Power or control?

Spoomonkey · 02-01-2005, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DBL D

Most of us want our woman to feel like a "King".

Male D

I'm happy when she feels the king...

...

...size mattress against her back!

Muahaha!!!

Spoomonkey (bad monkey)

curiousagain · 02-01-2005, 08:07 PM

I think males can see "bad news" guys a mile away and females can see "bad news" females a mile away. If a couple is swinging together, then they work as a couple and that is even closer than a team. If either one spots something before the other does that raises a red flag, they will tell or alert the other to it and both then exercise their veto power.

I keep preaching this and pounding the pulpit to all single guys. It's not a male and a female, it's a couple!! That's a whole world of difference. Married, living together, whatever, if they are functioning as a couple, they have to be treated that way

biblonde · 02-01-2005, 08:11 PM

Well with us we both decide who f***s with who! It is agreed upon before hand . But in all honesty I AM THE QUEEN

and I just let him think he is the king of his castle..he he he. But really in this lifestyle most are decided as a couple..neither one really is in total control. If one doesnt like someone well...that means NO...not gonna play with them. And I for one trust if my hubby doesnt like someone and he trusts me if I say I dont trust or wanna play with them.

my 2 cents for the day

***JustAskJulie*** · 02-01-2005, 08:18 PM

To me it comes down to this. Guys tend to be much better judges of other guys, just as women tend to be much better judges of other women. That alone should be enough reason for a man to defer to his wife's judgement on a woman he wants to sleep with and vice versa.

DBL D · 02-01-2005, 08:25 PM

This is interesting. It seems that most are choosing their SO's partner. I thought it was like, "You like her? I'm not sure of her." Now I see it's more like, "I like her. You don't like her?" And if I don't like the guy then it's off? I leave that decision on the guys to her and she leaves the gals to me, for the most part.

I used to feel like she needed to like the guy and I have to like the gal and then it's a match...if they both like us. Now I'm confused. Am I gonna have to change my thinking again?

Male D

Spoomonkey · 02-01-2005, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DBL D

I leave that decision on the guys to her and she leaves the gals to me, for the most part.

Certainly everyone approaches this stuff a little (or a LOT) differently. But, honestly, I don't have to really "like" the guy, per se... But, if I get a bad vibe, then it just isn't worth making it an issue; there are other people to play with...

And if not - HAVE YOU SEEN MY WIFE???

Woo-Hoo!

We play together, so it is pretty important that we all get along in the room. There isn't any "we go here, you go there". For us, we need a four person connection with a couple and I need to be able to like a single guy for a threesome...

Spoomonkey

***JustAskJulie*** · 02-01-2005, 08:41 PM

I don't know I think for most (and it was for me and my ex) it's more like all's cool unless there is an issue. There's no "I like her, do you like her?" or "I like him, is he cool with you?". It's more like game on unless someone has a problem at which point they pipe in with "I'm not so sure about her" or "something bothers me about him" - "I'd rather you not".

biblonde · 02-01-2005, 08:45 PM

Quote:

And if not - HAVE YOU SEEN MY WIFE???

well parts of her spoo and yup WOOOHOOO she is a hottie...

..I like hubby to like the guy and for me to like the girl. After all there has to be a trust there if we are all gonna have sex. There is a safety factor too....any incling that they have problems and they are out the door (or we are!!!) We try not to second guess our feelings so if one feels even a little uncomfy...the party is over!!

biblonde · 02-01-2005, 08:56 PM

Oh and spoo your a cute little monkey too!!!

DBL D · 02-01-2005, 09:02 PM

This is all so true. What the hell am I even talking about?

It's got to be group sanctioned or no go. We both have to like Both of Them!

See? I re-thunk it already.

Male D

***JustAskJulie*** · 11-04-2006, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Need Female

Hi. Single male here, No swinging experience. I've read several places where the "husband" has stated "he" has final say over who his wife "engages" with. Since when does the husband own the wife? I say the wife has the final say so about how, when, etc. Also, if the wife tells the "single male" it's okay to "touch" her or whatever, does that mean the hubby can say "hands off"? Somethings amiss here.

If the hubby is saying no, and she says yes then it's the same as cheating. Same thing if the roles were reversed. And if the roles are reversed then yes the woman should also have final say over any woman that the man will be with.

flkeyscouple · 11-04-2006, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

You are looking at it from a one-sided approach. In a swinger's relationship there is mutual respect between the partners, and usually each has equal veto power. If one is not comfortable with the situation, then the other respects their feelings. It's not saying the husband "owns" the wife, but simply that if he is uncomfortable with the playmate or the activities that she respects it and disengages. The same happens if the tables were turned and the wife was uncomfortable with the husband's choice of females, or an activity he was engaging in with her. It has nothing to do with power or control, but respect for your spouse.

I'll go with a big Dito and a

for Mr. WS - and it was almost two years ago! It's still worded perfectly.

Sarah

ShellyM · 11-05-2006, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Need Female

Hi. Single male here, No swinging experience. I've read several places where the "husband" has stated "he" has final say over who his wife "engages" with. Since when does the husband own the wife? I say the wife has the final say so about how, when, etc. Also, if the wife tells the "single male" it's okay to "touch" her or whatever, does that mean the hubby can say "hands off"? Somethings amiss here.

This is what we say. Jay IS first base, as I am first base for him. Seriously, if you want to get into my panties Jay is going to know who you are and will be comfortable with you...same for women with him. Its not about control. Its about respect, and the fact that he is my husband. No matter what, it comes down to the fact that Jay is my husband and life mate, and I am not going to screw any man he is not comfortable with. Thats where SO MANY single men get messed up. They think its "her body", which of course it is. However, when you are dealing with a married couple its more "their body" vs. just hers. Showing the husband respect is KEY in being included in thier relationship.

oddcouple2841 · 11-05-2006, 12:31 PM

This is K (the male)

First let me say that I really have no idea about your sexual preferences but that we are open to lone males or females but make it clear in our profile that these will be exclusivley MMF or FFM were the single must play with both of us. We do not put this restriction on couples or solos with couples. I am afraid also that since I am going active participant that I look at all prospective guys through "bi goggles". Sorry but if I do not feel the slightest attraction or the guy makes it clear that he is str8 then I feel it is my right to veto. S is very open to all body types of guys but I am very particular about other guys and really only accepting of smaller, reletively thin guys without much body hair under 45. It is nothing against the ones who don't fit that profile they just don't interest me.

**TNT** · 11-05-2006, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I don't know I think for most (and it was for me and my ex) it's more like all's cool unless there is an issue. There's no "I like her, do you like her?" or "I like him, is he cool with you?". It's more like game on unless someone has a problem at which point they pipe in with "I'm not so sure about her" or "something bothers me about him" - "I'd rather you not".

This is the way it is with us....we both have a power of veto but, it's a power that was given, not taken or assumed.

TNT

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02-01-2005, 08:07 PM	#17 (permalink)
curiousagain A gentleman never tells Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 2,085 Location: Tennessee Status: Single Male	Re: Power or control? I think males can see "bad news" guys a mile away and females can see "bad news" females a mile away. If a couple is swinging together, then they work as a couple and that is even closer than a team. If either one spots something before the other does that raises a red flag, they will tell or alert the other to it and both then exercise their veto power. I keep preaching this and pounding the pulpit to all single guys. It's not a male and a female, it's a couple!! That's a whole world of difference. Married, living together, whatever, if they are functioning as a couple, they have to be treated that way __________________ "I never want to be the fat elvis." Jon Bon Jovi

02-01-2005, 08:11 PM	#18 (permalink)
biblonde Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 1,020 Location: sacramento Status: couple SLS Name:curious1918	Re: Power or control? Well with us we both decide who f***s with who! It is agreed upon before hand . But in all honesty I AM THE QUEEN and I just let him think he is the king of his castle..he he he. But really in this lifestyle most are decided as a couple..neither one really is in total control. If one doesnt like someone well...that means NO...not gonna play with them. And I for one trust if my hubby doesnt like someone and he trusts me if I say I dont trust or wanna play with them. my 2 cents for the day

02-01-2005, 08:18 PM	#19 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,306 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Re: Power or control? To me it comes down to this. Guys tend to be much better judges of other guys, just as women tend to be much better judges of other women. That alone should be enough reason for a man to defer to his wife's judgement on a woman he wants to sleep with and vice versa.

02-01-2005, 08:25 PM	#20 (permalink)
DBL D Oh...Why not?... Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,312 Location: Northern Call-ee-forn-ee-ah Status: Married Couple	Re: Power or control? This is interesting. It seems that most are choosing their SO's partner. I thought it was like, "You like her? I'm not sure of her." Now I see it's more like, "I like her. You don't like her?" And if I don't like the guy then it's off? I leave that decision on the guys to her and she leaves the gals to me, for the most part. I used to feel like she needed to like the guy and I have to like the gal and then it's a match...if they both like us. Now I'm confused. Am I gonna have to change my thinking again? Male D __________________ "Just nod if you can hear me..." David Gilmour

02-01-2005, 08:41 PM	#22 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,306 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Re: Power or control? I don't know I think for most (and it was for me and my ex) it's more like all's cool unless there is an issue. There's no "I like her, do you like her?" or "I like him, is he cool with you?". It's more like game on unless someone has a problem at which point they pipe in with "I'm not so sure about her" or "something bothers me about him" - "I'd rather you not".

02-01-2005, 08:56 PM	#24 (permalink)
biblonde Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 1,020 Location: sacramento Status: couple SLS Name:curious1918	Re: Power or control? Oh and spoo your a cute little monkey too!!!

02-01-2005, 09:02 PM	#25 (permalink)
DBL D Oh...Why not?... Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,312 Location: Northern Call-ee-forn-ee-ah Status: Married Couple	Re: Power or control? This is all so true. What the hell am I even talking about? It's got to be group sanctioned or no go. We both have to like Both of Them! See? I re-thunk it already. Male D __________________ "Just nod if you can hear me..." David Gilmour

11-05-2006, 12:31 PM	#29 (permalink)
oddcouple2841 Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 75 Location: Linton, IN Status: Couple SLS Name:lntncpl	Re: Power or control? This is K (the male) First let me say that I really have no idea about your sexual preferences but that we are open to lone males or females but make it clear in our profile that these will be exclusivley MMF or FFM were the single must play with both of us. We do not put this restriction on couples or solos with couples. I am afraid also that since I am going active participant that I look at all prospective guys through "bi goggles". Sorry but if I do not feel the slightest attraction or the guy makes it clear that he is str8 then I feel it is my right to veto. S is very open to all body types of guys but I am very particular about other guys and really only accepting of smaller, reletively thin guys without much body hair under 45. It is nothing against the ones who don't fit that profile they just don't interest me. __________________ What's good for the goose is good for the gander

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