Lack of discretion towards singles by couples

[curiousagain]

The first rule of fight club is "There is no fight club"

Although it seems discretion is often sought by couples, some of them do not practice it. It has been my experience that couples and single females tell other couples and single females about singles, good and bad.

Under what circumstances would you not mind a couple/single you have played with telling other couples/singles. For example, would you be ok with them giving your handle on the dating site to another couple/single. Would you be OK with them giving out your phone number? Your address? Your place of work?? Your equipment size? Your average number of copulations per weekend? Whether or not you're a screamer, moaner, or sweater??

And how discrete are you? What info do you pass along??

[biblonde]

We would be real pissed if someone gave out personal info on us. I wouldnt care if they discussed our ID on the site but not the real names. It would be okay if they had good things to say about us if they did discuss us.. We try to only discuss positive stuff with others and usually say..We knew someone...rarely do we say even their ID or where they are from. Bad stuff we usually say...this or that but never tell who it was with...just in general discussions. If they ask who they are I just say I would rather not tell. I dont think it is fair to discuss names and what we all did because I am sure everyone has a different kind of connection with others than we do. I may like someone and they may not...who knows, everyone sees something different in everyone. But that is just my 2 cents!!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

The first rule of fight club is "There is no fight club"

Actually - the first rule of fight club is "You do not talk about fight club."



Sorry - I have it on DVD and will probably go watch it here in a bit...

I think when you are considering giving out any information, you need to check with the people that this information is about. In other words, if someone said to us, "I have these friends that you would really get along with" - then chances are, we wouldn't mind being introduced.

But - if we got an e-mail out of the blue that said, ""SoAndSo" told us that you guys were easy, fun, loud - not as generously hung as most - but had a great sense of humor" - we'd probably be less one friend.

Obviously, the only thing we'd really appreciate - even if we say you can introduce us - would be to say, "these guys are great, you'll really like them, here's their e-mail."

Then, let us take it from there. We may like these people, but not feel comfortable enough to tell them about our fixation with all things thongy - or show them pictures of our mother's surgery... Personal information that we share with playmates is priviledged - we share it because we feel comfortable doing so... But that doesn't mean we are comfortable with the whole world knowing...

Besides - my porch isn't big enough to hold all the people who'd want to find out if the "rumors about Spoomonkey" are true

Spoomonkey

[hfire269]

As long as they are talking to other swingers we dont care to much if some one gives some one else our screen name ( as its the same on all the sites we belong too). We would how ever have a huge problem if they gave the other person(s) our phone number, address, work place, even our email addy. If the other people want to contact us they can contact us through the site first and we will decide how far we want to go with them from thier profile. And the person(s) that gave out the info all ties would be cut and they would have a peice of my mind to go with them as they went out the door.
We are one of the few that doesnt have to be super super dicreet as it wont affect our jobs or anything but we still try to be discreet to the point that we just dont tell anyone and we dont give out names.
If for some reason we think that a freind of our might be compatible with another frined of ours we would mostly invite both parties over on the same night and have a party

[curiousagain]

Actually, I was thinking of a particular scene. I think they say both in different parts of the movie. But, it doesn't matter.

Anyway, what brought this on was a conversation with a friend today who is a swinger and it got me to thinking about some of the times I have been the most aggravated about something involving swinging. It has always involved someone running their mouth. Maybe I am a little OCD about the discretion thing but then I have explained why in the past.

I have received emails (and if they gave out my email, what else did they give out) from couples that said and I quote with the names changed to protect the guilty.
"Hey, Babs told us you were a great guy and good in bed. I was wondering if you would come over here tomorrow night and do my wife while I watched"

"I heard you were a real fun guy, wanna get together tonight. call us at 555-5555"

"mergatroid and lafawnda said you were a good guy and she really enjoyed it. we will be at the notell motel room 69 on main street tonight. be there at 8PM. "

Well, for a guy that likes to be discreet, this will make all your hair stand up!!!

Since some of my playmates do know where I live and my number, where I work, etc. (the ones that are friends also) you just have to wonder how much of your info gets out there.

Evidently I worry about it more than most especially singles and I was wondering if others felt the way I did.

I think so far everybody is on the same plane as me, but wondered about single males especially. I don't need my ego stroked, trust me, its big enough (my ego) so I would rather just quietly go about my life. I don't mind if somebody ask me if it's okay to give my Swing Lifestyle or swingersboard name to somebody and then step away. But this other stuff???

I haven't had any friends do it any other way than to say, hey we think we know somebody you need to know then tell them the same and let us see if we really want to know each other. Maybe the ones that aren't discreeet are people I let slip under the radar during the meet and greet and it's my own fault???

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

"mergatroid and lafawnda said you were a good guy...

You've been with mergatroid and lafawnda???

Don't they just rock your world?

She's a screamer!

And, sure, he is a bit of a sweater, but being a robot, that's actually pretty impressive...

Spoomonkey

[curiousagain]

Well, it did make his joints squeak. It was a little distracting, but then again it was Lafawnda.

[LikeMinds321]

We haven't spent enough time with swingers to know how prevelant sharing information about other swingers is.

I know that we have strong feelings about keeping our mouths zipped. But I doubt most people hold to that rule.

Discussing other swingers with our present partners would only be in general terms. We would not give out their name or screen name, but would feel we could discuss our experience if we felt it would help our friends--or us--by discussing issues that have arisen with others. I think of it as similar to what the board does for us now; provides a platform for sharing views about swinging.

Talk, for the purpose of gossip, never interests us.

I think a good test for a first meet, is to ask a couple if they have had any bad experiences with swinging. How they would answer--whether they would mention names, say too much, etc.--helps us decide if we would even swing with them.

If they're gossips, we don't want to be the topic of conversation with their next playmates.

LM

[curiousagain]

Good idea, LM. I will use that.
Yes, I am a copycat, but only with good ideas.

We let a single guy us as a reference. Meaning if he is chatting with another couple he would tell them they could contact us Via Swing Lifestyle to confirm he is real. But that didn't last long because he became a bit stalkish so we had to cut ties with him.

We won't do that again.

Other than that, when we were meeting couples and we were asked about others on Swing Lifestyle we would say if we knew them or not and that's about it. Unless we knew they were fakes.

Nothing about how they performed, how well hung etc...

Originally Posted by curiousagain

The first rule of fight club is "There is no fight club"

Although it seems discretion is often sought by couples, some of them do not practice it. It has been my experience that couples and single females tell other couples and single females about singles, good and bad.

Single men talk to each other too about those they have met on Swing Lifestyle. Don't leave them out.

We have gotten a few messeges in the past from single men who dropped a line saying things like "I have heard a lot of good things about you."

Our response would be,
"Oh Yeah, from who exactly.... "

[curiousagain]

Did you get a name?? If so, did you let that person know you didn't appreciate it??

No.
Never got names.
But since we really don't play local it wasn't hard to figure out who had talked about us by the area/town the messege came from.

[curiousagain]

That is kind of a give away. You never hear from anybody in a small town 75 miles across the state line. You play with a couple and a week later you have three emails from that town. Doesn't take a CSI team to figure that one out does it??

[biblonde]

That has happened to us more than once...at least you know it was good talk and not bad talk.

Originally Posted by curiousagain

That is kind of a give away. You never hear from anybody in a small town 75 miles across the state line. You play with a couple and a week later you have three emails from that town. Doesn't take a CSI team to figure that one out does it??

No it doesn't.

Originally Posted by biblonde

That has happened to us more than once...at least you know it was good talk and not bad talk.

That's true, bit it isn't the way to meet us.