Singles Rules for Couples

[Elusive BiFem]

In another thread, gsu22 commented on discussing his rules with a couple. Bravo to him! Also, while looking back over the advice given to him prior to this meeting, I noted a total lack of advice from any of the responders (self include - BAD!) in terms of discussion of HIS rules as a SINGLE man...which led me to wonder...

We often read about rules for couples. Couples need to be clear on their rules with singles...that sort of thing. But we don't hear or read much about singles having their own rules.

So singles...the few of us that are here...what about it? What about your rules for meeting with or playing with couples? Do you have rules? Do you talk to the couple about your rules? Has the couple asked about any rules you might have? Do they acknowledge you might have your own rules of play? Have you ever turned down a couple because your rules didn't mesh? Care to share your rules for the benefit of all?

And couples...same questions. When meeting with singles, have they indicated they have rules? Did you ask about their rules or did you assume they were "rule-less?" Have you ever been turned down by a single because of different rules? For those that did have their personal rules, what were those rules?

Thanks! - EBF

[TNT]

We ask everyone we play with what their rules are, singles as well as couples. How else are you going to know unless you ask?

The only rules that any single male has ever told us they have were... I don't do the bi-male thing and stay away from the back door. Other than those, they have all been really open when it came to playing.

It is important for singles to have rules as well and they should communicate those to the couples they are thinking about playing with.

It all comes back to communication...talk and find out what everyone is comfortable with and things will go just fine.

[StacyCat]

My rules (which I have broken before to disasterous results) are:

1) never play with a couple on the rocks. If their relationship isnt stable, playing with them is just a bad idea.

2) always use condoms. Going without is not worth the risk and worry

3) try to get to know the people before I fuck em :-) Id rather have friends with benifits (with the possiblity of more sex) than anon encounters.

4) if all else fails, side with the woman :-)

I do tend to ask what the couples rules are, so I dont create any faux pas. But, again, there have been times that ive broken all of the rules, and it usually didnt turn out well.

[gsu22]

My rules are pretty simple.

1.) I want to know the couple atleast somewhat before anything happens in the bedroom. I just don't feel comfortable unless I do.

2.) Safe sex always for me. Like stacey said I believe, its not worth the worry afterwards, atleast for me it isn't.

3.) I do tell the couple that I've had a few bi fantasies about oral and if he's willing, I'd like to try. However, oral only and if he's not into it...that's fine. I play str8 with no problem as well.

4.) Respect for one another always.

5.) Understanding limits completely. Know what's " out of bounds".

6.) HAVE FUN!!

[EternallySingle]

My rules for meeting couples is a lot more stringent than meeting women. First, they have to approach me, I won't approach them. For me, its all about supply and demand. I've put myself out there, made it known to people what I'm about, and it is up to them to decide if they want to know me.

From there I have to feel I can invite them to my grandmother's and my mother's home and have nice, normal, non-sexually oriented conversations with them about everyday stuff. Once common ground has been established, and it has to happen withing the first two meetings, I let them know if I am interested in having sex with them. That alone limits my chances where I live because, as everyone knows, single men will screw anything that lets them and telling someone "No, I won't sleep with you" is the same as lying.

As far as what I will and will not do, that depends on the couple, how long I've known them, and how comfortable they are with me. My only hard and fast rules are no one under 21, no dead bodies, no animals, and no sadism. Everything else depends on who I'm with and how comfortable we feel with each other.

[jen]

I guess these rules that ES mentioned are important, and even though, for the most part, they should go without saying - ES I hope you don't mind my adopting them for myself.

Originally posted by EternallySingle

My only hard and fast rules are no one under 21, no dead bodies, no animals, and no sadism. Everything else depends on who I'm with and how comfortable we feel with each other.

Besides those, now that I've learned what - water sports - can mean... ewwww.

Truly though, I'd guess the rules will be very similar to just regular dating in a lot of ways.

I will need to feel in my heart that the people I am with are good people who care for and love each other first and foremost, while treating the rest of the world with that same sort of respect and consideration.

When good hearts get together so much is possible.

[webbguy]

I am a single guy, and my rules are ...friends first!!! Sex to me is meant to be enjoyed by all, not pushing, or worrying about it ! I love my friends, and we can be natural , and just do what comes naturally! Love it here on the board!!

[Houmacpl]

Thinking about it, when i was single, my only hard and fast rule was that the couple i was seeing had to be very very secure in their relationship, in and out of bed. After being in a situation where the wife would fall asleep while he and i were still rarin to go, then be mad that we played, was when the rule mostly came about. Its a lot easier to have issues in a relationship when it is a couple seeing a single, than it typically is when its two couples.

Chloe

[JustAskJulie]

CuriousAgain posted the below in another thread and while they aren't rules, they could easily be changed a bit to become some good rules for couples to live by in order to avoid creating the monsters they so often complain about.

So, I thought since I was bringing back up the "Rules for Single Men", I'd see what rules the single men wanted to share with the couples.

Originally Posted by curiousagain

But, we all (couples and singles) have our rules for a reason and it is in our best interest not to break them. If you are an SLS member, do a search for certified single males. You might be surprised to find the ones with the most certifications (and yes I know that is not an accurate measure of how many couples/singles they have met) have the dreaded dic pics and the often ridiculed statements such as "I have 8 inches and can go all night". So, on one hand single males hear these are bad, but see the most "successful" single males act this way. Can you see where someone might be a little confused? We know the number of certifications is not relevant to the number of couples a single has played with, but newbies don't know that. Just as the actions of a few single men or married men posing as single men affects a lot of couples perceptions of single men, the actions of a few couples affects the single men's perceptions of couples.

I want to preface this next part with the clarification that I am not lumping everyone into these catagories. Please, don't anyone think I am talking about you unless of course you are guilty of it. But, there are some things I see that I just shake my head at and move on.

#1 Couples who don't have pics or at least face pics on their profile but state that any singles that contact them must send a face pic or the email will be deleted. Why?? Do you think your wife is so hot we will give up our discretion?

#2 Couples that have close ups of their genitals on their profiles, but deride any single male sending dic pics. Can you say confusing double standard? I know, the close ups may not be the only thing on their profile, but remember we are talking about confusing newbies.

#3 Couples who insist on respect from the single male but then treat the single male as a trained seal and expect them to like it. Not in this lifetime, thank you very much

#4 Couples that demand a certain size or minimum number of copulations per encounter. Hmmm, sounds more like an advertisement for a porn star. I hope they don't get mad when the applicant acts like a prima donna or acts like he is doing them a favor or just there for the sex.

#5 Just as this supershadow guy expects if he goes to a club and pays to get in he is "owed" sex by every female there, some couples act as if since they are offering a single male sex they are owed sex in whatever way, shape, form,or time they demand. Does a couple really want a single man without self respect and so deparate he will do anything? Ok, some do, but most don't.

#6 Couples that entice their prospective playmates with graphic photos of the female in not erotic but pornographic poses and that show her having sex with many different partners or several at a time then complain that people are emailing them acting as though she is just an easy piece. I assume these people rode the short bus to school. The average guy who has never been in the lifestyle and only has what he has heard about it to go on would think that.

#7 Couples who advertise straight but then want the single male to engage in bisexual or homosexual activity. Hmm and they listed honesty as one of the things they were looking for in prospective playmates.

#8 Couples who contact you and want you to show up at tonight at a certain motel room at a certain time "ready to be pleased". Provided they aren't a fake, do they really expect decent treatment from singles who would do that?

Can you see where a single guy might get a little confused as how to act??? Sure, there are single guys who are buttwipes but there are some who are great people, they are just confused and some of that confusion is brought on by the way SOME couples have treated them. Yes, we singles gripe about being painted with a broad brush by couples but some singles paint couples with a broad brush too. It goes back to a few couples ruining it for all of the other couples.

I have read numerous complaints by couples that a single male tried to get the female to meet him without the male. Why would they expect that? In 25% (I did the math this morning) of the couples I have played with, the female has asked me to meet her without her husband. I refused. But, if I was a sneaky little lowlife, cheating bastard like some people are..........
So it goes back to some of these singles have had that experience and they assume others will do it to. BTW, I did not play with those couples again. I don't need the drama thank you very much.

[LikeMinds321]

Mr LM and I are not seeking single males at this time. Although someday we likely will.

When curiousagain's post originally appeared, I made a copy and filed it in my Swingers Guide Book because I thought it was so good.

Julie, glad you brought it forward as a separate thread.

LM

[EternallySingle]

I only have one rule for couples: Don't question me after the first email unless its to find out where we can meet, and don't ask for my phone number in the first email unless you live within 25 miles of where I live. Then again, if you live that close, you either already know me, or you know someone that does.

I'm even harder on single females, because I consider that dating. I had one ask to see a picture of my penis in the second sentence of her email, then got upset because I wanted to meet her at a nite club for the first meeting. She said she wanted to have sex, not go on a date.

I like to talk, and will tell anyone almost anything if asked in a mature manner. 20 questions got old after high school. At least try to disguise your questions in a conversation. You'll get more people to slip up and reveal their dark side that way.

[jcbicouple]

We agree Julie. Couples should pay attention to what Curious said. It really bugs us when we see couples post on Yahoo groups and such that they are looking for single men and then add that they must send a picture of their penis! All we can think is "You're the reason these guys send us those!! Stop it!" All penises look relatively the same, as do crotches (for the gals out there) send us your face, and we'll send ours in return. We respect pictures that show body type without faces, but when it comes time to discuss whether or not we're sexually attracted: The spot between your legs will not give us the information or appeal that we need to make that decision.