how does a single female get started?

[Vanchoc]

Im a single female who is intrested in swinging. Now here is my problem. lol


I am intrested in females right now reason being i just broke up with a guy and i need the time away from men. I tried just looking for a female friend but most of the females i met SAID they were looking for a female friend but left out that they were attatched or married or had a man who wanted to be involved. I had no problem with that but i did get upset because these women did not seem to be doing this for themselves at all. It was always something their man wanted to do. And on top of that I would get hundreds of emails from men even though my profile said I was a bi fem looking for other BI FEMALES ONLY. lol

So since I have been trying to break into this swing life lol I have recieved lots more emails from guys who want to go with me as a couple to clubs or what ever. I am not looking for a man right now period but if they would just give me time and leave me alone then maybe it could happen but from the volume of emails i get im just like shocked and pissed off that these single men dont get it. How do I handle this without being nasty. I dont want to feel preasured to be with a man when i go to a party or attemmpt to go to a party for swingers and I dont want to just give up on it because of the preasure.

I mean dont get me wrong I dont mind chatting with a guy IF HE IS NOT PUSHY there are some nice guys out there and the best thing you can do as a male is not preasure me just talk to me and let ME volunteer my time if i so choose to go with you to a club or meet u. I have met some very nice up front couples also and i would love to hang out with them simply because they were honest and it was not just about the guy pushing his gurl to do something for him to get off. I dont mind being with couples at all. But even there I have ran into awkward situations where the male wanted to meet me on the side without his wifes knowledge. What do i do. do i tell the wife her man is trying to cheat on her?? Or do u just leave it alone?? Whats the right way to handle this without me looking like the bad person.



I am just here to meet kool ppl, guys and gals and have great times hopefully. But do I go in with a clause that states that I will not do the man alone unless the wife tells me face to face its ok?? Or can I say that I am basicly more into the female part of the relationship and only the husband if thats what her and him wants???


sorry im ranting but i need help BEFORE i attempt to swing lol so I can know what I am doing once i get there

angie

[BradAndJanet]

Vanchoc, I'm assuming that you have an ad somewhere, right? If it's possible to block single guys, then do that (or get on a site like Swing Lifestyle that will let you do it.) That ought to cut down on those unwanted emails.

One thing you might try is seeking, either at clubs or online, couples with a bi-female where the guy just wants to watch. It's more common then you think, and would probably be much easier than trying to find a single bi-female, who are as rare as unicorns.

-B

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

Im a single female who is intrested in swinging. Now here is my problem. lol


I am intrested in females right now reason being i just broke up with a guy and i need the time away from men. I tried just looking for a female friend but most of the females i met SAID they were looking for a female friend but left out that they were attatched or married or had a man who wanted to be involved. I had no problem with that but i did get upset because these women did not seem to be doing this for themselves at all. It was always something their man wanted to do. And on top of that I would get hundreds of emails from men even though my profile said I was a bi fem looking for other BI FEMALES ONLY. lol

So since I have been trying to break into this swing life lol I have recieved lots more emails from guys who want to go with me as a couple to clubs or what ever. I am not looking for a man right now period but if they would just give me time and leave me alone then maybe it could happen but from the volume of emails i get im just like shocked and pissed off that these single men dont get it. How do I handle this without being nasty. I dont want to feel preasured to be with a man when i go to a party or attemmpt to go to a party for swingers and I dont want to just give up on it because of the preasure.

I mean dont get me wrong I dont mind chatting with a guy IF HE IS NOT PUSHY there are some nice guys out there and the best thing you can do as a male is not preasure me just talk to me and let ME volunteer my time if i so choose to go with you to a club or meet u. I have met some very nice up front couples also and i would love to hang out with them simply because they were honest and it was not just about the guy pushing his gurl to do something for him to get off. I dont mind being with couples at all. But even there I have ran into awkward situations where the male wanted to meet me on the side without his wifes knowledge. What do i do. do i tell the wife her man is trying to cheat on her?? Or do u just leave it alone?? Whats the right way to handle this without me looking like the bad person.



I am just here to meet kool ppl, guys and gals and have great times hopefully. But do I go in with a clause that states that I will not do the man alone unless the wife tells me face to face its ok?? Or can I say that I am basicly more into the female part of the relationship and only the husband if thats what her and him wants???


sorry im ranting but i need help BEFORE i attempt to swing lol so I can know what I am doing once i get there

angie

My thoughts, for what they are worth. I'm not a woman so I can only guess at what may work for you.

Search the ads and WRITE to the women you want to meet. I can't believe how many women who state they are looking for single men wait for men to write them, then complain about not meeting any men. If you don't make the effort, you won't get the reward. Same probably goes for women looking for couples and other women. Just because you are in high demand, you still have to put forth the effort to find who you want to find. Just because they are out there doesn't mean they are going to write to you. Most of the women I've corresponded with online were women I had to contact. Funny thing is, many of them say they had read my profile before I wrote them and liked it. When I asked why they didn't write to say so, they said they were sure I must get lots of compliments and didn't want to be just one of the crowd Surrender Like I said, that double X chromosone does something to the logic centers of your brains

Go to the right clubs for what you want. Call first to make sure that there will be a host couple or hostess that will show you around and introduce you to people you may connect with. Though I hate to say it, stay away from clubs that admit single men, at least for now. While I think you've contradicted yourself several times with your comments about single men, you made sense to yourself. Therefore, don't put yourself in a situation where you will have to fend off men in a club setting. Better yet, if there is a lesbian bar near where you live, go there. Most of those patrons are straight women looking for a night out without men. The ones interested in women will make themselves known to you. But be warned:When a person wants sex, their testosterone level rises and they become aggressive. That goes for women as well as men. Be prepared to fend off women who think that their vagina and your presence in a sexually charged environment gives them the right to grope you.

Don't try so hard. A woman will run from a man she is head over heels in lust with if he starts acting desperate or impatient. I'm sure they will do the same if approached that way by another woman (but you know that already )

As for the emails from guys, forget about it. Read the first line. If its the only line, delete it. If you don't like what he says, delete it. If its something intelligent, save it on you harddrive in a special file, then delete it from your mailbox. Why? If you don't delete it, most likely he'll know and write again. If you don't want to meet men at this time, don't give him a reason to say "hey, thought I'd say hello again. How have you been since last month?" Also, if you save it, you can go back later and tell him you liked his email but wasn't ready to talk just them. He probably won't believe you at first (the emails we get from single women start like that, then the next one sends us to a pay site so be prepared to prove you are real. Men aren't the only trolls on the net.

Finally, and to repeat myself, tell them what you want. If they don't know, they will assume you will go for anything. You are in swinging for the same reason every other single man, woman, and couple is in swingnig. To have sex! If you don't say what type of sex you want to have, nearly everyone will approach you because you are a single bisexual female and everyone believes they will be the right one for you for that particular time. Set them straight early and you will be treated right later. soapbox

Hey, thats a good saying. I'll have to put that on my next tee shirt.

[LikeMinds321]

Hi Vanchoc!

Dito to what BradAndJanet and EternallySingle had to say.

They gave wise advice.

I would add that I think you're suffering from swinger site overload, post traumatic search syndrome, and secondary single male infiltration fractures.

But you'll recover.

Seriously, when I first put our three sites up we were bombarded with contacts from men, even though we stated we were not seeking men.

Swing Lifestyle has a way to block males. Use it.

Actively seek out people you would like to get to know better. In your case I believe you want to meet woman or couples with bi-females. Send them a personalized introduction to let them know you're interested. It doesn't have to be long. Just don't use a canned Hi-take-a-look-at-my-profile message. Those are a turn off.

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

I am just here to meet kool ppl, guys and gals and have great times hopefully. But do I go in with a clause that states that I will not do the man alone unless the wife tells me face to face its ok?? Or can I say that I am basicly more into the female part of the relationship and only the husband if thats what her and him wants???

I wouldn't even suggest you'll do a man alone with his wife's consent; that would likely bring more disappointment to you than happiness. Besides, after you find a couple you are getting along well with, you can approach them with that idea if that is something of interest to you and them.

Read lots of other profiles. When you run across ones that say things just the way you'd like to, use it in your ad. You'll find your best ideas for expressing yourself through reading other's profiles. You can then tweak your profile as you see fit--daily if necessary. Focus on what you truly want at this time. Your wants will change over time.

Good luck!

LM

[Vanchoc]

thanx guys very good feed back here and I will use it all lol Alos I would like to say that yes I have put forth an effort to meet other like minded females to be with because it was what they said in their profile that they were looking for a bi fem for fun or what ever but alot of times after the fact I would find out that there was a man involved and this is what made me angry. I just wanted the truth up front you know?? So I will just fix my profle like you said and see where this leads me in my hunt for the one or one's lol

[Vanchoc]

LikeMinds321 said:
I would add that I think you're suffering from swinger site overload, post traumatic search syndrome, and secondary single male infiltration fractures.



Wow I think I need to lay down after that one lol

[desert_dwellers]

With these quotes in mind.....

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

I am intrested in females right now reason being i just broke up with a guy and i need the time away from men.

and

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

I am not looking for a man right now period

you may consider changing your profile to "Seeking Lesbian Females Only" or something along those lines (even though your are obviously not a lesbian). This may help to minimize the unwanted contacts from single men and married men with bi-fem partners.

As previously noted in this thread, single bi-fems are not very common . Even less common are single bi-fems seeking to only have contact with other bi-fems. If you entertain contacts with couples you must also be prepared to deal with a man (unless its a lesbian couple).

From your post I gather that you are not against that but your preference is really the woman. This is not a big deal but the couple that you are dealing with must understand that. Since swinging is a "team sport", it is not uncommon that a man will expect to play as well (I know thats the way that I feel) at least on some level. Excluding one member of the couple in playtime does not go over well (unless it is planned and discussed ahead of time).

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

I tried just looking for a female friend but most of the females i met SAID they were looking for a female friend but left out that they were attatched or married or had a man who wanted to be involved.

If she wasn't up front about her situation then she should be able to understand when you tell her off. This is just devious.

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

But even there I have ran into awkward situations where the male wanted to meet me on the side without his wifes knowledge.

These people are not swingers.....the're cheaters. Avoid them like the plague.

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

But do I go in with a clause that states that I will not do the man alone unless the wife tells me face to face its ok??

YES!

Originally Posted by Vanchoc

Or can I say that I am basicly more into the female part of the relationship and only the husband if thats what her and him wants???

YES! (Say what you want and your be more likely to get it).

Good luck....hope this helps!

-J

[ChloeandHubby]

One thing you might try is seeking, either at clubs or online, couples with a bi-female where the guy just wants to watch. It's more common then you think, and would probably be much easier than trying to find a single bi-female, who are as rare as unicorns.

Are there actually couples out there that are happy for the guy just to sit and watch? We would never agree to an experience if my man could not play along. We are running into couples at the moment that have this policy and we wonder if it does not cause some resentment eventually? (for the guy anyway, when he watches his partner having all the fun)

[Vanchoc]

i think i need to make one thing clear here since i did seem to be contradicting myself in what i was saying in the first post.

1 i am a bi fem who wants to swing
2 i dont want to be involved with a single man right NOW nor do i want to be with a married man without wifes knowledge
3 I am willing to be with a couple and have sex with both
4 i am more into women right now and it would help greatly if the woman was a bi fem or intrested in women

is that better sorry for the confusion

[EternallySingle]

What you originally said was clear (for a woman ) and if you stated that in your ad...actually, that would be bad. Saying that you would be willing to talk to me that were not pushy would open the floodgates and every man, straight, bi, gay, would be writing you to become your "friend".

I think, however, you are wavering a lot. You want to meet bi women, but are willing to play with both members of a couple. You are willing to meet single men that aren't pushy, but you aren't looking for single men because you just broke up and want to concentrate on women.

From a male point of view, you are contradicting yourself, though you and other women will say everything is cut and dry. So it makes sense. :rollseyes I'm in a weird mood today. sorry (a little)

I would really suggest cutting all mention of men from your ad. Don't mention making allowances for couples where the woman plays and the man watches. Don't mention joining couples at all, for that matter. And, whatever you do, DON'T SAY YOU ARE TAKING A BREAK FROM MEN BECAUSE YOU JUST BROKE UP! That will do nothing but send nearly every guy on your ad site into HandyMan model Remember that song "I fix broken hearts. I know, but I truly can. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. I'm your handy man"? Yeah, you're opening yourself up for every guy who thinks he can make you feel better by saying that. LEAVE IT OUT OF YOUR AD! If its in there, take it out right this moment. Really, I'm even guilty of thinking I can talk to a woman and help her get over a breakup by simply being there until she's ready to date again, even if its not with me. On a swing site, he's going to think he can win you over and be the first guy you think of when you are ready for a little strudel (sorry, just watched a WWE tape with The Rock going on and on about eating pie! LOL)

Of course, when you are ready...

[Vanchoc]

once again your right thanx

angie

[tiedyiedmomma]

As a single bisexual female myself i have certainly become aware that we are a rare breed and totally sympathize with where you're coming from. I've had a few experiences with couples where the woman seemed to be not really into it and it just brings the whole experience down. I didn't choose to swing so that i could satisfy someone else's onesided desires but to have a fulfilling, sensual experience without boundaries. It certainly helps to reach that goal when everyone involved is coming from the same place. Be really clear about what you want right from the start and trying a lesbian only post might be a good place to start. You might be surprised what you find.

[WesternSwing]

I know what you mean about the one-sided thing. Even as a couple we see this. My wife is bi and swinging for us is more about her having the chance to experience other women. But, we know couples in the situation where he wants to swing with other women and he wants his wife to be with other women, but you can tell she's just not into the whole thing, regardless of whether it is a man or a woman. What's funny is these same guys don't want their wife being with other men...

From the outside perspective here is my advice:

1) Be very specific in your ad that you are looking for other truely bi females and couples with a truely bi female.
2) In your ad specify that you are not looking for single men at this time and that you will not respond to their emails.
3) Go looking for couples by contacting them, don't wait for them to contact you. This puts you in control of situation by finding couples that interest you.

Being clear up front will not elminate the undesirables from contacting you, but it will reduce the number quite a bit. And the people that do contact you will be much better qualified candidates.

Mr. WS

[JustAskJulie]

Where have you been placing your ads?

Some sites have a much higher concentration of single males than others. Sites like AFF tend to be overrun with them. If you are looking for couples and women only then stick to actual swinger sites like Swing Lifestyle. Most of these sites also allow you to completely block single males from replying to your ad. You'll find a good list of real swinger sites under "personal ads" on the top menu here.

[EternallySingle]

Ditto to what Julie said. Some sites actually give women free access in order to...attract more men. Why? If women can use the site for free, more men will join to meet them. But I've noticed that women usually don't use sites that give them free access, so you end up with a bunch of guys who think they can live out their pornstar fantasies by writing every woman on the site in their area.

Actually one guy out of a hundred will, after he contacts an escort on one of those sites that has had a slow week and is willing to come down on her prices. LOL