Single guy signs up, shows up, gets hard, will not do it

[TeamSoBe]

Any help interpreting this situation would be welcome. My wife and I and this couple who we're seeing both love MFM threesomes. They have never had one and they are really interested, they think it would be really sexy.

So the woman meets this guy at her gym, he works there. Flirts with her, they are attracted to each other. The flirting goes on for a while and she gets all excited about it and then finally has coffee with him and propositions him basically. He has a girlfriend and the couple was thinking that he probably wouldn't be an option because of that but he says he wants to do it without telling her and they don't have a problem with that.

After the gym a week or two ago, a week night, he shows up at their place at the right time. She gets him going by being aggressive, she prances out a couple of outfits for him to leer at while he's chatting with the guy of the couple. He asks all kinds of apparently relevant and intelligent questions, like 'are you really sure that you enjoy watching her have sex with other guys' and stuff like that. He claims to be very interested in progressing further. She gives him a lap dance that I guess was pretty heavy and they moved it to the bedroom.

In the bedroom, she tries to keep things moving by having sex with her normal man, Gym Guy is around kind of watching I guess, touching her I think. She was all over him and I know how that goes with her so I know there was a lot of contact. He at one point had his dick out and they said yeah he was hard, he seemed excited.

But then he just wouldn't stick it in her, if I heard the story correctly then he didn't even go for a condom. This is a young, fit, sexually experienced and confident guy. They took a break for a while and went back out to the living room to chat, he seemed interested in keeping things steamy so they let it stay that way. They return to the bedroom yet again for another session and basically the same thing happens, he watches them and he'll touch but he just won't fuck her.

So she's kind of hurt and I feel terrible for her. I don't get why he would do that, does anybody have any idea? He wouldn't really talk about it apparently so they don't know if he decided that he didn't want to cheat on his girlfriend or if he had homophobic issues or if he's intimidated because the guy half of the couple is older or what? He cheated on his girlfriend just by showing up so that's stupid and it doesn't seem to make sense to any of the four of us trying to figure this out. He was excited and his dick was hard so I'm not seeing how it was a performance anxiety thing. If he wasn't into her then why did he show up, to tease her?

My wife said something that kind of shocked me. She said that she interpreted it as the guy was thinking that he was just too good for her and he didn't think she was worthy. Like he sees her as a slut to toy with, a whole different thing than his pure girlfriend. Now I think that this reveals some things about my wife's insecurities that I'm real interested in, but WTF, is that possible? The whole thing has left her feeling really hurt because she just doesn't know what's up.

[Miss_Piggy]

I would like to express my apologies in advace for what I'm sure will end up becoming a poorly organised post - I am currently avoiding some work and it's getting late

Hmm... The only person who could possibly answer the question of why the guy acted the way he did is the guy himself.

There are a few things that strike me as "less than ideal" about this situation. The biggest being that he has a girlfriend and is essentially cheating by being in such an intimate situation without her. It is entirely possbile that he couldn't completely go through with it because there would be no way for him to rationalise his behaviour to himself later. As long as he doesn't actually have sex he can posssibly convince himself that he hasn't cheated on his girlfriend.

Your other hypotheses regarding his possible insecurities are entirely possible as well. Maybe he had trouble with the idea of having sex with a woman in front of that woman's husband.

The long and short of it is that the woman has no reason to feel upset. For whatever reason the guy chose to act the way he did. Let his problems be his own and move on to better and brighter things.

One last word of caution - most people around here will tell you that playing with cheaters is risky business. You never know what kind of problems you're going to run into - but the likelyhood of problems is definitely higher than with non cheaters.

[curiousagain]

Did he actually flat out refuse to have sex with her or just not make the move? I think that bit of info would help but I tend to agree with what has been mentioned. He just couldn't do it because of his girlfriend. He thought he could and he wanted to, but when it came down to it, guilt was probably getting to him.

Did they ask him why he couldn't/wouldn't? Then again, maybe he just couldn't with the husband there, that is a possibility. A threesome of any kind is most guys fantasy, but a lot, and according to some post I see in here, most can't when "the rubber meets the road".

Play safe and play careful, it's a big world out there
Curiousagain

[TeamSoBe]

My wife and I thought that the cheater thing was a bad idea too but that's their call. The guy in this couple is older and Gym Guy is I'm assuming a lot younger, and I'm sure that as the buff young porn stud he's more welcome the less threatening he is. That's my guess on why they don't mind a cheater.

I am seeing this girl myself so I know how direct she is and she makes it known that she wants you in her. She's physical, she's assertive, but she's also gentle and encouraging, she's like the perfect swinger woman. I sincerely doubt that there was any miscommunication of any kind. I would not be surprised if she begged him to stick it in her. (She does that to me and I love it. [sigh] )

So what about this idea that my wife was spouting about this guy thinking that the girl wasn't 'good enough' for her, that he was too good to stoop to the level of fucking her. I mean. WTF? The woman in question is real hot. She's Latin, my wife is Asian, I think my wife has some resentment about being passed over by guys who just don't like her whole race. I just feel like that comment was a peek into her point of view. But it's complete bullshit right?

[curious24]

My answer is going to be short and sweet.

The gym guy is an idiot. There is nothing wrong with your wife. I hate assuming about what people are thinking so who knows what was going through this guys head. All we know is that he is a moron. NEXT

[cageman]

Originally Posted by curious24

My answer is going to be short and sweet.

The gym guy is an idiot. There is nothing wrong with your wife. I hate assuming about what people are thinking so who knows what was going through this guys head. All we know is that he is a moron. NEXT

I agree with Curious24. If it was a case of him being to good he probably wouldn't have wanted to even show up. Sounds to me like gym guy might have bit off more then he was ready to chew.

[Crowded Head]

maybe he was just shy or nervous. who knows maybe he wasn't attracted

I don't think I'd turn it down though

[Divemaster]

After living in Boca for several years and going to SoBe a lot...I know I would not turn down a nice latin or asian hottie !

As for the guy gym...hummm I remember once, early on, I hard a hard time determining "when" I was supposed to join in. I also know in that situation, the woman was very attractive, and I had some "early" ejaculation anxiety...I almost didn't want to ruin the evening by shooting too quick..LOL

Now, of course, I have lived and learned and also am not as "anxious"

Joe

[mixlplix]

I would like to add my 2 cents.

I'm not to clear on this point:

In the bedroom, she tries to keep things moving by having sex with her normal man, Gym Guy is around kind of watching I guess, touching her I think. She was all over him and I know how that goes with her so I know there was a lot of contact. He at one point had his dick out and they said yeah he was hard, he seemed excited

Her keeping things going with her "normal man" would make me stop short because they are engaged now and I would just wait for my "invite" being the nice guy.

Maybe Gym Guy was just waiting for the verbal "green light" from the husband. Now if the wife was all over Gym Guy in the bedroom, then "it's on".

[sepacouple]

Maybe I am missing something but just like some couples are only into "soft swap" maybe he was only interested in touching/watching and not actually having intercourse with anyone except his GF.

I know, I know everybody thinks that just because a guy is young and has a hard-on he wants to get it wet every chance he can, but that's not always the case.

Of course I could be way off base too. It's been known to happen once or twice in my lifetime.

[Tom4Fun]

If I'm understanding the post correctly, probably he was feeling some guilt about cheating on his girlfriend. Maybe he's thinking that if there is no penetration that he isn't really cheating. I know that sound absurd, but I've heard about this kinda thing before.

[ShellyM]

In response to the op,
I agree with the last poster in that he was feeling some guilt over being there with his g/f not knowing. Kind of like this is cool, but not cheating technically. I don't think he thought he was "too good" for her, and his erection says he thought she was hot. I think he was just feeling guilt.
Shell

[GoNatural]

I agree with ShellyM. He even might not have considered all of the foreplay cheating, but wouldn't go further. I don't agree with that perspective, but it is likely that just touching the naked wife was very satisfying to him, yet he didn't have to go all the way and cheat.

He just didn't keep up his end of the deal, and still received and eye full of the wife, and hand fulls. He shouldn't have done it without his GF's concent anyway.

[twohots4u2]

This was a "vanilla" guy on his first time in a swinging situation, he was also "cheating" on his girlfriend, and he was playing with a someone's wife in front of her husband. Why are you surprised that he did not act like an experienced swinger? He was young. His dick probably could get hard just looking at the naked leg of a table. Bottom line: The couple should not give themselves a hard time because it did not progress to full swap. And, it does not mean that the gal is not desirable or should feel hurt in any way.

The key here is communication. If the couple want to really resolve this, and perhaps have a successful second round, they should have a nice, private chat with the guy and find out his true feelings and intentions.

For some the leap from vanilla to swinging is easy, for others it takes some time to adjust the brain. But, when you do - it is well worth the leap!

[LOL_OMG]

Putting my vote in that the major problem was the guy being vanilla and cheating.

Here's a suggestion for you and the other couple if your both interested in mfm, at least until you can find an upstanding single guy, which could take a while. Next time you get together as 4-some with your friends, start by the two guys doing either female half, then switch the females and do the other. It would mean that one female would have to sit back and watch for a while but watching can be an enjoyable thing.

Good post by the way.

Mr. Lol