Is it common for single males to stand you up?

[wildtwo4uinva]

HI......we're fairly new here,but have already gotten some good info...now our question..As we've been reading some of the different post's,we've noticed some that talk about single males that don't show up as planned....Is this common? .....Seems around here,that never happens...any coments on this?.....Thanks

[akamgaxoxo]

You know, I have seen the same threads, and I cannot believe that single M's do this, luckily in our case, we were very very blessed. Though he showed up 30-40 minutes late, (with good explaination) we were well entertained that evening! I would be quite put off if someone did not show after all my effort and time!

We have had about a 50/50 ratio on the amount of single men who show up and those who don't.
I cant explain it since they didnt show up I do not Really know why. I can speculate but not explain. I have read other posts on why single men do not show up but that is also speculation. I think each case may be different since every person is different.
We have heard every excuse from I had to work - My brothers children were murdered.
I must add that most of the standing up took place when we were fairly new to this. Since we have fine tuned our screening process we do not get stood up as much. Then again we do not get in touch with as many single males as we use to either.

[2much]

In a past relationship we had 3 singles join us who we didn't know from prior experience or relationship - 2 were fantastic experiences & 1 was ... well, it was really really bad, he was awful (curiously, we had the reverse happen with 2 of the 3 couples we had been with); the best move, from experience, if this happens is to end it quickly but politely - that way no one gets hurt.

[JustAskJulie]

I think a lot depends on how well you screen them ahead of time, how long you spend talking to them up front, whether you talk to them on the phone, etc.

[mrbandsatl]

I agree with Julie. It happened to us early on since we've gotten better at screening, we have not had any problems. The other benefit is that we seem to enjoy the experiences more now than ever before.

Bob and Sandy

[HEYYOBEAUX]

I always show up. I had one couple that made a date and the wife showed up and asked if it was okay if hubby dressed in drag and watched us !!!!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

I cant explain it since they didnt show up I do not Really know why.

Well... Hmmm...

I think in you guys case the reason they don't show is because they are idiots...

Spoomonkey

Well... Hmmm...

I think in you guys case the reason they don't show is because they are idiots...

Spoomonkey

Thats the way we look at it. If they only knew the good time they missed out on.

[HEYYOBEAUX]

As most of us already know,too many wannabees and fakers are out there. They have no intention of showing up and get their jollies thru phone sex and talking on line.

[EternallySingle]

The key is communication

As far as the serious single male swingers go, I think its a matter of communication. The more you talk with a single guy, the more likely he's going to connect with you on a friends level. If that friend connection doesn't happen, he's more likely to flake if a guaranteed good time comes along (like a game on T.V. or a night out with the boys at the bar).

With the wannabees, picture collectors, and phone freaks, they won't show up anyway. The only way to tell one from the other, again, is to talk to them...a lot...before agreeing to meet. I know many people want to meet single men who are going to meet them without exchanging lots of information about each others personal lives or spend months talking first. But from what I've read, those are the ones that usually get stood up.

Seriously, single men with an ounce of common sense and a little cofidence can get laid ... with not even half the effort of meeting couples for swinging ... by very hot, very single, very beautiful women. The serious ones, the ones that won't stand you up, are looking for the occasional drinking buddies that aren't ... threatened ... by the fact that he sometimes does your wife, and knows you know you don't want to take her away.

But I could be wrong. Just going on what I've seen over the last 20 years or so.

[curiousagain]

A game on TV or a night out at a bar??? ES, surely you jest!!! I must disagree. If they are serious swingers they will realize the game can be taped and the buddies and the bar will be there next week.

I agree with you that any decent single man can get laid any night of the week by a hottie. But, to be in a threesome or foursome don't happen every night. Whether it might turn into a long term thing or a one night stand, if you say you're gonna be there, BE THERE, is how I believe but I am sure not everybody feels that way.

I have been doing this a little while in comparison to you and I have seen my perceptions and preferences change as circumstances have unfolded, but I have held firm that once a time and place is decided to meet then meet.
What's to lose?? That little cutie will be waiting when you get back and you're buddies are going to the same old bar next week and the game is on tape. What's the problem???
Play safe and play careful, it's a big world out there.
Curiousagain

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

A game on TV or a night out at a bar??? ES, surely you jest!!!

A little bit. I look at it this way. Swinging is supposed to be fun. In order to have fun, you have to be with people who want to be with you, or do something you KNOW you are going to enjoy. Thats first. Second, I can't tell you how many times, even on this board, I've heard couples first complain that they don't like exchanging lots of emails and phone calls with single men (but are perfectly willing to do that to put a single woman at ease and build a rapport with her), and a few posts later they are complaining that they exchanged a few emails and a couple calls, then the guy stood them up.

Communication has to occur, or a couple is better off taking their chances at the local bar like we do. As someone on another site said, when you can't see someone face to face, you have to WORK to get to know them. Couples not willing to put in a little more work to meet single men online are going to be just as disappointed as the single men who think this is supposed to be a free lunch. Just because we're always horny and will stick anything that moves doesn't mean we're ready to go at the drop of a hat. It also doesn't mean that a "my wife wants to meet you. She can go all night and wants to start with a blow job for the both of us." is going to impress us. Well, it doesn't impress me. I haven't met a woman that couldn't go for three or four hours straight, and thats only because she gets sore.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. I've said it before, most people who swing ARE NOT LOOKING TO MEET NEW SINGLE MEN. They either have two or three they have known for years, or they are not interested at all. The ones who get disappointed are the ones who think one or two emails and a phone call will convince the guy to show up. If that were true, there would be no single men, because we all would have gotten married as soon as we were old enough to join Match.com.

[curiousagain]

ES, if I could only be as articulate as you!! Then I wouldn't be so dang long winded!!

Yes, swinging is suppose to be fun!! And, you aren't going to have fun if you'd rather be somewhere else. I think some singles don't show because they really weren't that interested after a little communication but didn't know how to say no to a meeting. They just don't show up.

A couple of emails and a phone call are enough for me to meet a couple if I am interested. If I agree to meet, I will meet. If I don't want to meet, I just say so. What I don't understand is the couples that send an email saying "meet us at 8 O'clock tonight at **** bar. Yeah, right. I have a friend that was robbed when meeting a couple for a spur of the moment thing. EVERYBODY has to play safe and careful, not just single females and couples. In a case like that, a guy might agree to meet and then get to thinking about it, who knows.

Communication is important, but so is the meeting. Most people do not look exactly like their pics. No matter how well things come across via im, email, or phone. You can get a totally different "vibe" in person. This is chemistry or lack thereof. I find it has little to do with their appearance. Different people like different body, face, or attitude types. No problem, we're all adults here aren't we?

I think single males that join sex sites for a free lunch are rapidly disappointed and leave. I believe couples that think single males are a dime a dozen and one is the same as another are rapidly disappointed.

Why are we single men on sex sites? For the same reasons couples are on them. We enjoy threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, voyeurism, exhibitionism, food fetishes, foot fetishes, BDSM, whatever, just pick your kink, it's out there. But along with that, you also have to find somebody with the face a/o body a/o attitude you seek. And, you have to be comfortable with their discretion, etc. etc. Get's tough doesn't it? Think you might have to communicate a little to reach that level of comfort on both sides??? Sure, you can go to the local bar and pick someone up. Then the next day he can go to work and run his mouth and since he works with your sister in law who never liked you and always hoped she could get something on you.......... Or, he could tell everybody at your favorite bar. Or, once you decide you don't want to see him again, he could get upset and decide to spread rumors about you. Or, a threesome can sound like fun to him, but once everybody is naked he suddenly realizes he isn't comfortable having sex with your wife in front of you or being naked in the same room with another man or he is comfortable but his penis isn't and it just hangs it's head in shame. Or he tries to drink himself to a comfort level and suddenly he is waaaay too drunk. Or, he just figures all this out on the way to the meeting and doesn't show up cause he doesn't have enough cajones to tell you in person.

We single men have to be careful and do some screening with couples also. Yes ES, a promise of a BJ and three or four hours of sex is pretty much standard. Communicate with me, before and during that first meeting, convince me discretion is important to you both. Convince me you are 'good people" and aren't some crazies. Convince me that the male is the same as me, straight but not homophobic. etc. etc. Convince me that the female actually is there and knows why we are meeting and wants to for that reason. I won't go into all the scenarios that have caused me to have to be convinced of these things before we take our clothes off. Just suffice to say this ain't this cowboy's first rodeo. I can "do it" several times in a session but not continuously!!! Are we going to spend the refractory period in silence or are we going to talk and laugh and enjoy each other's company? Convince me you are a solid couple with love and respect for each other so the female won't try to get me to meet her alone. Just as couples who enjoy single men have several regulars, we single men who enjoy couples usually have several regular couples and single females. And, we all have limited time/opportunities so just as singles are "competing" with each other for couples time, couples are "competing" with each other for the time of the good singles. When I say convince I don't mean you have to give me a sales job, just let us email or IM then meet for a face to face and see how the vibes and the body language is.

Swinging is kind of like a job, Good and bad points but if the good didn't outweigh the bad, we'd be outta here. Too, like a job, "There's a hell of a lot of things they don't tell you when you hire on with this outfit" LOL

Play safe and play careful everybody, it's a big ol' world out there.

Curiousagain

[Crowded Head]

I'd be there with bells on