I understand your being underwhelmed by countless photos of dick, dick, dick. However, there are some things about participating in the Lifestyle that are like making your own private XXX-rated movie; taboo-busting and not too social, fairly crude and downright nasty and without them you hear/read complaints of "it's just not working for us, they/we are not the right body types, we have problems the day after."
Clem

I have a feeling that the problems the day after have nothing to do with lack of crude behavior the guy was exhibiting the night before. It probably is chemistry or technique or something that didn't go right during the night. I, for one, do not want to be treated like a prostitute or a porn star.

I see swinging as a kind of dating. I want a guy to be respectful of me and my relationship with hubby. I want to find guys that can carry on a conversation with me, guys with a sense of humor. I would not ever answer an ad or an email that was crude. I don't want to date that kind of man nor would I want to play with him. If my hubby treated me that way when we were dating he never would have gotten a second date. Hubby and I have built a great deal of trust and if we talk dirty with each other it is a turn on, with someone new to me it would be a big turn OFF.

Sorry Clem but I just don't agree with you.

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by NaughtyKitten

If my hubby treated me that way when we were dating he never would have gotten a second date. Hubby and I have built a great deal of trust and if we talk dirty with each other it is a turn on, with someone new to me it would be a big turn OFF.

Sorry Clem but I just don't agree with you.

Thanks, NaughtyKitten,

This is just what I meant to say ... but you said it perfectly!

[EternallySingle]

hmm...

Clem's post was interesting, and it shows the pitfall of being a single man in the swinging world. No matter what anyone says, it will be the woman that decides if a single guy is interesting enough to consider meeting (even if its the husband/boyfriend that decides if they will meet). Therefore, a single man's personal ad HAS to be written from a perspective most single men don't have to deal with when dating single women: It has to be written as if he was trying to convince the husband to go on a date with his wife, and written so that the wife will want to convince her husband to let her go on that date.

I'm not saying the ad has to be written in a way that says "Let me go out with your wife tonight" but the guy has to come across as both attractive to the woman (very easy, we've been learning how to do that all our lives from the time when we got our first kiss) and not threatening to the established relationship. As I said before, unless the single man has prior experience swinging as part of a couple, he won't learn how to do this except by trial and error. Unfortunately, women only give men they haven't slept with one mistake when trying to get to that point. Thats life. You deal with it and move on, hopefully realizing what your mistake was and learning from it.

I used to have an ad on SLS that was blasted by most of the single men, but almost all the couples and single women said they would have liked to meet me based on my ad. All the guys with certifications had ads similar to mine. I just live in an area where the people I would have wanted to meet were not looking for single men. One couple did write, but they wanted to meet on a night I had a H**O**T**T date, and told them so. A single woman wrote also, but I was spending the weekend with the woman I had the smoking date with a week earlier. Neither responded favorably when I suggested we try to meet at a different time, but that goes back to the other drawback to being a single man. Turn down sex once and you rarely get a second chance UNLESS you have alread had sex with the woman. Don't ask me why. I'm not a woman. I just know what I've seen and experienced both in and out of the swinging world.

And thats another drawback to being a single man and trying to swing. Again, we know that 90% of the women we meet will only give us one time to turn down a request to sleep with them. After that, we are seen as playing games. My profile says I date, so I need more than three days notice for a get together, even if its just to talk. It also says that an encounter with someone from a swing site has to offer me something other than sex, like something similar to an intelligent non-sexual conversation and fun non-sexual evening doing SOMETHING besides eating or drinking coffee. Oddly enough, those seem to be some of the things couples and single women say they want to hear from single men on swing sites. That swinging is something they do on the side, not that swinging is the center of their social life.

Yeah, I'm high maintenance when it comes to swinging, but I want to have fun, first, last, and always. Thats also in my profile. The sex talk makes a guy seem desperate. I'm not. I can't be. Desperation leads to dispair. Dispair leads to anger. And anger is a path to the dark side.

Oops, channelling Obi-Wan again. LOL.

[SluttyWife]

Gee, he does sound nice! And no "dick pic" LOL LOL...
If I see any I'm definitely going to post them to this thread.
I have a new habit of "blocking" single males from viewing my profile
on ad systems these days. I just don't have the time to open message
after message of "9 long inches for your pleasure..."

Hmmm...maybe they can serve as blueprints for crafting ads.

Great topic, Julie!

Slutty Wife ;-*

[soniadan]

Eternally Single,

Wow...that's probably the most refreshing few paragraphs I've read from a single male in the lifestyle in...well...forever! Thanks for making an enjoyable read!

Here's my $0.02
We aren't looking for single guys. Our profile on various sites states this implicitly, yet we still get e-mail from single men who just browse our photos and then write a few crude lines in an email hoping to get lucky -usually insulting my better half in the process...yah...that'll win me over real quick!
There are two distinct categories of single men in the lifestyle. The smart ones who get to play, and the dumb ones who sit on the sidelines wondering why they get no action.
The smart single guys in the lifestyle are akin to the smart single guys outside the lifestyle. If you are honest, charming, sincere, well groomed, polite, and decent looking you should have no problem. Patience is also a virtue. You have to remember that you are asking to be sexually involved with someone elses wife or girlfriend - a thing that is very precious! Respect and politeness always work in your favor even if you are rejected ("no thanks" emails etc.). You never know who knows who in the lifestyle. You could get a bad reputation fast if you don't know how to remain dignified even in the face of numerous rejections.
We've had the opportunity to meet some really nice single men lately at various lifestyle functions at clubs. These guys are getting laid left and right by couples in search of single men! It really is amazing! All the single men we have met have been sincere, honest, RESPECTFUL, humorous, decent looking, and always have a multitude of friends in the lifestyle. And yes, we do see those other single men standing on the wall or at the bar trying to slyly get a grope in of an ass here or there - but they are the ones that go home alone!
Another thing I can't stress enough if you are a single male is DO NOT APPROACH COUPLES WHO ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SINGLE MEN! Again I think it goes back to respect, and respecting other peoples wishes.

-S

[clem]

Originally Posted by Denver2some

Good point, Clem. But just because the couple may talk to each other like that ... it doesn't mean they want someone they haven't met yet or even chatted with yet to approach them in that way. For example, line one of the very first email is a little much!

You kinda' sorta' took a leap on ol' Clem's thought process. The dialogue was written as how many committed couples, in the past, might speak to each other. I did not say or suggest that you would look at this language as a turn-on if spoken by the unknown single male; the example was one illustrating how, in the past, couples would coo - objectifying the fantasy male phallus - without respect to "sense of humor," pepsodent smile or natural wavy hair. Clem

[clem]

Originally Posted by NaughtyKitten

Yes vanilla and feminine.......he is trying to appeal to women, right? We like that! At least I do and the LOL shows he has a sense of humor, a big turn on for a lot of women, including me.


If my hubby treated me that way when we were dating he never would have gotten a second date. Hubby and I have built a great deal of trust and if we talk dirty with each other it is a turn on, with someone new to me it would be a big turn OFF.

Sorry Clem but I just don't agree with you.

No, you don't, (I'm an old guy; I recognize when I've been disagreed with ) and I agree to that knowing that the reference to talking dirty with someone else was your misreadiing of what I wrote. Believe it or not, I have shared some terrific experiences in 'permissive dating', but ol' Clem never told a joke, played charades, read a poem, or danced like Steppin' Fletchet to participate. There were times when a jug of wine and a serious woodie were enough. facelick
Clem

[Perseus]

Hi all,

I though I would post my profile, any advice would be apreciated.

Thanks,
Jim
http://perseus.swinglifestyle.com

[Vespertine]

Perseus,

What a lovely profile.

I like your choice of pics and you express yourself beautifully in your add. You come across as a safe and caring man. I like that. You come across intelligent, kind and knowledgeable of the Lifestyle in your add.

You should do very well.