Singles: Do you ever feel used?

[VegasLee]

We look at singles just like anyone else, they are there to have fun and enjoy life as we are.

As a male, even though I am married I bring nothing more to the table then any other male in this world.

Laura is not my slave, she does not do as I tell her. (not like I am dumb enough to try to tell her). She plays with who she wants and I play with who I want. If that ends up being another couple ok, most of the time not. Neither one is taking "one for the team" and it is very hard to find four people that are attracted to each other.

To many feel they have a right because they "brought their wife" to the party. I don't bring her, she happens to come with me. She is not a gift to the party from me. I have no more rights then any other male there. The right to have a good time if I act like a human and make the most of the time.

Being married has never got me any extra points at any swing party that I have been to in thirty years. It not ever got me laid either. Me being me, such as that is works for me.

People should not use, abuse or treat a single person any different then they would treat anyone else. Male or female. Just seems that many feel they have that right because they "Brought something to the table."

[Thron&Thor]

The whole point of the single guy is so different than the single woman. The single woman tends to have more of that "afterglow" to share with the woman of the couple after playing with both...the sisterhood feeling...while the single guy is sort of like the extra "rooster" that does not have a place to fit in and must move on to the next couple with little or not connection to the couple he just played with...that's why they are single guys otherwise, they would be with a woman...they just can't connect with the woman's feelings and the man of the couple does not need another "rooster" to hang around.

[absingleman]

Originally Posted by Thron&Thor

The whole point of the single guy is so different than the single woman. The single woman tends to have more of that "afterglow" to share with the woman of the couple after playing with both...the sisterhood feeling...while the single guy is sort of like the extra "rooster" that does not have a place to fit in and must move on to the next couple with little or not connection to the couple he just played with...that's why they are single guys otherwise, they would be with a woman...they just can't connect with the woman's feelings and the man of the couple does not need another "rooster" to hang around.

I'm not going to make the obvious arguments about why some single men are single. The rooster comment is one that says "I have a territory to protect and I don't want anyone moving in on that territory." No single man that has had more than two swinging encounters would ever dream of, let alone try, to move in on someone else's wife. Many would not even think about doing anything more than asking a single woman he has just got together with at a club if she would like to meet him somewhere less sexually charged for a date because he has learned that she would have already asked him if that is what she wanted.

I'm not picking on you, just pointing out that some generalizations about single men are not based on men who swing regularly (or used to swing regularly) but on the trolls that have popped up more often since 1995 and the proliferation of sexually oriented web sites that supposedly promote swinging but are really amateur film sites with actors and models looking to make money in between mainstream guest spots on CSI or Law and Order.

LOL Don't take this so seriously. When you do, you stop having fun and start getting suspicious. In 22 years I've seen it all.

By the way, I'm not married because 8 years ago I was dating a woman who was just as ambitious as I was and we moved to different parts of the country to see who would have the better career. For me the internet bubble burst and I haven't found anyone I connect with. She got married a year later to a guy that convinced her to stop swinging. Not all of us, in fact very few of us, don't know how to connect with women emotionally. We are just a little more mature about what that connection means and if its real or just hormones.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Thron&Thor

The whole point of the single guy is so different than the single woman. The single woman tends to have more of that "afterglow" to share with the woman of the couple after playing with both...the sisterhood feeling...while the single guy is sort of like the extra "rooster" that does not have a place to fit in and must move on to the next couple with little or not connection to the couple he just played with...that's why they are single guys otherwise, they would be with a woman...they just can't connect with the woman's feelings and the man of the couple does not need another "rooster" to hang around.

You are kinda generalizing on women there as much as you are single men. I've never been the girl that "clicks" well with other girls. The times I've played alone (or even in a threesome) with other women I haven't felt any more of an "emotional" connection than I do with the men (probably less). I can talk to guys easier, I "get" guys. I don't tend to get where other women are coming from. In either case once the play is over I'm not going to want to stay there and "cuddle" or "bond". Afterglow is something I share with Pet and that's it.

To me singles (male or female) bring the same thing as couples - Something Extra, that we wouldn't have had without them.

[yuvaraja]

I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and almost of my MFM experiences have been where the husband is watching and touching himself. It's bittersweet because of the ego trip mixed with the sight of penis and turning on another man, so I feel a bit used there.

As for being used by the women, it's what draws me to the experience. I see it as more of an ego trip to be used for pleasure.

Also, I'm a textbook switch. I have friends that were turned off by experiences with couples because they're more dominant. 3+ people requires a lot of power switching.

[Malachista]

Yes, I did feel used before, and I am sure that it has happend that a guy felt used by me.

On the other hand there are times when I wonder if the guy was allright that I wanted to spend the whole evening with him. If he was just to polite to tell me to get lost so he could flirt and play with another woman.
But every now and then a guy drives me home, and tells me that he was happy that I spent the whole evening with him and didn’t leave after he got me off.

I guess I just have to learn to trust my gut feeling in this as well.
If he does not try to get distance between us after fucking, I can “use” him for talking, more flirting, cuddeling and more sex without needing to feel guilty once the evening is over

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

Three couples at a table and a single is asked to join in on the conversation. Two of the females at the table take an interest in the guy. There appeared to me to begin a competition as to which female was going to win this young man. Eventually the guy goes to the play room with one of the couples and the other two couples stay at the table and visit. When the single and the couple return to the table after play the single then offers his services to the other interested female. She turns him down and she and her husband then leave the table to play with the couple they were visiting with. The couple he played with also leaves the table to go home leaving the single guy sitting alone at the table.

From my vantage point the guy looked rather dumbfounded that everyone left him sitting there alone after all of the attention during the previous hour and I actually felt sorry for him.

What's to feel sorry for? He left with what he came with, which is basically nothing. The other couple probably didn't want to play with him because they felt they were his second choice, and I don't blame them. They were right, by his actions, he made it obvious they WERE his second choice.

I have no sympathy for single men who feel "used" by couples. After all, the only reason the single male is there is to "use" the couples in the first place.

[Malachista]

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

What's to feel sorry for? He left with what he came with, which is basically nothing. The other couple probably didn't want to play with him because they felt they were his second choice, and I don't blame them. They were right, by his actions, he made it obvious they WERE his second choice..

Would it have been diffrent if he would have made it clear that he would play with both couples before going with the first?
Or is is just "forbbiden" that a single guy (or girl?) can play with more then one coupe at a night?

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by Malachista

Would it have been diffrent if he would have made it clear that he would play with both couples before going with the first?
Or is is just "forbbiden" that a single guy (or girl?) can play with more then one coupe at a night?

If he was sitting at the table flirting with both couples, he was making it clear he'd play with both. The problem is, nobody likes to feel they're somebody's "second choice" when it comes to things like this, especially if there are other people available (which in this case, there were). It's an awkward situation. He was lucky to have 2 couples to choose from, I trust that he chose the one he most wanted to be with first.

If you invited a guy to play, and he said "Not now, I want to be with this other girl first" would you give him a rain check for later?

[Malachista]

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

If you invited a guy to play, and he said "Not now, I want to be with this other girl first" would you give him a rain check for later?

Most likely yes.
The only problem I would have would be if he chased that other girl for the whole evening and would only come over to me again 20 minutes before he wants to go home because he can't get her and is just getting desperate

[absingleman]

Originally Posted by Malachista

Most likely yes.
The only problem I would have would be if he chased that other girl for the whole evening and would only come over to me again 20 minutes before he wants to go home because he can't get her and is just getting desperate

Exactly. This is swinging, not dating. If its an on premises club or party, what are the chances that the couple is going to play with one couple, then another later that night? A single woman?

Here is the long and short of it. The guy got a chance for a threesome at a club. Even if it was his only one for the night, most unaccompanied men at a swing club would see that as a good night and probably just chilled, talked to others, and went home happy. How this particular guy felt can't be known unless the OP went and talked to him. To think he was disappointed because he only got to be with one couple is a little unrealistic. Maybe he was, but probably not. Not many guys are too disappointed if they flirt with three or four women IN ANY SITUATION and only get a chance to have sex with one and is turned down later by the others. We are taught to expect that. He might have been disappointed that nobody was there to hang out with after he had sex, but that wouldn't have lasted long. In my experience, there are two types of single men at swing clubs and parties: The one that has sex two or three times that night (usually an hour or two apart), and the one that doesn't have sex at all that night. Somebody saw him with the first couple, and if they didn't say he did something seriously wrong (not likely since they came back with him to the original group where they met him) someone else might have asked him to join them. If not that night, then the next time he went there.

[absingleman]

Originally Posted by Malachista

Most likely yes.
The only problem I would have would be if he chased that other girl for the whole evening and would only come over to me again 20 minutes before he wants to go home because he can't get her and is just getting desperate

Exactly. This is swinging, not dating. How could either of the other couples take what happened as him seeing one of them as HIS second choice? He talked to all three couples, and went off with one. The other couple decided they didn't want him to join them. Those are the breaks. I would say that he was more disappointed to be left alone after having a nice conversation with six people more than only having sex with one couple.

[sar308]

Used? Naa, but I would say, for me personally it did leave me with a hollow feeling which is why I decided in the long run as a single guy swinging is not for me. (But I like interacting with like minded people which is why I am here

Now ideally I would find a woman who feels the way I do about sex etc. But you have to be realisitic, its tough to find the right person to begin with and add this into the mix....