Avoiding being treated like meat

[ThumpMusic]

I'm brand new to the board though i've been reading a long time. I just ended a long term relationship a couple months ago, and had never considered swinging outside of being in a relationship. I would have loved to swing with my ex. I can understand what a couple can get out of swinging, but what about you single males? I've been thinking about swinging as a single male and wanted to know the single male perspective of swinging. I've heard that some single males are treated as pieces of meat, versus others create good friendships. I think I have a handle on what to do and what not to do from the posts here, and I'm pretty laid back, but am just looking on general advice and perspective from you single males.(or any insight from couples) Thanks!

-Thump

[akamgaxoxo]

You know Thump, I think that this Lifestyle is all in what you make of it for sure. My hubby and I are in good with a single male, and in no way do we treat him like a piece of meat. He is friends to both of us, and a fairly close friend to me.....though our friendship started out sexual, as time has gone on we have become good friends and I enjoy him as a person. Soooo you have to decide, are you interested in becoming friends with a couple? Are you up to the fact that some couples may only want a one nite stand thing? From what I gather, one nite stand fantasys happen alot at clubs...me personally, if I went to a club, I would take my playmate with us.....as we love to party with him. Just ask yourself these questions..decide what you want, and then try to surround yourself with people that have the same ideas as you.

[ThumpMusic]

Thanks for the advice! I've had one night stands as a single, and those definately aren't my cup of tea. I think I would prefer a situation where over time a friendship developes.

[akamgaxoxo]

A friendship over time is great...however be careful not to become too emotionally attatched to the wife or the couple as a whole....that can be VERY sticky....I am talking from experience!

just my .02 cents

[JustAskJulie]

I'd be interested in hearing what the single guys here have to say on this topic, myself. Too often it seems like the single guys come in here with the idea that it's all about free sex/ an easy lay. It's obvious that you don't have that thought in your head.

I'm on the other side of the coin. I was swinging as half a couple for several years and now that I'm single I'm left wondering where that leaves me. It would be very easy for me to be involved as a single female, but it just feels like there is something missing without sharing it with someone.

[curiousagain]

It all depends. Some singles are looking for a one night stands, some a long term friendship. Some are looking for long term friendships with an occasional one night stand thrown in.

If it is a long term friendship with a couple then you are sharing the experience with someone, them!! I know, it's not the same as having a significant other, but since you don't have one of those right now, what you have are friends. If these friends swing, and swing with you, all the better.

I am like everybody else in the lifestyle, I have vanilla friends and swinging friends. Or, as one person said "vertical friends and horizontal friends". Which BTW seems to make more sense. If non swingers are vanilla, what are swingers? Chocolate? Strawberry? Banana? Cherry? But then again I have swinging friends I don't swing with, at least regulary. So, are they vertical or horizontal friends? Are they vanilla to me and strawberry to someone else??? Are they vertical friends for me and horizontal friends to someone else? Or would that make them Cherry vertical friends to me and strawberry horizontal friends to people they swung with? I am so confused!!

Anyway, back to the original point. I think what a single wants in long term swing friends is different in many ways to what you seek in transient or one night stand swing friends. Much as in dating. Are you going to look for the same thing in a person you are considering for a long term relationship as one you are considering for a one night stand? I don't think so. I mean, if you are about to purchase or lease a car, you check it out pretty good, but if you're just gonna borrow it to run down to the store for a loaf of bread, you have very few critera, like, where are the keys, will it start, and does it have enough gas in it to make it to the store and back.

Those of us that swing are a little different from the majority of the population and, like everyone else on the planet, we tend to associate with people that think like us. We are most comfortable around them. I have always said if I met someone I was in love with and they didn't want to swing, I would stop it in a second. But, I have come to realize this is part of who I am and it would be difficult to stop it permanently. So, while I wouldn't ask someone in the first three dates if they would ever consider swinging, I am sure it would come up somewhere down the road in the first few months of a relationship. So, what we get out of swinging is participating in an activity we enjoy (sexual activity not condoned by the majority of the population) and hanging out with people who think like we do. Yes, it would be much much better if we were doing it with someone we loved, but until that person drops out of the sky, we will go it alone. Let's say you enjoy camping. You would enjoy it much better with someone you loved who enjoyed camping as much as you do, but just because you haven't met that person yet, you don't stop going camping. You go with friends and have a good time, right?

Play safe and play careful, it's a big world out there.
Curiousagain

[leftcoastcouple]

There are couples out here like me and my wife who don't want to be "friends" and are just looking for a good time. You may be an anomoly, but are you telling me that fucking my wife isn't enough if we decide to play with you? That inviting you to play with us makes you a "piece of meat?"

With all due respect, we're not looking to tempt fate. Our relationship is more important to us than anything. If we invite you to a night (or two) of fun, the fact that we don't invite you to a barbecue with our kids doesn't mean that you're a stunt cock, it just means that we're a couple who swings, and not a couple who wants a third. Plain and simple.

I don't mean to sound crass or cold. Maybe I just don't understand where you're coming from. And maybe it's because we played with a friend before and found the emotional issues WAY too sticky. But it we invite a single guy into our equation again--and it's looking very likely that we will--we'll make it VERY clear up fron that he's there for our pleasure and his, and very little else. And if that's not enough...well, then he's not the one for us.

Just my (and our) $.03.

[EternallySingle]

Personally, the only way I would swing with a couple or single female that didn't want to establish some kind of long term relationship (meaning occasional social activities you would do with non-swinging friends) is if i was at a club or house party. And even at a house party, I would probably have some kind of relationship with the owner of the house or at least one person/couple I invited to mine.

I can accept the position of those couples that just want single men (and sometimes single women) to show up, get naked, get down, get dressed, and leave. It works for some when dealing with singles. I don't understand it, but I'm more concerned with having friends than having sex. I can have sex with single women a lot more often and with a lot less work than I can meet people to swing with. I can also, since I live in a tourist town, meet couples who have had a little too much to drink or toke for a threesome a lot easier than I can meet people online or in clubs to swing with.

So the idea of looking for swingers online is, for me at least, to find people I can talk about my experiences with before, after, and sometimes during. Non-swinging people just don't get it and many would stop associating with you if you told them, especially if they believed you and felt threatened by you concerning their relationship with someone else.

Thats one of the reasons, at least in my opinion, that singles, especially single men, say they want to be friends with their swing partners. It gives them someone they can talk to face to face, not just in chatrooms or forums like this. If that is too much to ask for, I don't want to fuck your wife.

No offense intended.

[akamgaxoxo]

Eternally Single-this is why I soooo enjoy to read your posts...though I am part of a couple, we treat our single friend with respect and well, that has worked well for us...your posts are sooo insightful!!!!

[curiousagain]

Mr. leftcoastcouple:

I am sure if you are looking for a one night stand with a single guy you can find it. Some only seek one nighters, some have long term swing friends and do the occasional one nighter, but some prefer to swing with friends only.

To each his own. I prefer to swing with friends but have done the one night thing and probably will again if my interest is high enough. Be careful though, if you find someone that doesn't mind being treated like just another piece of meat, they may figure you don't mind your wife being treated as just another piece of ass instead of the wonderful person you know her to be.

Irregardless of how I am treated, I treat the other people with respect. If they act like they have no respect for me I just walk, but I certainly wouldn't bet the bill money on everybody acting that way.

But I have to agree with you, you know what you want, make it plain up front and if they have a problem with that, they can walk. You are to be commended for honesty BEFORE the playing begins. If only everyone were that way.

Play safe and play careful, it's a big world out there
Curiousagain

[mfmyeahbaby]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

Personally, the only way I would swing with a couple or single female that didn't want to establish some kind of long term relationship (meaning occasional social activities you would do with non-swinging friends) is if i was at a club or house party. And even at a house party, I would probably have some kind of relationship with the owner of the house or at least one person/couple I invited to mine.

I can accept the position of those couples that just want single men (and sometimes single women) to show up, get naked, get down, get dressed, and leave. It works for some when dealing with singles. I don't understand it, but I'm more concerned with having friends than having sex. I can have sex with single women a lot more often and with a lot less work than I can meet people to swing with. I can also, since I live in a tourist town, meet couples who have had a little too much to drink or toke for a threesome a lot easier than I can meet people online or in clubs to swing with.

So the idea of looking for swingers online is, for me at least, to find people I can talk about my experiences with before, after, and sometimes during. Non-swinging people just don't get it and many would stop associating with you if you told them, especially if they believed you and felt threatened by you concerning their relationship with someone else.

Thats one of the reasons, at least in my opinion, that singles, especially single men, say they want to be friends with their swing partners. It gives them someone they can talk to face to face, not just in chatrooms or forums like this. If that is too much to ask for, I don't want to fuck your wife.

No offense intended.

just so happens for us that our mfm swing partner is our close friend who comes over for bbq's our kids grew up together and yes we still mfm. so I can relate to your comments.