Am I too young to swing?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think that if your purpose for wanting to swing is just to get sexual experience then not only are you too young but you are here for the wrong reasons. Most couples who will swing with single males aren't doing it to teach someone the ropes, they want someone who already knows what he's doing.

As I read this, I thought of how many times I've seen this sentiment on the board and how I have always agreed with it. Then it hit me! I got into swinging for this very reason, to get sexual experience. My husband had been my only lover. We've been married thirty years and I wanted sex with other people before I died! Kind of a mid-life crisis I know, but thankfully, he understood.

The first time we played, I didn't know if what I would do to Mr. Playmate would make him happy. It was like time travel for me; I felt like I was eighteen and going on my first date. His was the second penis I'd ever seen in my life, ever had in my mouth. His wife was the first woman I've really looked at naked; ever touched everywhere with my fingers and tongue. In high school I wouldn't dare look at the other naked girls in the shower.

My swing partners teach me new things every time we get together (we've played three times now) and they don't mind teaching me things. Mr LM and I show them things we like. Couples on the board frequently talk about one of the benefits of swinging is learning new things from your playmates.

I'm sure there are nineteen-year-olds who have already seen more sex and done more sexually in their life than I have. Why shouldn't they have the same opportunity to swing as I do? If they are mature enough to handle swinging, can understand that it is a social activity, know how to separate it from love, and take the necessary time to learn the "golden rules of swinging" and live by them, then I think a young single man or woman should be given the chance to swing.

LM

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I'm sure there are nineteen-year-olds who have already seen more sex and done more sexually in their life than I have. Why shouldn't they have the same opportunity to swing as I do?

Actually, they do. They can post an ad and roll the dice, just like the rest of us. But - as far as preference goes - they are going to fall outside the lines for a lot of folks.

LM, you may not have had anyone but Mr. LM sexually before you entered the lifestyle, but you had a lifetime of experience in the bedroom. I am sure that you both tried things and learned things together that helped you both become better lovers - and better playmates. The youthful exuberance eventually gave way aged wisdom (well - not all that aged ). The sex you and Mr LM had on your first time together, while thrilling and likely very wonderful, is probably very different from the sex you two have together today.

And teaching a new couple "the ropes" in swinging is so much easier than teaching a young person "insert tab 'A' into slot 'B'". I am sure there is the rare exception of someone young who truely knows his way around the bed, but in general, our experience has been that singles under 30 really are lacking something - if not sexually, then definitely maturity.

I will state that this is a really broad generalization - and not intended as a "judgement call" on Jon or any of the other younger singles on the board. It is simply the reality of what people think when they are approached by younger men.

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321]

Spoomonkey -

I would not want to swing with someone nineteen. But someone who is twenty-five or thirty may be very age compatible. Age does play a role in swinging. I agree.

Just because jonbmf66 is too young to join the "playground" with all of us older swingers doesn't mean we can't teach him a thing or two if he's willing to learn.

You know jon, that may mean hanging around this board until you get to the ripe old age of twenty-one.

LM

[DBL D]

Hell we're in our 40's and we have a tough time finding playmates!

I don't think 19 is too young, although I wasn't really thinking about swinging at that age. I can see how it would work and the main part is finding a partner who feels like sex is just sharing: No matter what the age. I think people who just stick with a certain age group are missing the boat. If they are mature people then why not? We let you die for your country at that age don't we? There are a whole bunch of immature 30 & 40 somethings out there. We could use some fresh blood, so to speak, sometimes.

It's just that alot of us have already had the time to really bond with our mate. We are looking to share with others because of a trust and horniness that's been built up over the years. A nineteen year old just doesn't have the history and that is what troubles some of us I think.

I wish you much success!

Male D

[DBStPete]

We're going to buck the trend a little. We're 50, and we have a party tomorrow with a 21 year old single male. A very nice young man, and unusually mature for his age.

So no, you're not too young, at least if you find the right folks. All you can do is try, what the heck? As for success rates, since about 90% of all single guys disqualify themselves via incompetence during the searching and greeting process, if you can just avoid that you have halfway-decent odds, and avoiding it isn't all that hard. Just read the bitch threads from couples looking for MFM guys.

We have noticed over the years that there is a "mainstream" in swinging, and within that mainstream it tends to be pretty self-reinforcing: "this is how we do things; this is what most swingers do". Well, yeah, it looks like that because people that don't fit within those boundaries tend to either be quiet or go elsewhere. As just one example, look at the rise of "fantasy" ad sites and papers. A lot of those folks were there all along, but it didn't get talked about much in regular swing circles because it was frowned upon. So too there are quite a few folks who don't fit the "average swinger" mold, but who nonetheless swing.

Good luck! Too bad you don't live closer!

Mr. DBStPete

[CB_n_Red]

For what it's worth, we have a possibility to play with a much younger couple (we are 48 and 49, they are 32 and 20). AT one time we would have ruled it out without a thought, but now it's looking rather intriguing! A case of "never say never", but we'll see how it works out.

It's also worth mentioning that you only have to be 18 to join clubs here in the UK (and to have a drink in a pub etc), rather than 21.

CB

[Dave_kat]

For those with college age kids, or those with about to be college age kids, cover your eats.

In all honesty, directly looking at swinging as a way to experience some of those things you're looking to learn and vice versa is all well and good.

My suggestion though is perhaps look and see if there is a couple out there that you would fit in with, but to also explore the local college scene. Attending, or just being a regular where they hang out.

Heck, it was in college I first experienced a 3some, 4some, heck, there were even a few all out orgies (AND nope, I'm not telling which school).

There were a group of us, guys and girls, who basically were comfortable with each other and everyone that things were natural.

While not necessarily mainstream swinging, we all cared deeply for each other and enjoyed life.

Just a thought.

[CB_n_Red]

Okay.... quick follow up to my post above.

It did work out and it was a lot of fun. So the answer to the question is no, 19 is almost certainly not too young!

CB

[hfire269]

I dont think that you are to young. We are 24 and 26. Our age range is 18-35.. Although we are having a hard time finding anyone who even wants to talk to us becuase we are younger. Some of it might be the area we live in. Or that most older couples that I have talked to seem to think that anyone under 30 is too immature. I think that you need to be mature to handle swinging so as long as you are of age and mature all is good. Good luck in your search.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by hfire269

I dont think that you are to young. We are 24 and 26. Our age range is 18-35.. Although we are having a hard time finding anyone who even wants to talk to us becuase we are younger. Some of it might be the area we live in. Or that most older couples that I have talked to seem to think that anyone under 30 is too immature. I think that you need to be mature to handle swinging so as long as you are of age and mature all is good. Good luck in your search.

Well, our experience has caused us to rethink things. As I mentioned before, at one time we wouldn't have considered playing with anyone young enough to be our kids, but now it's more a down to judging each case on its merits, judging (a rather loaded term, given the Oprah thread!) each couple as to whether we think it could work between us. Certainly, as you say, maturity is what goes on in your head and definitely doesn't always match up with calendar years.

I suspect your difficulty in finding playmates of a similar age to yourselves might be more down to demographics than anything else. An aging population means fewer people in the younger age groups. Plus the fact that many younger couples may well have their hands too full with work and kids to find the time for anything else. Not that it's always easy for older couples to find good match ups either.

We are very aware that most younger couples wouldn't want to play with people our age (however young we feel in our heads), so with the couple mentioned above we decided we wouldn't do the suggesting that we might play. We felt we were far more likely to feel comfortable playing with a younger couple than they might be with an older couple. Instead we left it to them. They made the suggestion and there we were

Got to repeat myself: it was a very good evening! It was also rather pleasing to find that we still had the stamina to keep up with a much younger couple!

Early night tonight! We're both still feeling randy as hell after that one

CB

[Erotifunguy]

Hey! Erotifunguy here,

Ultimately, I believe that it all comes down to one's level of intellectual, social, and sexual maturity. Swingers want to be with individuals and couples that they can get along with and feel comfortable with - socially and maturity wise. You gotta click! They have to enjoy being with you and they gotta be comfortable.

If someone is immature and seemingly into the lifestyle for selfish sexual reasons (just some horny young kid wanting sex) then that will turn some, if not many, folks off. But if one is sexual in nature and interested in the lifestyle for the right reasons (getting to know people, making friends, and have great sexual adventures) then your chances of clicking with people will be better!

You seem to be of the right mindset to be a swinger, in my opinion. You are a sexual adventurer who is interested in having great sexual experiences, being part of a community, and in growing as a person. This denotes that you are serious and have the right level of maturity to get into the lifestyle. The fact that you have come to this board for advice further shows this! (As opposed to coming on here and seeking folks to lay). Your posts show maturity.

Why is maturity important? Well, for a number of reasons. Swingers, especially older ones with kids, simply don't want to be babysitters! They need mature adults to play with. (This does not mean that you cannot be fun as a swinger! Most swingers are incredibly fun folks!) They also need individuals/couples who can also emotionally handle the "uniqueness" of being intimate with someone without the emotional baggage. And, most swingers are very discrete with regards to their secret lifestyles...they worry about some young braggart blabbering to people about their play. With so many worries...many just stick with older ages for fun.

I think that you should give it a shot. But, you should realize a few things about what you are getting into. The lifestyle can be difficult for someone young and someone single (especially males) to adapt to. Most swingers are older couples interested in meeting other folks (read: couples) their own age or single females. It may be hard to find folks if you don't know them already locally. It's not that people are against you, it's just that people naturally gravitate and click with other people that they have more things in common with (backgrounds, culture, age, interests). Some older swingers with children older than you just may feel uncomfortable with a young person. You can understand that, right? Also, swingers tend to know what they are looking for for their play - and you just may not fit the bill for them for some reason or another (for some, you MAY fit in fulfilling certain wants or fantasies). Swingers can be very picky in who they have sex with...you can understand that too, can't you?
"Swingers" do not all have the same views, however - it is a continuum - there are lot's of different folk with different tastes and criterions. I think you probably will fit with someone out there....you just gotta keep looking! If you stay in the community and can relate to people on a personal level...eventually you will find folks to interact with.

Another complication may be that you are young and will want to develop serious relationships and/or date. The lifestyle can complicate this, as many vanilla relationships want exclusivity with the commitment. It can be hard to be in this life and form meaningful relationships. Just realize that it may get complicated and someone's feelings could get hurt if not handled right. Be careful.

You should know best want you want. Don't let anyone tell you want you want. But if you are mature enough to take people's advice...then you should do what your heart tells you! I recommend continuing to read and post on this site, get to know people through the chat, and try to get to know swingers locally. That's how you become a swinger.

You have an advantage over everyone...you have youth! You have many adventures ahead of you in your future! Also, you are in your sexual prime! (Damn you!) Anyway, I wish you the best of luck! At any rate, you should still date while contemplating getting into the lifestyle...no need to rush things. You have your whole life ahead of you! But when you make your decision and if you decide to swing, then I say....seize the day! And the nights!

Later days and better lays,
Erotifunguy

[viper31631]

I was 19 when I started as a single male, now 22. I had very little problem meeting couples from a wide variety of ages. Some couples are looking to fulfill a woman's fantasy of a younger man. However, there are some negitive side effects that have been mentioned such as when you do settle down trying to tell your loved one about your past.

[robnbarb]

I have to agree with most that it comes down to maturity not actuall age. As such it would depend on your behavior, not the fact that your birthday was under a certain amount of years.

And there is the "younger man" fantasy side as well so.....

ANyway good luck. Noticed you were on the other side of the state from us so hope to run into you some time.

[Chechnya]

My friend is 30(im 18) and we swing so i dont see a problem

[sapphire68]

I'm sure if you're a male you'll have more trouble than a 19 yr old female would. I think it's wrong but what can ya do.

I agree that behavior/maturity does make a difference.